slimshaydee

I'll start off with the usual line "so there's this girl"

She's in a few of my classes at uni. We talk a bit, good conversation too. As in she attempts to make the conversation and keep it going, and she smiles all the time (good smiles not those fake ones that hardly show any teeth) when I pull out really smooth lines or just completely give her shit about something. She also gives me quite a few compliments and my confidence and other stuff which I don't really remember.

One time she had had the worst day ever with a few things happening and also her boyfriend who she had been on a break with for a month or so ended it with her the night before or that day (I don't know I wasn't really listening to her). Anyways when she was talking to me she seemed in a really good mood and was smiling a lot and all that jazz. She even broke the contact barrier by touching me on the arm.

Another time I randomly bumped into her when I was out buying clothes and she told me that she wanted to tell me something that she didn't want to say in front others because they'd think she was obsessed with me. It was some really big compliment that I don't remember.

Anywho, the part I want explained is that twice she's told me I remind her of her little brother, who's apparently as confident and cocky as I am. Now to me that says she's not interested. But all the other things have me confused. She's not awfully flirtacious (in fact I never see her flirting with anyone else) so I cant put it down to that. She's one of those genuine nice girls you hear about but never really meet because you're too busy going after other girls (I don't mean nice as in that overly friendly type of way, not that kind of girl at all). I would have asked her out if it weren't for that, so wtf does it sound like she's interested or not?

analog

Ok first of all...

DUDE. SERIOUSLY. lol... pay attention! You can't even remember the really big super-secret compliment she gave you? Little things like that will come back to bite you in the ass... and you should be paying attention anyway.

Allow me to be the first to point out the obvious: ASK HER OUT. lol

Why are you asking if you should? If we all said no, would you seriously not ask out an attractive, single girl who apparently likes you? You need a friendly smack in the back of the head.

Now here's a funky gray area, though it should not stop you from asking her out... but i've maintained there's a difference between a girl saying, "you remind me of my brother because of x" and "you're like a brother to me". The former I've always seen as a simple comparison. The latter is usually the kiss of death. Really though, she's specifically comparing you to someone because of some specific quality, not just saying "you're like a brother to me".

Just ask her out, man. If you don't, someone else will- so do it now.

feelgood

Its interesting that you recommend him to ask her out, especially when she's on a "break" with her bf. Now that's a big grey area that I wouldn't want to mess around with. Anybody remember that friend episode where Ross and Rachel was fighting about the "break" BS?

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slimshaydee

The problem is, when I talk to her she's not the only thing on my mind. My life is really busy at the moment so I always have stuff on my mind that I'm constantly thinking about. Not to mention I get complemented fairly regularly by people, and while I'm quite flattered by the compliments I get, I don't remember individual ones.

I don't like to ask out girls unless I have a pretty good idea othat they will accept. Got rejected a few too many times when I was younger because I was a shy kid who was slightly chubby.


That's how I thought of it originally. That sounds pretty reasonable to me (:

I think sometimes you just need someone to tell you to just fucking do it. Good advice (:

She told me they broke up. That was about 4 weeks ago so I don't know what's happened since then because I haven't really cared to know. I'm sure she would have brought it up if she's back with him or dating someone else.

Mantus

Oh my lord…how many times have I heard or read stuff like this. I was there at one time too.

Slim, you are aware of all her signals of interest, so why haven’t you acted yet? You know that the longer you wait the harder it will be. So just fuckin’ act already.

Stop seeking her approval. Stop waiting to be 100% sure. Take what you want. Act! The most regretable attempt is the one you never made.



For future reference…here is a very easy line to use in almost any situation. Next time you meet an appealing girl, as soon as she demonstrates something of value about her, say this…

“…not only are you adventurous (or whatever quality she has) but you are sexy as well.”

Simple. This puts your intent out on the table and she is aware that you are looking at her a potential girlfriend and not just a friend. It’s normal to say this within 2-5 minutes of meeting a girl. After you break the ice, flirting and escalation becomes allot easier.

slimshaydee

I'm not scared to ask girls out. It was that one thing at the end of my post that made me question whether I should do it or not. I'm still not sure what that means. Once that's cleared up I'll ask her out next time I see her.

Toaster126

If you want to go out with her, ask her out. If you don't, don't... simple. You won't know for sure until you ask.

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Mantus

Then take a chance and make your move. What did her comments mean...hell if I know...I wasnt there, I don't know the context, and I havent seen the possitive signals she gave you.

What I do know is that if you can can take any comment and flirt with it.

Worst case senario...she really DID mean it. Flirt with her and use this frame as a barrier to build sexual tension. Make jokes about her making you want to kiss her and how it's naughty and wrong. Everytime she recipricates, push her away teasing with "OMG...we are siblings you are SOoooo bad!" Etc...the point is, it's never the end of the world.

Have fun.
Cheers.

Sultana

She certainly sounds like she's interested in you, but you don't sound very interested in her. Why would you even ask us about asking her out if you can't be bothered to listen to her when she's talking to you?!?

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Matt Groening

My goal? To fulfill my potential.

slimshaydee

I listen to her, but like I said earlier I don't remember specific compliments from people.

Sultana

This is what I was talking about, not the compliment thing.

__________________
"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath.
At night, the ice weasels come." -

Matt Groening

My goal? To fulfill my potential.

Brewmaniac

Hey Slim, you don't even have to put all the pressure on yourself, asking her to go on a date. Next time you see her just say something like, are you headed somewhere special, if not let's go get some coffee or whatever and talk some more. I really enjoy your company. Keep it casual, if she says ok, look straight at her and say your very pretty or what ever your comfortable in saying, let her know she's caught your eye. Things will take care of themselves once you have really broken the ice.

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slimshaydee

Oh, sorry.
The part I wasn't listening to was in regards to the timing of the break up. I don't remember specific little details like that.

I'm not scared to ask her out, and I already know how I'm going to do it. It's that last part of my original post that I want to work out first before I do it.

pinkie

If I ever called you, "Cocky like my little brother" that wouldn't be me complimenting you...

It would mean that you annoy me, but that's just me.

slimshaydee

lol I deffinately don't annoy her. I'm cocky but not in the "that guy is a fucking wanker" way. She actively seeks to talk to me.

Sultana

Gotcha.

I'd say that the "you remind her of her little brother" is a good thing to her. All the other signals point in that direction. And some people even like their siblings so, yes.

I seriously doubt you have anything to worry about, rejection-wise. Anyways, rejection isn't the worst thing that can happen--not trying is.

__________________
"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath.
At night, the ice weasels come." -

Matt Groening

My goal? To fulfill my potential.

pinkie

I think I'd make a move then!

slimshaydee

People like their siblings? News to me d;

Damn right it is. I'm deffinately going have a crack.

will do, pretty lady (:

SugahBritches

I think sometimes you can be clueless about friendly relations. Until it moves into a more intimate level, I think you can stay clueless. Meaning that both men and women will keep y0-y0ing around until one of you says something that is intimate. Like anything as simple as, "I love how you smile at me" or "I love the way you look at me with those green eyes".

I know of a few men/classmates of mine from school that never asked me out because they were either afraid or shy to make that move or step over the edge and just ask. And there were a few guys that I admired in school but was too shy to make a move myself!! When I expressed this later, they were floored because they had no clue. Same with those guys that never asked me out! Heh. I always say, "Gosh, why didn't ya???" There is always either a shrug of shoulders or they laugh and say things like I was intimidating!! That always has me laughing pretty hard! I am not intimidating!

Either way, sometimes you just have to bite bullet and go for it!!! Let us know how it goes Slim!

Mantus

My opinion on this…

Men seek approval women seek security. Men are afraid of being rejected. Women are afraid to lead and take responsibility. This results in a state that’s completely unproductive towards bringing people together unless one or both are able to transcend their inherent social traits.

In my opinion women are very loud with their signals of interest. What one requires is confidence in order to successfully act in a timely fashion and move things along successfully.

SugahBritches

Women are LOUD with their signals...............YOU MEAN REALLY LOUD???? How loud you think is LOUD???

Sorry, but you just cracked me up Mantus. Not your fault really and not that I'm saying your post is all wrong! Oh jeeze.....I just got into one of my giggle fits. But, pay me no nevermind Mantus, I'm sure you think you are right!

ngdawg

We had a TFP'er in the same situation, more or less, earlier this year. To put it as simply as I can, that situation would be what one would call 'clueless'.
After a group smack on the back of his head, he got the message that she was interested...long story short-he's now half of an adorable couple.
Consider this the smack on the back of your head.
I realize rejection is a step-stopper, but I also have to tell you that no one ever dropped dead hearing the word "no".
She's sending signals and your receiver has no batteries, dude....

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Don't blame me. I didn't vote for either of'em.

Mantus

Well if she screams “FUCK ME NOW!”…it’s generally a sign to make a move, though perhaps it’s best to hear it twice…just to make sure.

The thing is...I hear silly stories about missed opportunities all too often. For example a gem I heard today about a guy who is alone and comfortably inebriated with a girl. They have a moment and she say, “this would be a good time for a kiss”. At which point…I joke not… this guy gives her the most impressive disappointment of her life by doing…yes…absolutely nothing.

It is funny at first...but on the other hand it's really sad how shy some guys can be.

slimshaydee

you wouldnt happen to have a link to that thread/s would you?

Oh how I wish she gave me signs like those

Deltona Couple

I think that is the funniest quote I have heard in a long time...personally if an attractive lady said those words to me, by the time she got to "Fuck M.." I would be naked, lying in the bed, sheets pulled aside for her, boner in hand, wondering what was taking her so long....

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shakran

Well that's kinda the thing though. If you're interested in her, it's a good idea to listen, and remember the "little details like that." Otherwise she may as well strike up a relationship with the wall.

MSD

Think about this for a minute ... would you actively seek to talk to someone in whom you had no interest? Didn't think so.

ngdawg

There's no thread. This was through some chat conversations. Sorry..

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Don't blame me. I didn't vote for either of'em.

Jove

The only way to figure out whether she likes you or not, is by asking her out for coffee and then asking her "Are you interested in me?", but ask this question after the coffee is finished. You don't want a splash of hot coffee in your face.

Mantus

I don't agree. I will explain why when I get back home. It has something to do with the base qualities of men and women I mentioned earlier. A cookie to anyone that beats me to it.

SugahBritches

HA! Well now..........that ought to do it! TWICE???? Heck Mantus, I would have his hearing checked! Or better yet.... hide the tv remote!

Oh yeah, I have been that subtle.

Slim, just cut to the chase and just ASK!

Hey Mantus.............what kind of cookie is it???

slimshaydee

I will as soon as I can work out what she meant by the you act like my brother comment.

analog

If anything, the worst thing you can do is obsess over it- because the last thing you want to do is bring it to her attention more. Brother comparisons are tough because no matter how good the comparison is, either of you dwelling on it before you've even asked her out is ingredient number one in the recipe for failure.

Attractive single girls are like a house that's for sale. You know other people have been in there, and that's ok, but you want to make it your own. It's perfect for you, but it's perfect for a lot of other people, too. You gotta close the deal on that before someone else swoops in. You do not have time to stand around second-guessing yourself and wondering if you'll be the next one with the keys to the place.

...and trim the foliage out front. (I had to.)

dlish

slim

find out if she eitehr likes or hates her little brother. its that simple. if she hates him, and your 'like her little brother', then your annoying and u got no chance. if she gets along with him even though hes cocky, then go for it brutha!

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Seaver

Welcome to the club, there's free coffee and cookies. Now get off your ass and stop bitching about the ugly-duckling syndrome.

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Ustwo

Back in college I had a girl say to me, 'Well how about sex?' and I completely missed it.

Thats called, not being in top form.

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Carno

Not being in top form?

No, you were definitely in top form.... if you were competing for the dense olympics.

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Aro23

you can always ask her what do you have to lose anyway?

analog

This thread is filled with so much brutally-needed-honesty and "tough love" that it makes me smile. Seriously.

alvinz

just so dumb