Shades

She phoned me tonight, sobbing so hard that she couldn't hardly talk. She tells me that it was a huge mistake, that she's never felt so aweful, and I've never seen a person sob so hard. But at the same time, I'm worried that if we get back together, it'll all just fall apart again. Of course, it doesn't help that we're both idiots and slept together. Good Lord, I don't know what to do. I don't know what would be most fair to both of us.

I had another thread on the drama, but thought this deserved a new thread, since it wasn't exactly a current girlfriend problem so much as an ex-girlfriend problem. That thread is here:
What did I do wrong? GF advice

geep

Shades-

I remember the other thread. Sounds like it's time to do a little talking. You two should get together- someplace "semi" public where you won't just end up in bed. No booze, no drugs. Quiet. The topic should be her feelings as well as yours. You need to deal with the issue of trust. Perhaps a counselor would be in order, if you both agree. You sound like you're in love with her- have you told her this? Now is the time for both of you to come clean with each other. After you're done talking, go home by yourself and think about where you want to be.

clockworkgreen

Hmmm. First post about it on 6/11. Today's date 6/19. 8 days, give or take.

You're barely broken up. If she was an ex of a year or even 6 months, etc. I'd say no freaking way. But since it's recent, I think it's ok to get back with her after you guys clear the air.

napking

i went through this and did get back together with my gf within the next day. sometimes people make bad decisions in the heat of the moment.

sit down and talk with her.

Lebell

It's possible, but you two need to have an HONEST heart to heart talk.

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ratbastid

One thing's for sure: it'll never be boring with her!

gibber71

I would say give it 6 months where you are friends and nothing more.Date other people if you want and see what happens.If you are meant for each other,you will find a way to be together.Besides, if after 6 months you get back together,what better time than Christmas.

Shades

I guess we're going to both try to make some changes and give it another run. We're trying for low pressure, like not seeing eachother quite so often at first. I hope it works out.

HFrankenstein

I read your previous thread about a week ago and decided not to reply since I didn't have anything to say that had already been said. This time, however, I'm gonna go ahead and disagree with everyone's answer so far and respond with a resounding no no sweet mother of Mary no oh God please no no.

In relationships, there is one rule that really ought to be followed if you can help it: never get back together. <i>Very</i> few people follow this rule, but they should. Why? Well, let's take your case: your ex (and I'm hoping she still is your ex) had no good reason to dump you, and now she's realized it. If you take her back, all you're doing is giving her permission to do it again someday. If you don't take her back, hopefully she won't pull that crap with her next boyfriend.

Don't give in to her. Move on.

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When in doubt, sauerkraut.

eribrav

Lose the drama queen.

gibber71

Wow,..I said give it 6 months but something that HFrankenstein said just slapped me back 10 years.Some flashback. HF's advise is better than mine. Just think before you commit.

HFrankenstein

*blush* I'm flattered.

Shades, I found an article you should read (<a href="http://www.askmen.com/dating/doclove_100/123_relationship_expert.html">clicky</a>). And when you get done with that, read the rest of that guy's columns. Invaluable advice.

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When in doubt, sauerkraut.

crow_daw

OK, dude, it sounds like your girl is like my ex-girl. And I know how it is dawg. I was crazy about her, and we got into a fight one night and she broke it off. Two days later, we were back together, then, about a week later, she just wants to be friends, says getting back together was a mistake. Then a few days after that, she writes me a freeverse poem saying shes crazy about me and not having me is killing her inside. Now, I knew by this time that she couldn't be trusted, and she never knows what she wants. But I just thought that NO ONE could ever write something so heartfelt and not mean it. I didn't think such heartless people could exist. So I took her back.
It went really good for about two more months, and suddenly, its not working out again. She tells me this, we both start crying and talking about it, and she changes her mind. Says she doesn't wanna do something she'll regret again. So she says we'll talk about it again the next day.
But the next morning, I saw the light. I called her and said we were just prolonging the inevitable. That she would just decide again at a further date that it wasn't working out. So I said fuck it. There was no point to being with her. And I ended it.

Well, its a month later, and I'm so glad I did, all she was doing was dragging me down man. But I know whats its like to be crazy about someone, and that will blind you to things. Try to sit down, clear your head, and actually think about as though you were looking from an outsider's perspective. Is it worth it?

And I have to agree with HF, it almost never works out after a couple breaks up once.

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chavos

I dunno about making it an absolute...but physicial intimacy complicates the breakups to makeups picture strongly. Most relationships that i see recover don't have that component. Frankly, this is what i've seen of her: two instances in which she has made rash choices that hurt people around her. Now, i grant you that there are ways of telling my story that would get you the same synopsis, but as far as your intrests go, Shades, i'd say that she's not doing so hot.

Best of luck....

Peetster

She is eventually going to end up in counceling. I'm not saying that is a bad thing, I'm just wondering if you want to be the guy sitting next to her.

leprechaun

I know what your ex is going through.
I just called my ex last week after not talking to him for a year and a half, totally want him back now. We went out for a year and 2 months and in that time we broke up and got back together 3 times. My advice is this as lame and corny as it sounds : follow your heart. You already know that she wants you back just figure out if you still feel the same about her as you did when you first started seeing each other, and for god sakes don't do it because she can't be without you, trust me

riptide4070

Sarah Mcloughlan says it best "I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to lose, clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose."

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Kaos

There was probably a good reason why you broke up in the first place, and those reason will resurface again if you go back.

Vyk

Sounds like she could use some counseling. Emotional instability like that doesn't happen for no reason. She needs to get herself together before she can really successfully involve herself in a relationship.

Good luck with it if you have gotten back with her. I'd advise you to talk to her about seeing a counselor. Would do her a lot of good.

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j_lonty

I dunno - I'd say give it a second shot - who knows what happened - maybe something traumatic affected her judgement or somesuch - there are a million reasons why someone can be stupid and fuckup something good for what they think are the right reasons given some extraodinary circumstances - I'd say talk - talk somewhere quiet where you can really let your hair down, and find out what happened. If it makes sense in context, then you'll know what happened and can try and prevent it in the future.

Any good relationship deserves a second shot. If the second one fails for the same reasons - well, hell, if its good enough, i'd even say give it a third, although - fool me once....

So yeah, if this is really worth it to you, give it a shot again. But if the same thing happens all over, then get the hell out, as this may indicate that she's got some serious shit going on that she needs to deal with before she can have a real relationship.

erion

I had a relationship for 2 1/2 years that went through multiple cycles of break-up get back together.

Make sure It's absolutely worth it before you take the risk of putting yourself through another session of heartache. Also make damn sure that the issues that caused the breakup are resolvable (is that even a word?) before you give it another go.

brokenangel

"Love sometimes has a reason, that reason itself does not know."

If you love her, then give her a chance.

Shades

Actually, I did give it another chance at the end of last month. It was a disaster. We had agreed to give it a chance. She told me that she loved that morning and that night. The next day, she told me that wasn't going to go out with me anymore. It's about all I can do at the moment to keep breathing and force myself to put one foot in front of the other.

Halx

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