--jones--

There is a girl that i dated last year that is still crazy about me. The difficult thing is that i feel for her and dont want to hurt her. She is the sweetest thing in the world and I wish i could date her but I'm at a point in my life where a girlfriend is not the best thing. I have told her this before but she dosent want to move on.

To make things more difficult, i slept with her the othernight in a drunken episode. I thought she just wanted to hook up with me but I guess she wanted more. Ive tried to explain to her since then that we arent a coupple but I dont think she understands.

Keep in mind that I do have feelings for her but I dont want to date her and I realy dont want to hurt her. And I am pretty sure Im the first/only person she has been with.

How do I tell her to move on and get over me?

Thanks.

Cynthetiq

1st.... stop sleeping with her....

2nd... maybe even stop talking to her.. until she understands BOUNDARIES you have set....if you keep crossing those boundaries it will never happen.

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Averett

Yup, that's not gonna help.

I 2nd Cynthetiq's 2nd. Stop talking to her. Tell her straight up that it's not healthy for you or her. Don't call. Dont IM. Don't email, don't hang out, NOTHING. Sound mean? Maybe. But it'll help her get over you that much quicker.

Out of sight, out of mind.

Good luck.

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Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

Thraeryn

Pain is the only way to make someone "get over" you, short of going out and finding someone better than yourself that will take this girl on.

I waited for Jinya for six years. She was married for three of them and I was married for two of them. She had two kids. She got divorced, I saw my chance, left my wife, and now we're together.

You will have to hurt her, find her ideal mate for her, or deal with the fact that she will be pining for you while you're not ready to be involved with her.

--jones--

so cut off is the best way? i guess it has to be done...

Astrocloud

I call these people stalkers.


Bad move.



I've had a couple of stalkers over the years. Probably the best thing to do is to find someone else that you can hook up with at a party or something. Then, get the stalker in a location where she can bump into you while you are making out.

This wouldn't be a good idea if she is really psycho and/or prone to violent fits. But it does get the message across.

The other time I had a stalker... I actually made friends with her and Never Touched Her. I made rules for myself in dealing with her, because stalkers can be really pushy, manipulative and sneaky.

Some of my rules were/are:

1) No hanging out more than once in a week.
2) No talking about sex or having a sexual talk with her. (This does not exclude talking about your sexual relations with other girls... more later.)
3) Obviously no kissing... hugging -brief and light.
4) Absolutely minimize the inebriation around her.
5) Talk about your relationships with other women frequently... ask her advice on these relationships. (This is a good way of sensing her jealousy, and gauging her "stalkerness").


Best of Luck anyway because this is a delicate situation (and probably far more complicated than I'm giving credit for).

sigma1042

tell everyone you know and that she knows that you f'ed her in the dumper

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zfleebin

The best way is just to cut off ALL contact and I mean all. The longer you let it go on as a friend/ex thing the more chance you have of screwing up the whole relationship. If you cut off all contact early on and keep away from her for a good while you might be able to someday be friends with her.

lurkette

Beyond acting in an unambiguous fashion (i.e., as people have pointed out, NOT sleeping with her, not leading her on), it's not your responsibility to "get her over you." She feels how she feels, it's her problem. You can explain how you feel, which it sounds like you've done, and you can explain it again, but really, it's her problem and not yours.

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bundy

welll said.
deny yourself any contact with her. and deny her all contact with you.
its the only way.

or you could hook her up with one of your mates? and just pass her onto him...
but that wouldn´t be very nice would it.
forget i said that.

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anleja

You are in the EXACT same position I was in a while ago, including the mistake of sleeping together. I did not break it off when I should have, but I wish I did. I just got worse and worse until I went nuts. Break it off, if you do have feelings for her, just think you are doing her a favor by allowing her to find someone else who wants to be with her.

Good luck! Be strong! The pain is for the better, don't forget that.

KingBastard

Tell her she's getting too fat for you and you're thinking of dating a stripper you met on Wednesday.

Always worked for me (thumbs up).

bermuDa

show her this thread.

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wry1

I hate having to say stuff like this, but here goes....

One of you two has to be the adult, here.

By that, I mean that if you really don't want to lead her on and/or give her the wrong impression, then you need to make a concerted effort to send the proper signals to her - so don't sleep with her, don't hang out with her in anything less than a huge group setting and don't call her, IM her or e-mail her (as others have mentioned before).

The sad thing about stalkers (or even pseudo-stalkers, those people who could almost be a stalker, but aren't quite that obsessed yet) is that they have a mental block when it comes to hearing or seeing things that go against what they firmly believe to be true. Getting past that is tough, and often requires extreme firmness in putting yourself out of the reach of her aspirations.

Good luck with her.

tekaweni

Dumbass, dont sleep with her if you want her to get over you.

Tell her you like her as a friend, then do your damnedest to be unavailable when she needs one, even just to talk to

Sounds cruel, but you've created a situation that requires extreme measures

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If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten

hparcins

Tell her whats up in the most blunt manner possible. Continue sleeping with her if she still allows you to.

Reap the benefits, as she has been explicitly warned.

dylanmarsh

Tough situation, man. I've always held a firm belief that indifference is the best cologne. So, my advice to you would be to keep her cool and not to lead her on. The last thing you want is her flipping out and boiling some rabbits.

I would sit down with her tell her that you dig her as a friend but nothing else. Also make it crystal clear that hooking up with her was a big mistake on your part. Place everything that happened on your shoulders. By doing this, she may get frustrated and then not want to be with someone that is like "you". Understand?

miragetm

wow...
that situation is almost as fucked as my own.
here's what i think.... do you really really just want to be friends with this girl? and don't answer right away, give it some serious thought. i don't know the details of your life, but having someone who is "really sweet" and that you even said you had feelings for and who seems to be really nice, is rarely a bad thing.

a few years ago i did something similiar, i was friends with a girl that really was into me, but i never reciprocated...as time went on, my feelings changed, and it was the best relationship of my life.

make sure your not passing up a golden opportunity here.

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Neato

No... I was turned away without being cut off.
I don't know HOW she did it though.