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Old 12-04-2007, 07:53 AM   #1 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Weirdest thing you heard, or said, during sex.

A man I dated used to like to shout SHE LOVES MY COCK right at the moment of lift-off.

LOL
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Old 12-04-2007, 08:13 AM   #2 (permalink)
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lmfao!

quote unquote "are you going to put ALL THAT in there??"
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Old 12-04-2007, 09:01 AM   #3 (permalink)
Junkie
 
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Location: MD
"Why do I feel so dizzy???"
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Old 12-04-2007, 02:07 PM   #4 (permalink)
Custom User Title
 
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Mommy


No, just kidding.
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Old 12-04-2007, 03:02 PM   #5 (permalink)
"I'm sorry. What was the question?"
 
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Location: Paradise Regained
She was joking, but right at the moment of climax, my wife once yelled "I'm a momma tiger!!" I don't know where it came from, or why the hell she chose to say that then, but it all but ruined a good orgasm.
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Old 12-04-2007, 03:13 PM   #6 (permalink)
Addict
 
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Location: USA
Lol. Haha. These are funny
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Old 12-04-2007, 06:46 PM   #7 (permalink)
Junkie
 
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Location: Fort Worth, TX
"Ahh, Ahhhhh, AHHHHHH, *THUD*...... uuuuggghhhhhh"

She was bent over a chair with me behind, when a leg of the chair broke and slammed her forehead into the table.... the second I realized she was ok I couldn't stop laughing. Needless to say she wasn't too happy I couldn't stop laughing.
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Old 12-04-2007, 06:49 PM   #8 (permalink)
I Confess a Shiver
 
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"Why is there a smiley face on your junk?"

"Duh! It's happy!"
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Old 12-04-2007, 06:51 PM   #9 (permalink)
Let's put a smile on that face
 
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Location: On the road...
Wow these are awesome. I have nothing funny to add though
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Old 12-04-2007, 06:58 PM   #10 (permalink)
... a sort of licensed troubleshooter.
 
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Me: "Engage..."
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Old 12-04-2007, 07:01 PM   #11 (permalink)
Here
 
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Location: Denver City Denver
I always like to ask a girl about her parents during our first sexual encounter.
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Old 12-04-2007, 07:18 PM   #12 (permalink)
I Confess a Shiver
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Daoust
"I'm a momma tiger!!"
Dunno, man... I wish I had a lady like that. Hot quote.
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Old 12-04-2007, 07:27 PM   #13 (permalink)
"I'm sorry. What was the question?"
 
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Location: Paradise Regained
LOL. It wasn't at the time. It was hilarious. But not hot. But thanks!
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Old 12-04-2007, 08:02 PM   #14 (permalink)
Minion of the scaléd ones
 
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Location: Northeast Jesusland
There was a time damn near 20 years ago while the Mrs Hat to be and I were horizontal, superimposed, done with the act but still engaged, and I leaned down and whispered in her ear as I was wont to do at that moment, but instead of sweet nothings I said, "Snakes have no arms, that's why they don't wear vests." She cracked up, which was quite stimulating, and, as I recall, lead to another round almost immediately.

She was looking for Mr. Right, she got Steven Wright.
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Old 12-04-2007, 09:46 PM   #15 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: Adelaide, South Australia
"If your mother could see you now!"
Really stupid comment, she choked and wouldn't go down again.
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Old 12-04-2007, 09:51 PM   #16 (permalink)
MSD
The sky calls to us ...
 
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Guys, if you're getting head and need to warn her you're about to finish, the only acceptable way to do so is yelling, "THE JUICE IS LOOSE!"
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Old 12-05-2007, 05:19 AM   #17 (permalink)
Psycho
 
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Location: Massachusetts
"You kiss your mother with that mouth?"
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Old 12-05-2007, 07:00 AM   #18 (permalink)
Misanthropic
 
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Location: Ohio! yay!
"I haven't been fucked like that since grade school"
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Old 12-05-2007, 07:05 AM   #19 (permalink)
Minion of the scaléd ones
 
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Location: Northeast Jesusland
Quote:
Originally Posted by Crack
"I haven't been fucked like that since grade school"
Great line. In the book it's "I want to have your abortion."
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Old 12-05-2007, 07:19 AM   #20 (permalink)
I'll ask when I'm ready....
 
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Location: Firmly in the middle....
"How the hell should I know, I'm not a doctor...."
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DAMMIT! -Jack Bauer-
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Old 12-05-2007, 09:42 AM   #21 (permalink)
Misanthropic
 
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Location: Ohio! yay!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tophat665
Great line. In the book it's "I want to have your abortion."
even better.
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Old 12-05-2007, 08:03 PM   #22 (permalink)
But You'll Never Prove It.
 
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Location: under your bed
"The crab escaped...and itt's staring at me." (said by itwasme)
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. . . . . . . . . . . . . .


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Old 12-27-2007, 11:21 PM   #23 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: Washington
This ain't too weird, but I'm just glad I can contribute:

"What's this spot?"

"A razor burn."

"Oh..."
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Old 12-27-2007, 11:40 PM   #24 (permalink)
I Confess a Shiver
 
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"Snakes have no arms, that's why they don't wear vests."

Oh, I'm so using this line later, Tophat. I'll let you know how it works out.
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Old 12-28-2007, 06:46 PM   #25 (permalink)
peekaboo
 
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Location: on the back, bitch
Just having reached that climatic moment and winding down, he let rip a hearty one...and then started pumping me hard. "I kicked in the fours".....
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Old 12-28-2007, 07:25 PM   #26 (permalink)
Une petite chou
 
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Location: With All Your Base
"not that one, asshole."
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Quote:
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Just realize that you're armed with smart but heavily outnumbered.
The question isn’t who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me. Ayn Rand
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Old 12-29-2007, 11:22 AM   #27 (permalink)
Junkie
 
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Location: upstate NY
Quote:
Originally Posted by fredweena
"not that one, asshole."

And some people say commas don't matter!
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Old 12-30-2007, 03:52 PM   #28 (permalink)
Crazy
 
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"Oh my god... Oh my god... My feet are numb" That was an odd moment.
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Old 12-30-2007, 04:25 PM   #29 (permalink)
Upright
 
Location: Mid-south-east coast of Florida
A friend's story.... whilst showing his woman friend his ardent love in a bouncy, physical way, she let a fart. He replied,"Quiet now, little one. You're next."

Can't swear it happened, but kinda hope so.
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Old 12-30-2007, 04:31 PM   #30 (permalink)
Here
 
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Location: Denver City Denver
"Your girlfriend decorated this room really nice."
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Old 12-30-2007, 04:50 PM   #31 (permalink)
comfortably numb...
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MrSelfDestruct
Guys, if you're getting head and need to warn her you're about to finish, the only acceptable way to do so is yelling, "THE JUICE IS LOOSE!"

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0362919/
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- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
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-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.
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Old 01-01-2008, 12:42 AM   #32 (permalink)
But You'll Never Prove It.
 
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Location: under your bed
Quote:
Originally Posted by World's King
"Your girlfriend decorated this room really nice."
That would be interesting.

ItWasMe to ex-husband: "WTF?? That isn't my name!"
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. . . . . . . . . . . . . .


"Ok, no more truth-or-dare until somebody returns my underwear" ~ George Lopez

I bake cookies just so I can lick the bowl. ~ ItWasMe

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Old 01-01-2008, 07:36 PM   #33 (permalink)
Soylent Green is people.
 
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Location: Northern California
she (after sex): "would you rather have Herpes or HIV?" ... we're both doctors and it turns out she just wanted to talk shop.
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Old 01-01-2008, 07:53 PM   #34 (permalink)
I Confess a Shiver
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fredweena
"not that one, asshole."
Subtle!
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Old 01-01-2008, 08:08 PM   #35 (permalink)
Getting it.
 
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Location: Lion City
Applause...
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Old 01-02-2008, 12:46 AM   #36 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: Melb - Australia
Quote:
"Quiet now, little one. You're next."


what a classic

cheers
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Cheers
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Old 01-02-2008, 01:24 AM   #37 (permalink)
Upright
 
Unfortunately, I don't have anything witty to add, however, I always crack up when she rips a far during her orgasm, then feels the need to apologize while screaming.
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Old 01-03-2008, 10:05 AM   #38 (permalink)
Upright
 
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Location: England
I had just orgasmed, it was one of those head to toe ones i said: "i can't feel my face!!" doesnt sound great but it was funny at the time
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Old 01-03-2008, 11:34 AM   #39 (permalink)
still, wondering.
 
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Location: South Minneapolis, somewhere near the gorgeous gorge
Quote:
Originally Posted by Crack
"I haven't been fucked like that since grade school"
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Old 01-03-2008, 12:05 PM   #40 (permalink)
Junkie
 
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Location: NYC
The all time best weird events during sex story is this.
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