Need some first time advice, please.. - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Marrek · 07-12-2003, 12:37 PM

Ok, I'm a 19 year old male virgin (by choice). I've been friends with this girl Debi for a few months now and we've really hit it off recently. She's just come out of a rather bad relationship, the guy treated her like crap and me and my friends always felt bad for her. So she ended that and came to the realization that I like her, and now she likes me, which is very good, because we get along really well and make a good couple, from friends' points of view.

Anyway, last night we were at a party, and we were flirting with each other really really heavily. She was all over me, I was all over her, life was good. She's told me numerous times that she's horny, really really really horny, which I obviously (as a guy) find to be a good thing, especially since she's attracted to me. But therein lies the problem. We were alone on atleast 10 different occasions, and I could tell she wanted to take advantage of that fact, but no matter what I couldn't work up the balls to do anything about it.

I like her, I like her alot. I want to be with her and I wouldn't mind losing my virginity any time soon, but I'm afraid that the more opportunities I have to be with her, the more times I'm going to wuss out. And I'm sure after that happens so many times she's going to just give up and I'm going to lose my chances with her.

So, when it comes down to it, can you experienced people give me some advice on how to go about it? Or atleast something that will make me not act like a scared seventh grader? I'm so embarassed that I couldn't do anything it's unreal, I need help!

lurkette · 07-12-2003, 12:42 PM

I'd say don't just jump into it because you're both horny. Talk about what you expect - takes some of the spontaneity out of it, but might also save you some regrets. Make sure one of you doesn't expect horny sex to turn into a relationship if that's not what both of you want. Talk about safety, blah blah blah. If everything goes well and you're up for it (no pun intended) then just...dive in!

Donkeypuncher · 07-12-2003, 01:03 PM

Call her. Tell her you were horny, too, and you feel like an idiot for not doing anything about it. If it'll help, tell her you were concerned about "protection" and weren't prepared but that won't happen again and when can you see her again?

Oddly enough, there's no magic or trick or technique, per se... "just do it" is the best advice anyone ever got about these things. I don't think there's any doubt she's into you, so just go for it. It'll be weird and awkward and you'll undoubtedly have better experiences later, hopefully with the same girl. Be in the moment... enjoy the rush, it only happens once.

You're in the bunker off the green, but you can get up and down for par from where you are.

Lebell · 07-12-2003, 01:08 PM

I think you stated it beautifully in your post.

If I were you, I would print out your post, make a date with her and say you have something you want to talk about (but are really embarassed). So you wrote it down.

Seriously, what have you got to lose?

Good luck!

eribrav · 07-12-2003, 05:05 PM

Marrek maybe you just really aren't ready at this point. There's nothing "seventh gradish" about that being the case.

I can (vaguely) remember being 17. I remember thinking I might never get the chance again to get laid if things didn't happen with my then girlfriend at the time. Guess what? There's really no rush. Maybe your gut is telling you this just isn't right for you at this time. Listen to it.

Slims · 07-12-2003, 07:49 PM

Just go for it. Try to make it happen, and maybe let her know that this is your first time....so she can take over and make sure that everything goes where it needs to go.

grumpyolddude · 07-12-2003, 08:05 PM

Does she know that you are a virgin? How do you feel she would react if she found out? Is this an issue that is holding you back?

Knowing your situation might just be the thing to really turn her on to the point of taking charge! If she likes you a lot, it could be the coolest thing in the world for her to "pop your cherry". Plus, you'd gain the added comfort of not feeling like you have to "perform" like a porn star. She'd be intent on making things a good for you as possible!

Make a date. Tell her your story. Bring many condoms. Have fun!

mistic84 · 07-12-2003, 11:46 PM

If she does leave you because you wouldn't have sex with her, thats just not cool. Best thing you can do is talk about it. That might alleviate some of the fears.

crow_daw · 07-12-2003, 11:52 PM

Yeah man, I agree with what grumpy said, its pretty important that she knows your a virgin, then she'll make it the best experience she can. And she won't be expecting too awful much either, which is always good.

Markaz · 07-13-2003, 01:35 AM

As they all said, make sure she knows you're a first timer. Then, make sure she didn't contract every known STD from her last boyfriend, if all pans out if the moment strikes and _YOU_ feel you're ready - go on in.

daoist · 07-13-2003, 01:59 AM

next time you're talking to her, like on the phone, in person, via IMs, whatever, explain that to her. tell her you're not experienced, that you want to have sex, but you're willing to have sex. Ask her to take charge next time you're alone if she wants sex. It's such a turn on when a woman tells you "take your pants off NOW."

once you've had sex for the first time you'll feel a lot more confident in yourself and you'll be better able to initiate sex.

illdeviant · 07-13-2003, 10:42 AM

arite. here is is. i wouldn't till knowing her for awhile. hell.. she could be using you as a rebound off the old boyfriend. and to have your virginity taken by a rebounder? bad news. give it time. explain to her your a virgin, and in the meantime, show her howmuch you appreciate her waiting (preferably w/ur hand your mouth) . goodluck,man

rogue49 · 07-13-2003, 11:13 AM

Take it slow...explore.
Watch her reactions, allow her to guide you.
BTW, just because you cum once, don't mean you should stop.
Continue & play.
And as was said above bring condoms, they will help control.
Have fun.

Marrek · 07-13-2003, 12:01 PM

Thanks for all the replies people. General consesus seems to be I should tell her I'm a virgin and I'm going to let her know that. I rather fancy the idea of her taking charge anyway.

07-12-2003, 12:37 PM	#1 (permalink)
Marrek Upright	Need some first time advice, please.. Ok, I'm a 19 year old male virgin (by choice). I've been friends with this girl Debi for a few months now and we've really hit it off recently. She's just come out of a rather bad relationship, the guy treated her like crap and me and my friends always felt bad for her. So she ended that and came to the realization that I like her, and now she likes me, which is very good, because we get along really well and make a good couple, from friends' points of view. Anyway, last night we were at a party, and we were flirting with each other really really heavily. She was all over me, I was all over her, life was good. She's told me numerous times that she's horny, really really really horny, which I obviously (as a guy) find to be a good thing, especially since she's attracted to me. But therein lies the problem. We were alone on atleast 10 different occasions, and I could tell she wanted to take advantage of that fact, but no matter what I couldn't work up the balls to do anything about it. I like her, I like her alot. I want to be with her and I wouldn't mind losing my virginity any time soon, but I'm afraid that the more opportunities I have to be with her, the more times I'm going to wuss out. And I'm sure after that happens so many times she's going to just give up and I'm going to lose my chances with her. So, when it comes down to it, can you experienced people give me some advice on how to go about it? Or atleast something that will make me not act like a scared seventh grader? I'm so embarassed that I couldn't do anything it's unreal, I need help!

07-12-2003, 12:42 PM	#2 (permalink)
lurkette My future is coming on Moderator Emeritus Location: east of the sun and west of the moon	I'd say don't just jump into it because you're both horny. Talk about what you expect - takes some of the spontaneity out of it, but might also save you some regrets. Make sure one of you doesn't expect horny sex to turn into a relationship if that's not what both of you want. Talk about safety, blah blah blah. If everything goes well and you're up for it (no pun intended) then just...dive in! __________________ "If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing." - Anatole France

07-12-2003, 01:03 PM	#3 (permalink)
Donkeypuncher Psycho Location: Pasadena, CA	Call her. Tell her you were horny, too, and you feel like an idiot for not doing anything about it. If it'll help, tell her you were concerned about "protection" and weren't prepared but that won't happen again and when can you see her again? Oddly enough, there's no magic or trick or technique, per se... "just do it" is the best advice anyone ever got about these things. I don't think there's any doubt she's into you, so just go for it. It'll be weird and awkward and you'll undoubtedly have better experiences later, hopefully with the same girl. Be in the moment... enjoy the rush, it only happens once. You're in the bunker off the green, but you can get up and down for par from where you are. __________________ "take me down, little Susie, take me down I know you think you're the Queen of The Underground"

07-12-2003, 01:08 PM	#4 (permalink)
Lebell Cracking the Whip Location: Sexymama's arms...	I think you stated it beautifully in your post. If I were you, I would print out your post, make a date with her and say you have something you want to talk about (but are really embarassed). So you wrote it down. Seriously, what have you got to lose? Good luck! __________________ "Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience." – C. S. Lewis The ONLY sponsors we have are YOU! Please Donate!

07-12-2003, 07:49 PM	#6 (permalink)
Slims Eccentric insomniac Location: North Carolina	Just go for it. Try to make it happen, and maybe let her know that this is your first time....so she can take over and make sure that everything goes where it needs to go. __________________ "Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery." - Winston Churchill "All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act out their dream with open eyes, to make it possible." Seven Pillars of Wisdom, T.E. Lawrence

07-12-2003, 05:05 PM	#5 (permalink)
eribrav Junkie Location: upstate NY	Marrek maybe you just really aren't ready at this point. There's nothing "seventh gradish" about that being the case. I can (vaguely) remember being 17. I remember thinking I might never get the chance again to get laid if things didn't happen with my then girlfriend at the time. Guess what? There's really no rush. Maybe your gut is telling you this just isn't right for you at this time. Listen to it.

07-12-2003, 08:05 PM	#7 (permalink)
grumpyolddude Deliberately unfocused Location: Amazon.com and CDBaby	Does she know that you are a virgin? How do you feel she would react if she found out? Is this an issue that is holding you back? Knowing your situation might just be the thing to really turn her on to the point of taking charge! If she likes you a lot, it could be the coolest thing in the world for her to "pop your cherry". Plus, you'd gain the added comfort of not feeling like you have to "perform" like a porn star. She'd be intent on making things a good for you as possible! Make a date. Tell her your story. Bring many condoms. Have fun! __________________ "Regret can be a harder pill to swallow than failure .With failure you at least know you gave it a chance..." David Howard

07-12-2003, 11:46 PM	#8 (permalink)
mistic84 Upright Location: Texas	If she does leave you because you wouldn't have sex with her, thats just not cool. Best thing you can do is talk about it. That might alleviate some of the fears.

07-12-2003, 11:52 PM	#9 (permalink)
crow_daw Idolator Location: Vol Country	Yeah man, I agree with what grumpy said, its pretty important that she knows your a virgin, then she'll make it the best experience she can. And she won't be expecting too awful much either, which is always good. __________________ "We each have a star, all we have to do is find it. Once you do, everyone who sees it will be blinded." - Earl Simmons

07-13-2003, 01:35 AM	#10 (permalink)
Markaz Tilted	As they all said, make sure she knows you're a first timer. Then, make sure she didn't contract every known STD from her last boyfriend, if all pans out if the moment strikes and _YOU_ feel you're ready - go on in. __________________ Tu madre está muy sabrosa

07-13-2003, 01:59 AM	#11 (permalink)
daoist Crazy	next time you're talking to her, like on the phone, in person, via IMs, whatever, explain that to her. tell her you're not experienced, that you want to have sex, but you're willing to have sex. Ask her to take charge next time you're alone if she wants sex. It's such a turn on when a woman tells you "take your pants off NOW." once you've had sex for the first time you'll feel a lot more confident in yourself and you'll be better able to initiate sex. __________________ I:IV:XV

07-13-2003, 10:42 AM	#12 (permalink)
illdeviant Crazy Location: Lawn Guyland	arite. here is is. i wouldn't till knowing her for awhile. hell.. she could be using you as a rebound off the old boyfriend. and to have your virginity taken by a rebounder? bad news. give it time. explain to her your a virgin, and in the meantime, show her howmuch you appreciate her waiting (preferably w/ur hand your mouth) . goodluck,man

07-13-2003, 11:13 AM	#13 (permalink)
rogue49 Loser	Take it slow...explore. Watch her reactions, allow her to guide you. BTW, just because you cum once, don't mean you should stop. Continue & play. And as was said above bring condoms, they will help control. Have fun.

07-13-2003, 12:01 PM	#14 (permalink)
Marrek Upright	Thanks for all the replies people. General consesus seems to be I should tell her I'm a virgin and I'm going to let her know that. I rather fancy the idea of her taking charge anyway.