An interesting problem regarding oral sex - Page 2 - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

squeeeb · 07-10-2009, 02:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thelifeandtimes

..........
Its just hard to consider the possibility of leaving someone because of sexual chemistry. I've never been in this predicament before.

sounds selfish and childish and it's sad, but it's true. its a great reason to leave someone.

some people, both male and female, are not as sexual as others. some don't care how often or what they get sexually.

you appear to be concerned about oral, and it's a totally valid concern.

understand the psychology behind oral. it's a submissive act, it involves control and takes trust. she might not like the submissive feeling, she might not like the loss of control (although in reality, she is in control, but people don't see it that way).

seriously, if it bothers you now, it's still gonna bother you years down the road.

sexual chemistry is an important part of a relationship, we are humans, we are sexual beings no matter how much we want to deny it and think we are above such base cravings. we eat, we shit, we fuck, we sleep. take one of these away and we are bothered and don't feel right.

dump her (gently and nicely) and move on.

Xerxys · 07-10-2009, 03:09 PM

Shell, Whats liquor, do you mean, lick-her? Cause I think they didn't do that either in the victorian times.

najo · 07-21-2009, 11:40 PM

1) Sex is important. You both fullfilling each other's sexual needs is critical to a healthy relationship.

2) Communication is important. You two need to speak openly, respectfully and honestly with each other.

3) Women and men can change their sex habits. They just need to agree to try things at the edge of their comfortablity without going over it and know they are safe. You can't violate the trust between you when doing this and agree on what the two of you arwe going to do before doing it. Otherwise, the sexual boundries are more open then you realize. You both are assuming to much.

With all of that, here is what I would do if I were you:

1) Give her oral pleasure first, completely unselfishly. Please her, pay attention to her responses, make sure to start easy and becareful of how sensative her clitorus, vulva and labia are. Use lots of foreplay and leave your cock out of it until you have sent her up the walls. Make her cum as much as she can. Then after wards, ask for her to do the same to you.

2) Do mutual masturbation. Get a blanket (or not) sit on the couch watch a movie, and start playing with each other's lower bits under the blanket. Purposfully do not have sex, get each other off without intercourse.

3) Use a vibrator on her.

4) Mix the sex up. Do different positions, do mix ups of oral and intercourse. Go down on her before and after you've been in her but before cumming. Allow sex to blur the lines between your bodies and the pleasure you give and recieve.

5) As said above, do 69.

6) Watch Porn together. Have her tell you what is arousing to her. Let her lead. Allow her to get turned on by the girls and guys in the porn. You don't focus on the girls directly to avoid upsetting her at first, just the acts the men and women are doing together. Then when she likes something they are doing, you and her do it. Basically, let her see how good sex can really be. Amature porn from the internet is likely better for this cause.

7) Share your sexual fantasies. Tell her you want to hear about her dirty secrets and what really turns her on. Let her talk about anything and don't get jealous. Make it safe to encourage her sexuality to come out. Tell her how sexy she is and how much her getting naughty with you turns you on and makes you want her more.

Basically, instead of over talking it. Find ways to take your actions into steps towards your goals. When the time is right, have open communication about it. help her find the value through actions in what sex can be. You allow your sexual boundries and skill in pleasuring her to grow too. The problems in the bedroom are two sided.

Good luck.

---------- Post added at 02:40 AM ---------- Previous post was at 02:37 AM ----------

Oh, one more thing. Tell her you won't cum in her mouth until she is ready for you too. If she doesn't want you to, ask if she is willing to work towards it. If she is then do it in steps, like her licking cum off your cock or you cumming on her and her wipping it off and licking it. If she doesn't want you to cum in her mouth, then respect that and put the cum where you and her agree it should go. At least you will be getting the majority of a blowjob.

Plan9 · 07-21-2009, 11:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by riiizy

its a! abut fuck

Keep talking, sir! We'll find you!

thirdsun · 09-12-2009, 01:31 PM

Perhaps she is thinking that you are the selfish one, hence, her remark about what she gets out of it.

But seriously, if you can't come to mutually-acceptable terms with her on this issue, and it's something you really want, you are better off to move on and find someone who can do this without equivocation or hesitation. Those women are out there!!

For some reason, this particular woman is hesitant to do what obviously is important and pleasureable for you. And that is significant. If it isn't important to her to please you in the way you enjoy being pleased or otherwise arrive at some mutually-agreeable solution, then you do need to move on.

But you also need to ask yourself (and her) if you are somehow turning her off in the process of giving you oral sex. Some women don't like to have their head held or forced down with your hand; others have had a bad experience with a previous partner (or perhaps a perpetrator); others have a strong gag-reflex; some don't want to swallow your semen; etc., etc.. You need her to open up and tell you exactly the reason and you need to be sensitive and listen to her.

If she can't or she won't, and you can't give up the idea or the practice, then you know the decision you have to make.

Lady Bear Cub · 10-12-2009, 11:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by squeeeb

id dump her and find someone who is into the same stuff you are.

then again, i am alone and havnt been with a woman for quite awhile because i can't seem to get one, so take that into consideration when you think about my solution.

but really...dump her and find someone who is into the same stuff you are.

let me explain why:

you will tell yourself it's no big deal, you will just get over it.

one day you will meet a chick somewhere who tells you she LOVES to suck cock and eat cum and would love to suck YOUR cock and eat YOUR cum. this is what youve always wanted and you think you are entitled, so you get the blowjob.

then you feel guilty (or maybe you don't, because you've rationalized your infidelity) and are now a guy who cheats on his wife. you tell her, or you don't, and she finds out anyway because she will, and a fight starts and its an ugly mess and she will never trust you again etc etc etc. continue slippery slope until you hit the end.

say its far fetched, say "it won't happen to me. " i would put money on it.

so tell your fiance to blow you or you dump her. say it nicely, but give her the ultimatum. if it bothers you now, it will bother you more in five, ten , fifteen years. seriously.

strangely, i agree.

lostgirl · 10-12-2009, 11:37 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by thelifeandtimes View Post
..........
Its just hard to consider the possibility of leaving someone because of sexual chemistry. I've never been in this predicament before.

Quote:

Originally Posted by squeeeb

sounds selfish and childish and it's sad, but it's true. its a great reason to leave someone.

some people, both male and female, are not as sexual as others. some don't care how often or what they get sexually.

you appear to be concerned about oral, and it's a totally valid concern.

understand the psychology behind oral. it's a submissive act, it involves control and takes trust. she might not like the submissive feeling, she might not like the loss of control (although in reality, she is in control, but people don't see it that way).

seriously, if it bothers you now, it's still gonna bother you years down the road.

sexual chemistry is an important part of a relationship, we are humans, we are sexual beings no matter how much we want to deny it and think we are above such base cravings. we eat, we shit, we fuck, we sleep. take one of these away and we are bothered and don't feel right.

dump her (gently and nicely) and move on.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lady Bear Cub

strangely, i agree.

Quote:

Originally Posted by najo

1) Sex is important. You both fullfilling each other's sexual needs is critical to a healthy relationship.

2) Communication is important. You two need to speak openly, respectfully and honestly with each other.

QFT

Lady Bear Cub · 10-12-2009, 11:43 AM

and it's hard for me to consider the possibility of being in a relationship with someone who doesn't fulfill me, be that sexually or otherwise.

if it's something that bothers you to the point that you are asking for advice, then it's obviously a problem and it's not being resolved through communication with your partner. to me it points to underlying problems.

09-12-2009, 01:31 PM	#45 (permalink)
thirdsun rolls good	Perhaps she is thinking that you are the selfish one, hence, her remark about what she gets out of it. But seriously, if you can't come to mutually-acceptable terms with her on this issue, and it's something you really want, you are better off to move on and find someone who can do this without equivocation or hesitation. Those women are out there!! For some reason, this particular woman is hesitant to do what obviously is important and pleasureable for you. And that is significant. If it isn't important to her to please you in the way you enjoy being pleased or otherwise arrive at some mutually-agreeable solution, then you do need to move on. But you also need to ask yourself (and her) if you are somehow turning her off in the process of giving you oral sex. Some women don't like to have their head held or forced down with your hand; others have had a bad experience with a previous partner (or perhaps a perpetrator); others have a strong gag-reflex; some don't want to swallow your semen; etc., etc.. You need her to open up and tell you exactly the reason and you need to be sensitive and listen to her. If she can't or she won't, and you can't give up the idea or the practice, then you know the decision you have to make. Last edited by thirdsun; 09-13-2009 at 04:23 AM..

07-10-2009, 03:09 PM	#42 (permalink)
Xerxys Junkie Location: My head.	Shell, Whats liquor, do you mean, lick-her? Cause I think they didn't do that either in the victorian times.

07-21-2009, 11:40 PM	#43 (permalink)
najo Upright	1) Sex is important. You both fullfilling each other's sexual needs is critical to a healthy relationship. 2) Communication is important. You two need to speak openly, respectfully and honestly with each other. 3) Women and men can change their sex habits. They just need to agree to try things at the edge of their comfortablity without going over it and know they are safe. You can't violate the trust between you when doing this and agree on what the two of you arwe going to do before doing it. Otherwise, the sexual boundries are more open then you realize. You both are assuming to much. With all of that, here is what I would do if I were you: 1) Give her oral pleasure first, completely unselfishly. Please her, pay attention to her responses, make sure to start easy and becareful of how sensative her clitorus, vulva and labia are. Use lots of foreplay and leave your cock out of it until you have sent her up the walls. Make her cum as much as she can. Then after wards, ask for her to do the same to you. 2) Do mutual masturbation. Get a blanket (or not) sit on the couch watch a movie, and start playing with each other's lower bits under the blanket. Purposfully do not have sex, get each other off without intercourse. 3) Use a vibrator on her. 4) Mix the sex up. Do different positions, do mix ups of oral and intercourse. Go down on her before and after you've been in her but before cumming. Allow sex to blur the lines between your bodies and the pleasure you give and recieve. 5) As said above, do 69. 6) Watch Porn together. Have her tell you what is arousing to her. Let her lead. Allow her to get turned on by the girls and guys in the porn. You don't focus on the girls directly to avoid upsetting her at first, just the acts the men and women are doing together. Then when she likes something they are doing, you and her do it. Basically, let her see how good sex can really be. Amature porn from the internet is likely better for this cause. 7) Share your sexual fantasies. Tell her you want to hear about her dirty secrets and what really turns her on. Let her talk about anything and don't get jealous. Make it safe to encourage her sexuality to come out. Tell her how sexy she is and how much her getting naughty with you turns you on and makes you want her more. Basically, instead of over talking it. Find ways to take your actions into steps towards your goals. When the time is right, have open communication about it. help her find the value through actions in what sex can be. You allow your sexual boundries and skill in pleasuring her to grow too. The problems in the bedroom are two sided. Good luck. ---------- Post added at 02:40 AM ---------- Previous post was at 02:37 AM ---------- Oh, one more thing. Tell her you won't cum in her mouth until she is ready for you too. If she doesn't want you to, ask if she is willing to work towards it. If she is then do it in steps, like her licking cum off your cock or you cumming on her and her wipping it off and licking it. If she doesn't want you to cum in her mouth, then respect that and put the cum where you and her agree it should go. At least you will be getting the majority of a blowjob.

10-12-2009, 11:43 AM	#48 (permalink)
Lady Bear Cub Crazy Location: north carolina	and it's hard for me to consider the possibility of being in a relationship with someone who doesn't fulfill me, be that sexually or otherwise. if it's something that bothers you to the point that you are asking for advice, then it's obviously a problem and it's not being resolved through communication with your partner. to me it points to underlying problems.