NotMVH

I have concepts of myself that are resolved and firm. When meditating on understanding the ways I live, how I feel and think, how I interact with people, I can't seem to find that sense of understanding that I am able to faithfully belive, I have found in other aspects of my life.

It makes me wonder if parts of my personality or self, will remain unresolved. I am willing and glad to accept that I will continue to grow and learn until the day I die. I suppose it depends how you define your sense of self. Today, I accomplished the tasks I set out to do. They didn't carry the same feel that I wanted them to, but they got done, yet I am not satisfied. Should I merely focus on actions and results and ignore emotionaly how it effects me? or should I simply accept how I feel as being part of me? it seems like when I think about why I feel off emotionaly or why aspects of my life don't feel right, I can't find any conclusive answer to explain my emotions (id?) to my rational self (ego?). It could be something completely behaviorable in my enviroment I haven't identified but other then finding a behavioral phsychologist I don't know where I could start there.

Are you able to find introspective resolution when thinking about who you are? or what you want? or how you feel?

Seeker

One or maybe two years ago now, I was 'diagnosed' as a classic emotion suppressor, I have since then really been trying to identify and learn about my emotion as it happens within me.

Through counseling, my psychologist helped me to identify my feelings and how they manifested in my personality. Since then I have been making great progress in intergrating my emotional aspect as part of my expression of being.

I have found it very difficult to identify some aspects as I find society really does impact on how you 'should' be in the world. This has only been a recent development in my awareness so I am really just starting to think about who I am and what I want within this context. At least I believe I have made some progress in defining how I feel.

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To those who wander but who are not lost...

~ Knowledge is not something you acquire, it is something you open yourself to.

tecoyah

There will never be resolution of self, in the way you seem to wish. If there were we would all become enlightened and there would be a bunch of Avatar/Christ/Buddahs walking around thinking at each other. I have found the key is acceptance of the limitations placed on growth by reality, and paying close attention to what aspects we DO understand, limited though it may be. Each moment has the potential to give definition to who we are, and in doing so make us a bit more whole. It is up to each of us to decide what that may be, by learning from the trials of our lives in this place.
There is no one path to life.....but there are alot of beautiful trees on the sides of the trail. Some are so old and have grown so big, we can all see them from our individual piece of the forest.

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Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha

NotMVH

Thank you for your replies.

I can understand what you are saying Tecoyah, I don't know if I will ever feel whole but I do seek to understand myself, who I am, better. Perhaps my emotions are not logical and thus can not be rationalized. You are correct that acceptance might be better path.