blackdas

Let me just get to the point...I dated my ex for 2.5 five years, and we decided to call it off a few months ago (I was a hs senior, and she was junior). We are best friends, but we don't really see each other much. Every night we basically go with our respective groups of friends, except for maybe one or two nights a week where we go out to dinner together. We still do some bf/gf touching, so at times I feel like we are still going out. But anyway, I still want to date her but she doesn't want to. She loves me a lot, and I know she does, but she wants to try being single because we dated so long. She tells me that she thinks we will go out again sometimes, and tells me that she doesn't go out and make out other with guys because she loves me and knows that I won't like, and possibly be upset (I know this is true because she is honest with me, and is prudish so she doesn't go out and hook up with other guys).

I'm going to college in September, but I'm staying here in New York City, so I'm still going to see her as she finished her senior year. I know that once college starts I will be able to meet other people so I won't have this problem as much, but what should I do about talking to her and trying to get with her? I don't know any other girls so it's hard to get her off my mind, and I don't like going to clubs and doing that whole thing. And it will probably take some time before I meet people in college, so I'm afraid I'll still need to go to her. What do you recommend I do? Should I keep on talking to her and still try to get close with her, or is it better to try to move on and try to forget about this whole sitatuon?

I appreciate your advice, although it always sounds easier than it actually is. I want to get with her in a physical sense, but we are also best friends, so don't think this is all about just getting her into bed and banging her.

last thought: This year she became very involved in her studies and became a nerd (not in a bad way). But what is bad is that she has started nerdy guys, and since we dated so long I find it hard to not take it personally if she was to hook up with some guy, especially a nerdy one, especially since I don't like her friends. I'm more of a computer/musician type, so this isn't too good for me, but we have history, so maybe we can look past this fact...Also, she always encourages me to go out and get other girls because she wants to me to be happy.

ah, so much typing...

phredgreen

you two have a connection, yet you both have your eyes out for the possibilities of the future that may not involve eachother.

for now, i say keep a loose friendship with her, perhaps friends with benefits, but don't keep it terribly serious. you both seem like you're looking to drift away eventually, so there's no need to rack yrou mind with emotional what-if's. you're about to head off to college. i garuntee you that you will discover a whole new world in respect to the fairer sex. by keeping loose ties to this past lover, severing those ties will be so much easier when you decide it's time to grow into your new life. i know i'm sounding pretty noncommital here, but i just don't see you two living happliy ever after. you're both young and coming into yourselves. there is no need to hinder your own personal development for a relationship that has no real future.

__________________
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Jaseca

Stay friends, maybe get back together after you've dated other people. College is a time to meet new people, I'm not saying sleep with every girl you can. I'm not like that from the sounds of it you aren't either. Just go out on other dates and keep the friendship with her alive while you're both at school.

blackdas

Thanks for the advice, you guys basically comfirmed what I thought.

Being friends is kinda hard becuase when I actually see her I have trouble not touching her butt, etc, like if he we were going out. But I guess I probably won't see her much next year, so maybe I won't care as much.

komodo

Be careful what you do. If you are mature, careful, and above all, sensitive to what she's feeling, you have an opportunity on your hands here, one that doesn't come along very often in life:

Friend. With. Benefits.

If you stop trying to be her bf entirely, and instead slowly maneuver yourself into being a friend but WITH physical aspects (ie, second base action on a regular basis and maybe even going all the way), you can get into that most desireable of all positions. Essentially, if you swing this right, you could end up having free sex with someone you are friends with whenever neither of you is involved with someone else.

The trick is both to convince her that you don't feel you have a true bf/gf relationship (best bet: start seeing other girls in between sessions with her to prove you aren't trying to "get" her back) AND also convince her that you'll be able to just stop doing it when she gets a bf... and then hopefully start again when and if she dumps him or gets dumped.

Be careful, be sensitive, and take it very slow. May the force be with you.

blackdas

Thanks Komodo! We ARE friends with benefits now! Now the only thing I have to do is see how far I can go.

but yeah, thanks for the advice!!