angela146

I'm wondering how much of what I experience emotionally during sex is "hardwired" into women me, or so deeply conditioned that it is almost instinctive. As a corilary, are there other things that apply to men.

What triggered this question is the difference between my husband and me when we suddenly and unexpectedly get turned on.

Me: He does something to excite me, my heart flutters my knees get week, I want to melt into his arms.

Him: I do something to excite him, his pulse races, his muscles tingle with adrenaline, he wants to reach out and grab me.

Are the weak knees, fluttering, melting things universally female whereas the racing, pulsing, grabbing things universally male? I think so because they are so consistant.

Again, this is when sudden arousal is unexpected. If I'm horny and decide to put some moves on him, it doesn't feel the same to me, but I still have to overcome his natural desire to "take over".

Conversely, if he wants to turn me on and get me to bowl him over, it doesn't work. It just makes me want him to bowl me over.

Does this ring true with y'all?

Holo

Being a man I really don't pay attention to this kind of thing during sex...I'm just kinda glad to be there. If I'm getting head I let go and kinda "melt" into the bed. If we're having regular sex then I am dominant. I would really like women to be more sexually agressive, as I think most men would. Men like to feel desirable also...we usually just won't say so since that is "weak" or opens a vulnerability that can be exploited.


Of course we can overcome instinct, if we couldn't a lot of ppl would be dead right now. I don't think sex should be cerebral all the time, but once in a while would be nice. You just might be a person who prefers things "as they are", whether it's hormonal/gender-based or just how you grew up sexually. There's no wrong way to have sex if everyone involved says yes.

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skysooner

I think there is a lot hardwired that we never even think about. Whether it is a part of your sex or whether it is shaped through experiences, we tend to react to things in a similar manner. I get angry at the drop of a hat in certain situations where I have to watch my reactions. My wife tends to react to different things that don't bother me at all. Exercise makes me horny while it makes her tired. There is just no telling.

Prince

I've never really experienced any melting, or weakness in the knees, but I can relate to the rush of fast pulse, muscle tingling and the desire to just <i>fuck her</i>.

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oblar

I have to say that if I become turned on unexpectedly then my muscles do tighten, I seem to look around a lot more, and I wish to rush at whoever I find most attractive around me.

so, I guess this goes along with your hypothesis, although after the fact I feel the whole weak in the knees thing, but I think that is mainly from excertion from the act, and not something to do with the state of arousal.

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analog

think cave-people instinct. man gets excited, needs to fuck a woman to impregnate her to further humanity. woman needs to not fight too much because it's completely unenlightened times and they barely can tell that it is supposed to go in the front hole and not the back simply because the front one is wet enough to get the penis in. plus, the melting and fluttering is probably just an inherent conditioned response passed down through all human time via our genes that tells a woman she's in love so she can mate. because if the heart didn't flutter and stuff, how else would you know? animals do this by simple instinct, we do it by a very complex SET of instincts.

motdakasha

I don't get the weak knee thing. I must be wired differently. If a guy does something nice and romantic that makes me "melt," my first instinct is to fuck his brains out. If he excites me, I want to fuck him until he's sore. *shrug*

About the instinct thing, the way I understand it is this:
Men are to reproduction as women are to survival.
Let's see if I can put this in words... One of the main instincts is reproduction. Men are physically wired to spread their wild oats and whatnot. Women are wired to care for the offspring. To do so, in the past this meant women needed promises of protection and security (survival instincts). My guess would be the weak knee/melt response is because instinctually you are looking for someone who will stick around to protect you and potential offspring.

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lurkette

I don't know - what you're describing sounds more physiological than emotional to me, but when it comes to sex, especially for women, the physiological and the emotional are often completely intertwined. That might be the part that tends to differ most between men and women, although there are bound to be exceptions. And I don't know about 'hardwired' - are you talking evolution/genetics or social "programming"?

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Bubs

I think I'm completely opposite from most men.

I do get weak kneed, and feel all fuzzy inside. Sure there are times that I just want to fuck and get it over with, but most of the time I want love more than anything. The act of fucking is not near as pleasurable to me as being both emotionally and physically connected to my wife.

She is completely different from most women. She separates love and sex completely. And she only really *wants* to have sex when she’s REALLY turned on (at least it seems that way to me).

We’re working on that type of thing and its getting better, slowly but surely anyway….

-Bubs