Anonymous Member

My girlfriend and I have been dating for about 6 months. We started our relationship having a lot of sex but not talking about what we really like when having sex. I brought up the topic of sexual fantasies in a playful manner...I wanted to know what she wanted to do. Then she told me something that surprised me. She told me not to get mad or anything and I obliged...she tells me that when she thinks about sex she thinks of it with multiple people...then saying "you know, with another girl or something." I was a jackass and literally said "wow, that really upsets me" sending her into tears, as she claimed she hadn't told anyone that before. But it did upset me...am I alone not good enough for her? I HATE thinking of my girlfriend with another person, male or female. If I were to have a threesome it would have to be with two strangers or I'd pay for it. I hate the idea of hearing her moan differently in bed with another person...I don't think I could get over it. I cannot stand to hear her if she talks about ex-boyfriends because it infuriates me to think of another man with her. I get jealous and quite overly protective.

I know this is just a fantasy, we're young, our hormones are raging and she told me that she wouldn't never act upon it - but it made me think of Luke Wilson's wife in Old School (Juliette Lewis?), who throws orgies while he's away. I really like this girl, she's probably the closest thing to love I've ever known but this just keeps eating away at me. It's hard to bring up again because I feel like I've betrayed her trust. I don't want to break up with her but if I did it would be because of this thought in the back of my mind that she wants other people screwing her or that I'm just not good enough.

Hopefully this makes sense to some of you...I had to write it down and talk about it.

Halx

I could say to get over yourself, I mean, your reasoning for being upset is a selfish one. No matter how fucking good you are in bed, you are not 2 guys at once, and you are not another girl. So, no, you're not enough if her fantasy is to have multiple people. Her fantasies aren't about you and you shouldn't try projecting yourself into them any more than you can. Fantasies are just fantasies, and it isn't worth it to get upset over them, so apologize to her.

General tip: If you ever run up against a fantasy you can't compete with, don't be a douche about it. If your partner is serious about chasing after the fantasy, then either back away or be supportive - do not stand in their way. However, in the more likely case that it is just a masturbatory fantasy (as this appears to be), just say, "That's hot," and be done with it.

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SecretMethod70

Here's a little secret: no one is good enough. Being a one stop shop for anyone is an unrealistic fantasy. I'm not saying you should have an open relationship, but you need to accept that she will always have some level of interest in other people. It doesn't mean either of you should or will act on it, but you need to be realistic if you're going to have a healthy and honest relationship.

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robot_parade

There are two separate issues going on here.

First, her fantasy is perfectly normal - I'd bet a large percentage of people have the same fantasy, and there's nothing wrong with her for feeling that way. Your jealousy at the idea of her being with someone else is *also* normal. If her being with someone else is unacceptable for you, you need to tell her that very clearly. Then she either should give up on her fantasy, leave you, or work out some sort of compromise - maybe it's enough for both of you for it to continue to be pure fantasy. Maybe not.

It's like you finding other women attractive - that's perfectly normal, and it'd unreasonable of her to expect you to never be attracted to another woman. What *is* reasonable is for her to expect you to not act in ways that hurt her - ogling other women, telling her how much you'd like to sleep with some other woman, cheating on her, etc, etc. People can't control their desires or feelings, but they can control their actions. If you two can't work out a compromise on this and any other incompatibilities that come up, then you're relationship is doomed.

For the second issue, it sounds like you were a bit of a douche. You should man up and apologize. Then you can work on the situation at hand, and see if you can work things out or not.

ratbastid

Don't ever promise not to get mad and then get mad. Just don't ever do that.

Or if you do, you never get to complain that she's distant with you and doesn't really share what's going on with her. Of course she doesn't, dumbass--she doesn't trust you not to go off the deep end about it.

I say this from personal experience. We have met the dumbass, and it is us.

Shaindra

+1

It was completely unfair of you to *bring up* fantasies, tell her that you wouldn't get mad, and then wig out about a pretty common and benign fantasy. This is fantasy we're talking about. It isn't like she told you that she thought about fucking all your male friends and then asking when they can come over to do the deed.

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Kaliena

Are you mad about the fantasy itself or the fact that you think she'll actually act on it? Many people have fantasies but the idea of actually acting on them is out of the question. To me, to be honest, this sounds like a trust issue.

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Wes Mantooth

I'd let it go and just trust her. If its just a fantasy then its nothing, everybody has them and most know when its appropriate to act on them. Honestly just relax, let it go and move past it. It sounds like you really care about her and allowing something like a simple fantasy to drive a wedge between you and ruin what you have would be a real shame.

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Anonymous Member

Thanks for the input. I knew it was stupid and selfish of me but I just didn't know how else to react. Its true that I have some trust issues, but those stem from psycho's in the past and other inane relationships.

I'll figure out a way to talk to her and possibly update you all if you're still interested.

Hopefully I'm learning from these mistakes

Daniel_

Start by telling her you were a dick.

Go from there.

Good luck.

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Redjake

Let me get this straight - your female companion told you she would like to have another girl involved, and you got ANGRY? I'm not sure I can add anything to this thread.

Address this situation by only living once and fucking two women at the same time.

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Plan9

+1.

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Strange Famous

I kind of agree with that. I mean, its good that I think you get that the issue here is with you - but when someone goes out on a limb to say something and get a bad reaction they wont likely do so again.

For me, I guess I have the usual sexist male attitude (two girls & one guy (ie me) = awesome,two guys one girl=revolting and abominable.

But Im quite a square, I know that.

I dont think it is a big problem to have different or even conflicting fantasies at all. What becomes a problem is different expectations.

If my girfriend said she fantasized about being in a threesome with Johnny Depp and Matt Damon or whoever are considered handsome men I wouldnt exactly be delighted, but a fantasy is a fantasy. As long as she could re-assure me that if me and either of those male actors drank 10 pints of Stella and got into a fight in the car park of the pub I would win, I'd be happy with that.

I guess what I am trying to say is just its best to be content that she IS with you and she is for a reason. We probably all have fantasies that are a bit taboo, and for the most part fantasies are all they are. Freaking out about it might be just an emotional response, but its one Id try to avoid the next time she opens up to you about something she probably feels is a bit of a "guilty" thing to think about.

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World's King

When she breaks up with you for being selfish, can I have her number?

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Lady Bear Cub

You should just take one for the team and live out her fantasy.

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ratbastid

As a guy who had a threesome with two girls this afternoon, I can tell you... It's not all bad.

Vigilante

Man. No joke.

I would have gotten an instant boner if my wife said that to me.

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lulu_mq

Fully disclose the issue with her. Let her know how it made you feel, yet make her feel like having fantasies is ok. If you love her you will understand and be respectful of that. I'm sure you have some kinky fantasy that you are into? Shoot, i know i do! Plain and simple don't scare the poor girl out of your life by freaking out the way you did. You can only hope that she will be willing to open up to you again anytime soon.

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james t kirk

Ditto that.

Tell her that I would allow her to have sex with all the other women she liked and would not get mad. She can even have sex with other men. I'm cool with that too.

Valentina_Z

So...You asked your girlfriend to share her fantasies, then you got all freaked out by what she shared.

I'm curious: What did you expect to hear? Or, more to the point, what were you hoping she'd say?

Charlatan

You really are a ratbastid...

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Iliftrocks

Why do people ask questions that they don't want ( honestly ) answered?

Was that rhetorical? damn

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