kerrough

The guy I've been intimate with for a few months is a masochist, in any capacity he can get it other than degredation, which doesn't do it for him. I'm willing to please (within reason...no blood or anything that hurts ME too much) and am even growing to enjoy what we do, but I'm *totally* inexperienced/unsure of myself in this area and it's starting to seriously frustrate the both of us that I keep having to take his direction because of it since he's not so big on having to be dominant all the time.

Any advice/suggestions would be very welcome, especially about how to give better rough bjs b/c that's one area that makes me feel kinda squeamy. It's been drilled into my head for my entire sexual life that you're nice to the penis, you don't hurt it, but he very much wants me to, especially with teeth lol

BTW, he's perfectly capable of enjoying the softer type of sex I'm more familiar with, but if he doesn't get his regular dose of pain with sex he gets...restless? Antsy? Definately irritable, that's for sure! lol

Poetry

Get yourself to fetlife.com or bondage.com and go to some local lunches. Get to know people, talk to people, get advice and safety tips. Sure, some of them are awkward and you don't really want to be around them, but others are completely normal (for all social intents) and quite educational.

As for rough BJs, the easiest thing to do (while you're getting used to things), is mix his pleasure with pain. Grab sac, twist, squeeze, claw... while going down on him like a regular BJ. Also, teeth scraping down the shaft is simple and can be pretty gentle or rough. Makes things more sensitive. Tiny nips are easy and can leave pretty decent marks.

Other than that, my experience is very limited in giving pain. I really do recommend going to the meet-ups, going to a local dungeon or two to watch how others do their scenes. It's highly educational for the newbie.

And I think it's really good of you to be working with him like this, open to what he's into.

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"You know what? Fuck the moon! He controls our water and our women. I've had enough!"

zenda

It makes sense that you want your own experience base and references so you can be truly Ker-Rough with him rather than doing it by numbers he has to call. Also that you and he should have times and places to actively discuss, which are not going to significantly interrupt the flow of your lovemaking.

An additional source is the Bondage/SM section in Literotica.com. These short stories and thumbnail sketches of scenarios, activities and mind-sets, a mixed bag of quality from erotic to plain rot, may serve as sticks and carrots, to inspire and irritate you into developing your own inventory of possibilities.

Also, is it just degradation and simple 'ouch' he's into, or does his preference include entering the physical pain/pleasure ambiguity zone? If the latter, then self-exploration will bring you up to speed. Use your own fingernails/hair brush/green scourer etc on and around your own nipples/shoulders etc, to check the graded differences between simple 'Ouch' to 'Mmm ... that's interesting', to 'Well! My goodness, that IS interesting.'

Some possibilities will attract you more or less than others, and when you have screened them for safety [cf Poetry's post], those which fit what you've reason to believe he might like, and which are acceptable/enjoyable to you, can be a basis for further fantasising on your part, to explore mixing and integrating your current possibilities with the new. For the more the new flows from the familiar, the more seamless it will be when you are together.

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ZENDA

MSD

Start with a typical blowjob you would give, except with raking your teeth over his dick and biting not too hard. After that, do what anyone with any preference and any kink in any relationship should do and talk to him when you're not in bed.

Find out what he likes. Establish ground rules if you're not 100% compatible and think of times you could do stuff for you that you're willing to do but not thrilled with every once in a while. Relationships aren't a zero-sum game, but be GGG and ask him to do the same and do things you like that he isn't thrilled with for your sake.

Most of all, if you're not sexually compatible, admit it and be friends instead of getting angrier and more resentful as time goes on over what you won't do for each other.

Doakes

The best thing that worked in a relationship in my opinion is TALKING, go talk to him about it just like the way you posted it here.

Strange Famous

I think the key thing, before any of this other advice, is is this something YOU feel comfortable about?

If youre willing to have a go, thats one thing - but if it isnt something your comfortable about you shouldnt get pressured into doing it.

I know if I was personally dating a girl and she said "I want you to whack my arse with a slipper" or whatever, I wouldnt do it and probably couldnt stand to.