777

Have you ever gotten along with someone very well in the begining? Laughing, and having a good time. And then comes this one, tiny, little moment in which you say/do something stupid/offensive (that you meant to be funny or sarcastic), and it undoes everything that has happened between you two. Is there anyway to recover from that?

Here's what happened. There's this gal I started working with in November. We started chatting from time to time during the busy holiday season in our department store. One time, she was feeling down, and her and I stood close to one another while she talked about graduating, her brithday plans, her fight with her roommate, etc (This felt odd for me, since people tend to feel they connect with me before I connect with them).

Later that day, a buddy of our's asked her if she was seeing someone, and when she said she wasn't, mentioned that I had been asking about her. This isn't a position I wanted to be in, but I can work with it (since she looks hot in a short skirt). I asked her out for lunch, and was turned down, cuz she wasn't in the mode. A week or so later, we did agree to grab a bite to eat, but something came up on my part, and that never happened.

Now back in mid January, another coworker was leaving for another job, and we were going to have a going away dinner for him at a bar/pizzeria. I walked into her dept and she said under her breath that I couldn't her very well. Since I was in a flirty mode, I started with, "I hope you're not fishing for compliments?" In a serious tone, her retort was, "I don't have to fish." And walked off.

Yes, that was the moment that ruined everything. I latter realized that she was looking for a sympathetic ear that afternoon. And, apperently, I wasn't it. I don't know how things are on her end, but my ego is shatter, considering I didn't think that I could have screwed up this baddly. Now she avoids me. Won't look me in the eye, and if there's anyone else to talk to, only responds to what they say, and not me. Normally, I'd move on, except that I've had a little crush on her since December 2nd, and we work together for the time being. She hasn't replied to my emails (even when we were on good terms) and blocked me on MySpace (I deleted her later).

She's artsy, I enjoy her sense of humor, and is kinda cute (and looks hot in a skirt). All I want now is that we have repport again. Is that too much to ask?

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"I don't know that I ever wanted greatness, on its own. It seems rather like wanting to be an engineer, rather than wanting to design something - or wanting to be a writer, rather than wanting to write. It should be a by-product, not a thing in itself. Otherwise, it's just an ego trip."

Roger Zelazny

ngdawg

Nope.
Put a little note ala "I'm not sure how I offended you, but I'd like the opportunity to beg your forgiveness and start fresh" on her desk, perhaps her monitor....worse that could happen is her attitude toward you doesn't change and if she can hold a grudge that tightly, do you really want to be bothered then?

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Don't blame me. I didn't vote for either of'em.

shakran

ngdawg's right on the money. Do what she said, and take the last sentence to heart.

onodrim

It seems really odd that she'd be so bothered by such an innocent comment. I would do something like ng mentioned, leave her a note, or catch her in person if you can, and simply ask what you've done to upset her so much and apologize for whatever it is since you certainly didn't mean it however she took it. If it turns out that it was your comment about compliments and she's not willing to get over that, then I would move on, she's not worth it. Her being that upset over it and her responding comment seem to paint a picture that she's very self absorbed, and those relationships rarely work out well.

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"The world is so exquisite with so much love and moral depth, that there is no reason to deceive ourselves with pretty stories for which there’s little good evidence. Far better it seems to me, in our vulnerability, is to look death in the eye and to be grateful every day for the brief but magnificent opportunity that life provides"
-Carl Sagan

777

Ahh, good. I thought I was the only one that believed she's self absorbed. She draws and paints a lot of self potraits (What's odd is that I'm gernerally thinking of others...). But since the only aspect of humanity that inspires her to create, is herself, I dought that she'll think of anyone else.

I guess I have bad taste in women

__________________
"I don't know that I ever wanted greatness, on its own. It seems rather like wanting to be an engineer, rather than wanting to design something - or wanting to be a writer, rather than wanting to write. It should be a by-product, not a thing in itself. Otherwise, it's just an ego trip."

Roger Zelazny

pornclerk

The general idea here is that she is overreacting. I agree.

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Who wants a twig when you can have the whole tree?

Sultana

Eh. Frida incorporated herself into every picture she painted, seemed to be well-regarded nonetheless.

But yeah, qucikly apologise, and if she is still prickly or easily offended, let her go.

__________________
"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath.
At night, the ice weasels come." -

Matt Groening

My goal? To fulfill my potential.

DaveOrion

If I understand you correctly, you planned to have lunch with her and then you stood her up. I know it was just lunch or whatever but this is still a date, and your first date with her and you didnt show. Then you dont call her and explain, and the next time you see her you make the fishing for a compliment comment.

No need to wonder what she's mad about, nobody likes to be stood up, but women despise that! And on your first date! I dont think it was anything extremely important because you just said,"Something came up". You should have called her, but you didnt, then the next time you see her instead of apologizing, you try to play it off with a not so witty comment. No wonder she wont speak to you.

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Syriana...have you ever tried liquid MDMA?....Liquid MDMA? No....Arash, when you wanna do this?.....After prayer...

Toaster126

Um, don't send her a note or anything. She is obviously incapable of acting like an adult, so ignore her and find someone better to crush on.

__________________
"The question isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me." (Ayn Rand)
"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (M. Scott Peck)

glooper23

While I'm on top of my girlfriend, putting on a condom for the first time, I suddenly became nervous because it was my first time. So, I lose my erection, and I don't know what to do. She asked what was wrong, and I said: "haha um.. I guess you're gonna have to try [to please me] a little harder." I was just joking, but nope, she lost it. From that point on she held it against me no matter how many times I apologized.

It was pretty clear in my mind that I was joking, but I think she was too insecure to take it the same.

World's King

More often then not no one really understands my sense of humor.

I think beating a hooker to death with a phone so you don't have to pay for the blow you just got is funny. Most people find that gross, wrong, and morbid.

I'm used to living my life in my own head. If I offend someone, I just go about my day as if nothing happened.


In your case, don't sweat it. She's most likely not really that into you and just wanted someone she could bitch about her life too. I hate people like that. Where no matter what you're talking about they always turn it back to them and how screwed up their relationship with their mother is or how cute their kids/dog/cat/boyfriend is. I couldn't fucking care less that your mom wasn't their for you after your father cheated on her with your best friend from high school and is now doing 25 for beating a hooker so he didn't have to pay her. (God that's funny.) I like simple relationships with friends. We meet for drinks, have fun, I hit on your girlfriend, roll a homeless guy for his shopping cart, have a good night sleep, and do it all again tomorrow. Nothing fancy. Why do people feel they have to share everything with me? Don't ask me how my day was. I'm not gonna actually tell you. I'm just gonna make something up about seeing this little kid get slapped by his mother in the grocery store. And I know the only reason people ask that fucking question is cause they have a story to tell and they don't wanna just come right out and tell it. Leave conversation to what it should be. Talking about sports, booze, and how many times you fucked that chick last night before you told her you had herpes.

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heavy is the head that wears the crown

CaliLivChick

As far as the woman at the office, I'd be careful with the wording of the note if you do leave one... saying something like begging for forgiveness is one thing, writing it (and leaving evidence for a potential sexual harassment case) is another. Be professional, first and foremost, because you need to make yourself and your career more important than getting her forgiveness.

Saying something to your girlfriend in bed like that... yeah, it's a vulnerable moment, and the timing was just bad. A lot of women are insecure already about their physical appearance, and while our brains can logically say "putting on a condom can make him lose it, no biggie", our insecurity says "your body isn't hot enough to keep him going".

I was talking to this guy who lives in Maryland. He and his wife were going to be coming down to the Orlando area around Christmas time, and we were talking about the three of us getting together. We were hitting it off great, talking a lot, had similar personalities (a little dry and sarcastic senses of humor at times), things seemed like they were on track. Something happened while they were down here, and the night we were planning on getting together didn't pan out. I was joking around, saying they should cancel some other plans they had and hang out with me instead, and he said I was being too pushy. That was the last time I heard from him. I know it's their loss, but it still hurt some, considering I wasn't being serious.

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Don't trust anything that can bleed for a week and not die. Oh wait, that's me... nevermind... you can trust me.

oneofmanymen

I think your more the friend or ear for her then, anything more. Seems it may be best to just go on about your daily life than to worry about her being offended because of a VERY small comment meant to be a joke. I guess you will have to just enjoy her in a skirt from afar...

and World King, I hope it was a pay phone... don't want that yuck on your cell.

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Everything works if you let it....

777

Well, it's a little late for a note, but thanks for advice. I sent an email, but it was never replied to (she never replied to email when we were on good terms). I'd call her, but I don't have her number (was going to ask for it after lunch). All in all, there's no sign that she cares.

My currant plan is simply to continue doing what I do (helping out and tossing the occasional one-liner), and exclude her. If she comes around, great, more people to have fun with at work. If not, so much the better.

Yesterday, I was bored at work, and started making these out of receipt paper. The first one I made didn't take. The second flew behind a dishwasher, and without some power tools, it's gone. So third time's a charm

__________________
"I don't know that I ever wanted greatness, on its own. It seems rather like wanting to be an engineer, rather than wanting to design something - or wanting to be a writer, rather than wanting to write. It should be a by-product, not a thing in itself. Otherwise, it's just an ego trip."

Roger Zelazny

oneofmanymen

Good plan just go on like nothing happened and hopefully she'll come around

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Everything works if you let it....

genuinegirly

paper ninja stars are awesome. Good little distraction. But I just have to say... Are you actually throwing them around at work? That's not necessarily a good idea.

__________________
"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

World's King

I was thinking he was gonna throw them at her.

__________________
heavy is the head that wears the crown

analog

Yup. Uppity and self-absorbed. Don't worry about winning her back, you don't want her.

Daniel_

You could always take a leaf from King's book and beat her to death with a phone...?

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╔═════════════════════════════════════════╗
Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine
╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝

777

The thought has crossed my mind, but she's not a hooker, so it wouldn't be very funny

Update: In my department store, we got knife vendors. They make a presentation similar to those knife info-mercials ("Saw through wood, and look! It still slices tomatoes with ease."). And they give away these little orange-colored citrus juicers (I have 3 so far).

Anyway, I was talking to the vendor closing up tonight. We were chating a bit, and I ask for her name, "So do you have a name, or should I just call you Knifelady?"

"You can call me Knifelady, or Ninjagirl. But my name is _______."

Ninjagirl?! It's like something out of a bad sitcom. Since the next thing I did was to bring out the paper star.

Long story short, I have her number

__________________
"I don't know that I ever wanted greatness, on its own. It seems rather like wanting to be an engineer, rather than wanting to design something - or wanting to be a writer, rather than wanting to write. It should be a by-product, not a thing in itself. Otherwise, it's just an ego trip."

Roger Zelazny

analog

you must now call her ninjagirl. always. I don't care how nice her real name is, it's ninjagirl from here on out. Especially in front of others.

Sharon

777, I like this new girl already.

Toaster126

Ninjagirl? TAKE THAT GIRL OUT.

__________________
"The question isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me." (Ayn Rand)
"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (M. Scott Peck)

World's King

If it doesn't work... can I have her number?

__________________
heavy is the head that wears the crown

OzOz

Ninjagirl? Enough said. She sounds like a keeper.

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Maybe you should put some shorts on or something, if you wanna keep fighting evil today.

777

Thanks for the support, but let's hold off the celebration until I get a call back from her :/ (well, it's only Tuesday)

Moving right along, let's share some times that we've recovered from "putting your foot in your mouth".

I remember this one gal I worked with at a clothing store (Stacy, I think). She was putting new merchendice on the sales floor from the dock, during the Holiday season. Since I was a cashier, I rarely see the merchendicers in the evening. I had a friendly chat with one gal, and didn't see her again untill two months later (January). We were on inventory duty, counting every article of clothing, piece of jewelery, sock, shoe, etc, in the store. And of all things to happen, I forgot her name

For most of the evening, she was pissed. Finally, lunch time came (more like a midnight snack, we were on a graveyard shift). The store had cattered with crousant sandwitches from the market a few blocks down. I got the roast beef and chedder. In the lunch room, there's some tables and chairs, and a blue love seat. Stacy sat there with two other girls. These gals left soon afterward, and then Stacy went to the restroom.

Then I got an idea. I moved from my spot at the table, and sat in the love seat. I postioned myself so that I was watching the tv on the far side of the small couch, and would have my back to who ever sat next to me. Stacy came back, and reclaimed her spot on the couch, next to mine. I didn't say anything at first, until a few minutes had past. Then I turned, gave a small smile, and said, "Hi".

She mentioned that it's understandable to forget someone's name, after only meeting them once, several weeks ago. And we got back to were we left off

__________________
"I don't know that I ever wanted greatness, on its own. It seems rather like wanting to be an engineer, rather than wanting to design something - or wanting to be a writer, rather than wanting to write. It should be a by-product, not a thing in itself. Otherwise, it's just an ego trip."

Roger Zelazny