Brittnii

The only time I have sex with someone is when I find them unattractive. (Let me add that I see good qualities in everyone, I'm just saying they aren't my type) Every time I find another person attractive I turn into a complete tease, and that's where I stay. I barely let them kiss me or put their hands on me. But, If the guy I'm with isn't someone I'm physically attracted I'm all over it.
Can anyone think of a reason?

Cynthetiq

risk aversion.... meaning there's no risk to your feelings and self for those that you are unattracted to, but when it is something you like, you have a risk... course i'm having problems making full thoughts today.

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

ngdawg

Or...

Maybe you think you're not worthy enough to actually have the good looking ones... so you put on an act until it's time to get real.
Or...
Maybe you feel the need to be "of service" out of the goodness of your heart to those you deem ugly...
Or...
Maybe it's an ego boost.

__________________
Don't blame me. I didn't vote for either of'em.

cmc

I think I have a possible, it's called your subconscious negative attraction formula.
( subconscious - meaning - your mind has a definition - that is below your level of awareness,
but it is playing on your selections all the same )
Learning what MY formula was changed my whole direction on relationships - including
erotic attraction + + + ...

Hyacinthe

Actually Cyn that made complete sense to me.

Think about it Brittni, everytime you are with someone you deem unattractive you remove the fact that you might be attracted to them and emotionally invest yourself into the relationship. You can do that to a certain extent anyways sure but there wiill always be something missing from your end, you will never have committed yourself into the relationship as much as your partner because they are also attracted to you on a physical level.

ngdawg also made some excellent points

Another possibility is that when it's a guy you actually like you want to keep them interested so that they hang around longer. You subconciously think that if you imply they will get sex eventually but don't start providing it that they will do so. I have a friend who does the same thing, she has a rule where if she doesn't want to see the guy again she'll make it into a one night stand but if she really likes the guy he only gets a kiss on the cheek after a date.

__________________
"I want to be remembered as the girl who always smiles even when her heart is broken... and the one that could brighten up your day even if she couldnt brighten her own"

"Her emotions were clear waters. You could see the scarring and pockmarks at the bottom of the pool, but it was just a part of her landscape – the consequences of others’ actions in which she claimed no part."

Seaver

Sounds like Cynthetiq got it right.

I had a friend who did this. She was an 8 out of 10... yet only ever put out for really ugly/rude guys. She'd pine over guys she liked for years without showing any interest (and flat out denying it at all costs). It wasn't until after I moved away she came out and said she was in love with me and wished I would have made a move on her. The truth was I did a couple times when we first met, until I gave up and stayed just-friends because she'd reject me.

Honestly, my suggestion would be to use flirting styles which really doesn't put you "out there" as you're obviously afraid. A simple wink and smile during a conversation ranks high in the flirty-but-safe file. It's a great way to say "hey I dig you" without laying yourself fully on the line. It's also casual enough that you can play it off as being friendly if things don't go the right way.

Either way, think of it as rewarding bad behavior. You're effectively saying that the cute guy needs to gain 50lbs of fat before you'll sleep with him. Instead it should be something like, he needs to treat you kindly and show you a great time before. Either way, what you reward is what you'll end up with.

__________________
"Smite the rocks with the rod of knowledge, and fountains of unstinted wealth will gush forth." - Ashbel Smith as he laid the first cornerstone of the University of Texas

hotdog690

Brittnii: Long ago I lost a couple of good girls, whom I like very much, just because I didn't make a move on them. Yes, we kissed and did some light make-out, but out of respect for them, I never attempted to go farther. I regret that now, and I still think they were good girls, but I was too damn dumb to ask them about sex. After these two experiences, I learned to lay it out pretty much in front and ask girls' whether they wished to have sex or not.

Mirth

Where do I find women like you? =D

Brittnii

I think I understand it a little better,
thanks

Strange Famous

Some people find ugliness attractive I think.

Women much more than men.

__________________
"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."

The Gospel of Thomas

Bear Cub

Yea, that's it. I'm just going to keep telling myself that I'm TOO attractive, that's why they want nothing to do with me.

__________________
Living in the United Socialist States of America.

Brittnii

in Texas lol

Mirth

I'll start packing my bags now, haha.

Bear Cub

Don't get your hopes up. I'm IN Houston and I STILL can't find them.

__________________
Living in the United Socialist States of America.

KirStang

I agree Cyn's analysis is spot on. It's easy to mess around with people that aren't apt to capture your heart. On the other hand, great catches....well, messing around with them tends to drag in deeper feelings. Then it gets all complicated.

icevrething

Haha thats a good way to think about it.

__________________

Confederate

Or maybe you like being with less attractive people to make yourself look better?

Iliftrocks

Hey, I'm kinda unattractive...... Never mind.

You might just want to be the pretty one in the relationship. I've noticed that if a guy is too attractive, versus the girl, the relationship tends to tank. I had a friend, who was very handsome, who couldn't keep a woman, because they always were either jealous, or they got so self conscious when out with him. Funny enough the prettier ones were the worst. He ended up with a very confident woman, who was not traditionally pretty, and they've been together for years now.

Honestly, I wanted to hate him, but he was a genuinely decent dude. (still kind of hate him, heh)

__________________
bill hicks - "I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out."

Brittnii

That's because I moved to Nacogdoches. Maybe you should have looked a little harder two years ago

I don't think it has anything to do with me wanting to look like the better looking one. But, I have noticed the differences between men and women.
I think most guys think if they date an attractive woman it makes them more appealing.
I think women who date guys that maybe more attractive feel like they have to constantly compete with other women to keep their partner's attention.
I'm almost positive this is not the case with me, I believe it's more emotional, but I don't even know...

dippin

When you are attracted to someone, the stakes are higher, so perhaps out of a fear of rejection, or a fear of ruining the fantasies in your head about that person you are attracted to, you end up over thinking things and how to measure up. Or maybe you are insecure about being with someone who in your mind could have anyone they wanted. And then when you are with someone who isnt as attractive to you you can just be yourself, without thinking about whether that person would reject you or threatened by other girls. External beauty can be a powerful thing, and being with someone who is constantly getting the attentions of others can bring up all sorts of insecurities about ourselves.

Or, on a lighter note, it could be that Kevin Smith was right when he advised all girls to go for the fat guys.

FelixP

I think you're scared, plain and simple. I've had an eerily similar problem since I was 11 years old, and that's why I'm still a virgin at 18. I can't really give you any advice, because I've yet to solve my problems, so I guess all I can do is wish you good luck.

Brittnii

thats good enough

FelixP

I hope so, for both our sakes.

Tiny Dancer

Well maybe you just put a paper bag over the hot guys head and you can pretend that he's ugly. That just might fix it.

Halx

I'm finding it hard to understand how you say you're not attracted, yet you have sex with them. I mean, isn't the whole happenstance of willingly fucking someone the result of an attraction? Do you hate every minute of it? The obvious answer is that you feel attractive men are out of your league and you are intimidated by them. Maybe that's not a problem so much as a niche. You're the girl who freaks ugly dudes. Cool.

__________________
You have found this post informative.
-The Administrator
[Don't Feed The Animals]

Iliftrocks

And, like I said earlier, I'm kinda unnatractive.....

Maybe what you're really saying is that you don't understand WHY you are attracted to these people. Personally I tend to be attracted to non-traditionals myself. ( but I surely wouldn't exclude a traditional hottie either )

__________________
bill hicks - "I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out."

Brittnii

Maybe I am the girl that fucks ugly guys, I'm just saying that I don't know why I do. I don't feel pity for them and I don't hate it. I'm not exactly sure at all what my problem is... or what I was trying to ask in the first place. I think I mean, I feel more comfortable with guys I'm not attracted to. Maybe it all comes down to how I feel about myself.

FelixP

She shoots...SHE SCORES! You're probably scared of opening yourself up to an attractive man because you have low self-esteem. You're afraid taht he'll say know, and you'd be crushed, but you know ugly guys are so desperate they'll have sex with anything that walks on two legs and carries a vagina between them.

__________________
Free will lies not in the ability to craft your own fate, but in not knowing what your fate is. --Me

"I have just returned from visting the Marines at the front, and there is not a finer fighting organization in the world." --Douglas MacArthur

FuglyStick

On behalf of the ugly folk, thanks!

Seriously, though, you don't have to worry about rejection if you aim low--the homely folk are going to consider themselves very fortunate, and will kiss your butt to maintain the status quo, whatever that may be. You get to make all the rules.

__________________
AZIZ! LIGHT!