shelbel1

hello --

so last night, i hooked up with this girl and we were about to have sex.. everything was fine -- we were kissing , i was rubbing her breasts etc. However, I could not get it up !!! I tried everything, I even told her to go down on me -- she did twice and I was still soft!

Last night wouldve been my first time having sex, or even receiving oral, but sex could not obviously happen.

This just kind of scares me because I would think if it were my first time I would be so into it and all and getting an erection would be no problem.

To my fear and google research, I have come across these potential sources of this problem :

1) two hours before we hooked up -- i smoked an unhealthy ammount of ciggrettes to the total sum of 8-9 within an hours time. I'm not a smoker, and probably only smoke once a month, but when i do -- I smoke plenty at a time. Through google, I have learned that high levels of nicotine in your blood may impair your ability to get an erection. Could smoking that much of an amount have this kind of direct result ? During this time, I also had two beers.


2) When we were kissing and I was licking her nipples and all that jazz... it was sort of unattractive because for one, her breath wasn't really on point.


3) Some websites suggest that overmasturbation can cause impotence, although the veracity of this claim is highly debateable. I do however, maturbate up to 2-3 times a day. I guess i'm going to have to start to controll it.


So my question for you guys is --- do you know what the hell was wrong with me last night? I'm kind of scared that this might happen again, especially and regretablly when I would like to be intimate with someone I really care about.

If this has happened to any of you guys, especially during your first time experience, what did you do , if anything to fix this problem ?


Any comments would be appreciated.

Cynthetiq

maybe you had performance anxiety...

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shelbel1

you think so ? I mean I REALLY REALLY wanted to have sex .. so I dont think i was being mindful of how well I would perform, I just knew that I wanted to and I was going to

Infinite_Loser

I'd just chalk it up performance anxiety. Either that or you might now have wanted to have sex as much as you thought you did (If that makes sense).

captobvious

I would attribute it to performance anxiety too. Maybe you just weren't as into this girl as you thought. I've never heard the thing about nicotine making it hard to get it up. It's a well known fact that it's harder to get it up if you're drunk, but you only had two beers so I don't know.

absorbentishe

Anxiety and if her breath was really bad, that had to do it. Even if you really really want it to happen, if mr. happy won't rise, you can't will it. Did she try to help the situation, and did you take care of her?

Toaster126

Yep. You psyched yourself outta the game.

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shelbel1

dayum. so -- how do you guys suggest battling this anxiousness ? how'd you guys do it ?


same thing happen to any of ya'll during your first time? I feel like since it didnt happen this time, there might be double the pressure next time and im going to be caught into a neverending cycle. esp if the girls is really hot.

Daoust

You masturbate 2-3 times a day??? Sweet merciful crap that's a lot of yanking! I'd cut down on that for starters!

I've never ever had the can't get it up problem. My problem is I get it up too easy. But that sounds like I'm rubbing it in, doesn't it.

I'll just say performance anxiety and stop wanking. Your welcome.

Cheers.

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Sultana

Just have to point out, you smoked 8-9 cigarettes in an hour and you have something to say about *her* breath?

I'm sure the guys here have given you much more ah...salient advice than I can on this issue, but uhhh, yeah. That can't have been real nice for her either, unless shes' a hard-core smoker as well I guess.

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shelbel1

my breath was fine when i went to see her -- i brushed my teeth before going bak out to hers.


do you guys have ways in which you have dealt with performance anxiety?

Ample

If I jerk and drink and try to have sex in the same day, its a 50/50 thing for me, dont feel bad. Don't let this fuck with your head or more important your libido, you had a lot of factors against you. Don't sweat it.

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shelbel1

oh yea ? thats really comforting man.

i do remember jerking of that morning -- yesterday morning.

the thing i dont understand is, while we were foreplaying -- i wasnt really worried about cuming too quickly or pondering how well i was performing , you know ? thats why I wonder if i really had performance anxiety. i guess though, i probably have to make sure i dont have it now.


thanks for the input so far guys.

MageB420666

Well, as far as jerking it goes, I do it at least 1 time a day, usually more. I have had no problems getting up when its time to perform. Although I have read that "recovery" time does vary from person to person, so you may want to try post-poning that act if you know that you are likely to be getting some in the next day or so.

And as everybody has said: Relax! You totally psyched yourself out for that one. As hard as it is to think of it this way while still a virgin: It's just sex. You'll be having a lot of it (hopefully ). Just let things flow and it will happen.

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monkeysugar

Nothing's wrong with you, mr. happy just wasn't ready to play. You know the little dude's got a mind of his own. He decides it's time to rise and shine at the most inopportune moments, and sometimes decides to sit out the big game. Nothing to worry about, it just happens sometimes, especially when you're all psyched up and excited. Chill out, relax, let things happen as they will. When it's the right time, you'll have no problems rising to the occasion.

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shelbel1

thanks guys, this is very comforting.

Halx

1 and 2 are possibilities. But as everyone said, performance anxiety is probably all.

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ratbastid

Happened my first time too. My first time it worked I lasted about three strokes.

I'm much, much better now. I promise.

Anyway, it's nothing to worry about. Don't let it get you down--take the girl a Tic-Tac and get back on that horse.

maleficent

maybe it happened because you don't care about the girl with the questionable breath...

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Toaster126

You know how you fight performance anxiety? Stop thinking about fighting performance anxiety.

Fucked up, isn't it?

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"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (M. Scott Peck)

mirevolver

Hey, I had a slightly similar problem my first time. Ok, I could get it up, but I couldn't cum. We went at it for 45 minutes before I started going soft inside her.

With me it was that I always heard about virgins not lasting very long my first time and I was afraid of cumming two strokes into it that I built up a mental barrier.

I was rather embarrased about going soft in her. So I did what seemed like the best way to make it up to her, I ate her out until she came.

My second time (same girl) was awesome.

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doncalypso

The jury has voted and the verdict is performance anxiety.

The TFP Sex Court recommends that the plaintiff relaxes and tries to enjoy sex for the sake of enjoying it rather than worry about how he will perform.

Case closed.

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biznatch

Nicotine is known to be a muscle relaxant. In fact, my twitchy and paranoid friend often eats a banana after smoking a cigarette to not have to go to the bathroom because bananas have constipants (or so he says).
So it is possible that with so much smoking, your blood vessels down there had been dilated to the point of not holding as much blood anymore.
However, so many people get soft before the 1st time, it is probably that. All those years of wanting it so bad make you doubt that you'll be able to fulfill your expectations, and *flop*.
Don't worry, it's no big deal. Take it easy. Don't think about your dick as you try and have sex, but rather about her, or focus on what turns you on about her...you'll be fine.

analog

*nods with everyone else*

SAM821

This happened to me once before... I was 14 years old, I was attempting to lose my virginity with my 15 year old girlfriend, and yea basically psyched myself out of sex. Basically all kinds of thoughts ran through my head at once, from how to use the condom, to how to satisfy her, not getting her prengnant, std's, her parents coming home, the fact that my friend was in the next room banging on the doors and walls, to being naked with a girl for the first time... I guess it was too much thinking that all of a sudden it became a chore to get it up. It took forever.

Well low and behold, her parents indeed end up coming home and while i was attempting to shove my semi-erect penis into her, her mom was already knocking on the door... so in the end i didnt get to lose my virginity and I had to wait another 3 years before I got the chance again (mostly by choice)

So anyway, I would just not think so much next time, just try to think about how good it will feel, and then you will be worrying about trying not to cum after a minute. Hope all works out