BCD

Unlike guys, who are ready to start banging away with little or no preparation (e.g., simply seeing half a breast peeking out of a shirt or even a woman asking about the weather), I know women generally require more sophisticated stimulation (and more of it) for great sex. I feel I do an excellent job with my technique physically stimulating a woman. However, it seems like I don't do a good enough of a job "turning her on" before the physical contact starts. I think it is even more difficult - and important to do a better job in this regard - given that I've been with the same woman (and she's been with the same man) for many years.

Any suggestions on ways to stimulate her mind - primarily well before the sexual contact starts - so that her sexual experience is better?

Thanks,
BCD

Willravel

Be yourself. Most women love honesty, and it helps to establish a decent connection and is the basis of your relationship. Honesty helps a woman let her guard down, and the guard is usually the thing that gets in people's (men and women's) ways.

After that, it's as simple as learning her individual turn ons and turn offs. This is so case specific that I really don't feel comfortable listing things off because the list would either be way too long or would miss a lot of important stuff.

As for your specific situation, take longer to warm the kettle. Typical foreplay is 5 to 10 minutes. Double that, and tease. Women get hungry just like men, and this can be used to intensify the need.

jewels

I don't think it's necessarily intellectual, although a little playful verbal sparring is a good add to the mix. If she loves hearing how much you know about string theory, talk and share your theory.

Think subtle foreplay throughout the day. Knowing glances and soft touches and caresses, brushing against her whenever possible, a lingering good-bye kiss instead of a quick grandpa kiss, reminiscing about very romantic moments you've shared. Call or text her at work, letting her know how much you're dying to (insert phrase here). You're aiming for a slow buildup, so by the time she drives home from work (assumption) she's wet with anticipation and will rip her clothes off when she works in the door.

__________________
We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
Mark Twain

levite

I kid you not, but one of the things I have found consistently works with the girls I've dated is: do a few simple things for them (make dinner, do dishes, etc.), and at the end of the day, after dinner/whatever evening plans you have, kick back for a while on the sofa, and talk with her. Ask about her day, whatever's going on in her life. Listen and engage with her. And while you're doing that, rub her feet. It's worth learning a little massage and reflexology to give a girl a good foot rub. Chicks just seem to store a lot of tension in their feet. Rub her feet, and when it seems like she's relaxed a little, keep talking, but just kind let your hands rub their way on up her legs-- slowly! I usually pace myself, light massage, keep it going for 20 minutes, sometimes half an hour. By the time I'm working on her inner thighs, she's ready to go, and it's pretty simple to transition right into more active and explicit foreplay....

I don't know what the magic is, but chicks just seem to melt for foot rubs, and if you light some candles, chicks seem to love them way more than any guy would expect....

__________________
Dull sublunary lovers love,
Whose soul is sense, cannot admit
Absence, because it doth remove
That thing which elemented it.

(From "A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning" by John Donne)

ngdawg

Ew! Foot rubs?? Not this chick.
The "secret" isn't a secret:
Pay attention.
Give Respect.
Don't make assumptions.
Don't push any issue.
Give respect. (worth repeating)

botabota

Everynow and then do something out of the blue, surprise her with something - doenst have to be a special day, it will tell her that everyday you have with her is a special day

for example things that Levite had suggest above, or a bath under candle light with wine on the side, wash her hair (i dont know about other women, but my SO love it when i wash her hair), make dessert, ask her how her day is but dont just end it there, go a bit further and ask her more about it (always good and its tell her that you care), take her out for a picnic after work at the park and just gently play with her stimulate her but dont do anything (go ahead if you would in public ) and she will be stimulated enough when you get back home

but be yourself, dont pretend to be something you not ... i am sure she love you the way you are

levite

So...do I dare to ask what you do like rubbed?

__________________
Dull sublunary lovers love,
Whose soul is sense, cannot admit
Absence, because it doth remove
That thing which elemented it.

(From "A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning" by John Donne)

Jinn

This works for me, every time. My girlfriend loves it when I talk nerdy to her.

__________________
"I'm typing on a computer of science, which is being sent by science wires to a little science server where you can access it. I'm not typing on a computer of philosophy or religion or whatever other thing you think can be used to understand the universe because they're a poor substitute in the role of understanding the universe which exists independent from ourselves." - Willravel

maudlinae

It drives me crazy when my boyfriend talks nerdy to me. One of the quickest ways to get me going! I love when he starts to discuss something with me and he gets really into it, really intense and passionate about the subject, especially if it's something that I'm fairly interested in as well (hint: Try to find something she's interested in hearing about, don't just launch into something.) If you're going to try this then as a tip, avoid anything controversial or anything that will get her worked up and frustrated, either with you or with people who take the opposite stance.