Harshaw

My girlfriend has been gone in Califonia for over a month now, she finally was on ICQ today and we talked about the weather for a while and I finally asked her when she is coming home. She doesn't know, we started fighting, I tried to tell her that I didn't want to talk to her anymore and as soon as I hit enter, I took it back. I tried again, took it back. As bad as this fight is, I don't think it is over between us unless I want it to be. She told me she likes me, but doesn't need me. Why am I still in this relationship? I'm a rational human, every fiber of my body should be telling me to abandon ship. Why am I planning a short notice trip to Califonia?

Is the fact that I am willing to pull out almost any stop some sign that I think she is the one? Is that what oneness is? Am I talking in bullshit?

I was the one who broke up with her, why does it hurt so damn bad?

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This too shall pass.

bermuDa

love makes us do stupid things. the thing is it seems she doesn't have much regard for you or your feelings. She "likes" you but doesn't need you? I'm not sure how well this would work out, seems pretty obvious that she isn't as enamored as you are.

That said, it'd be a sweet gesture to go see her. If she doesn't appreciate something like that, she isn't worth the trouble.

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I am the very model of a moderator gentleman.

The.Lunatic

Because it sucks thats why.

Hey at least you've got lots of distance between you two.

My girlfriend of almost a year who i was still madly in love with decided she no longer had feelings for me when we got back to college. This is great, because she lives right below me and all of my friends are her friends too. . Also all of our friends live right next to eachother as well.

Honestly i think your just going to have to cut her out of your life. Think about it this way.

This may suck immensly, but there are other girls out there just as good if not better it might take you 20 trys to find one, but the fact that your moving on will make you feel better.

I found that you've just got to leave the past in the past. Don't try to hold onto something that isn't worth your time. I get the feeling that she makes your more sad than she does happy so cut the cord block and delete her from icq, and never talk to her again. Maybe someday when you're involved with another girl, and you don't feel for her anymore you can re-add and be her friend again. Girls don't seem to have a problem with just being friends for some reason.

Cut the cord bro it sucks, but its got to be done ever wonder why so many songs are written about heartbreak.

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Proud memeber of the Insomniac Club.

Averett

Love is weird.



The distance between you will be the best thing for you. Cut her off. Send her one last email stating that you can't take how she treats you (cause frankly, she's treating you pretty shitty) and that its over. Then delete her name from your messenger services. Thats the only way to do it.

Good luck.

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Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

legolas

Love is hard to just get rid of. You can hate every fiber of that person and still just love them to pieces inside. It's not easy to let go. You have to -really- think about what you want and what you want to do. Distance can make relationships a lot stronger though.

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"To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems."

darkallaround

once you do the above, get ready to tread the long road to "finally mostly out of my mind".
you'll see many of us are already there ahead of you.

it really sucks to feel that pain ever so often when you think about her. but if you're not actively talking to her, you'll think about her less and less.

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the darkness it surrounds me, consumes my very soul. within this worthless existence i shall never be made whole.

Otis Floyd

Someone recently said to me (while I was in the middle of a nasty break-up) that the opposite of love is not hate but indifference. It made sense. There's as much emotional energy invested in hate as there is in love, but there's no emotional energy invested in indifference.

Think about your needs (which are different than your wants). If you're in a relationship with someone and your needs aren't being met, then you should articulate them with kindness and respect, as a statement rather than as a demand. If after that they still aren't being met, then walk away, and do it respectfully. Love and respect should not be conditioned on reciprocation. If they are, those feelings probably aren't genuine. That isn't to say you should be a putz. Self respect has to come before anything else can happen. If someone is treating you poorly, walk away. If you find yourself in a situation where someone is always treating you like crap, staying in it and getting pissed off at them serves no purpose, and you've only yourself to blame. Remember that every relationship is a dynamic situation. If things are going wrong and you're getting hurt, you're not the victim. You play a part in it, if only by sticking around.

Acceptance: it is what it is, whether you like it or not. What can you do about it? Convince her to love you? That doesn't sound promising...Force her to love you? That sounds illegal...Accept that it is what it is and move on.

Delirious

The best way to get over one is move on to the next ~

Rubyee

I think that you need to cut her out of your life for many reasons. One of the biggest, in my opinion, is that when you look back at this time of your life, you don't want to look back and say, "Gee, I was pathetic trying to make it work." Also, things will only get uglier from this point on between the two of you. If you cut it off now, you can look back and say "Wow, I had a really good time with that girl. I hope she has a good life now."

At least, that is my opinion.

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You don't know from fun.

tikki

Wow, I am not the only one that lives next to his ex. It ruins my day every day when I walk outside because she lives five feet from me.

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Take notice. Take interest. Take me with you.

numist_net

my g/f and I have an understanding that it is better to want each other (a lot) but not need each other, because reliance is a nasty thing when you really get down to it.

Take a trip, check it out, if it doesnt work, start again.

TinniT

I'll tell you what worked for me:

Talking to someone who knew me and did not know her.

Most of my friends who knew both of us, or had heard from mutual friends about her personality, constantly said it was for the better, and gave opinion, and didn't really listen so much. They tried to convince me that there are other people out there.

I ended up talking to an ex-g/f who moved out to the east coast (i live in California, Ironically) who knew me very well but had never met her. She was only a listener, never gave opinion of who was right or wrong, and simply asked me questions such as "how did you feel about that?" ..

I felt sooooo good after that, and i can even look at pictures now and smile and not regret anything. There's still a feeling of affection that will always be there, but it is nowhere near the depressing hurtful feeling it was 2 weeks ago.

I think you might consider going to see a counselor or a chaplin. You'll feel much better in talking to someone who will know you, and will not give opinioin .

sigma1042

just stop talking to her and find someone else

its easy to avoid people that live far away

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[Arthur] HA HA HA HA, It's a little joke![/Arthur]

Astrocloud

First of all it's been my experience that when people care about each other -that it is more difficult for a man to get over a woman than vice-versa. (Not with children involved -different story.) I've dumped a lot of people for a lot of reasons. Moving on is difficult but I've picked something up from some of these women that get over it quickly.


1) Avoid thinking about your ex.
1a) Don't call her
1b) Don't return her calls
2) Go out and fuck somebody else.
2a) Not as easy as it seems
2b) but it can be done
3)Get involved with something else
3a) Like school, work or hobbies
3b) Avoid alcoholism and bitterness

Anyways, getting over someone is as easy as following these three steps. I know I sound cynical but it has taken me YEARS to get over someone, once... don't make the same mistake that I did.

Good Luck

ismark

be very careful about a surprise visit, the surprise might be on you and that would only make it very much worse....

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The Grumpy Old Bloke

nextlevel1

Very well writen! Ive been through it before and even been through a serious break up with my wife (girlfriend then) . I would also add that staying away from friends that are close to her would help out at first because every time you see the friends you are going to have that urge to ask about her or want to see her. Also try to avoid all physical contact (verbally, visually, etc).

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"To be old & wise, you must first be young & stupid."

analog

I think forgetting is the hardest part of love because it encompasses all the things you ever did... but you will usually only more vividly remember the good- the first BJ, the way she looks when you're humping her brains out, the little sound she makes when you spooned her at night. Quit letting it fuck with you. DON'T drink or do drugs to forget. They don't help AT ALL. It sounds like common sense, but you'd be surprised how many fall into this trap. Good luck.