cookmo

So, a little over six months ago I met a guy on-line in this game I play. Friendship developed into romance and we decided to meet in person to see if it was "real" or not. Turns out that it is the most right thing either of us have ever felt, and we don't want to be apart and do the whole long distance thing. I am in school here in Ohio, and he is from New Hampshire. Weve decided that he is going to move here with me, so that I can finish school and what not.
The problem is that my family is very untrusting of him. They figure that he must be crazy/criminal/deviant because he is willing to move up here to be with me. My one brother is down right hostile, and acting very childish.
I can understand the concern, but I did all of the appropriate background checks and what not before meeting him in person. I haven't met his family in person yet, but I have spoken with them through emails and myspace. I know that he is not crazy/deviant/criminal, but how do I convince my family?

JamesB

Time.

Only time will help.

I feel really bad for your guy tho - he will have to put up with a LOT of stress over this. Protect him.

I went through a similar situation.

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cellophanedeity

Just be steadfast and hold on if you want to keep him, even if your family isn't too supportive at first. Eventually they'll realize how great he is and how happy he makes you, and they'll have little choice but to accept him.

Borla

Very true.

I would also suggest that you NOT use it as a reason to withdraw from your family, or those who are your friends now. Show them, by spending time around them with him, that everything is ok, that he is normal, and that he cares for you.

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Coimhéad fearg fhear na foighde!!!!

nikkiana

Yeah. Time unfortunately is the only thing that's probably going to help.

But because I'm dying of curiosity.... Where in NH is he from?

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nikkiana

ShaniFaye

My parents werent too whacked I met Dave online, but now I think they love him more than me hehehehe

some parents just dont understand that meeting someone online is just like meeting someone any where else (cept you know upfront what they look like if you meet them offline lol)

hopefully they will give him a chance

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analog

Me too, I was also the "met online" boyfriend.

Add one thing, though... "I am on the internet. Not everyone on there is crazy/deviant/etc. I'm on there, too. Surely i'm not the only acceptable human being on the whole internet." Add that most people your age are "on the internet", and having met them there instead of in a club, or a bar, or at school, doesn't change the fact that anyone you WOULD meet in those places is most likely every bit a denizen of the 'net as this guy who you happened to meet on the 'net.

While they may brush it off to your face, it will putter around inside their thoughts. Just let time do its thing. Push the fact that his parents could say the same thing about you, and how would they like someone else's parents making that assumption about THEIR kid just because you're "on the internet"?

I hope all goes well.

Daniel_

I was lucky - my family had already met some of my olin friends before I met one I wanted to date.

That said I had some issues to overcome around the fact that they though net relationships were bad because my ex- found her new man online...

Time and honesty.

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Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine
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Shauk

old society is afraid of new society.

jth

that's the truth.

The older generation doesn't know quite what to think about this online dating thing. It's just our version of personal adds in papers. However it's more interactive. Sure, there are some wackjobs out there. But a lot of people are just looking for someone to spend time with.

That being said, if it's worked out for people in the past then great... I don't mean to be a jerk but I don't think meeting someone online is the same as meeting someone in person. There are certain inhibitions people can disgard in a non face to face interation that when sitting behind the computer they can be whomever or whatever they want to be. Some people stay true to themselves and others will bend the truth slightly. Some might outright lie about some things.

Right now my Sister is dating a man she met online who lives in Ottawa, she in Halifax (canada) and I have a suspition that my parents do not approve whatsoever of this. Personally, She is 29 and almost 30 and can do whatever she wants with her life. I would rather her meet someone in the real world but heck, to each their own. I don't know how supportive it is going to be from my families side. My brother (eldist) is not involved much at all with my Sister's life and I'm sure he knows about it but I doubt he's given it a 2nd thought. I speak to her ever day on msn, I just want her happy.

I have a set of friends who met online and are happily married now for 5 years.

I have another friend who married a girl online, she screwed him and then took him for all his money and ran back to the States left him in bankrupcy and depression for 5 years.

sounds like it's the same as real life don't it.

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"A real leader faces the music, even if he doesn't like the tune." - unknown quote

Bill O'Rights

You're not helping your argument.

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"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony

"Hedonism with rules isn't hedonism at all, it's the Republican party." - JumpinJesus

It is indisputable that true beauty lies within...but a nice rack sure doesn't hurt.

oberon

Yeah analog, since when are you not crazy?

I'm not sure where this whole anti-online stigma came from. It's not really like it's any less "dangerous" than meeting somebody somewhere else. Probably just people afraid of new things.

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"There are finer fish in the sea than have ever been caught." -- Irish proverb

MageB420666

See all the news reports about dangerous stalkers lurking everywhere, trying to steal your money, identity, and children. That's where those feelings come from, as well as a distrust of a new technology.

I personally haven't met anyone via the internet yet. I prefer to meet up with people through real life. It helps avoid two obvious complications: 1) Meeting a guy saying he's a girl, and 2) Trying to start a relationship on a long-distance basis.

Number 1 would end anything the instant that I found out. Number 2 would be a very large concern for me as in my experience with long distance relationships(my own and observing others) tend to be that one partner in the relationship tends to have to put a lot more effort into it. So it just tends to add complications to an already complicated process.

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jerseyboy

Are they more concerned about you meeting him online or the fact that he is moving hundreds of miles so quickly. I know you've been talking for 6 months, but how many times have you met him exactly?

roxxor

Your family is probably right.

BTW this is coming from a 20 yr old who has been in many large MMORPG guilds and has been witness to at least serious online relationships that have gone this far and further. None of them turned out well.


Id stay away from online relationships like the plague.

The real question you have to ask yourself is how well do you REALLY know this guy? People are really good actors/liers, i know this cause im a great lier and i can make people believe whatever i want.

oberon

Are you trying to tell me this is not also true for "real life"? Give me a break.

I've met many folks via the Internet and never met a guy who claimed to be a girl, or vice versa.

I've personally tried to start relationships with girls I met over the internet. The biggest problem with meeting through dating sites is there's too much expectation, too much desire for the "perfect" SO, so much so that you drop them before you really get to know them.. that is, you had nothing else in common with them in the first place. The second biggest problem is that meeting online usually entails distance.

That real question should be applied to all relationships, regardless of where you met them, and what the purpose of your relationship is.

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"There are finer fish in the sea than have ever been caught." -- Irish proverb

waltert

(another 20 year old who plays online games) ...here is how I would see it if I were your parents...what kind of loser can just drop and run to ohio?

that means that the guy probably has no worth, no assets, no career, probably no degree...and your parents sent you to college in hopes that you wouldnt end up marrying a loser.

personally, it would take a whole lot of woman to get me to move to her town.

dboydbla

a friend of mine met a girl online and they are now married....his family still doesn't fully support it....so only time can help. While it's not the "norm", it is becoming more and more common...good luck with everything.

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OOPS!!! i got edited for spamming - me bad

Cynthetiq

we've had people here meet and get married...

we've had people here meet, and try to move to the other's city only to get rejected and kicked the curb upon arrival.

YMMV, but it truly depends on the people involved.

As far as the parents and family is concerned what the fuck difference does it make? they don't have any bearing on who you wake up next to unless you let them.

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snowy

Absolutely.

If this person makes you happy, then your parents need to butt out.

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loquitur

Sorry, Cynthetiq, I disagree. I have found that having good relationships with siblings and parents is a very very important thing. For one thing, it's important for your kids to have grandparents, and making sure kids have good grandparent relationships is one of the things one does for one's kids.

That being said, the Net is just one more way of meeting people. If you would meet in a bar, you can meet on the net. You need to be careful on the net just like IRL - heck, nowadays the net IS real life.

In terms of Cookmo's problem, I guess if she knows the guy six months and has actually spoken to him, has details about him and is satisfied that she knows enough about him to make judgments, she should tell her family that. It would help if the NH guy visited a couple of times first before moving out permanently - that's a little creepy-sounding to me.

Cynthetiq

aahh but see loquitur, you do agree with me.. note I said, "unless you let them." You choose to let them.

I disagree with the grandparents thing. I couldn't give a rats ass about my father's father or his mother. I don't wish ill upon him/her but he doesn't do jack for me, he doesn't call, doesn't write, doesn't acknowledge I'm alive except for when he wants something. My parents couldn't do anything to make it any different.

Kids have grandparents by default, but are they loving ones? That's up to them, not you or the child control that.

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I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

MSD

I have a hilarious mental picture of you playing World of Warcraft and asking him for name, address, references, SSN, and telling him it's for a background check.
Anyone who is willing to move somewhere to be with you without even taking a trip out to meet you beforehand has issues. You may not see it now, but this guy is a nutcase.

Delirious

They did meet beforehand.

What I'm wondering is if there are any other reasons this guy wants to move. It seems a bit impulsive to me. Maybe he is desperate to get out of his parents house.

I met my current SO on myspace about a year ago. We moved in together about 7 months after we started dating. However we did live less than 5 miles from eachother originally so it wasn't long distance. However at first she had this hangup about telling people that we met on myspace. She would tell people that we met at a coffee shop. After time she ended up telling people the truth and they didn't even blink an eye.

If you are going to go through with this my advice to you is to be completely honest with your family and friends. And some of the posts above have some good advice too.

blizzak

You must realize that your family is just trying to protect you, and they have every reason to. How can you say that this is the most right thing you have ever felt if you guys have only met once in person?(I assume, by what you wrote). Despite the fact that you have been chatting online for more than 6 months, it takes a lot of human contact to find out who is right for you. By human contact I mean spending time together in real life and getting to know eachother; you don't want to rush into things and end up getting hurt.

I'll have to echo the sentiments of the other posters in this thread when it comes to him moving in with you. There isn't a person in this world who could convince me to come and move in with them at this point in my life. Of course, that's not to say this guy isn't at such a point, but any situation in which someone is willing to leave their life behind that quickly doesn't seem conducive to the start of a healthy relationship.

We all want you to be happy, but meet the guy a few more times in person before you guys decide to live together, and he decides to move hundreds of miles for this.

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analog

I didn't say I said that, I'm saying cookmo should say that. lol

And i'm not crazy! lol

hagatha

[QUOTE=oberon]Are you trying to tell me this is not also true for "real life"? Give me a break.

I've met many folks via the Internet and never met a guy who claimed to be a girl, or vice versa.


My beef is that they are usually fatter, older and/or more married than they said. A woman disguising herself as a man would've been a refreshing change.

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Prince

I was the crazy online guy. They didn't even come to the wedding. They approve of me now, even like me.

It just takes time. You're dating the guy for YOU, remember. What they think is secondary, if that.

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Willy

As a guy with a younger sister, brothers are supposed to distrust anyone that their sister dates. It's just what we do. I have also been the "online stalker creep" guy, I practically had to have character witnesses before her friends would let her meet me in RL but once I met her family/friends and they put a face with the name it was no big deal. How much time have you spent together? It might be different if you have only met a couple times or only been talking for a couple months or something.