Jimbob666

My imagination is uncooperative, and the ex always finds her way into whatever is going through my head. This is unpleasant for obvious reasons.

I'm sure I can't be the only newly-single person who's gone through this. Anyone have any tips? How do I think about sex without thinking about her?

Halx

A good dose of TIME should remedy this problem.

Sorry to be so boring about it, but really... endure until it subsides. It will. Trust me. I'd give it a couple months. YMMV.

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Ayashe

Try distracting yourself with some good erotic literature, films never did much for me personally. Otherwise, I think Halx is right in saying it just takes time, frustrating... I am sure.

mixedmedia

Unpleasant as in it turns you off?

Or unpleasant as in it bothers you that she still turns you on?

As for the former, it will pass.

As for the latter, try just going with flow. Don't put too much significance on it.

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ratbastid

I've been there. Here's what you do. When she crops up, deliberately STOP yourself thinking about her. I know, it's like not thinking about elephants, but there it is. You've got habits that need breaking here, and all it takes is a little attention. Replace her with someone else.

I broke a long and painful post-somebody spell this way. I found that the more I deliberately, mindfully, DIDN'T think about her while masturbating, the easier it got to have the relationship be over.

buttless1der

Exactly, just visualize that girl in the next cubicle that you have been wanting to pound for the last six months. The one that filed a sexual harassment suit against you two months ago. What the hell, she is the reason your ex took off anyways so you might as well get something out of it.

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radioguy

dude, if she was hot...who cares!!! use the remembrance of the body, not the face and other stuff, to get off...cause you'll never have her again. at least, that's what i did!

Buk

Picture yourself nutting on her face.

neflyte

Honestly, I took a tack similar to radioguy with my ex. Unfortunately, I couldn't get her out of my head either...and she pulled a nasty trick on me just before she broke it off. She sent me rather suggestive pictures of her (which I begged her to take years before but she refused) and then proceeded to break up with me 30 minutes later. Eventually, every sexual thought I had was about her. I simply used those thoughts to get off and the promptly forgot about them. She became a means to an end. I've even locked away the pictures (physically!) so I can't be tempted, even though I almost always am.

It got easier as time went on, though. I found other women to fantasize about and i discovered some new fetishes in the process.

Halx is right, of course. Time will heal this wound.

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ratbastid

Okay, but look: you're in charge of your internal cinema. You get to say what movie plays. If it's a movie you don't want, yell out to the projectionist to change the reel. It really IS that simple.

Jimbob666

I think I need to fire the projectionist. One minute it's a Natalie Portman film, and then the next we're back to home movies.

dddave

I went through this. My solution was that I invented a fantasy neighbor. She never existed, just was my idea of what I wanted and how things would play out. Gave her a name and a back-story.

Call me crazy, but it worked for me. Got me through 2 years of celibacy.

Oddly, my second date with my wife played out almost exactly as I had fantasized about for so long.

levite

When I broke up with the girl I was with the longest (5 1/2 years), I also had a hard time not thinking of her when I was tossing off. Two things that helped:
1) Look at a lot of porn. I got very into watching/looking at homemade porn [other peoples', not mine] online at this point-- a taste I still retain-- and seeing non-professional, real women getting nasty really helped cleanse the mental palate.
2) Find other hotties you know personally to perv on. At that time, I worked with a fiercely hot chick, who also happened to be married. I knew I couldn't make a play for her, so it was safe for me to fantasize about her on an ongoing basis. I made her a regular feature in my sexual fantasies, and that also helped.

Other than that, only time will help. I still very occasionally fantasize about my exes, and it's good now.

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World's King

So you're looking at naked pics of you ex while you jerk off?


Nice. You need help.

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soma

My goodness this can be tough for sure. After my ex dumped me, it was so hard for me to wack without thinking of her. How depressing. Heh heh.
As others have said, give it time and watch a lot of good porn. It took me about 8 months before I was really able to get off well to porn without thinking of my ex. Sometimes I still have to push away thoughts of my ex when I beat it.

Good luck.

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Bill O'Rights

Best answer you're going to get is right above.

And this, boys and girls, is why amateur porn is so prolific on the internet.

Nah...I use naked pictures of your ex.

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It is indisputable that true beauty lies within...but a nice rack sure doesn't hurt.

digme

It happens. You can try other stimuli, but if she keeps coming back, just go with it.

Here's an idea, try to bring back a previous ex into rotation. Go through the "greatest hits"

Jinn

I just now figured out what you meant by this. Your capitalization of TIME made me think of:


I was like hmm.. why? Get lots of pictures of random people in your mind for use later? I guess that works, Hal...

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speshul-k

I don't think there's ever been a time where I haven't though about an ex post break up in THAT way.
Its only natural, not just because the feelings are raw and still there but sometimes you just had one hell of a good time with them!!