How do you know if he/she is THE ONE?

[HoneyPot]

Just curious to see what everyone's opinion is on meeting the one person that fulfills you and makes one happy for the rest of their lives. I wasn't sure if this is the right place to post this.... If anyone has any stories/advice/suggestions.... Let me know! Thanksya!

[amonkie]

Mod Note:

The best way to start a worthwhile Discussion is to offer up your own opinions and experiences - and I KNOW there are many threads that have been started on this topic, IE:

http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthr...ghlight=one%3F

http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?t=1111

[MexicanOnABike]

How do you know if he/she is THE ONE?

you just know.

[Crack]

Originally Posted by mexicanonabike

you just know.

(ummm... because he moves like the agents, and can stop bullets midflight?)

on a serious note, I agree with the mexicanonabike.

[abaya]

Nah, I don't think you "just know," or at least I don't usually believe people when they say that until they've been married for 10+ years. But I'm cynical, and I've never "known" much about anything in my life, so I have learned/am learning to just wait things out until I'm ready to jump and take a risk.

Again, I think very few people "know;" but many people know when they've met the person they are willing to take a flying leap with.

[MexicanOnABike]

well there was a few girls that i liked but none that i felt so intensly in love with as my current gf. like the 1st week we met, i knew i'd be with her for a VERY long time. and now, after almost 2years, i think it's gonna be forever! nothing would make me go for another girl.

[Jinn]

I don't think there is a "ONE."

I believe that there's likely thousands of "ones" for me, just based on simple probability and matching of personalities.

I think making someone "the one" is an unrealistic ideal, simply because someone can be perfect and horrible for you simultaneously. And if they die? Did you lose "the one"? Of course not.. there's a ton more "ones" out there.

[raeanna74]

Originally Posted by JinnKai

I don't think there is a "ONE."...snip

My thoughts exactly.

I think it's an evolution of a relationship. The ONE for a selfish 20 yr old is NEVER going to be the ONE for a 30something yr old. People change constantly. If you're looking for "the one" you might find the one for the person you were at 20 when you are already 40 but because the two of you did not evolve together in a relationship you did not develop the strengths needed to compliment each other.

I think there's lots of people out there that a person might click with but there's never only ONE that you can work with. Relationships that take work can sometimes be more healthy than relationships where the people are so alike that they can finish each other's sentences. BECAUSE that sameness cripples them into expecting a constancy and assuming that the other person will always know what they're thinking. When in reality we're always changing and that sameness is not always going to be the case. When you stop working at a relationship it stops growing.

[Ustwo]

You never know before hand.

If you are lucky you will know later.

And yes there is no 'One' but if you are lucky you find 'the one'. In other words there are most likely 1000's of women I'd have been happy to be married to, but I found 'the one' I'm married to and happy with.

Now if you would excuse me, 'the one' is walking in here naked

[savvypup]

I think there's lots of people out there that a person might click with but there's never only ONE that you can work with. When you stop working at a relationship it stops growing.

I TOTALLY agree. 2 peas in a pod were my husband and I. Never fought, never disagreed - just too similar I guess, but it was the death of our once happy marriage.

You need to have differences, it makes you appreciate the other person more - you know, seeing a different perspective even if you don't agree. We had and still do have a ball together .... but don't fall into my trap.

[Sultana]

Originally Posted by JinnKai

I don't think there is a "ONE."

I believe that there's likely thousands of "ones" for me, just based on simple probability and matching of personalities.

I would add one thing to this thought: "...at that moment in time."

As you grow, change, and evolve, those statistics are re-calculated. I think that without a lot of effort (as raeanna74 already said), the person who was perfect for you 15 years ago may not at all be the right person for you down the road.

Originally Posted by raeanna74

I think there's lots of people out there that a person might click with but there's never only ONE that you can work with. Relationships that take work can sometimes be more healthy than relationships where the people are so alike that they can finish each other's sentences. BECAUSE that sameness cripples them into expecting a constancy and assuming that the other person will always know what they're thinking when in reality we're always changing and that is not always going to be the case. When you stop working at a relationship it stops growing.

Truth!

[pan6467]

I know I have searched my life for a woman that shares my sense of humor, enjoys just being together, isn't worried about what we can or cannot afford and allows me to grow as I allow her to.

And I have found her.

You know it is true when you can say or do anything and she wilkl understand and accept you no matter what, as you accept her.

Sexually, we dated awhile first and truly got to know each other and fell in love with one another. Then I got an STD test and since then..... greatest sex I've ever had. Not in what she does, but because for the first time, it is pure and true love.

That's how I know. I trust her with everything, I can tell her anything about my past or what's inside and I know she will understand, not judge me and just be as loving and caring as before. Just as she knows I will do the same for her.

She encourages my dreams and goals as I encourage hers. She encourages me to go out with the "guys" and to grow as a person, as I do with her. And for the first time in any relationship, I am not jealous or paranoid about her findind another guy.... because I know where her heart lies.

[Toaster126]

I don't believe in the concept of "the one" or "soulmates" and whatnot... I think that with dedication, honesty, and communication, just about everyone has lots of potential people running around in the world that would be a good partner.

[abaya]

Originally Posted by raeanna74

Relationships that take work can sometimes be more healthy than relationships where the people are so alike that they can finish each other's sentences. BECAUSE that sameness cripples them into expecting a constancy and assuming that the other person will always know what they're thinking when in reality we're always changing and that is not always going to be the case. When you stop working at a relationship it stops growing.

Raeanna, great wisdom there. Thank you for saying this. I get quite irritated with people who believe in "the One," since as I said earlier, I am just not inclined to believe that kind of thing (I used to, until we broke up! ) I like what Sultana said, too, about the person who was "the One" 15 years ago may well evolve into someone who is not the One (or you may evolve, etc)... UNLESS you are both willing to work hard.

Sometimes that's why I think arranged marriages may not be that different from "love matches," as they call them... because when it comes down to it, it is less about "being in love" and more about your willingness to work together over a long period of time, to make a life together. It is less about finding "THE one" and more about finding "one" (or more!) with whom you are willing to cobble a life together with.

[MikeSty]

Play that backstreet boys song, make love, and uh, give it a score.