Rubyee

As I have said in another post somewhere, I am really bi-curious. I would love to make out with/ fondle another girl. Problem is, I am in a serious relationship with the opposite sex right now. I know that a threeway is the answer to my problem, but I am selfish and a bit self conscious. Not only would I not want to see my boyfriend kissing/fondling/having sex with another girl, but if I did get over that part of it, it would make me worry about if I was better than her or more attractive than her the whole time.

My solution to this is to maybe just find a girl, get drunk, and put on a show for my boyfriend. That way, I get what I want, and he gets really turned on.

I am really curious as to whether or not anyone else has felt this way about a threesome and what you have done to remedy this. Or, what to expect from your boyfriend after a girl-boy-girl menage a trois.

NatureBoy

I would be very upfront with your significant other about this. Just to start going at it without letting him know you're interested in women could go either really well, or really bad. Have your bases covered.

yoshi

Girl, you took the words out of my mouth. I feel the same way. My husband and I have talked about it too. And as much as he loves the idea of me and another woman, it's possible for him to get jealous too.

StormBerlin

I am in the same boat. My boyfriend and I have talked about this and he's completely ok with it (almost too ok...), so we're just lookin for someone. I totally agree with Rubyee, the first time it will just be me and her, I don't even think I'd let my boyfriend watch (I am not comfortable at all with him kissing, fondling, etc. another girl).

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Rubyee

I am so glad that other people feel the same way that I do. I want him to be involved, but there is a little part of me that says NO! He might like her better than me. I think we just need to find someone that we do not know and never even ask her name. That way, there is no way we (he) can go back to her.

chavos

as yoshi points out, it is very possible for him to feel jealous. as hot as most men find lesbians, it can also be threatening....

talk about what you would feel comfortable...and where his limits are. having him directly participate is not necessarily the solution-he may accept being on the sidelines so that he can see you happy.

Astrocloud

I've rejected the notion of having a threeway on more than one occasion because I feared that I might have lost my girlfriend to the whole affair. Perhaps I was just being paranoid... I'm not sure but there is a fear of doing this when you are in a serious relationship.

I guess it just has to happen with the right person.

raeanna74

Before hubby and I tried swinging I felt the same way. Afraid I'd loose him to the other woman. We talked a LOT about it for nearly a year and eventually I felt more comfortable and assured of his love for me. Once we actually tried swapping with a couple it was no big deal. This is this was a married couple that we swapped with and not a threesome. I loved my first bi experience and the whole deal opened me up sexually. Some swinging couples are willing to simply have same room sex. In fact most are willing to accomodate your preferences. If you were to meet up with another couple you could simply play with the woman and not the man. It would give you an opportunity to experience sex play with another woman and the fact that HER man would be there too would take away some of the fear of her stealing YOUR man.

No matter what you do the most important thing in any open relationship is communication and patience. You need to talk over this with your boyfriend and talk over it often. You need to be completely honest with your feelings. Make sure he knows that you are willing to share him with another woman but that you are afraid you'll loose him. Let him know that if he's not up to handle this that you'll be fine without it. If you put pressure on him and he's not comfortable with it then give him that space or you'll scare him away from the whole deal. Let him know that you simply want to explore this part of you. If he truely loves you and is confident enough to give you this freedom you can be less afraid that he will leave you for the other woman. I wish you good luck.

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vveronica

I have been in both parts the first and second or other girl in a 3some and the reactions varied so much based on relationships. the strangest was when the guy I was dating got all weird out of nowhere when the other girl and I appeared to really enjoy it. He ended up walking out. Now is that weird or what.

Mostly If your in a good relationship dont worry about it. if your not then dont consider it. It wont help!

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Thraeryn

I've actually felt that way just a little bit when watching a lesbian scene in a movie before. It was strange, but I actually got mad at these two hot women having on-screen sex. I get mad at strange things sometimes, though. I've since watched many a lesbian porn scene and felt none of the same emotions.

Don't spook your boyfriend, and also don't expect for you to be able to wave the candy in front of his face, then tell him he can't have any. If you're going to have sexual relations with other folks, you'd better expect him to want some, too. If you're not willing to let him, I'm glad I'm not dating you.

Rubyee

Thanks for all of your advice. It has really helped. I think that for right now, I am just going to hold off on the whole idea. Our relationship is going greatly right now, and I don't want to bring an element into it that might screw it up.

However, that does not mean that I am not going to tell him how I feel for future consideration. There would be some terms set.

And as for him not being able to have other sexual relationships, I wouldn't expect him to do nothing if I were having other sexual relationships, either. But I don't want a RELATIONSHIP. I feel that I need to explore the possibility of having sex with a member of the same sex to find out what it is like. If he wanted to explore sex with another man, more power to him, and I would be happy to oblige.

However, if I said that I wanted to explore sex with the hot guy down the hall, then I could completely agree with what was said and it wouldn't be right.

So anyhow, thanks for the advice to all. Now, the hard part is going to be finding either someone or some couple to agree to this in the future that lives in IOWA.

JStrider

ariekitten and i have talked about doing a 3some before... and have been keeping an eye out for possible candidates... its pretty hard to find another girl to do it... the guys seem to just line up... but were both looking more forward to the ffm then the mfm... so were gonna do it first...

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~Clatto Verata Nicto

pocon1

He may love you more for it. If you go out recruiting women to bring to bed, then he gets the benefit of seeing you happy and satisying himself. My wife will never budge on the subject, but if she brought someone to us, I would not be jealous, because sex and love can be seperate. Sex with love is the best, but sex by itself is pretty damn good.

toxic515

This is actually a difficult thing to approach the first time. Jealousy doesn't have any place in this type of playing. If you cannot deal with the idea of him being with someone else, even with you present, then keep it all as a fantasy for a while. Image yourself getting turned on while he tries it out.. You've got to get comfortable in your relationship to "swing" and if you are not, it's a dangerous recipe for disaster. Is it fun? Oh dear, until you've tried it, you cannot imagine... AS LONG AS YOU ARE BOTH COMMUNICATING, HONEST, AND WILLING. Keep in mind this is sex, not love, and keep it that way. Love is between you two. It's possible to party like that and have no more emotional involvement that doubles tennis, or playing cards together. Sure, you want trust, honesty, and caring feelings, but this is NOT the partner you are planning to stay with. Make sure you BOTH understand that. OUr first mfm experience took me a little while to sort out. We were with a friend of mine, and I've been close with him for years... This guy could go ALL NIGHT! I cannot, I can go more than once, but pas 10 minutes of straight up "doin it" and I am done with that round. It took me some time to get past my own feelings of inadequacy there, but I did. My wife doesn't pine for him. When we can get together and party, we do. I think she got about the same the first fmf, but we took a short break, talked it out, and got past it. Take your time, and don't get into it, unless you are willing to understand that he isn't going to fall in love with someone else any more than you are.

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ismark

In a serious long term relationship I have serious doubts that any human being can deal with the involvement of a third party.

It seems to me that we are programmed from birth to accept that a single partner is the norm and that group sex implies that none of the players are truly committed.

This might not be true in practice buts its very hard to overcome our programming. I certainly would not be comfortable seeing my beloved with someone else, regardless of gender and doubt that she would be comfortable with doing it either.

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