NeumannU87

OK, this is gonna take a little explaining, but I need some advice:

So there is this girl (I'll call her THE girl) that I went to high school with. We knew each other a little (we had mutual friends) but never really hung out. About a year after graduation, we started hanging out once or twice a week (usually me and my best friend, and her and one of her friends, so not alone) She had a boyfriend who sucked and I had a girlfriend in Boston. But we always sorta clicked. We always laughed at the same things, finished each others sentences, and we'd talk about what we wanted out of life, and we both wanted the same thing. We'd talk on the phone all the time...you know. I really liked this girl alot, like a real lot.

But then she started to blow me off...I thought it was because I was coming on a little to strong. (I had broken up with my g/f in an unrelated incident) So, totally randomly, I ran into one of her best friends (who I also knew from high school) and ended up dating her for three years. About halfway through our three year realtionship, "the girl" ended up staying with us for almost two months because she was having problems with her boyfriend. And I still liked her, so having her near me was great. We'd hang out and laugh and have a good time, but eventually "the girl" and my g/f had a falling out, and I was forbidden to talk to her.

So I left my girlfriend this spring after she did bad things with the singer of my band...but anyway. So I randomly called "the girl" up after not speaking to her for almost two years, just to reconnect, since I was now allowed to. I went over on a Sunday night and we started talking. We had a couple drinks (but not drunk) and it all started coming out. We both told each other that we really liked each other and that we both knew we'd be perfect together. She told me that the reason she chose to stay with me and my g/f was because it was the closest she could be to me without actually being with me...it was fan-fucking-tastic. We ended up kissing and snuggling in bed all night. Unfortuantely, she was still with her boyfriend.

Well last month, she broke up with her boyfriend. We've stayed up till 5 am 4 nights in the past two weeks just talking a lying in bed together. We go out and hang out and have so much fun and we talk about things like "when we're together," and she asked me if I'd wait for her to clear her head...she is a little out of sorts after ending a 4 year realtionship. We're really touchy-feely and cute with each other, but when it comes to us being together, she's still a little stand-offish...

She is so THE girl. I mean THE girl. We have both told each other how we've felt for the past five years, and it's all built up to this...I've let her slip from me twice, and I'm determined not to do it again...Am I just being paranoid that she'll get away again? I know I'd move on if she did, but I KNOW in my heart she THE ONE. Just stick by it and it will come, right? Any input is SOOO appreciated.

Sorry about the novel.

Marburg

Go for it. Things all seem to be ligned up for you so perfectly.
Many guys would kill to be so lucky.

My only advice is to keep things sexual. Don't cross that line towards friendship. Make the occasional sexual remark in normal conversation.
I only say this because it's worked quite well for myself.

Ps. you're novel was really heartwarming; I have to give my girlfriend a hug now because of it.

Good luck.

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Rlyss

It sounds to me like she's worth waiting for.

I think that's a great sign. She's not lying to you (or herself for that matter) about being over her last relationship, and she's not pushing you away. She's being honest and saying that she needs a bit of time, but she believes that the end result will be good. And so do you!

Give her all the time she needs, be there as a friend for the time being, but don't let her forget that you're also waiting to become her partner at the end of it.

I'm happy for you

sexymama

Give her the time and space she needs. Be there for her partially by respecting her boundaries. When the time is right and she is healed, this could be great for both of you! As a result of your patience, she will see that you are a true friend as well as her lover. And you will have learned to truly listen to and respect her. Good luck!

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If you can go deeply into lovemaking, the ego disappears. That is the beauty of lovemaking, that it is another source of a glimpse of god

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kmonkey

You didn't know you liked each other before, so there was no reason for her to stay or for you to pursue her. Everything is out in the open now, though, so I don't think you need to worry about her slipping away again.

It sounds like you get along with her really well, so you can be a friend to her now while she needs it, and more than a friend later when she's ready.

You're a lucky man. Really.

*Nikki*

If that is the case I would wait for her until she is ready.

If it is true love and it is meant to be........time will not matter.

Apache

Basically everything I was going to say when I first read "your novel". I think as long are your sure this is the one and your in no hurry waiting for her will pay off in the end and you both will finally be truely happy

collide

Isn't chemistry grand? Yes, stick with it. I mean, you've waited this long, so why rush things? Just enjoy the moment and let the relationship build into greater intimacy - and be happy!

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NeumannU87

Hey thanks for all the words of encouragement. At least now I know I'm not crazy!! Funny thing is she called me at like midnight tonight to catch me before bed to see if I wanted to see her before I go to work tomorrow morning. She's never done anything like that before. I think I'm gonna ride this one out. I'll let you guys know!

Johnny Rotten

It's usually four months for every year of the relationship. Meaning, she'll need four months before she's actually cleared her head. I know you're very eager to have a relationship with her, and we've all felt that yearning before, but if you can wait at least a couple more months, the relationship could last for a very long time. It's too bad you couldn't have run into her a couple months from now, because the process is getting started sooner than it usually should, but you can ease a potentially awkward trasition by taking things nice and slow. If she feels about you the way you feel about her, then she'll probably see the importance of that as well.

And talk to her about all this, when it becomes a full-fledged, non-platonic relationship.

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boden11

your story was touching and all but i don't see what input u really need. how are we supposed to tell you what to do when it's quite obvious to you what actions to take...

well congrats and all and i hope everything goes well

analog

many congrats, you've got something wonderful there! let her clear her mind at her pace- and she'll RUN to you when she's done. good luck for the both of you in the future!

Charlatan

She sounds great... and she seems a good candidate to be THE ONE... However, don't be disappoint if it doesn't work out.

Give her her space. Ease into it with her. I am sure it will be amazing as you have the chemisty and the (mutual) desire to be together...

However, she is rebounding so just play it cool.

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sigma1042

she's kept coming back for how many years?

i think a couple months of not spending every moment with her would be ok...

she knows how you feel and reciprocates it, i think it would work

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kittenpie

Be gentle with her.

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She had diamonds on the inside.

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