Relationship help - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

phormoid · 08-10-2003, 06:12 PM

My girlfriend and I met online, hit it off, decided to meet in person. Then comes the problem. Shes 16, im 19. Her parents think im too old for her and have told me to fuck off for a while if shes worth it. We're impetuous teenagers and obviously cant just wait patiently until she cant be legally controlled by the tyrants. They've removed her (paid for by her) phone line and internet, so we can only talk when she goes out to the library. She does this every day, so it could be worse. We've snuck a visit in since they cut us off but it was really stressful sneaking around the whole time. However, we really would like to have phone contact again. We had great phone sex for a while, and would love to have it back. She cant set up a cell phone for herself not being 18 and we cant find any companies that provide to her town that I can set up from here and have mailed to her. Does anyone know a company that can do mondovi, buffalo county, wisconsin, usa? Small little backwater town, very annoying. Any advice in general? We're in love and it doesnt feel like cliched infatuation. We're in it for the long haul so please no, "find a closer pussy man". All comments greatly appreciated, thanks.

Charles

Bamrak · 08-10-2003, 06:22 PM

I say move on or wait. This is where the stories of the horrid inlaws come into the picture, this will be something they won't forget. Also, she's probably not your first love and most likely won't be your last, why not back off?
I know it is easy for those of us on the outside to judge, but time will make things right. You may be of legal age, but she still depends on her parents for food and shelter, so basically, they have the final say.

LittleOralAnnie · 08-10-2003, 06:30 PM

I will tell you just a piece of a story that happened to my coworker. Her daughter who was 15 at the time, was dating an older man somewhere around 19-20. They did have sex where both parties consented but because of her age, her mother has taken the guy to court on rape charges. The case went through and the verdict found the guy guilty. He now has to serve time in jail for many many years.

Surely you don't want to go to jail. Surely her parents aren't really tyrants, they are just trying to protect their daughter. If her parents hated you that much they wouldn't have told you to wait awhile if she's worth it. They could have done something worse to you, such as what my coworker did to the guy that was with her daughter.

If you two honestly and truly love each other a couple years will pass quickly and by the end of the time she will be old enough to make her own choices without her parents influence. Absence sometimes does make the heart grow fonder.

Another thing you could try, if you haven't already, is speak to her parents directly about your intentions with their daughter. Respect their decision and abide by what they say. Sneaking around and risking jail time may seperate you from her longer.

phormoid · 08-10-2003, 06:33 PM

She is my first, and I know everyone says it, but I don't ever want to find another. We have the commitment to wait, neither of us thinks that it is just a passing feeling. She pays for pretty much everything in her life and wants to come to college closer to me, if not with me. I know it sounds incredibly impulsive but we've probably spent more time talking than most of the normal teenagers in normal relationships that arent long distance. For a whole month we talked all night on the phone from 10pm till 5am or something close to that. It's been 3 months since we're officially monogamous, and no difficulty has begun that wasnt caused by her parents. Ideas on winning them over? Im not supposed to call and she says a letter would be a bad idea, I dont know what would be best. Sigh.

Charles

phormoid · 08-10-2003, 06:40 PM

They did threaten to call the police if they found out i was in town, but fortunately since i live in another state they cant really go knocking on my door. They dont indict people from other states for suspected statutory rape, as far as I know. We've not had actual intercourse in any case, though we've done things that could be called sex for sure. I wouldn't be able to handle time truly apart from her, I've been depressed just because of how the situation is right now, as has she. Thanks for the concern though, I definitely have taken the law into account as I'd rather not have to report myself as a sex offender wherever I move in for the rest of my life.

Charles

hobo · 08-10-2003, 07:14 PM

Don't have actual sex, and don't let the parents find out. Nothing worse than a rape charge.

lurkette · 08-11-2003, 06:00 AM

If you're really that committed to her you can wait till she's legal and on her own.

I hate to stick up for the parents here because they do sound like they're being a bit unreasonable, but she is only 16 and most 16-year-olds I know (including myself at that age) don't always have the best judgment. She's got a lot of life ahead of her and you can't blame them for wanting to protect her a little bit and make sure she doesn't do anything stupid that might jeopardize her happy future.

Also consider the consequences of pissing her family off if you do end up in a long-term relationship with this girl. Nothing can make your life so hellish as in-laws (or the non-married equivalent) who hate your guts.

Sparhawk · 08-11-2003, 06:44 AM

A word of caution would be to check up on age of consent laws in your girlfriend's (and yours) state. Most states it's 16, but it doesn't hurt to make sure that your on completely legal safe ground.

As to what I'd do? Run. The romeo + juliet thing is fun at first, but it will get tiresome, and you'll end up resenting her for it, which I'm sure is the last thing you want.

phormoid · 08-11-2003, 06:50 AM

I can wait and I'm pretty sure she can too, but its just painful having to do so. I know shes young but in all seriousness shes more mature than I am and at least as intelligent, so I'm pretty sure its not just an obsession with first boyfriend sort of thing.

Shes adopted and doesn't plan on having anything to do with them as soon as she can get out. I understand that the way they feel is not completely insane, but they know absolutely nothing about me. They wouldnt even talk to me on the phone to find anything out. They made her choose between a long awaited trip to germany and continued contact with me, and still didnt let her have me. She had paid for this trip and wasnt able to get her money back. Her dad beats her, her mom watches it at thinks she deserves it. So yeah they could almost be reasonable in protecting their daughter but to me it seems more like a sick power trip than any real concern.

charlie

phormoid · 08-11-2003, 06:55 AM

Oh, I know were not on legal safe ground, it is 18 in both our states. We're putting great care into not letting anyone know we're together, not doing it in public. Her parents didnt even know she spent time with me last time I was there, and only one of her friends did. I don't like it that way though; too stressful worrying all the time.

I know you guys only mean the best but I was sorta hoping for help with this relationship sort of advice, not find a new one sort.

Charlie

Daddymem · 08-11-2003, 11:55 AM

You know, long ago, there didn't use to be such things as cell phones and internet, yet long distance relationships did flourish, they used something called the mail (notice no e in front). I know it sounds trivial, but it did used to work for many...write letters. If the love is true, then it will survive until she is 18, if not, you will have lots of practice writing so you can knock the socks off your next lover with some great prose.

TrollInvestigtr · 08-11-2003, 12:14 PM

http://www.ageofconsent.com/

08-10-2003, 06:12 PM	#1 (permalink)
phormoid Upright Location: Chicagoland	Relationship help My girlfriend and I met online, hit it off, decided to meet in person. Then comes the problem. Shes 16, im 19. Her parents think im too old for her and have told me to fuck off for a while if shes worth it. We're impetuous teenagers and obviously cant just wait patiently until she cant be legally controlled by the tyrants. They've removed her (paid for by her) phone line and internet, so we can only talk when she goes out to the library. She does this every day, so it could be worse. We've snuck a visit in since they cut us off but it was really stressful sneaking around the whole time. However, we really would like to have phone contact again. We had great phone sex for a while, and would love to have it back. She cant set up a cell phone for herself not being 18 and we cant find any companies that provide to her town that I can set up from here and have mailed to her. Does anyone know a company that can do mondovi, buffalo county, wisconsin, usa? Small little backwater town, very annoying. Any advice in general? We're in love and it doesnt feel like cliched infatuation. We're in it for the long haul so please no, "find a closer pussy man". All comments greatly appreciated, thanks. Charles __________________ wank-free since erm... yesterday. Join the partnership for a wank-free tfp. Learn to control yourself occasionally, it is worth it.

08-10-2003, 06:33 PM	#4 (permalink)
phormoid Upright Location: Chicagoland	She is my first, and I know everyone says it, but I don't ever want to find another. We have the commitment to wait, neither of us thinks that it is just a passing feeling. She pays for pretty much everything in her life and wants to come to college closer to me, if not with me. I know it sounds incredibly impulsive but we've probably spent more time talking than most of the normal teenagers in normal relationships that arent long distance. For a whole month we talked all night on the phone from 10pm till 5am or something close to that. It's been 3 months since we're officially monogamous, and no difficulty has begun that wasnt caused by her parents. Ideas on winning them over? Im not supposed to call and she says a letter would be a bad idea, I dont know what would be best. Sigh. Charles __________________ wank-free since erm... yesterday. Join the partnership for a wank-free tfp. Learn to control yourself occasionally, it is worth it.

08-10-2003, 06:40 PM	#5 (permalink)
phormoid Upright Location: Chicagoland	They did threaten to call the police if they found out i was in town, but fortunately since i live in another state they cant really go knocking on my door. They dont indict people from other states for suspected statutory rape, as far as I know. We've not had actual intercourse in any case, though we've done things that could be called sex for sure. I wouldn't be able to handle time truly apart from her, I've been depressed just because of how the situation is right now, as has she. Thanks for the concern though, I definitely have taken the law into account as I'd rather not have to report myself as a sex offender wherever I move in for the rest of my life. Charles __________________ wank-free since erm... yesterday. Join the partnership for a wank-free tfp. Learn to control yourself occasionally, it is worth it.

08-11-2003, 06:00 AM	#7 (permalink)
lurkette My future is coming on Moderator Emeritus Location: east of the sun and west of the moon	If you're really that committed to her you can wait till she's legal and on her own. I hate to stick up for the parents here because they do sound like they're being a bit unreasonable, but she is only 16 and most 16-year-olds I know (including myself at that age) don't always have the best judgment. She's got a lot of life ahead of her and you can't blame them for wanting to protect her a little bit and make sure she doesn't do anything stupid that might jeopardize her happy future. Also consider the consequences of pissing her family off if you do end up in a long-term relationship with this girl. Nothing can make your life so hellish as in-laws (or the non-married equivalent) who hate your guts. __________________ "If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing." - Anatole France

08-11-2003, 06:44 AM	#8 (permalink)
Sparhawk Dubya Location: VA	A word of caution would be to check up on age of consent laws in your girlfriend's (and yours) state. Most states it's 16, but it doesn't hurt to make sure that your on completely legal safe ground. As to what I'd do? Run. The romeo + juliet thing is fun at first, but it will get tiresome, and you'll end up resenting her for it, which I'm sure is the last thing you want. __________________ "In Iraq, no doubt about it, it's tough. It's hard work. It's incredibly hard. It's - and it's hard work. I understand how hard it is. I get the casualty reports every day. I see on the TV screens how hard it is. But it's necessary work. We're making progress. It is hard work."

08-10-2003, 06:22 PM	#2 (permalink)
Bamrak Enter Title Here Location: Tennessee	I say move on or wait. This is where the stories of the horrid inlaws come into the picture, this will be something they won't forget. Also, she's probably not your first love and most likely won't be your last, why not back off? I know it is easy for those of us on the outside to judge, but time will make things right. You may be of legal age, but she still depends on her parents for food and shelter, so basically, they have the final say.

08-10-2003, 06:30 PM	#3 (permalink)
LittleOralAnnie Banned	I will tell you just a piece of a story that happened to my coworker. Her daughter who was 15 at the time, was dating an older man somewhere around 19-20. They did have sex where both parties consented but because of her age, her mother has taken the guy to court on rape charges. The case went through and the verdict found the guy guilty. He now has to serve time in jail for many many years. Surely you don't want to go to jail. Surely her parents aren't really tyrants, they are just trying to protect their daughter. If her parents hated you that much they wouldn't have told you to wait awhile if she's worth it. They could have done something worse to you, such as what my coworker did to the guy that was with her daughter. If you two honestly and truly love each other a couple years will pass quickly and by the end of the time she will be old enough to make her own choices without her parents influence. Absence sometimes does make the heart grow fonder. Another thing you could try, if you haven't already, is speak to her parents directly about your intentions with their daughter. Respect their decision and abide by what they say. Sneaking around and risking jail time may seperate you from her longer.

08-10-2003, 07:14 PM	#6 (permalink)
hobo Archangel of Change	Don't have actual sex, and don't let the parents find out. Nothing worse than a rape charge.

08-11-2003, 06:50 AM	#9 (permalink)
phormoid Upright Location: Chicagoland	I can wait and I'm pretty sure she can too, but its just painful having to do so. I know shes young but in all seriousness shes more mature than I am and at least as intelligent, so I'm pretty sure its not just an obsession with first boyfriend sort of thing. Shes adopted and doesn't plan on having anything to do with them as soon as she can get out. I understand that the way they feel is not completely insane, but they know absolutely nothing about me. They wouldnt even talk to me on the phone to find anything out. They made her choose between a long awaited trip to germany and continued contact with me, and still didnt let her have me. She had paid for this trip and wasnt able to get her money back. Her dad beats her, her mom watches it at thinks she deserves it. So yeah they could almost be reasonable in protecting their daughter but to me it seems more like a sick power trip than any real concern. charlie __________________ wank-free since erm... yesterday. Join the partnership for a wank-free tfp. Learn to control yourself occasionally, it is worth it.

08-11-2003, 06:55 AM	#10 (permalink)
phormoid Upright Location: Chicagoland	Oh, I know were not on legal safe ground, it is 18 in both our states. We're putting great care into not letting anyone know we're together, not doing it in public. Her parents didnt even know she spent time with me last time I was there, and only one of her friends did. I don't like it that way though; too stressful worrying all the time. I know you guys only mean the best but I was sorta hoping for help with this relationship sort of advice, not find a new one sort. Charlie __________________ wank-free since erm... yesterday. Join the partnership for a wank-free tfp. Learn to control yourself occasionally, it is worth it.

08-11-2003, 11:55 AM	#11 (permalink)
Daddymem Insane	You know, long ago, there didn't use to be such things as cell phones and internet, yet long distance relationships did flourish, they used something called the mail (notice no e in front). I know it sounds trivial, but it did used to work for many...write letters. If the love is true, then it will survive until she is 18, if not, you will have lots of practice writing so you can knock the socks off your next lover with some great prose.

08-11-2003, 12:14 PM	#12 (permalink)
TrollInvestigtr Crazy	http://www.ageofconsent.com/