Pearl Trade

Man, I have no idea what you're talking about. What Martian said in post 2 pretty much sums it up.

I do however have a problem with my girl having guy friends. That's just the jealous side of me. I won't say anything to her about it, but I'll just hide it. Yeah, whatever.

Xerxys

^^Hooray for passive aggressive behavior!

Pearl Trade

It's not something that tears me up inside and bothers me to no end. I just get hit with that dreaded feeling and it goes away pretty quickly. It started with my ex-girlfriend, who I had alot of trust issues with. No, the relationship didn't end because of my behavior.

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Shauk

I wish this were true. Sadly it's just there to take over when the other one is sleeping.

the thing is, sexual attraction doesn't really have to exist for some people, for them it's not even emotional, it's just a matter of willpower.

you put a hot succulent.... slice of pizza in front of someone and the aroma sets in, enticing them to take a bite, and the hunger pain kicks in and makes you think about how good that would taste on your tongue.

Willpower and instinct will wrestle for only a moment, because opportunity only knocks once. If you pass this up, someone else will remove your opportunity.

to stop speaking in metaphor, basically if a girl appears to have many guy friends, it almost compels me to pay more attention to her in a way, esp if she's a serial monogamist who just chains relationships back to back.

If they only seem to talk to you in between relationships, take a fucking hint.

So it's just a matter of changing your flag from "taken" to "single" and I'm sure you will watch the sausage fest ensue if you're not an entirely repulsive woman.

Don't get me wrong, I, as a male, CAN, be friends with a woman, but more likely than not, if I'm putting effort in to talking to a woman, it's out of sexual instinct, not out of social nicety .

lulu_mq

I totally agree with woods. i simply just get along with men a hell of a lot better then woman. unless of course i find another woman who is interested in the same things as me, doesn't cause drama, and doesn't want to be friends with me just so she can fuck my guy pals! haha. also though, my SO has many lady friends, a few of them that he has had relationships with and a few that he has just known for a long time. I will admit that on occasion i get a little jealous when a previous x comes over to say hi, but i usually let it go (as soon as i scratch out her eyes)...haha just kidding. anyway, a relationship will NOT last if you try and dictate who your partner can and can't be friends with. it's all about trust, communication, and full dis-closer!.

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MSD

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Acetylene

Being friends with a man is not like being friends with a woman. Men are waaaayyyy easier to deal with than women. Having male friends is a relief because they are so straightforward.

Furthermore, different men have different likes and dislikes, and, in my experience, the overlap between what I like and what an individual man likes tends to be very narrow. So, having more than one male friend means I can have more opportunities to share activities with men, relieving me of the necessity of hanging out with women.

That being said, there are some things a girl can only do with other girls - "girl things" - like hair.

Of course, this is mainly academic, because at the moment I have no male friends except my husband. The reason is because I worry that the man will feel the way you do, OP, and secretly hold out hope of an affair. I don't want to accidentally torment a friend in this way, so the only men I hang out with right now are family members. I enjoy the company of my father and male cousins (don't have a brother) instead of attempting to maintain platonic friendships.

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canuckguy

I really don't understand why people always have to assume that the guy wants to fuck his female friends. I have three female friends who are too themselves "hot" and I have no desire to sleep with them. I think in the beginning I did but each of them has turned me off in one way or another that I just wanted to be friends. There not all friends, just three independant chicks I pal around with.

My girlfriend (soon to be wife) does not care, or at least pretends not too. She has meet them all several times and we all hang out in the summers for bbq...etc. I don't see the issue, maybe it is because I've never struggled to get girls (not bragging) so I really did not see the need to try and fuck everything that moves.

Finding chicks to fuck is easy, but truly good friends are something I would never risk for some sex.

Just thinking more about this and I would have to say a couple of my guy friends who have zero female friends and I know there wife's would not allow it anyway probably for the better since they do try and fuck everything that moves.

kutulu

I've had many female friends over the years and even if I wanted to bone them it didn't get in the way. Now, I always had a girlfriend (now I'm married) so I wouldn't have boned them even if I could.

More importantly, why is it that people have to put everyone in boxes and make broad statements about how 'everybody' is?

LoganSnake

Because it's easier to speak for everybody than for yourself. You have to defend your stance. With everybody it can be written off as "well, everybody's doing it."

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rahl

Well I won't speak for everyone just myself. I have lots of female friends, most of which are either married or in a relationship. I am married myself. In the back of my mind there is always that little voice screaming to fuck them, but I know better. I think it's only natural to be attracted to attractive people. Not acting on those impulses just takes willpower.

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ShaniFaye

This is one of those times were I REALLY appreciate Dave and the fact that he doesnt think like "all other guys"

I've been more comfortable with men my entire life, on the whole I dont like women as friends, I've been stabbed in the back by women at a much higher ratio than men and as a result my real life friends include about 2% females and 98% men. Have I slept with or do I want to sleep with them? There are a few that I have because we were in a past relationship, but I wouldnt now, and I have loads of guy friends that sex never enters my mind. What do they think? We've had this discussion many times...in a few there is some interest but *gasp* Im not god's gift to men and there ARE guys out there that, sexually speaking, are not interested in me.

Dave has lots of female friends (one reason is he doesnt mind at all doing "girl" things... he loves getting manicures and pedicures, he sits in hair salons more than any guy I've ever known) and while there are one or two that he might be attracted to, for the most part he hangs around them because he genuinely like them as people, not as "slot b"

Maybe my opinion doesnt mean as much to others because of our lifestyle, but then again, just because of the lifestyle we lead doesnt mean we wanna fuck any human that will stand still long enough.

I get so tired of the "everybody" crap...to use Shauk's analogy, some of us really dont like Pizza and would have no problem, passing it up and not giving it a second thought.

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I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

Shauk

either my analogy failed, or not liking pizza would require me to create another analogy synonymous with homosexuality, though I get that's not your point at all, so I'll just pass on the topic anymore, bottom line is, we're all different, some of us just chemically react differently to the opposite gender than others I suppose.

Frankie Zee

This is a weird one for me. I have dated a few women who had a bunch of male friends. Most of the time, I'm not too threatened by it unless there's one that's constantly around or they really seem almost too close. With all but one of my exes, I've trusted her completely. The one I didn't trust couldn't say no when it came to sex. I'm not sure we were ever actually "together" but we did date off and on for quite a while and she usually only came to me when she didn't have anything else lined up. We were always up front with our sex lives and I'm fairly certain she's slept with most of her guy friends at least once.

However, being a single guy, I do not trust guys...especially if they're single. I can be just friends with a woman but chances are, I want to sleep with her anyway and I will jump at the chance if the opportunity presents itself. There was one specific time I remember where a friend of mine came over after work one Friday so I could fix her laptop. She spent the night. It's not that I try to instigate an encounter, it's just sometimes things happen.

ShaniFaye

Ok let me rephrase......If you put pizza in front of me that has onions on it I wont give it a 2nd look, If you put pizza that has anchovies on it, I wont give it a 2nd look, if you put pizza that has Canadian Bacon on it, I might give it a once over....etc.

Do you get a hard on for EVERY female you come across?

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I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

Shauk

no, but they all have cheese. and I love cheese.


lol


nah it's like I said earlier, I don't go up to girls hoping for a friendship out of it, and I don't know many guys that do. The girls that wind up in the friend category are generally there by circumstances we don't really dictate. Like maybe it was a co-worker you had to work alone with and just by chance you found out that you have a lot in common, yet you're completely unattracted to her because maybe she talks deeper than you do or looks like your brother, father, robert deniro...

Now, these kinds of people might actually be friends with your other female co-worker that you ARE interested in, next thing you know you're just hanging out with both of them, even if you'd prefer to be with the other girl alone. You'll take what you can get.

And I mean lets me honest, I'm sure some guys have just wound up talking to the girl who's a friend of the girl you actually are interested in for that reason alone, just to get a scope of what you're dealing with, a little information recon.

It doesn't make you lecherous, you have a goal in mind, that's all.

I mean hey maybe the friend likes the same movies and wants to spend time doing the activities I do with me, but she's not attracted to me cuz I have a higher voice than her, but sometimes those gender defining moments really just make you want to facepalm, like if I say my balls itch out loud or she just says something like "i really like the color of those shoes" about a movie character.

I will never hope for a "me too" moment there.

ring

Some of my best friends are eunuchs.

Martian

So what you're saying then is that a guy can only intentionally end up friends with a woman if she's ugly.

Huh.

As a general rule, when I'm interested in sleeping with a woman I make it apparent from the start. It's been my experience that doing so (in a non-creepy way) is the best route to success.

If you're a woman and I've been interacting with you for more than a week without any indication of this, you can safely assume I'm not interested in it.

There are two people in my life who might fall under the heading of 'best friend.' The first is a guy who I've known since grade school. Having been friends for that length of time has resulted in a unique bond.

The other is a young lady who most folks would agree is quite pretty, myself included. However, she's 5'11" and her weight tends to hover between 120 and 130 lbs. I like girls with curves generally, and she doesn't have a lot of those, so even though I can acknowledge that she's attractive I have no personal desire to sleep with her.

This is one example. Potential partners may be rejected for a wide variety of them. An incompatibility of personality, lifestyle choices or ideals are all things that might disqualify a woman as a partner, but not as a friend. They're all completely independent of physical appeal.

Please. If you're going to talk about attractiveness and how it relates to a male's chances of befriending a woman, avoid phrases like 'all guys.' I know it's hard to imagine, but some of us are capable of looking past a pair of tits.

__________________
I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

Crack

Obviously there are a lot of strong opinions here... I personally like being called "an idiot". It means I struck a nerve at least somewhere along the way, and it at least partially validates my point of view. Perhaps I was too general when I was talking about the male perspective... perhaps. But perhaps there is also a lot of posturing in this thread too. I'm not sure. I guess if you can't believe what you read on the interbutts, then what can you believe?

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Crack, you and I are long overdue for a vicious bout of mansex.

~Halx

Seaver

If you can't be friends with an attractive member of the opposite sex and allow it to progress beyond sexual intentions... well then you don't have what it takes to be a true friend.

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"Smite the rocks with the rod of knowledge, and fountains of unstinted wealth will gush forth." - Ashbel Smith as he laid the first cornerstone of the University of Texas

clavus

I don't know. I've had good female friends all my life. When I was younger some of them... OK, MOST of them I was attracted to. Some I ended up sleeping with. Some not. But the friendship was always the most important part.

Now I'm old, happily married and boring. And you know what? I STILL have good female friends. But now days I'm not hoping to fuck any of them.

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Seaver

I don't mean you can't have sex, as many of my female friends I have had sex with. It's the point that the relationship evolved beyond sexually to true friendship. We didn't work in a relationship, but were great friends.

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"Smite the rocks with the rod of knowledge, and fountains of unstinted wealth will gush forth." - Ashbel Smith as he laid the first cornerstone of the University of Texas

Baraka_Guru

Women just need the cawk. Right? I mean, why else befriend a guy?

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—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

Frankie Zee

After newly moving to this area, most of my female friendships were cultivated from one night stands. I like making new friends

Plan9

Hey, Captain Obvious... you forgot "money."

Xerxys

I luv me some biches 'n ho'z. I be doin' mah thang while the poh-poh be yellin' @ me to open the dough but nah! I ain't doin that shit! I bust a cap in their ass. Mah bebe mama be spreadin some liiiiies dawg but it no thang, I get mah money, I get mah bitches, iz all goooood

curiousbear

I am exactly on same boat. Only Two Differences. (1) I am male (2) I don't want to cause any doubt/discomfort/issues to the husband of the female friends

I had very good platonic relationships. Though I adore some of them so much, never had any sexual attraction or interest.

And these days any female other than a family member or family friend, I see them sexually ONLY. I sometimes feel contradiction in myself... But that is how it is

CinnamonGirl

Oh, totally... women just want the cock. And the money. We're aaaaaall about the money.



This post vaguely reminds me of when I was in high school, and there was this huge uproar about the softball coach being a lesbian. She shouldn't be allowed to coach girls' softball, because, well, we were girls. OF COURSE she would try to seduce us, or convert us, right? That was the only reason she'd want to be the coach. Never mind that she'd been coaching for years, and had played for years, and loved the sport.


The afore-mentioned ex, the one that just saw women as holes, tried to tell me I couldn't be friends with a guy I had slept with years earlier. He tried to convince me that it was disrespectful, and the friend only talked to me for potential future sex. I basically told him to fuck off, which, really, was the only major thing I held my ground on for the whole relationship. I'm glad I did. I never talk to the ex anymore, and I'm still friends with the guy.

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"...for though she was ordinary, she possessed health, wit, courage, charm, and cheerfulness. But because she was not beautiful, no one ever seemed to notice these other qualities, which is so often the way of the world."


"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"

Seaver

There are straight girls that play softball?

__________________
"Smite the rocks with the rod of knowledge, and fountains of unstinted wealth will gush forth." - Ashbel Smith as he laid the first cornerstone of the University of Texas

Lasereth

I think Crack was exaggerating in his OP but his idea in general is correct.

Men who have female friends don't necessarily have them only because they want to have sex with them, but they probably would have sex with them if given the choice in an alternate universe. Yes I'm bringing up the alternate universe idea and yes it's valid and useful.

A better way of explaining it is that men can be friends with women, sure. But if the woman is attractive to the man, at all, he would have sex with her in an alternative universe. So basically he wants to have sex with you, but wouldn't, and values the friendship moreso than just for that.

That's the real debate here. There is a huge difference between men and women. Many men want to have sex with every female they find attractive, even their friends, while this idea doesn't seem to be as popular with the women. You don't hear about women saying that they want to have sex with every male friend they have.

This has been debated on TFP multiple times in years past. I'm glad it's brought up again -- it's a very interesting topic despite how shallow it seems. It really shows a biological, tribal difference between men and women and the uncontrollable urges we have and what triggers them.

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Crack

Haha, laz, don't bother, you'll be branded an idiot too. Get out while you can, agreeing with me here is not going to win you any friends, lol

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Crack, you and I are long overdue for a vicious bout of mansex.

~Halx

Plan9

Huh? If they were uncontrollable the UCR would be a lot more interesting.

Martian

Uh, yeah. Urges, sure. Uncontrollable? Maybe I'm the exception here, but I haven't dragged any women back to my cave by the hair lately.

If what you're arguing is that sexual attraction often accompanies good looks -- well, congrats, Captain Obvious, you win. It's a bit of a leap, though, to say that the only reason a guy befriends a woman is because he (either secretly or overtly) wants to have sex with her, or that he wants to have sex with any of his female friends who are remotely attractive.

I suppose that yes, if you want to be totally semantic, the very act of acknowledging that I find a woman in any way attractive could be taken to mean that at some base reptilian level I want to have sex with her. Trouble is, as a higher functioning mammal with a fully operational brain I have a lot of other considerations to go through before I even get halfway to that one. Turns out the vast majority of women fail the test, which is why I don't end up humping the leg of every one I meet.

There's nothing interesting about this thread.

__________________
I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

Wes Mantooth

I completely agree Martian.

One thing that hasn't been discussed here (maybe I missed it) but its also completely possible to have a friend you also have sex with. Although rare and probably destined for massive failure I have seen it done before and the friendship remain perfectly intact. hmmm....massive amounts of whiskey seems to have rendered me unable to find a point to pursue there...I guess attractiveness and urges are ultimately relative to the context and dynamic of the friendship or something along those lines.

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curiousbear

To me this thread is very interesting ...

Sammey

Erm........

Ok, I have to admit three things.


1) I did not read the originator's own words on when he/she first started the topic.

2) I did not read any other Tilted Forum user's replies on this topic.

3) Sometimes I do bear very strong romantic feelings towards my female friends, even when sometimes they are already attached. And i can restrain these feelings and hide them well. I wouldn't want them to find out about it, they could "run" away and pretend that they never knew me in the first place, if you know what I mean.

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Sammey will always do his best on this forum to be respectful, non-antagonizing, encouraging and supportive on this forum.
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MSD

You need to read up on ladder theory, it explains male-female reaction perfectly and I'm sure they'll sell you an extra book on how to put those spiteful whores in their place (your bed.)
2 million years of human evolution has done a pretty good job of making us want to fuck people we find attractive. Just because there's a biological urge doesn't mean it's even processed consciously. The urge works both ways, too. Intelligence evolved in part because it helps to control instinctual urges when they are detrimental to us. Your argument boils down to a tautologous "people find attractive people attractive."

Baraka_Guru

Oh hey! I'm all over it!

Ladder Wiki - Free Relationship Advice and Dating Tips for Men

Thanks!

Few things genuinely frighten me. This is one of them.

/beta male

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

Plan9

The Ladder Theory shit was posted here like a year ago. Somebody dig it up. I can't summon the intestinal fortitude.