A Question for the Ladies re: Dating Older Men - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

madp · 06-03-2006, 10:38 PM

I am curious as to what opinions some of the young ladies in the forum might have regarding dating older men. I ask this because it is relevant to my personal life, so allow me to provide some context:

I am 38 years old, and mutually ended an 8-year, live in relationship with my girlfriend 6 months ago. I live in the city of New Orleans, and almost all of my closest friends moved after Katrina. The ones that remain are mostly in their mid-20's, so much of my opportunity for socialization occurs within this age group.

I should mention that I don't look 38 (most people assume I'm 30-32), I'm told that I'm a handsome devil, I'm in great physical shape, and I have a certifiable "hipster" pedigree

. I follow the indie rock music scene, I have good taste in clothes, I know the local club owners, etc. etc., so it's not like these young women would be dating "grandpa."

Having said that, most of the women I encounter that seem interested in me are 10-12 years younger than I am. While I don't have a problem with that, I do have some worries. Because of the stage of life they are in, they tend to go out more often, hang out with groups of friends, and generally "be on the scene" much more than I do considering where I am in life. I like to go out when there is a compelling reason (a great band, a good party, etc), but I tend to opt for dinner at one of the great local restaurants, a nice bottle of wine, then back the house for a movie, monkey love, etc. I would never have a problem with going to one of the "scene" clubs, but in New Orleans that often means staying out until 3-6am, and that is something I cannot do on a regular basis.

I can see how these issues could cause problems in a relationship with a large age gap, and I guess I'm wondering what younger women might want, expect, hope for, fear, etc, when they consider getting involved with someone who is signficantly older than they are.

Any insights for me?

rachael25 · 06-04-2006, 06:13 AM

It depends on the woman. Some feel and act more mature than their age. My uncle dated a gal 20 years younger than him for quite some time - they even have a child together (sadly though, she moved back to Brazil). They worked very well together while it lasted. She acted young and spunky enough to help him feel younger...but not too young to tire him out =) She enjoyed a quite night at home more than going out to the clubs.

If there are truely no women your age left in New Orleans among the crowd you hang with, then I'd say be patient - love has no age - you'll find someone who fits =)

~Rachael

amonkie · 06-04-2006, 07:53 AM

MadP - you seemed to answer your own question in what YOU are looking for. Don't use age as a sole determining factor, and instead focus on each interaction that you have, measuring what that particular female is looking for against what you are looking for. When you find one that matches, or that you could consider a mutual compromise on ..... take it and run with it.

Seaver · 06-04-2006, 08:08 AM

I have met 40 year old boys and 9 year old men. The same works for women, age is not a determiner of maturity.

snowy · 06-04-2006, 09:42 AM

My mom is 9 years younger than my dad. They met and married when she was 25 and he was 34. Amonkie's post has good advice--focus on what you are looking for, regardless of age. You'll find it.

CaliLivChick · 06-04-2006, 09:46 AM

I agree with amonkie as well. I've been with my boyfriend for six years, and he's nine years older than I am. However, most of the time, I'm more mature than he is. Age is just a number, personality makes the person who they are. Go with that.

ktthequeen · 06-04-2006, 01:26 PM

My boyfriend is 11 years older than me (22/33). I actually asked him again last night what he thinks about the whole age thing and his response was...um, you're still more mature than me.

He's more apt to going out and I'm more apt to cooking dinner and watching a movie at home.

An issue that could arise is that of children. I assume (I could be completely wrong) that you may want to have children, whereas an early 20-something may not want that at the current state in their life. Big issue for some people...

madp · 06-04-2006, 02:58 PM

I appreciate all the responses, and I definitely agree that age is a state of mind.
As I read the responses, it is beginning to dawn on me the I am the one who has an issue with the age difference.

Part of the problem is this: Having just ended a long-term relationship, I'm not ready to get back into a serious relationship any time soon, and I have an ethical delimma about possibly misleading someone. Also, there is a big income difference between myself and most people in that age group. I don't know a tactful way of expressing this, but I have witnessed some changes in personality and behavior with a few people who are not at a stage in life where they are financially secure yet. All if these issues just make things more complicated than they should be.

I guess the bottom line is that I don't want to be put in a position where I have to hurt someone emotionally, but I suppose that risk comes with the territory.

Elphaba · 06-04-2006, 04:32 PM

madp, a question I have is where are you finding women (young or not) that you might be interested in dating? NOLA is far from returning to the city it once was and that might be skewing the opportunities for a broader range of ages.

In response to the OP, I preferred older men when I was in my 20's. Men my age seemed inexperienced (of course), and rather shallow in their interests. Then again, my dating pool may have been influenced by the draft and Vietnam.

P.S. I married "the" older man of my 20's. We are together for the long haul.

madp · 06-04-2006, 04:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elphaba

madp, a question I have is where are you finding women (young or not) that you might be interested in dating? NOLA is far from returning to the city it once was and that might be skewing the opportunities for a broader range of ages.

This is absolutely the case. Many people have moved away in my age group because the economy is in shambles and they had to go where their jobs took them. The 20-somethings are less enslaved by their careers, and have stayed in much larger numbers. I'm left trying to make lemonaid out of lemons!

taboo · 06-04-2006, 08:46 PM

here is my two cents:...
speaking as a woman who has a relationship with a man 12 years older than her..i too am making a big deal about the age difference--not because we don;t get along, but because of life stages. it's really hard to explain it to him. he's already done so many things, established himself, and i'm still unstable, uncertain, exploring ect. he wants to settle down with me and have a family, and i'm still wondering where i would like to live (anotjer country possibly), stabilizing my career, moving out and becoming financially independant ect. there are sooo many things to consider..i'm freaking out.. lol

it also depends what type of personality and character you both have. in my case, i enjoy being in the public, socializing, meeting new people all teh time (because of my work too), and he's more critical of people, is quick to judge, isn;t as loose as i would like him to be.

another thing that i think of is how things will change in the next 5, 10 or 15 years down the line? i'm 26, he's 38. when i'll be 30, he'll be 42, when i'll be 40 he'll be 52. i'll still be energetic ect, and he'll want to retire..i don;t know..!

anyhow, all this to say that as someone who is the younger one in a relationship like the one that you are describing, it's also difficult, and i think age is an important factor to consider. from a practical and logical point of view. now the heart is a completely different story..

Lindy · 06-11-2006, 07:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by madp

I am curious as to what opinions some of the young ladies in the forum Well, I haven't hit the big three-oh yet, and I used to be younger, so I guess I'll weigh in. might have regarding dating older men. I ask this because it is relevant to my personal life, so allow me to provide some context:

I am 38 years old, and mutually ended an 8-year, live in relationship with my girlfriend 6 months ago. Just curious--how old was your ex when you first started dating her??
I live in the city of New Orleans, and almost all of my closest friends moved after Katrina. The ones that remain are mostly in their mid-20's, so much of my opportunity for socialization occurs within this age group.

I should mention that I don't look 38 (most people assume I'm 30-32), I'm told that I'm a handsome devil, I'm in great physical shape, and I have a certifiable "hipster" pedigree

. I follow the indie rock music scene, I have good taste in clothes, I know the local club owners, etc. etc., so it's not like these young women would be dating "grandpa." Okay.

Having said that, most of the women I encounter that seem interested in me Another question you could ask is "Why don't the older (like 30-40 year old) women seem interested in me?" Do you try so hard to come off as the "hipster" that the 30ish women see you as "Peter Pan." It may just be me (I'm 29,) but when I see someone in their late thirties still trying to be "on the cutting edge" it just seems kind of ...somewhere between silly and sad. are 10-12 years younger than I am. While I don't have a problem with that, I do have some worries. Because of the stage of life they are in, they tend to go out more often, hang out with groups of friends, and generally "be on the scene" much more than I do considering where I am in life. Is this where you are meeting your potential dating partners? If you are meeting your potential partners at the clubs, they will tend to be women who like to (fanfare!!!) go out to the clubs!! Have you tried looking in a different social milieu for companionship? Or is most of your life (outside of work) the club scene? Is there somewhere else that you might look for women closer to your own "stage in life," or do your really, for whatever reason, just prefer the twenty-somethings. I like to go out when there is a compelling reason (a great band, a good party, etc), but I tend to opt for dinner at one of the great local restaurants, a nice bottle of wine, then back the house for a movie, monkey love, etc. For me, this would be what I would look for in a more "mature" relationship--having more to do with the duration of the relationship, not the age of the participants. I would never have a problem with going to one of the "scene" clubs, but in New Orleans that often means staying out until 3-6am, and that is something I cannot do on a regular basis. Amen on that! I have mostly lost the desire to be part of "the scene" as well as the stamina.

I can see how these issues could cause problems in a relationship with a large age gap, and I guess I'm wondering what younger women might want, expect, hope for, fear, etc, when they consider getting involved with someone who is signficantly older than they are. Don't expect them to be at home, waiting for you to call. When I was younger, I always wanted to be out every night doing things. Like if I stayed home, I might miss something going on someplace. Club crawling, or just hanging with a "pack" of my friends was often more fun than a structured, planned "date."

Any insights for me?

When I was age 21-22 (right after my divorce) I had some (mostly brief) relationships with guys in their 30s, one forty year old. They had money, nice clothes, nice houses or apartments, nice cars, and a kind of polished maturity, charm, and sophistication. I had large breasts, a skinny little butt, and a great appetite for sex! When I look back, I can see that that was really all there was to the relationships. I didn't do drugs and wasn't much of a drinker, but I have to admit that I enjoyed the feeling of power and--???--I don't know what, I just liked to go out and have fun--like Madonna's song. Everything was fresh, new, and exciting. When I go back to some of the clubs in the area where I grew up (small midwestern town/city,) I see a couple of these same guys (now in their 40s) still hitting on the 21 year olds. It seems sad to me now. I must have moved on to another "life stage." I mostly enjoy ball games, church, family activities, and social/cultural/intelectual stuff like live theater, classical and jazz concerts, and museums. All well back from "the edge." Except for some of the plays, maybe. And yes, the sexual appetite is still there. I'm just much more selective.
Lindy

Sugar&Spice · 06-11-2006, 10:04 PM

I was briefly involved with a man who was 37 last summer. That makes him 15years older than myself. At first I was amazed that someone his age would take interest in me. The sex was good, I can't lie about that. He was more experienced in just about everything. He looked to be about 31-32, dressed nice, had a new truck, a house and a seadoo. He took me out to nice dinners and movies. Eventually that all stopped and all he wanted to do was cuddle on the couch and watch movies. I wanted to go out with my friends to the bars and stay out late.

I never wanted a relationship with him. He was fun for the time being, but I felt that we were in two very different stages in our lives and it would never work out for us. Plus, I didn't feel that I could bring home a man that was 4 years younger than my dad. He was ready for marriage and I was still trying to figure out what I wanted to do after college. He would lose patience with me and my inability to understand the hurt he felt from going through his divorce and I got tired of just sitting at his house watching movies all the time. I think two people with a large difference in age can have a lasting relationship, but both people have to have a lot of patience andunderstanding to make it work.

Lady Sage · 06-13-2006, 06:44 PM

I am very much in love with a man 9 years elder. Things couldnt be better if I had designed him myself! I keep him young and hes everything I never knew I always wanted and needed in a man. Age is nothing. I have seen people in their 60's that were as lost as a 4 yearold in a supermarket looking for their mom. I have also seen 11 yearolds that are more level headed than people more than twice their age.

Age doth not dictate what experiences one has had in life nor does it tell you how much life the person has led.

raeanna74 · 06-14-2006, 05:17 AM

I was engaged to a guy who was 29 when I was 19. We both had similar tastes and hobbies. What broke us up was his inflexibility. I had ambition to do more with myself. He was content living off his disability check (he was deaf) in a small apartment. He was set in his ways and I was still deciding what my interests and ambitions were.

Granted you are talking about women who are a little older than my young 19 at that time. I guess I'd probably suggest that you have a little flexibility if you do find a girl in that age group. Not that you need to be on the scene constantly but that you are willing to try out new things. I don't think you need to be willing to stay up until all hours of the night regularly. I think getting proper rest is a part of being responsible with your body and directly affects your work.

I guess for a younger woman looking at a man who is a decade or so older - so long as our interests are similar and goals jive then I see no problem with it.

Personally, I think older men are better in bed.

JustJess · 06-14-2006, 05:34 AM

Madp: Don't worry about age, as we've all mentioned. If you're looking for a more casual relationship at this time, then you're probably looking in the right age group. The mid-20's range is *more likely* (note ** = generalization only) to be comfortable with a casual relationship and all that entails. This means that you may wish to be more flexible in how you want the pattern of your relationship to go. Women who are happy with the routine you laid out are going to be more interested in a steadier relationship, generally.

But more importantly, and more simply: just be honest about what you're looking for when you begin dating a woman. We're practical creatures more often than not; if your situation sounds interesting, we'll stick around until it doesn't suit anymore. If it doesn't, we'll probably thank you for being honest and move on. (At least, I would.)

Also... just on a pure romantic's heart note... I wouldn't assume that's all you want right now. Who knows what you want after you meet someone exciting?

Try to be flexible about things for the moment, and remember that at 38, you know more about yourself and what you want (at least you should) than the average person in their mid-20's. But that doesn't mean your way is the right way.... or that there's not a lot of things in common anyway.

Be zen, man - empty yourself of expectations and you will not be disappointed.

Oh, and until my husband... I tended to date men 4-12 years older... I had a lot more in my head than the other teens/early 20's something folks.

GirlsCanChase2 · 07-01-2006, 03:42 PM

Okay, can I take the original question about younger women dating older men to another level?

Say I am....28. And the man I am dating is...20 years older. But, we are both divorced. We are both the single parents of ONE child. He's been divorced for 11 years and raising his daughter. Me--I've been divorced for 3 years and am raising my son. Neither of us want any more children (I'm fixed so it isn't an issue). We have similar interests and seem to see eye to eye on sooooo much. I enjoy things that are more laid back, whereas he's the one with the spunk and wildness, and he often impresses me. There's never a dull moment. I enjoy him as a companion and I think at his age, he's incredibly sexy.

Neither of us are looking to get married, but as companions, criticism from the outside world will indefintely cause a strain. He seems a bit nervous in public, though, for he's mentioned that he fears people will think he's kissing his "daughter."

I just want to know if the overall majority, when seeing a relationship like this from the outside, accept it or have a problem with it. I haven't broke it to my family yet. And, well, his mother is 87. I do NOT care about the age gap. I am one of those people who can bend and adapt to my surroundings and find that a person from a different generation can paint a picture for me of times I've never seen. I just don't want conflict from the outside world and don't want that negativity to scare him away.

Opinions??

Signed --- "Crys"

06-03-2006, 10:38 PM	#1 (permalink)
madp Insane Location: New Orleans/Chicago	A Question for the Ladies re: Dating Older Men I am curious as to what opinions some of the young ladies in the forum might have regarding dating older men. I ask this because it is relevant to my personal life, so allow me to provide some context: I am 38 years old, and mutually ended an 8-year, live in relationship with my girlfriend 6 months ago. I live in the city of New Orleans, and almost all of my closest friends moved after Katrina. The ones that remain are mostly in their mid-20's, so much of my opportunity for socialization occurs within this age group. I should mention that I don't look 38 (most people assume I'm 30-32), I'm told that I'm a handsome devil, I'm in great physical shape, and I have a certifiable "hipster" pedigree . I follow the indie rock music scene, I have good taste in clothes, I know the local club owners, etc. etc., so it's not like these young women would be dating "grandpa." Having said that, most of the women I encounter that seem interested in me are 10-12 years younger than I am. While I don't have a problem with that, I do have some worries. Because of the stage of life they are in, they tend to go out more often, hang out with groups of friends, and generally "be on the scene" much more than I do considering where I am in life. I like to go out when there is a compelling reason (a great band, a good party, etc), but I tend to opt for dinner at one of the great local restaurants, a nice bottle of wine, then back the house for a movie, monkey love, etc. I would never have a problem with going to one of the "scene" clubs, but in New Orleans that often means staying out until 3-6am, and that is something I cannot do on a regular basis. I can see how these issues could cause problems in a relationship with a large age gap, and I guess I'm wondering what younger women might want, expect, hope for, fear, etc, when they consider getting involved with someone who is signficantly older than they are. Any insights for me? __________________ why are you wearing that stupid man suit?

06-04-2006, 07:53 AM	#3 (permalink)
amonkie Drifting Administrator Location: Windy City	MadP - you seemed to answer your own question in what YOU are looking for. Don't use age as a sole determining factor, and instead focus on each interaction that you have, measuring what that particular female is looking for against what you are looking for. When you find one that matches, or that you could consider a mutual compromise on ..... take it and run with it. __________________ Calling from deep in the heart, from where the eyes can't see and the ears can't hear, from where the mountain trails end and only love can go... ~~~ Three Rivers Hare Krishna

06-04-2006, 09:42 AM	#5 (permalink)
snowy Kick Ass Kunoichi Location: Oregon	My mom is 9 years younger than my dad. They met and married when she was 25 and he was 34. Amonkie's post has good advice--focus on what you are looking for, regardless of age. You'll find it. __________________ If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

06-04-2006, 09:46 AM	#6 (permalink)
CaliLivChick In Transition Location: Sanford, FL (between Daytona and Orlando)	I agree with amonkie as well. I've been with my boyfriend for six years, and he's nine years older than I am. However, most of the time, I'm more mature than he is. Age is just a number, personality makes the person who they are. Go with that. __________________ Don't trust anything that can bleed for a week and not die. Oh wait, that's me... nevermind... you can trust me.

06-04-2006, 02:58 PM	#8 (permalink)
madp Insane Location: New Orleans/Chicago	I appreciate all the responses, and I definitely agree that age is a state of mind. As I read the responses, it is beginning to dawn on me the I am the one who has an issue with the age difference. Part of the problem is this: Having just ended a long-term relationship, I'm not ready to get back into a serious relationship any time soon, and I have an ethical delimma about possibly misleading someone. Also, there is a big income difference between myself and most people in that age group. I don't know a tactful way of expressing this, but I have witnessed some changes in personality and behavior with a few people who are not at a stage in life where they are financially secure yet. All if these issues just make things more complicated than they should be. I guess the bottom line is that I don't want to be put in a position where I have to hurt someone emotionally, but I suppose that risk comes with the territory. __________________ why are you wearing that stupid man suit?

06-04-2006, 06:13 AM	#2 (permalink)
rachael25 Upright Location: Somewhere, Nowhere and Everywhere	It depends on the woman. Some feel and act more mature than their age. My uncle dated a gal 20 years younger than him for quite some time - they even have a child together (sadly though, she moved back to Brazil). They worked very well together while it lasted. She acted young and spunky enough to help him feel younger...but not too young to tire him out =) She enjoyed a quite night at home more than going out to the clubs. If there are truely no women your age left in New Orleans among the crowd you hang with, then I'd say be patient - love has no age - you'll find someone who fits =) ~Rachael

06-04-2006, 08:08 AM	#4 (permalink)
Seaver Junkie Location: Fort Worth, TX	I have met 40 year old boys and 9 year old men. The same works for women, age is not a determiner of maturity.

06-04-2006, 01:26 PM	#7 (permalink)
ktthequeen Insane Location: Earth	My boyfriend is 11 years older than me (22/33). I actually asked him again last night what he thinks about the whole age thing and his response was...um, you're still more mature than me. He's more apt to going out and I'm more apt to cooking dinner and watching a movie at home. An issue that could arise is that of children. I assume (I could be completely wrong) that you may want to have children, whereas an early 20-something may not want that at the current state in their life. Big issue for some people...

06-04-2006, 04:32 PM	#9 (permalink)
Elphaba Deja Moo Location: Olympic Peninsula, WA	madp, a question I have is where are you finding women (young or not) that you might be interested in dating? NOLA is far from returning to the city it once was and that might be skewing the opportunities for a broader range of ages. In response to the OP, I preferred older men when I was in my 20's. Men my age seemed inexperienced (of course), and rather shallow in their interests. Then again, my dating pool may have been influenced by the draft and Vietnam. P.S. I married "the" older man of my 20's. We are together for the long haul.

06-04-2006, 08:46 PM	#11 (permalink)
taboo Crazy	here is my two cents:... speaking as a woman who has a relationship with a man 12 years older than her..i too am making a big deal about the age difference--not because we don;t get along, but because of life stages. it's really hard to explain it to him. he's already done so many things, established himself, and i'm still unstable, uncertain, exploring ect. he wants to settle down with me and have a family, and i'm still wondering where i would like to live (anotjer country possibly), stabilizing my career, moving out and becoming financially independant ect. there are sooo many things to consider..i'm freaking out.. lol it also depends what type of personality and character you both have. in my case, i enjoy being in the public, socializing, meeting new people all teh time (because of my work too), and he's more critical of people, is quick to judge, isn;t as loose as i would like him to be. another thing that i think of is how things will change in the next 5, 10 or 15 years down the line? i'm 26, he's 38. when i'll be 30, he'll be 42, when i'll be 40 he'll be 52. i'll still be energetic ect, and he'll want to retire..i don;t know..! anyhow, all this to say that as someone who is the younger one in a relationship like the one that you are describing, it's also difficult, and i think age is an important factor to consider. from a practical and logical point of view. now the heart is a completely different story..

06-11-2006, 10:04 PM	#13 (permalink)
Sugar&Spice Psycho	I was briefly involved with a man who was 37 last summer. That makes him 15years older than myself. At first I was amazed that someone his age would take interest in me. The sex was good, I can't lie about that. He was more experienced in just about everything. He looked to be about 31-32, dressed nice, had a new truck, a house and a seadoo. He took me out to nice dinners and movies. Eventually that all stopped and all he wanted to do was cuddle on the couch and watch movies. I wanted to go out with my friends to the bars and stay out late. I never wanted a relationship with him. He was fun for the time being, but I felt that we were in two very different stages in our lives and it would never work out for us. Plus, I didn't feel that I could bring home a man that was 4 years younger than my dad. He was ready for marriage and I was still trying to figure out what I wanted to do after college. He would lose patience with me and my inability to understand the hurt he felt from going through his divorce and I got tired of just sitting at his house watching movies all the time. I think two people with a large difference in age can have a lasting relationship, but both people have to have a lot of patience andunderstanding to make it work. __________________ -Speak your mind even if your voice shakes

06-13-2006, 06:44 PM	#14 (permalink)
Lady Sage Mistress of Mayhem Location: Canton, Ohio	I am very much in love with a man 9 years elder. Things couldnt be better if I had designed him myself! I keep him young and hes everything I never knew I always wanted and needed in a man. Age is nothing. I have seen people in their 60's that were as lost as a 4 yearold in a supermarket looking for their mom. I have also seen 11 yearolds that are more level headed than people more than twice their age. Age doth not dictate what experiences one has had in life nor does it tell you how much life the person has led.

06-14-2006, 05:17 AM	#15 (permalink)
raeanna74 I'm not a blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot! Location: Upper Michigan	I was engaged to a guy who was 29 when I was 19. We both had similar tastes and hobbies. What broke us up was his inflexibility. I had ambition to do more with myself. He was content living off his disability check (he was deaf) in a small apartment. He was set in his ways and I was still deciding what my interests and ambitions were. Granted you are talking about women who are a little older than my young 19 at that time. I guess I'd probably suggest that you have a little flexibility if you do find a girl in that age group. Not that you need to be on the scene constantly but that you are willing to try out new things. I don't think you need to be willing to stay up until all hours of the night regularly. I think getting proper rest is a part of being responsible with your body and directly affects your work. I guess for a younger woman looking at a man who is a decade or so older - so long as our interests are similar and goals jive then I see no problem with it. Personally, I think older men are better in bed. __________________ "Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

06-14-2006, 05:34 AM	#16 (permalink)
JustJess Unencapsulated Location: Kittyville	Madp: Don't worry about age, as we've all mentioned. If you're looking for a more casual relationship at this time, then you're probably looking in the right age group. The mid-20's range is more likely (note ** = generalization only) to be comfortable with a casual relationship and all that entails. This means that you may wish to be more flexible in how you want the pattern of your relationship to go. Women who are happy with the routine you laid out are going to be more interested in a steadier relationship, generally. But more importantly, and more simply: just be honest about what you're looking for when you begin dating a woman. We're practical creatures more often than not; if your situation sounds interesting, we'll stick around until it doesn't suit anymore. If it doesn't, we'll probably thank you for being honest and move on. (At least, I would.) Also... just on a pure romantic's heart note... I wouldn't assume that's all you want right now. Who knows what you want after you meet someone exciting? Try to be flexible about things for the moment, and remember that at 38, you know more about yourself and what you want (at least you should) than the average person in their mid-20's. But that doesn't mean your way is the right way.... or that there's not a lot of things in common anyway. Be zen, man - empty yourself of expectations and you will not be disappointed. Oh, and until my husband... I tended to date men 4-12 years older... I had a lot more in my head than the other teens/early 20's something folks. __________________ My heart knows me better than I know myself, so I'm gonna let it do all the talkin'.

07-01-2006, 03:42 PM	#17 (permalink)
GirlsCanChase2 Upright	Can I add to your conversation about younger women/older men? Okay, can I take the original question about younger women dating older men to another level? Say I am....28. And the man I am dating is...20 years older. But, we are both divorced. We are both the single parents of ONE child. He's been divorced for 11 years and raising his daughter. Me--I've been divorced for 3 years and am raising my son. Neither of us want any more children (I'm fixed so it isn't an issue). We have similar interests and seem to see eye to eye on sooooo much. I enjoy things that are more laid back, whereas he's the one with the spunk and wildness, and he often impresses me. There's never a dull moment. I enjoy him as a companion and I think at his age, he's incredibly sexy. Neither of us are looking to get married, but as companions, criticism from the outside world will indefintely cause a strain. He seems a bit nervous in public, though, for he's mentioned that he fears people will think he's kissing his "daughter." I just want to know if the overall majority, when seeing a relationship like this from the outside, accept it or have a problem with it. I haven't broke it to my family yet. And, well, his mother is 87. I do NOT care about the age gap. I am one of those people who can bend and adapt to my surroundings and find that a person from a different generation can paint a picture for me of times I've never seen. I just don't want conflict from the outside world and don't want that negativity to scare him away. Opinions?? Signed --- "Crys"