Her Vagina is on Sabbatical

[Plan9]

...But Her Armpit Isn't: The ZombieSquirrel Story.

Sorry.

...

Saw the title from the Ladies' Lounge and figured it was relevant to my current situation. I also wondered how other guys' experiences went.

Hypotheticals. Let's say I'm currently on an extended business trip. And then let's say I won't see my woman for several months, possibly longer. For the sake of argument, let's pretend that infidelity isn't in the picture this time and that she'll go the whole time I'm gone without getting laid and actually want me when I get home and I'm all overwhelmed by clean sidewalks, television, and flushing toilets all while sporting a baseball bat of pulsating Canadian bacon in my narrow britches. I'm thinking the first few hours when I get home are going to either be me trying to figure out what dumbass organized my file cabinet (only to later realize it was just the me from last year) or they'll resemble an endless rewind of several Fatal Attraction clips.

And not the violent parts. Ya know, the parts with the sex. Focus.

I didn't really have to deal with this issue (or can't remember it due to the particular coping mechanism) when I was in the military so much because of how bad things went when I got home. Thinking back to my last time away from a partner for several months, I recall it feeling like I was hooking up with a brand new girl and doing amazingly well in every department. It was like riding a bike but better, almost too easy. Like having the cheat sheet to a really difficult test. There is a certain rush of novelty involved and I can't say that I mind it. I also got kinda turned on by thinking that this person actually waited for me. I'm probably way off, but I figure it's a similar experience for many men who've been "away at sea" and come home to the little lady.

How has TFP dealt with extended absences in steady relationships? I'm sure this is covered in many other threads, but I wanna limit the discussion strictly to that awkward moment right after you hug where your loins are stirring and you're hankering for a double serving of extra sloppy thrustwiches.

[ZombieSquirrel]

[Willravel]

I suddenly pictured Wayne Right all sweaty interview... wait that was Basic Instinct, not Fatal Attraction. I've never been one for perms, though, especially blonde perms. What was the question?

I've had two long-distance relationships and one relationship in which I was gone for a few weeks, but I don't recall having to worry about "the itch". Despite my rants about how unnatural marriage may be, I'm a very, very monogamous creature. You deal with it by keeping regular (but not 4 hours every day regular) communications open and keeping busy. If I'm out of town on work, I work. If I'm in a long distance relationship, there's work, schoolwork, hobbies, etc. that can occupy one's time.

[noodle]

I wish I had some input niner, but I like this thread!

[snowy]

I want a serving of extra sloppy thrustwiches. Those sound tantalizingly delicious.

I've never had to deal with extended absences in my current relationship, and only once in a previous relationship. I told him his house was freezing and that we should get under the covers to get warm. That seemed to move us on to those thrustwiches fairly quickly.

[Plan9]

Originally Posted by Willravel

I suddenly pictured Wayne Right all sweaty interview... wait that was Basic Instinct, not Fatal Attraction. I've never been one for perms, though, especially blonde perms. What was the question?

I've had two long-distance relationships and one relationship in which I was gone for a few weeks, but I don't recall having to worry about "the itch". Despite my rants about how unnatural marriage may be, I'm a very, very monogamous creature. You deal with it by keeping regular (but not 4 hours every day regular) communications open and keeping busy. If I'm out of town on work, I work. If I'm in a long distance relationship, there's work, schoolwork, hobbies, etc. that can occupy one's time.

Amusing. Okay, Timmy... here's your Ritalin:

I was asking about the first-time-in-awhile sex aspect of meeting up again. Ever break up with a girl and later go back to her again?

Thoughts?

Originally Posted by noodle

I wish I had some input niner, but I like this thread!

I don't claim to know your complete relationship history (although I read your posts/blog), but rumor has it you've been with the same dude forever with several long breaks. Turns out this is exactly what this thread is talking about. Was it awkward getting back in the saddle? Did you dive right in?

[Willravel]

OHHHH. Gotcha. I remember a quote that I think sums up the issue pretty clearly:

"We had lotsa sex, yeah." - Isaac Newton

[Plan9]

Thanks, Will. Glad to see you're posting again.

[tasineah]

I have had several long distance relationships and the waiting between visits is agonizingly pleasurable. (I tend to like restriction...giving and receiving) I pace myself intentionally for the moment you speak of. I wait it out, allowing moments along the way to the date, to creep in where I can indulge in thoughts that may or may not produce actions on my part...the closer to the date of meeting, the more I upp the stimulus...songs, hungry phone conversations...tantric meditations...

as I prime myself to fly to them (in any fashion) I take my time in preparation...again the agony...hot steaming shower, careful removal of all hair I designate that needs gone, edible tastey softening lotions applied where I know lips and tongue will slide...

as I peer into the mirror and apply my best face..the face that will look up into eyes that will bellow for release, I remember my worth as their female. Carefully I apply my lipcoat. SMACK. Oh those lips...what they will do for him...

naked I walk to my closet filled with specialties. Copper bras and matching garters ...ivory stockings with seams up the back. I slide on a simple cream colored shell. You can see the distinction of the lace through it. Perfect. On goes my skirt. Short enough so that when I slide into his car, he will see my thigh and the taut garter that he will bite and hold onto later...

its all about seduction...my seduction of myself, of my own needs, of my wants, of him (or her). There isnt a move I make on that day that isnt about that first contact, that first kiss, that first feeling of his pants growing tight...

if I am capable, and sometimes I am not..but if I am, after that incredible first kiss, sometimes I will say "lets talk" with such sincerity, that I can see his bulging head pulse against his pants. His adams apple will bob once, maybe twice as he swallows as he simply nods and says "yes, of course, lets talk", for as a missus, what I say, goes. I set the pace. I determine how and when and where and more...

and there is always more....

but even I am human, merely human (and not a dongless Jesus Christ..laughing pleasantly at the label I have pulled out of my sack....) and I too must succumb to need...

and I know, he has prepped and come to me in the form and fashion I expect...donned and gussied up just for me, to my taste and specifications...and my long pink nails will finger his belt and slide between the buttons of his shirt and I will reach up and grab a handful of his hair and twist it slight enough for tension and lean him down to my mouth and Iwill whisper...

Mine.....

and then the tribute to our sexing will begin...no more resistriction. No more restraint...it can all become undone now, in a swirl of all that build up being let loose...

[rahl]

Originally Posted by tasineah

I have had several long distance relationships and the waiting between visits is agonizingly pleasurable. (I tend to like restriction...giving and receiving) I pace myself intentionally for the moment you speak of. I wait it out, allowing moments along the way to the date, to creep in where I can indulge in thoughts that may or may not produce actions on my part...the closer to the date of meeting, the more I upp the stimulus...songs, hungry phone conversations...tantric meditations...

as I prime myself to fly to them (in any fashion) I take my time in preparation...again the agony...hot steaming shower, careful removal of all hair I designate that needs gone, edible tastey softening lotions applied where I know lips and tongue will slide...

as I peer into the mirror and apply my best face..the face that will look up into eyes that will bellow for release, I remember my worth as their female. Carefully I apply my lipcoat. SMACK. Oh those lips...what they will do for him...

naked I walk to my closet filled with specialties. Copper bras and matching garters ...ivory stockings with seams up the back. I slide on a simple cream colored shell. You can see the distinction of the lace through it. Perfect. On goes my skirt. Short enough so that when I slide into his car, he will see my thigh and the taut garter that he will bite and hold onto later...

its all about seduction...my seduction of myself, of my own needs, of my wants, of him (or her). There isnt a move I make on that day that isnt about that first contact, that first kiss, that first feeling of his pants growing tight...

if I am capable, and sometimes I am not..but if I am, after that incredible first kiss, sometimes I will say "lets talk" with such sincerity, that I can see his bulging head pulse against his pants. His adams apple will bob once, maybe twice as he swallows as he simply nods and says "yes, of course, lets talk", for as a missus, what I say, goes. I set the pace. I determine how and when and where and more...

and there is always more....

but even I am human, merely human (and not a dongless Jesus Christ..laughing pleasantly at the label I have pulled out of my sack....) and I too must succumb to need...

and I know, he has prepped and come to me in the form and fashion I expect...donned and gussied up just for me, to my taste and specifications...and my long pink nails will finger his belt and slide between the buttons of his shirt and I will reach up and grab a handful of his hair and twist it slight enough for tension and lean him down to my mouth and Iwill whisper...

Mine.....

and then the tribute to our sexing will begin...no more resistriction. No more restraint...it can all become undone now, in a swirl of all that build up being let loose...

wow

[Shadowex3]

And we go from giggling over "thrustwiches" to needing a drink and cold shower in three posts.

Personally? I don't understand why this would be awkward. You're in a relationship with them, you're sexual partners. You are allowed and even encouraged to desire them in that fashion, and to miss it when being away from them, I would be concerned for any relationship where that's absent.

[Willravel]

Originally Posted by Plan9

Thanks, Will. Glad to see you're posting again.

Someone asked me very politely to post less so other people would have a chance to contribute. I complied and suddenly traffic for the site was slashed in half and the forum was in danger of dying. I don't think it's a coincidence.

[Plan9]

If by "post less" they meant "turn into Hyde-type Xerxys," mission accomplished.

...

Anybody else have an interesting perspective on what it's like to "jump back in" to a sexual relationship with a long-time partner?

[cdwonderful]

Originally Posted by rahl

wow

yea, my life has become pretty damn cool............

[SirLance]

I had what you would call an LDR that would come and go with deployments (OK, I know there are going to be lots of coming and going jokes, but the OP asked, so keep 'em to yourselves for a minute.)

It was more of a FWB situation than a true relationship, but the reunion sex was awesome. I could never tell her when to expect me or where I was going or for how long, and I think she found it exciting. I know I did.

I think it's all in yer head (not THAT one), and attitude. If everyone knows what to expect, generally, (or not expect as the case may be) and is cool with it, it can be amazing.

She went out of her way to make the reunions special and different each time, as did I, because you just never knew. Gawd, it was hot.

[tasineah]

ditto, baby....been waiting a long time for a premium man like you....

Originally Posted by cdwonderful

yea, my life has become pretty damn cool............

[Plan9]

This is it? Seriously? Nobody else has served in the military or gone for more than a month without sex?

Screw you guys.

[MrFriendly]

Originally Posted by Plan9

This is it? Seriously? Nobody else has served in the military or gone for more than a month without sex?

Screw you guys.

I'm now approaching three years without sex, I didn't post here because I haven't been with anyone in that time. But if you want to know what it's like to go for such lengths of time with any sex, man, I'll write you a novel!

[Plan9]

Clue me in. I'm sure you've got stories.

[Xerxys]

I can't tell you about being without sex in extended absences while in a relationship because I've not been in a relationship that would require that. Although I do go for lengthy times without actual sexual gratification. I find the starvation makes me capable of focusing on other things with a vengeance.

After that, when I don't have people that require impressing like bosses or professors, I go back to perv-mode.

First of all ... I miss the skin. Man don't I miss skin beneath my fingers. That sounds really serial killer-ish but no, I don't skin the women, I like em' alive and kicking; literally. I like it when they thrash and show me they're into it. I try to go slow the first place but I usually fail. Which is fine, I can last VERY long thanks to my pornabilities!

[Plan9]

Xerx, some nice men from the EffaBeeEye would like to talk to you about some missing girls in North Carolina.

...

One of my coworkers described "just got home from a deployment" sex as the following:

"First coupla fucks? Yeah, it's like that super goofy awkward dance that two strangers do when walking different ways down the sidewalk. They're just trying to get around each other. 'Both people go left, both people go right, left-right-left-right. Laugh. Stop, signal a side. No, you go. Sure? Okay. Sure? Thanks. Fake smile. Nice meeting you.' Except it's worse because by the time I get to the stop part and she's about to point at where she wants it, I've already blown a load and I'm thinking about which way I wanna turn the pillow before I pass out. Four months of web cam blue balls will do it for you."

[jewels]

Yes, there's the moment when you're hugging and your libido is kicked into high gear. In my case, there were a couple of teens in the background and we'd usually end up going out for lunch or dinner, depending on arrival time. All the while, the lustful stares and the gonna-fuck-your-brains-out smiles are going on while we try to avoid touching until they go to sleep so we can retire to my bedroom and spend countless hours making up for lost time.

Once we finally hit the bedroom, there were times when we just immediately undressed and with absolutely no awkwardness, went right to it. Other times, a conversation takes place where we lie fully clothed on the bed and it becomes a slow mutual seduction.

This took place about every 2 - 6 weeks for almost three years, after I moved 3 hours away from a live-in relationship of four years. Sometimes it was awkward to start, sometimes it wasn't.

[Plan9]

Thank you, Jewels. I've experienced the same thing. It's so bipolar and I can't quite pin down the switch between the all-you-can-sweat thrustwich buffet and the "Eeeh... I remember you..." parts where you have to ease into it. I'm trying to predict how it'll go down when I get back and I honestly have no idea. I'm usually a let-her-figure-out-how-much-she-wants kinda guy, but sometimes I adopt the SAS motto of "Those who [thrust], win."

Best to be cautious. I don't think any woman wants a dirty, sunburnt, scrawny guy with a hobo beard feeling them up like a hungry cannibal.

[jewels]

It depends on the background, I'd think. What made it awkward was the intimacy of lack of it during the time between visits. Sometimes there was a lot of communication and that bond of intimacy made it a cinch to ease into; other times we distanced ourselves and hence the awkwardness.

Could it be the same for you? And BTW, women love being taken by hungry cannibals.

[Shadowex3]

Originally Posted by Plan9

Thank you, Jewels. I've experienced the same thing. It's so bipolar and I can't quite pin down the switch between the all-you-can-sweat thrustwich buffet and the "Eeeh... I remember you..." parts where you have to ease into it. I'm trying to predict how it'll go down when I get back and I honestly have no idea. I'm usually a let-her-figure-out-how-much-she-wants kinda guy, but sometimes I adopt the SAS motto of "Those who [thrust], win."

Best to be cautious. I don't think any woman wants a dirty, sunburnt, scrawny guy with a hobo beard feeling them up like a hungry cannibal.

Sneak out for a S3, have a friend waiting with really nice clothes, show up more like Pierce Brosnan in any Bond movie than Tom Hanks in Castaway.

[MrFriendly]

Originally Posted by Plan9

Clue me in. I'm sure you've got stories.

I think people react to my ability to go without sex the same way I react to their inability to go without it. If that makes any sense at all. It's just completely normal to me, I think about sex and masturbate the same amount as when I was getting it. It just... isn't something that bothers me a great deal.

I'm geniunely more concerned about the reasons I am sexless, which are varied, complicated, and on the whole, dumb, but that's a work in progress nearing completion.

Like someone mentioned earlier, the big thing I do miss is physical touch. Holding, hugging, snuggling, a warm belly pressed against mine.

If I am close, and there have been a number of times, I actually don't think about the whole not having been laid in ages otherwise I'd be a nervous wreck.

[noodle]

Niner, I somehow missed your response/question.

We always tried to hold out a little while and make sure it wasn't just wanting sex that was bringing us back together... But that never lasted more than a few days. Then it was all about sloppy thrustwiches. We both have a LOT of self-control but have also always set our own rules about our relationships outside "convention". Why wait? I can go on sabbatical when needed. I just numb myself to it. But when it's over, it's on.

[genuinegirly]

I admit, I've been lurking in this thread, trying to decide what to write. I've been a bit of a specialist in long distance relationships. As an abstinent (but self-pleasing) teenager, I found the letter-writing, aim-chat-sexing, occasional phone conversation route especially appealing. The emotional support and intellectual connectionsthat we made during our times apart morphed into some pretty powerful life-long connections. As an adult, when I finally fulfilled those fantasies with some of those men, the fantasy I had imagined was invariably more rewarding than the reality, and thus the friendships began.

Now, my husband. We spend weeks and months apart occasionally for our work (but only in developed nations. Never experienced that filthy-scruff you describe.). I follow a pattern not unlike the one described by our female friend above, though I do skip the exciting lingere bit. The car ride is about catching up and chatting. When we get back to our place, it's a race to the bedroom.

Never underestimate the power of freshening up on a plane. Brushing teeth, applying makeup and perfume are a must. In your case, shaving might be a plus. If you have a multi-leg flight, you can purchase these necessities during a layover and freshen up in a bathroom there, rather than the cramped restrooms of a plane.

Our first kiss in an airport is invariably preceeded by a hugging twirl. Any oddness in the kiss is made irrelevant by any " awww" from observers.

[Charlatan]

I was apart from my wife for the better part of a year. We saw each other twice during that time apart. Each time we saw each other (once after two months, the next after three and then a finally back together for good after seven months apart) it was awkward and unsatisfying. There was too much pressure to make it "great". We would only have a short time together, it made things much more urgent. I'm not going to lie to you. It sucked.

It took a while but once were back together, it managed to get a lot better.