SabrinaFair

Hello-
First of all, let me say, "Hello"--I used to be very active here at TFP several years ago, and on a lark decided to come back. I'm looking forward to rejoining this community.

Anyways, something has been on my mind a bit recently--the question of "slutiness". As a bit of background, I'm a 24-year-old single gal who's had three serious relationships, a few "minor" relationships, and a fair bit of casual sex. (usually in the months immediately after said serious relationships)

So anyhow, I'm wondering--what makes a slut? Is it a number of partners? Or is an attitude towards sexual relationships? Does it correlate to how long he/she has known his/her partner, or does it correlate to the connection they feel with this person?

And also: does sluttiness matter to you? Do you mind if other people think of you as a slut? Do you mind if your partner leans towards slutty?

Personally, I tend to think of sluttiness in terms of numbers rather than attitude, but I've definitely known people who tend to think of it in the opposite way. That being said, a little sluttiness doesn't bother me....I'm sure by a lot of standards my own "magic number" or my attitude towards sex is considered slutty....but by others, I'm sure I look downright innocent. I suppose sluttiness is in the eye of the beholder.

I welcome your opinions, and look forward to getting to know y'all better.

Kisses,
Sabrina

__________________
"With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy."
-Desiderata

Daniel_

A tart seeps with everyone.

A slut sleeps with everyone but me.

__________________

╔═════════════════════════════════════════╗
Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine
╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝

World's King

I have a pretty relaxed view when it comes to sex. I've slept with way more then my fair share of women.

But I don't think of myself as a slut or being slutty. I'm sure some people would. My ex did. She thought I was slutty cause I liked porn. She had problems with sex. I've been basically single since February. Yes, I did date someone for about two months but I'm not counting that. And since February I've slept with 5 different people. And 2 that I had slept with before my 4 year relationship. So 7 people total. I don't know what my actual "magic number" is. I know it's over 100. Lets say, 130. So 130 in 11 years. That's about 12 a year. Holy shit...



I am a slut...

__________________
heavy is the head that wears the crown

Ch'i

I've always understood a slut to be someone who is so constantly controlled by their desire and lust that it usually outweighs everything else. It is about mentality, a mentality which usually leads to having many partners. And for the record, I don't really have any problem with having alot of casual relationships.

filtherton

Meh. The concept of a slut was invented by someone who was clearly insecure about the intercourses.

It will take an highly organized movement composed of only the most dedicated sluts to reclaim the word.

CinnamonGirl

*wave* Hey, I remember you. I'm back after a long break as well...welcome back!


From what I can tell, it means vastly different things to different people. A group of friends and I discussed this a few years ago, and one of the guys had an answer I really liked, going along with the "it's about attitude, not numbers" ... if a girl just enjoys sex, she's not a slut. If she's having all kinds of sex to try and validate herself, or to prove her worth or whatever, that makes her a slut.

...not sure how realistic that is, and I know not everyone thinks that way. Another friend thinks it's only about the numbers, but that being a slut isn't a bad thing.

In the past, I've measured "sluttiness" differently for different people, and I've really tried to rein that in. It definitely annoys me when women use sex (or sex appeal) to get what they want, but I'm not as quick to judge that as slutty.

As for me... it doesn't really bother me what people think. My mom thinks I'm a total slut because I'm not married to the person I'm having regular, exclusive sex with. My friends and boyfriend think I just really like sex. (which is true.) At the end of the day, it comes down to how I feel about my choices (past as well as present), and I've realized that's true about other people, too. So much that I've pretty much eliminated "slut" from my vocabulary.

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"...for though she was ordinary, she possessed health, wit, courage, charm, and cheerfulness. But because she was not beautiful, no one ever seemed to notice these other qualities, which is so often the way of the world."


"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"

filtherton

Oh hey, I didn't notice that the OP was a prodigal tfper. Must be the season.

cadre

I think that definition is very dependent on who you're asking. For instance, I tend to have many casual relationships and few serious ones. I've been called a slut and a whore, but I don't believe I'm either. I don't really judge people based on sexuality so I don't have a real definition of a slut but I suppose it would be someone that sleeps with whomever s/he wants without caring about the consequences.

__________________
My life is one of those 'you had to be there' jokes.

Willravel

"Slut" is a derogatory label intended to instill shame rooted in the idea that a woman shouldn't be sexual. Of course both genders if our species are intended to be sexual and puritanical attitudes towards sex can lead to a dysfunctional relationship with sexuality.

Most women have a sex drive.

And World's King is a bit of a slut, yet.

LoganSnake

A slut is a woman who sleeps around a lot.

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Maturity is knowing you were an idiot in the past. Wisdom is knowing that you'll be an idiot in the future. Common sense is knowing that you should try not to be an idiot now. - J. Jacques

nomcat

Yep, I think it's the lack of care about the consequences that's the difference...

Baraka_Guru

QFT.

Men--and I suppose women, too--make "sluts." It's a construction.

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

jewels

I see it in terms of control. When one sleeps with a man (read as any man) attempting to prove something to herself, she's a slut.

When she sleeps with a man (or 500 men) just because she desired them, she's just a woman.

Been both.

__________________
We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
Mark Twain

PayUp

Lady in public and a whore in bed, thats all I ask.

That doesn't make her a slut.

__________________
Born to Lose.

lostgirl

That is pretty close to what I think, but then I don't use the term slut for anyone. I just don't think it's my place to.

Hyacinthe

See I don't know if I believe that, it would depend on the reasoning behind her actions - if she was doing it to prove something to herself, well I know alot of girls who do have somewhat dysfunctional views on sex and do that but I don't consider them 'slutty' because of it. Sure I wish they didn't see their self worth in terms of how many men find them sexually attractive but I don't think less of them for doing so.

Maybe it is the view towards the consequences of their actions or even whether they control their sexuality or their sexuality controlling them (certifiable nymphomaniacs are obviously excluded on this one) that would influence my views more.

I definitely don't think that it's a number thing - I can remember some guy on here (sorry I can't remember the post) saying that he didn't think he could ever have a meaningful relationship with a woman who had had more then three sexual partners because he would view her as a "slut". So is that the predetermined number between "slut" and "non-slut"? Or does some mystical even occur when a woman / man has slept with a certain amount of people? Far as I know it doesn't.

Then again I have never used the term "slut" in my life. I guess I just don't think of people that way, then again I made almost $100 an hour at my second job last night which is pretty close to being paid to "slut" around.

__________________
"I want to be remembered as the girl who always smiles even when her heart is broken... and the one that could brighten up your day even if she couldnt brighten her own"

"Her emotions were clear waters. You could see the scarring and pockmarks at the bottom of the pool, but it was just a part of her landscape – the consequences of others’ actions in which she claimed no part."

mixedsubstance

This is how I've perceived it, being around the bar & club industry/scene:

SLUT- A female who seeks attention through sexuality- looks, dressing to show enough to tease, flirting a lot, and 'flying' around. They usually tend to have a snotty attitude towards other females. They want the spotlight. I guess there is different levels to sluttiness, but it's not that the female necessarily sleeps around, she just wants the feeling of being wanted.

WHORE is a female who sleeps around. She doesn't have to do much, just persuade a guy to sleep with her then go to the next one. The 'bicycle'. They are sluts that don't know how to say 'No'.

JERK, ASSHOLE, PRICK any of those words could be used to describe a guy who uses women. Seeming all great and charming, get you in bed, then blowing you off. I wouldn't call them a male slut.

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Well, isn't that just kick-you-in-the-crotch, spit-on-your-neck fantastic?!?

*Without energy, there would be nothing.*

SabrinaFair

Thank you all for the interesting responses!

One thing i've noticed--no mention of the man-sluts. Most responses have referred only to females. I'm not judging, or even really offering any explanations for this, but it is something I'll be rolling around in my head for a bit.

Love,
Sabrina

__________________
"With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy."
-Desiderata

Willravel

I'm a man-whore.

Or do you mean the attitude towards promiscuity in men vs. women? The double-standard?

SabrinaFair

Well, there's self-perception (your self-confessed status as a man-whore), double standards, AND power differentials stuck in my head right now. Are women branded as sluts (and not men) because they are the ones that often make the ultimate decision as to whether or not to engage in sex?

I'm just rattling it around right now, I hardly think I have any definitive answers.

__________________
"With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy."
-Desiderata

Baraka_Guru

It's gendered.

A man being a slut sounds as odd as a woman being a prick.

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

Amaras

I'm with Baraka.
I think words have power. That power is almost always contextual. In this case, gendered.

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Propaganda is to a democracy what the bludgeon is to a totalitarian state.
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Love is a verb, not a noun.
-My Mom
The function of genius is to furnish cretins with ideas twenty years later.
-Louis Aragon, "La Porte-plume," Traite du style, 1928

Speed_Gibson

A definition for manwhore/slut that I heard in my Navy (never again volunteer yourself) days was mentioned in a conversation between two guys in my shop who both fit that definition by their ready admission - they said if you had slept with more people than your age.
There were girls on the ship who fit many people's perception of the word, or the "slept with every member of the football team" kind of thing. But that is a radically different environment from most civillian locales.

When you have 5,000 people out to sea for months at a time interesting things can happen.

One young girl jumped off the smoking area which was midships because she was pregnant with a married man's baby. Fast way to go with 30 ton screws churning in the water

Another couple caught doing things on the catwalk - which is directly below the flightdeck in the open - was forced to call their respective spouses that very same day by the XO. I saw sunlight every 3-4 days (that deep purple water out in the middle of the Atlantic is beautiful), constantly smelled like sweat and diesel fuel, and still knew of more than a few storerooms that would have been much more private places.
<end reminiscing/threadjack>

edit: nice Avatar Sabrina, that original film is a classic - the remake is just there without the same feel or power.

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Started talking to yourself I see.
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Black Adder

Lindy

For me sluttiness not about numbers, it’s about selectivity. When I first became sexually active –at fifteen- I was a slut. I didn’t care who, I’d do just about any guy, man or boy, that wanted to, and it didn’t take long for the word to get around.
A few years ago when I was journaling I came up with about thirty different partners during my sophomore and junior years in high school, (I probably missed some) and I was with many of those more than once. Mostly guys from school, but a few “older guys” (When you're sixteen, a twenty-five year old is an "older guy") too, including one who kept saying he knew he shouldn’t be doing it with me. Even now, fifteen years later, when I visit my hometown I can still count on seeing guys that I screwed “back when.” But what made me a slut was that I did it not because I wanted to, but just because THEY wanted to.

Also, it’s not about what kind of sex. When I look back at it, what I did in my slutty teen years was really pretty tame. Just hand jobs, sucking, ordinary fucking, titty fucking. One guy at a time, though sometime more than one the same night.
Later on, I got more selective and more adventurous at the same time. But I don’t see liking a variety of sex acts as slutty, just interesting and fun, although I’ve tried things that I don’t care to (and won’t) do again. If I do it 'cause I like to, or 'cause I like to "try anything once," that’s just good sex.
If I was willing to do any act with anybody, just ‘cause THEY wanted to, that would be being a slut. When I was in my mid twenties I spent a couple of years working as a stripper. It's ironic indeed that I had more slutty sex when I was a goodie two shoes high school student than while making gobs of money shaking my tits in public.
That’s the way I see it.

Lindy
Yes! The woman/girl is nearly always the one who gets to say yes, no, or maybe! So, from the manwhore point of view always yes=slut, always no=prude, always maybe=tease

Nimetic

To me I guess, the number of partners a person has is their own business.

However if a person acts overly "sexual" in the wrong public context - such as at formal events, family, or work events, then I view that negatively.

I guess I think of that behaviour as silly. I wouldn't use the term "slut". That's much too harsh in terms of connotation.

curiousbear

A woman who is a wife, mother who lived with one and only man in her life still can be a slut. Imagine she is that one hot girl who will suddenly seduce her husband and make love to him while it is dangerous to be caught by thier own children, or co-passengers, or neighbors or strangers. The desire, the initiation, the lead, the risk, some sense of untimely, the joy.... all together can make her a slut. And the man may helplessly enjoy that and treasure her!

It doesnt matter what I think. The dictionary means goes something like this "If a man or woman doesnt restrict his/her sexual behavior to one person, then he/she is a slut."

Interesting...

MSD

It's a word I find fascinating. While people define it differently and each person feels differently about those who they feel fit the label, its use says nothing about the person about whom it is said and everything about who says it.

Jinn

What makes a slut a slut? Some asshole calling them one. People can fuck as little or as much as they want fo rall I care.

Check out "He's a Stud, She's A Slut" for good reading on the topic, if you're interested.

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"I'm typing on a computer of science, which is being sent by science wires to a little science server where you can access it. I'm not typing on a computer of philosophy or religion or whatever other thing you think can be used to understand the universe because they're a poor substitute in the role of understanding the universe which exists independent from ourselves." - Willravel

lotsofmagnets

bingo. the word really has such a loose meaning (to the point of having no tangible meaning) it can be applied to anyone so it really says more about the person using it rather than the person it is labeling.

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mother nature made the aeroplane, and the submarine sandwich, with the steady hands and dead eye of a remarkable sculptor.
she shed her mountain turning training wheels, for the convenience of the moving sidewalk, that delivers the magnetic monkey children through the mouth of impossible calendar clock, into the devil's manhole cauldron.
physics of a bicycle, isn't it remarkable?

Lindy

I was just trying to answer the OP question, "So anyhow, I'm wondering--what makes a slut?" as it applied in my own life, not make value judgments about the use of the word "slut." Others seem to just dislike the word itself, because it implies those very judgments.
I tried to make it clear in my post that I was using the term slut to describe three persons: me, myself, and I. And only at a certain time in my past. My behavior, by my own definition, fit the label at that time. Does that say nothing about Lindy the slut, and everything about Lindy the poster? How does that say more about me (the poster) than about me (the so-labeled?) Does it make me an asshole if I use that term to describe my own behavior?

Lindy
Recovering Slut
(But I still like sex)

mixedsubstance

I'm a cheese slut. Any cheese around, it's mine.

__________________
Well, isn't that just kick-you-in-the-crotch, spit-on-your-neck fantastic?!?

*Without energy, there would be nothing.*

jackcollins

A woman who sleeps with anyone for there pleasure and not for her own is a real slut.

jewels

A naive virgin, an unfulfilled housewife who never learned to tune into her body and a woman who wants to tie her man down and bring him to ecstasy are all sluts?

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We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
Mark Twain

Anormalguy

Defining a slut reminds me of trying to define pornography or art. To paraphrase & butcher famous quotes regarding pornography and art:

I can't tell you what a slut is, but I know one when I see one.

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In a society where the individual is not free to pursue the truth...there is neither progress, stability nor security.--Edward R. Murrow

Bear Cub

If history is any indicator, dating me apparently...

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Living in the United Socialist States of America.

SabrinaFair

Jacobellis v. Ohio, Justice Potter Stewart's concurring opinion:
"I shall not today attempt further to define the kinds of material I understand to be embraced within that shorthand description; and perhaps I could never succeed in intelligibly doing so. But I know it when I see it, and the motion picture involved in this case is not that."

__________________
"With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy."
-Desiderata

Plan9

As Jinn already knows, "sluts" are a product of the same society that says, "I'd hit that." If they give it up? They're a slut. If they don't give up? They're still a slut.

...

Women just got it bad. In the biological baseball game: they catch, we throw.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Borla

I'd say a slut is someone who uses sex as a tool. Either to raise her self esteem temporarily, or because there is some material benefit to her actions. She is using the sex as a temporary emotional bandage, or because she can get something (other than pleasure or loving relationship) out of it.

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Coimhéad fearg fhear na foighde!!!!

lotsofmagnets

i think it´s the other way around. if we both eat the same cheese then the cheese is a slut. mmmm cheeeeeeese.....

__________________
mother nature made the aeroplane, and the submarine sandwich, with the steady hands and dead eye of a remarkable sculptor.
she shed her mountain turning training wheels, for the convenience of the moving sidewalk, that delivers the magnetic monkey children through the mouth of impossible calendar clock, into the devil's manhole cauldron.
physics of a bicycle, isn't it remarkable?

MSD

It shows how you feel about it. You're judging yourself and your behavior.