Swinging??? - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

gummby · 10-27-2003, 02:57 PM

I have seen a lot of threads about 3somes in all way shapes and forms but not about swinging itself... i thought about posting this in the ladies lounge but I really want everyones opinion on this... i am going to reserve my reasoning for the thread for a bit.

So what do you all think? Just playing and flirting? full on partner swaping? group sex? Same room? seperate? Opinions please, and stories if you've got them.

Redlemon · 10-27-2003, 03:15 PM

It is a great fantasy, but I can't imagine this sort of thing ever happening with me and/or my wife. The closest I can imagine would be to have sex in front of other people, but I doubt that one will happen either.

DEI37 · 10-27-2003, 04:02 PM

My wife and I are swingers, and it's something that you can't just get in to. You HAVE to have a pretty strong relationship to begin with, and then you absolutely MUST maintain communication.

Ways to get started vary, but some Yahoo groups, and the like are a good way. Check out www.swingvillage.com and www.lifestylelounge.com You can check out profiles of other couples, and start off an online friendship.

Things that you must remember getting in to this is that certain ground rules MUST be set. And NEVER broken. Raeanna and I have determined that we won't play alone. We MAY play with a single female, since she is bi-sexual, but both of us will be involved. We are a package deal. It's both or none. Some couples don't go in to separate rooms. They will swap partners, but not rooms. These rules are absolutely critical to maintaining a solid relationship in your own marriage or relationship. If you get comfortable with a couple, you can vary the rules for different couples, but make sure you're both in agreement.

One thing to think of is that some people get in this for the friendship, and don't play with just anybody. Others are in it to rack up numbers. For us, we have ended up with five other couples that we play with and we are friends as well. I like the numbers side of it, I'll be honest, but it's not my primary objective.

If you have any questions at all, feel free to ask them in this thread, or PM myself or Raeanna74.

raeanna74 · 10-27-2003, 04:52 PM

Dei said it well. We are swingers and have tried all of the things you mentioned. We have done full swaps but always in the same room/home depending on where we are. We did go to one ON Premise party where it was group sex. We don't do it on our own - the idea of giving each other the chance to have pleasure and the freedom to watch each other is part of the fun.

One thing I would like to mention is that BEFORE you start you need to
1. Talk and talk a lot.
2. Decided on your rules before hand. (Like Dei Said)
3. Never set up a "date" before consulting with your partner about if they are ok with these particular people.
4. Be willing and ready to stop immediately should the other partner become uncomfortable. Even if you are naked and it means you don't get any sex.
5. Listen to your partner's feelings and communicate yours too.

There is no room for hiding anything. You can't just wait and hope it will blow over when you are swinging. It has been very good for us. I tend to hesitate to say something until it gets bad but with Swinging I have learned I have to speak up NOW and we solve the problems before they become big. It has carried over into other areas of our marriage. Swinging has taught us to trust each other so much more. We have never really done a MFF or MFM 3somes. All of our sexual encounters so far have been 4 or more individuals.

It seems to me that those who we've made friends with through swinging tend to be more protective and loyal friends than those we have otherwise. I'm sure the intimacy that we've shared is part of that connection.

Swinging isnt' for everyone but when done right I think it's awesome. It is common for couples to take some "time off" a little ways into it. Once you try it you need to sit down and have a lot of in depth conversations regarding your feelings about it. We actually took about 6 months off because of a number of reasons. After talking about it and making sure our marriage was where it needed to be then we resumed meeting new couples.

Like Dei said. Feel free to ask any other questions you might have.

Dano069 · 10-28-2003, 11:25 AM

I've been trying to get my wife interested in swinging. She does seem interested but I'm not pushing her. We have a great relationship and I'd love her to experience another guy or two or even a woman. So far, she's interested but not brave enough to take that first step. We have had a threesome before with an old friend of ours but that's about it. Sigh, someday.

gummby · 10-28-2003, 11:34 AM

Thank you so much for your very detailed posts and the offer for assistence in the advice area if needed. Don't be surprised when I use it, because i probably will.

As for my explanation for asking the question...suck it up and tell the people....ok. I was searching the internet for...well for lack of a better term...A woman for my husband to share. Because as many of the ladies know I'm bisexual. Well while durring my search I found that this was easier to find on swinger classifieds sites. Well I found a local couple on one of these sites that sounded like they would be really cool to hang out with.

Well once they got back to me they told me that they were half owners of a yahoo group for local swingers and after talking to them for awhile, and discussing it in depth with the husband we decided to check it out and see what it was all about.

We've been in the group now for about a month and have met some really cool people, and are really enjoying the hanging out part of the whole situation. We are still yet to do more that flirt, fondle and be fondled and all of that is on a very small scale.

We know that we are not ready to have sex with anyone else. And that is part of our rules that we have worked out with eachother. The thing is that it has changed our relationship. It's more like it used to be. We talk more and we touch eachother more and I don't know...it seems to be more intence than it used to be. I think it's great. Yes, we have run into a few snags but we have worked out these problems so much faster than we used to work out anything else. And it has seemed to get him better at discussing what he's feeling, which he has never been really good at.

So, that is the back story behind the post/question. I would still like to know more opinions. I realize that it's a very emotional question...trust me it's far more emotional once it becomes feasible.

DEI37 · 10-28-2003, 03:57 PM

Gummby...my wife will tell you that the same thing happened to me. Our communication level jumped up big time, and there is definitely a higher level of trust between the two of us. There HAS to be. Good luck with it all, and let us know how things progress.

NatureBoy · 10-30-2003, 01:53 PM

I think it depends on the couple. Some people are open about their sexuality and their desire to have sex with others. Swinging seems like a way to explore that freedom within bounds that your life partner agrees too. Some people just couldn't handle their significant other, with whom they have shared so much in and out of the bedroom, having sex with someone else.

raeanna74 · 10-30-2003, 09:55 PM

I know what you're saying Natureboy. Hubby and I wouldn't have ever considered even trying this until after his accident. That accident was the catalyst that helped us trust each other and communicate to the point where we were able to take the step into swinging. We had never had anyone else before each other - I was in fact a virgin until 24 and hubby until 21. It also made it easier that the first couple we met were very easy going. We met them with the understanding that nothing except talking and getting to know each other would happen. Once we started to get to know they we all decided to use the hot tub. They gave us the choice of going in our suits or nude. We chose nude and things just naturally progressed. We had some bumps on the way but were able to reconcile things and got back into swinging again.

vveronica · 10-31-2003, 09:41 AM

it can be great fun but as was said before you have to really know the other couple... it is so different for the guys than us girls... We just come at it from a different point if you know what i mean. Now a key party. I did it once and luckily it was cool. but I think a couple of the other girls might have been disappointed.

Jim Kata · 10-31-2003, 10:52 AM

What is a "key party"?

ratbastid · 10-31-2003, 11:11 AM

Go rent The Ice Storm.

Jim Kata · 10-31-2003, 12:14 PM

ahhhhh, thank you.

shannon · 10-31-2003, 12:28 PM

such an interesting thread to read, thanks for everyone's input.
xirax and i met very young, and so we consider openness as a way to be confident we're not missing out on anything. but we're not really doing it very actively and we're in no big rush. really good tips here that make a lot of sense if we ever get into anything like that.

gummby · 11-02-2003, 12:49 PM

I agree about this being a good thread. I am pleasently surprised at how open and honest everyone has been. I love that it didn't end up being more of a fantasy thing. I also apricate everyones input and advice. It truely is a lifestyle that you need advice for. The thing I have noticed is that people who are in the lifestyle are 8 out 10 times very cool open minded people who are very caring and unashamed of who they are. It's nice to find that. So thanks to everyone for posting and keep them coming

10-27-2003, 02:57 PM	#1 (permalink)
gummby Upright Location: Idaho	Swinging??? I have seen a lot of threads about 3somes in all way shapes and forms but not about swinging itself... i thought about posting this in the ladies lounge but I really want everyones opinion on this... i am going to reserve my reasoning for the thread for a bit. So what do you all think? Just playing and flirting? full on partner swaping? group sex? Same room? seperate? Opinions please, and stories if you've got them.

10-27-2003, 03:15 PM	#2 (permalink)
Redlemon Devoted Donor Location: New England	It is a great fantasy, but I can't imagine this sort of thing ever happening with me and/or my wife. The closest I can imagine would be to have sex in front of other people, but I doubt that one will happen either. __________________ I can't read your signature. Sorry.

10-27-2003, 04:02 PM	#3 (permalink)
DEI37 Go faster! Location: Wisconsin	My wife and I are swingers, and it's something that you can't just get in to. You HAVE to have a pretty strong relationship to begin with, and then you absolutely MUST maintain communication. Ways to get started vary, but some Yahoo groups, and the like are a good way. Check out www.swingvillage.com and www.lifestylelounge.com You can check out profiles of other couples, and start off an online friendship. Things that you must remember getting in to this is that certain ground rules MUST be set. And NEVER broken. Raeanna and I have determined that we won't play alone. We MAY play with a single female, since she is bi-sexual, but both of us will be involved. We are a package deal. It's both or none. Some couples don't go in to separate rooms. They will swap partners, but not rooms. These rules are absolutely critical to maintaining a solid relationship in your own marriage or relationship. If you get comfortable with a couple, you can vary the rules for different couples, but make sure you're both in agreement. One thing to think of is that some people get in this for the friendship, and don't play with just anybody. Others are in it to rack up numbers. For us, we have ended up with five other couples that we play with and we are friends as well. I like the numbers side of it, I'll be honest, but it's not my primary objective. If you have any questions at all, feel free to ask them in this thread, or PM myself or Raeanna74. __________________ Generally speaking, if you were to get what you really deserve, you might be unpleasantly surprised.

10-27-2003, 04:52 PM	#4 (permalink)
raeanna74 I'm not a blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot! Location: Upper Michigan	Dei said it well. We are swingers and have tried all of the things you mentioned. We have done full swaps but always in the same room/home depending on where we are. We did go to one ON Premise party where it was group sex. We don't do it on our own - the idea of giving each other the chance to have pleasure and the freedom to watch each other is part of the fun. One thing I would like to mention is that BEFORE you start you need to 1. Talk and talk a lot. 2. Decided on your rules before hand. (Like Dei Said) 3. Never set up a "date" before consulting with your partner about if they are ok with these particular people. 4. Be willing and ready to stop immediately should the other partner become uncomfortable. Even if you are naked and it means you don't get any sex. 5. Listen to your partner's feelings and communicate yours too. There is no room for hiding anything. You can't just wait and hope it will blow over when you are swinging. It has been very good for us. I tend to hesitate to say something until it gets bad but with Swinging I have learned I have to speak up NOW and we solve the problems before they become big. It has carried over into other areas of our marriage. Swinging has taught us to trust each other so much more. We have never really done a MFF or MFM 3somes. All of our sexual encounters so far have been 4 or more individuals. It seems to me that those who we've made friends with through swinging tend to be more protective and loyal friends than those we have otherwise. I'm sure the intimacy that we've shared is part of that connection. Swinging isnt' for everyone but when done right I think it's awesome. It is common for couples to take some "time off" a little ways into it. Once you try it you need to sit down and have a lot of in depth conversations regarding your feelings about it. We actually took about 6 months off because of a number of reasons. After talking about it and making sure our marriage was where it needed to be then we resumed meeting new couples. Like Dei said. Feel free to ask any other questions you might have. __________________ "Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

10-28-2003, 11:25 AM	#5 (permalink)
Dano069 is Nucking Futs! Location: On the edge of sanity	I've been trying to get my wife interested in swinging. She does seem interested but I'm not pushing her. We have a great relationship and I'd love her to experience another guy or two or even a woman. So far, she's interested but not brave enough to take that first step. We have had a threesome before with an old friend of ours but that's about it. Sigh, someday. __________________ I may look attentive, but I'm taking peeks down your blouse faster than the human eye can follow.

10-28-2003, 11:34 AM	#6 (permalink)
gummby Upright Location: Idaho	Thank you so much for your very detailed posts and the offer for assistence in the advice area if needed. Don't be surprised when I use it, because i probably will. As for my explanation for asking the question...suck it up and tell the people....ok. I was searching the internet for...well for lack of a better term...A woman for my husband to share. Because as many of the ladies know I'm bisexual. Well while durring my search I found that this was easier to find on swinger classifieds sites. Well I found a local couple on one of these sites that sounded like they would be really cool to hang out with. Well once they got back to me they told me that they were half owners of a yahoo group for local swingers and after talking to them for awhile, and discussing it in depth with the husband we decided to check it out and see what it was all about. We've been in the group now for about a month and have met some really cool people, and are really enjoying the hanging out part of the whole situation. We are still yet to do more that flirt, fondle and be fondled and all of that is on a very small scale. We know that we are not ready to have sex with anyone else. And that is part of our rules that we have worked out with eachother. The thing is that it has changed our relationship. It's more like it used to be. We talk more and we touch eachother more and I don't know...it seems to be more intence than it used to be. I think it's great. Yes, we have run into a few snags but we have worked out these problems so much faster than we used to work out anything else. And it has seemed to get him better at discussing what he's feeling, which he has never been really good at. So, that is the back story behind the post/question. I would still like to know more opinions. I realize that it's a very emotional question...trust me it's far more emotional once it becomes feasible.

10-28-2003, 03:57 PM	#7 (permalink)
DEI37 Go faster! Location: Wisconsin	Gummby...my wife will tell you that the same thing happened to me. Our communication level jumped up big time, and there is definitely a higher level of trust between the two of us. There HAS to be. Good luck with it all, and let us know how things progress. __________________ Generally speaking, if you were to get what you really deserve, you might be unpleasantly surprised.

10-30-2003, 01:53 PM	#8 (permalink)
NatureBoy Crazy	I think it depends on the couple. Some people are open about their sexuality and their desire to have sex with others. Swinging seems like a way to explore that freedom within bounds that your life partner agrees too. Some people just couldn't handle their significant other, with whom they have shared so much in and out of the bedroom, having sex with someone else.

10-30-2003, 09:55 PM	#9 (permalink)
raeanna74 I'm not a blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot! Location: Upper Michigan	I know what you're saying Natureboy. Hubby and I wouldn't have ever considered even trying this until after his accident. That accident was the catalyst that helped us trust each other and communicate to the point where we were able to take the step into swinging. We had never had anyone else before each other - I was in fact a virgin until 24 and hubby until 21. It also made it easier that the first couple we met were very easy going. We met them with the understanding that nothing except talking and getting to know each other would happen. Once we started to get to know they we all decided to use the hot tub. They gave us the choice of going in our suits or nude. We chose nude and things just naturally progressed. We had some bumps on the way but were able to reconcile things and got back into swinging again. __________________ "Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

10-31-2003, 09:41 AM	#10 (permalink)
vveronica Psycho Location: northern california	it can be great fun but as was said before you have to really know the other couple... it is so different for the guys than us girls... We just come at it from a different point if you know what i mean. Now a key party. I did it once and luckily it was cool. but I think a couple of the other girls might have been disappointed. __________________ ...We find ourselves in a struggle for our very right to exsist... We will not go quietly into the night... We will not give up without a fight...

10-31-2003, 10:52 AM	#11 (permalink)
Jim Kata Swollen Member Location: Northern VA	What is a "key party"?

10-31-2003, 11:11 AM	#12 (permalink)
ratbastid Darth Papa Location: Yonder	Go rent The Ice Storm.

10-31-2003, 12:14 PM	#13 (permalink)
Jim Kata Swollen Member Location: Northern VA	ahhhhh, thank you.

10-31-2003, 12:28 PM	#14 (permalink)
shannon Psycho Location: Canada	such an interesting thread to read, thanks for everyone's input. xirax and i met very young, and so we consider openness as a way to be confident we're not missing out on anything. but we're not really doing it very actively and we're in no big rush. really good tips here that make a lot of sense if we ever get into anything like that. __________________ "When I look down I just miss all the good stuff. And when I look up I just trip over things"

11-02-2003, 12:49 PM	#15 (permalink)
gummby Upright Location: Idaho	I agree about this being a good thread. I am pleasently surprised at how open and honest everyone has been. I love that it didn't end up being more of a fantasy thing. I also apricate everyones input and advice. It truely is a lifestyle that you need advice for. The thing I have noticed is that people who are in the lifestyle are 8 out 10 times very cool open minded people who are very caring and unashamed of who they are. It's nice to find that. So thanks to everyone for posting and keep them coming