Weirdest thing you heard, or said, during sex. - Page 2 - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

tinydancer · 01-03-2008, 05:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by loquitur

The all time best weird events during sex story is this.

holy. freaking. hell. that was ridiculous and a bit unbelievable. However, quite entertaining.

Mantus · 01-06-2008, 09:14 PM

My GF is hilarious. We had some fun and I hit the pillow asking, "I wonder why us guys get so tired after we cum". She quips, "cuz there are no more seamen to row the boat."

tres · 01-18-2008, 01:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by loquitur

The all time best weird events during sex story is this.

too funny. Not the greatest idea to read it in the 911 center though.. Something about people calling for help, and hearing me laughing int he background.

thespian86 · 01-18-2008, 01:37 PM

I was in a production of CATS once upon a time, and one night, while cumming, my girlfriend shrieked "Macavity!". If anyone knows the show, it is an often random and (for me) hated reoccuring moment in the show. I laughed so hard that we had to stop

Tophat665 · 01-18-2008, 02:02 PM

For he's a fiend in feline form, a master of Depravity.

While probing her concavity, McCavity's not there?

thespian86 · 01-18-2008, 02:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tophat665

For he's a fiend in feline form, a master of Depravity.

While probing her concavity, McCavity's not there?

Hahaha! Furthermore, it happened to be a friend of her's who was playing Demeter (they had graduated together from a school in T.O.) who is one of the two characters who sings the duet Macavity (she is the "sexy one"). I had "hooked up" with during my first year @ York. She was convinced that she wanted me to Rum Tum Tugger her if you catch my drift (sort of sad if you do). I thought it was her trying to fight about it mid sex after the laugher stopped. I was right.

lol wow that was so long ago.

Tophat665 · 01-18-2008, 05:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by punkmusicfan21

....she wanted me to Rum Tum Tugger her if you catch my drift (sort of sad if you do)...

I'd have to bust out Old Possum's Book of Pornographical Cats to be sure.

/ Never saw Cats.
/ Like Eliot when he's being silly
/ Not so much when he's more erudite than thou.

Tophat665 · 04-08-2008, 04:42 PM

Been meaning to post this for a while. Couple months ago, it was fairly chilly for nudity in the bedroom, and so I was face down in Mrs Hat's lap under two comforters. We finished that phase of things and I slid up, and the top comforter sort of hung off my head like a hooded cloak. She sez to me, "You look just like a narwhal."

She meant Nazgûl

jimmyjab · 04-08-2008, 09:35 PM

I laugh about it now, but in the middle of sex with my then girlfriend, she requested I talk dirty to her, and in doing so, I accidently used an ex's last name (they both had the same first name..)
needless to say she pushed me off and was pretty upset.
whoops.

cmc · 04-09-2008, 06:02 AM

Ha ! I went to this link and my sides have just now stopped hurting from the laughing fit I experienced late last night - while I read and worked hard to not wake up my whole household -- like trying to NOT laugh in church ... the writing style of the 'author' was outstanding ... sample from this piece -- titled: The worst "Anal Sex Accident" The all time best weird events during sex story is this. "" I looked at my date, lying there motionless. I called her name. No response. I called her name while shaking her a bit. Nothing. Fear shot through me, as I thought, "Oh my god, what if she's dead?" But this fear quickly dissipated when I heard her snoring. "

I spent about a hour in that NYC Craigs list of 'stories' Thank you ! My sense of humor appreciates the link ! Ha !

Thank you - originally Posted by loquitur ---

Craven Morehead · 04-09-2008, 12:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cmc

Ha ! I went to this link and my sides have just now stopped hurting from the laughing fit I experienced late last night - while I read and worked hard to not wake up my whole household -- like trying to NOT laugh in church ... the writing style of the 'author' was outstanding ... sample from this piece -- titled: The worst "Anal Sex Accident" The all time best weird events during sex story is this. "" I looked at my date, lying there motionless. I called her name. No response. I called her name while shaking her a bit. Nothing. Fear shot through me, as I thought, "Oh my god, what if she's dead?" But this fear quickly dissipated when I heard her snoring. "

I spent about a hour in that NYC Craigs list of 'stories' Thank you ! My sense of humor appreciates the link ! Ha !

Thank you - originally Posted by loquitur ---

I can't recall the name of the author of this story. He had (and possibly still has) a website of his adventures. He was originally based in Chicago and then later in Miami. They were all over the top and I think were mostly just exercises in creative writing. But all hilarious.

cadre · 04-09-2008, 02:18 PM

"Taste the rainbow"

allaboutmusic · 04-09-2008, 04:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Craven Morehead

I can't recall the name of the author of this story. He had (and possibly still has) a website of his adventures. He was originally based in Chicago and then later in Miami. They were all over the top and I think were mostly just exercises in creative writing. But all hilarious.

Tucker Max?

vancityboi · 04-09-2008, 06:38 PM

i once said "im gonna fuck your mind out" instead of saying brains

we both just stared at each other and laughed...

creepysusie · 04-09-2008, 09:06 PM

Just before sex, he says, "Can I put this pizza box on my head when we do it?"
After I say no and he turns off all the lights and we start doing stuff.
"ohhhh (stops abruptly) what is on your head?"

Xerxys · 06-02-2009, 12:24 PM

Bump for post #40 by loquitur

elsesomebody · 06-03-2009, 06:12 AM

The other night my wife we were just laying in bed and I had my iPod Touch and knew my wife was going to give me a little head. I opened a lightsaber app on the iPod, and just as he pulled my cock out of my pants I pressed the button to "unsheath" the lightsaber. The timing was perfect. She started laughing and loved it; I kind of expected an "OMG seriously, you're such a dork".

Hektore · 06-03-2009, 06:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by loquitur

The all time best weird events during sex story is this.

I see your craigslist asscapades, and raise you Tucker Max

Xerxys · 06-03-2009, 04:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hektore

i see your craigslist asscapades, and raise you tucker max

**blaaaahhhhhaahhhhhrghh!!**

wooÐs · 06-03-2009, 08:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jimmyjab

I laugh about it now, but in the middle of sex with my then girlfriend, she requested I talk dirty to her, and in doing so, I accidently used an ex's last name (they both had the same first name..)
needless to say she pushed me off and was pretty upset.
whoops.

Yes. That's the worst thing I ever heard. His ex's name.

Good times.

ItWasMe · 06-03-2009, 08:57 PM

After my daughter walked in on us, she asked me
"Mommy, why do dogs hump like that? Are they counting the puppies each hump?"

Plan9 · 06-03-2009, 09:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ItWasMe

After my daughter walked in on us, she asked me
"Mommy, why do dogs hump like that? Are they counting the puppies each hump?"

BWAHAHAHA!

Shaindra · 06-05-2009, 06:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jimmyjab

I laugh about it now, but in the middle of sex with my then girlfriend, she requested I talk dirty to her, and in doing so, I accidently used an ex's last name (they both had the same first name..)
needless to say she pushed me off and was pretty upset.
whoops.

Isn't that what they used to call "rodeo fucking"? Where you're doing it doggy style, you say something like that to her, and then hold on for 6 seconds until she bucks you off?

thespian86 · 06-05-2009, 06:24 PM

This is the worst and funniest thing I've heard during sex:

I spent the day with this girl in my building in September. We ended up drinking in my room and then kissing. Kissing led to touching. Touching led to undressing. Etc.

She starts the sex. Yes, she. She is also super into it. And just as she is about to come she says:

"I shouldn't be doing this." And then comes really hard.

01-18-2008, 01:37 PM	#44 (permalink)
thespian86 change is hard. Location: the green room.	I was in a production of CATS once upon a time, and one night, while cumming, my girlfriend shrieked "Macavity!". If anyone knows the show, it is an often random and (for me) hated reoccuring moment in the show. I laughed so hard that we had to stop __________________ EX: Whats new? ME: I officially love coffee more then you now. EX: uh... ME: So, not much.

01-18-2008, 02:02 PM	#45 (permalink)
Tophat665 Minion of the scaléd ones Location: Northeast Jesusland	For he's a fiend in feline form, a master of Depravity. While probing her concavity, McCavity's not there? __________________ Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

04-08-2008, 04:42 PM	#48 (permalink)
Tophat665 Minion of the scaléd ones Location: Northeast Jesusland	Been meaning to post this for a while. Couple months ago, it was fairly chilly for nudity in the bedroom, and so I was face down in Mrs Hat's lap under two comforters. We finished that phase of things and I slid up, and the top comforter sort of hung off my head like a hooded cloak. She sez to me, "You look just like a narwhal." She meant Nazgûl __________________ Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

04-08-2008, 09:35 PM	#49 (permalink)
jimmyjab Upright	I laugh about it now, but in the middle of sex with my then girlfriend, she requested I talk dirty to her, and in doing so, I accidently used an ex's last name (they both had the same first name..) needless to say she pushed me off and was pretty upset. whoops. __________________ what comes around goes around. Think positive.

04-09-2008, 06:02 AM	#50 (permalink)
cmc Crazy Location: usa	Ha ! I went to this link and my sides have just now stopped hurting from the laughing fit I experienced late last night - while I read and worked hard to not wake up my whole household -- like trying to NOT laugh in church ... the writing style of the 'author' was outstanding ... sample from this piece -- titled: The worst "Anal Sex Accident" The all time best weird events during sex story is this. "" I looked at my date, lying there motionless. I called her name. No response. I called her name while shaking her a bit. Nothing. Fear shot through me, as I thought, "Oh my god, what if she's dead?" But this fear quickly dissipated when I heard her snoring. " I spent about a hour in that NYC Craigs list of 'stories' Thank you ! My sense of humor appreciates the link ! Ha ! Thank you - originally Posted by loquitur --- Last edited by cmc; 04-09-2008 at 06:04 AM..

01-06-2008, 09:14 PM	#42 (permalink)
Mantus lascivious	My GF is hilarious. We had some fun and I hit the pillow asking, "I wonder why us guys get so tired after we cum". She quips, "cuz there are no more seamen to row the boat."

04-09-2008, 02:18 PM	#52 (permalink)
cadre The Worst Influence Location: Arizona	"Taste the rainbow" __________________ My life is one of those 'you had to be there' jokes.

04-09-2008, 06:38 PM	#54 (permalink)
vancityboi Tilted Location: Vancouver,BC	i once said "im gonna fuck your mind out" instead of saying brains we both just stared at each other and laughed... __________________ I reject your reality and substitute my own -MythBusters Life is easier to measure by experience points -Watch The Guild

04-09-2008, 09:06 PM	#55 (permalink)
creepysusie Tilted	Just before sex, he says, "Can I put this pizza box on my head when we do it?" After I say no and he turns off all the lights and we start doing stuff. "ohhhh (stops abruptly) what is on your head?"

06-02-2009, 12:24 PM	#56 (permalink)
Xerxys Junkie Location: My head.	Bump for post #40 by loquitur

06-03-2009, 06:12 AM	#57 (permalink)
elsesomebody Tilted Location: North Carolina	The other night my wife we were just laying in bed and I had my iPod Touch and knew my wife was going to give me a little head. I opened a lightsaber app on the iPod, and just as he pulled my cock out of my pants I pressed the button to "unsheath" the lightsaber. The timing was perfect. She started laughing and loved it; I kind of expected an "OMG seriously, you're such a dork".

06-03-2009, 08:57 PM	#61 (permalink)
ItWasMe But You'll Never Prove It. Location: under your bed	After my daughter walked in on us, she asked me "Mommy, why do dogs hump like that? Are they counting the puppies each hump?" __________________ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . "Ok, no more truth-or-dare until somebody returns my underwear" ~ George Lopez I bake cookies just so I can lick the bowl. ~ ItWasMe

06-05-2009, 06:24 PM	#64 (permalink)
thespian86 change is hard. Location: the green room.	This is the worst and funniest thing I've heard during sex: I spent the day with this girl in my building in September. We ended up drinking in my room and then kissing. Kissing led to touching. Touching led to undressing. Etc. She starts the sex. Yes, she. She is also super into it. And just as she is about to come she says: "I shouldn't be doing this." And then comes really hard. __________________ EX: Whats new? ME: I officially love coffee more then you now. EX: uh... ME: So, not much.