Is impersonating another personality wrong?

[Vitter]

This is a question regard the ethics of using another personality in order to have a certain someone like you.

Let's say you have a personality that was unique, that many people liked to befriend, but did not want to have a relationship with; would it be wrong to change your personality in order to get a person to like you? Keep in mind I'm referring to a short-term relationship. I couldn't stand being in a long-term relationship if I didn't be myself.

If your argument is that one should not change their personality no matter who it is, so that there is no deception, then should a rude person not hide the fact that they are rude(keep it on his inside)? Wouldn't the rude person want to not have people egging/tp'ing his house?

I'm sure many of you would say there is hardly a comparison between being defensive of your house, and having a person like you. But consider the alternative of having a personality no one wants to be around. Would it be OK to do then?

I'm also fairly certain there will be a respondent who will argue that 'There is a certain 'type' for everybody, and that person should just keep looking'. And what of the person should he not find this 'type'? There are 6+ billion people on this planet, and most people only meet a few thousand, so please don't bother with that argument, as there are people that are obviously not perfect for each other together, but they make the best of it and just live their lives with each other.

Feel free to argue upon each point for its merit, as I want to know the general acceptability for each.

[QuasiMondo]

It's about as wrong as a chameleon changing his skin color to blend in with his environment.

We are social creatures. We need this flexibility to survive, whether it's an asshole who needs to display manners so his boorish behavior doesn't isolate him from everybody, or a meek individual who needs to display assertiveness so they're not eaten alive. I think it's only natural that one adapts themselves to fit the environment they're in.

[ratbastid]

In life, we don't always get to say what we have or what we do. The only thing we EVER have complete and total, 100% say about is who we're going to be.

It's normal to be different ways with different people. That is--it's no more a lie than anything else a human being does, which is to say, a complete and total lie. But that's not wrong, considering you're doing it quite literally ALL the time.

[Punk.of.Ages]

Originally Posted by Vitter

Let's say you have a personality that was unique, that many people liked to befriend, but did not want to have a relationship with; would it be wrong to change your personality in order to get a person to like you? Keep in mind I'm referring to a short-term relationship. I couldn't stand being in a long-term relationship if I didn't be myself.

Why would you want to be in any kind of relationship with somebody who can't appreciate you for who you are? Unless by "short-term relationship" you mean a one night stand. In any other sort of relationship deception will most likely lead to nothing but a bitter end and a burned bridge.

Originally Posted by Vitter

If your argument is that one should not change their personality no matter who it is, so that there is no deception, then should a rude person not hide the fact that they are rude(keep it on his inside)? Wouldn't the rude person want to not have people egging/tp'ing his house?

I can relate with this statement as I am not necessarily a rude person, but I do tend to be a very vulgar and obnoxious person. There are times in life, due to the society we live in, where you have to give off a different persona. eg. Chances are if I were to tell a girl I work with I would like to spit in her vagina, as I would a girl in my personal life (Yes, I am a smooth operator), I would be unemployed, to say the least.
Basically, in professional and casual interactions it is usually wise to remain polite and stick to the social norm of how people should act. When it comes to your personal life and the interactions therein, though, I believe you should always be the person you truly are. Otherwise, you will have false relationships with everybody you know, and who wants that?

[Ourcrazymodern?]

I don't think any PERSON can IMPERSONATE any other PERSONALITY.

ratbastid, as is his wont, speaks the truth:

We are different PERSONS to everyPERSON we interact with because we come individually packaged.

Be yourself, whatever else you do. Love yourself.

[Martian]

I think it's interesting that you talk about personalities as if they're fixed and unchanging things outside our control. You talk about your hypothetical 'rude person' as if being rude is something that happened to him, not something he is.

You are who you are. You choose how to act and that defines you as an individual. So far as I can figure it, that's really all there is to the discussion.

[Plan9]

We are very much who we think we are...

[Vitter]

Thanks for the responses, much appreciated . I do believe that personalities can change, Martian, but for the most part I was attempting to allude to the people that seem to believe one shouldn't disguise their persona to anybody for any period of time. I've talked to a female that thought it was wrong to do, and I've thought of her as being the 'Average Jane', and for the most part I wanted to know if her belief was the general consensus. I'm glad most people on this board have more than the iota of intelligence this girl displayed.

[Plan9]

Originally Posted by Ourcrazymodern?

We are different PERSONS to every PERSON we interact with because we come individually packaged.

I like to think we're more like the plasma membrane of cells.

Porous, throbbing, changing, letting certain things in, rejecting others.

The interstitial areas... where the differences in humans hide.

Originally Posted by Vitter

Thanks for the responses, much appreciated . I do believe that personalities can change, Martian, but for the most part I was attempting to allude to the people that seem to believe one shouldn't disguise their persona to anybody for any period of time. I've talked to a female that thought it was wrong to do, and I've thought of her as being the 'Average Jane', and for the most part I wanted to know if her belief was the general consensus. I'm glad most people on this board have more than the iota of intelligence this girl displayed.

This isn't impersonating another personality. This is called tact.

[tiger777]

I would say, specifically trying to deceive someone is wrong, however i can understand if you really really like her and feel that you'll eventually reveal your personality and truly believe you can make her happy that you could feel justified in doing so. However if you have selfish reasons for doing so I thin it is wrong.

[The_Jazz]

Originally Posted by Ourcrazymodern?

I don't think any PERSON can IMPERSONATE any other PERSONALITY.

ratbastid, as is his wont, speaks the truth:

We are different PERSONS to everyPERSON we interact with because we come individually packaged.

Be yourself, whatever else you do. Love yourself.

Yup. Spot on.

[Seer666]

If you really stop and think about it, we all do this all the time. Our interactions with different people all come with different expectations. If you really think about it, I'm sure you'll notice that they way you act around other changes, if even a little, from person to person. Do you act the same way around your boss as you do you best friend? What you are talking about is simply being human.

[analog]

Originally Posted by Ourcrazymodern?

I don't think any PERSON can IMPERSONATE any other PERSONALITY.

I have to strongly disagree.

If for nothing else but my own personal entertainment, I will somewhat frequently pretend to have another personality entirely. I have a "southern gentleman" personality, complete with voice and mannerisms (think along the lines of "Gone with the Wind" southern gentleman, with a slow drawl. If you've ever seen The Saint, with Val Kilmer, it's sort of modelled after his "southern gentleman" disguise).

I have an extreme OCD personality that has a tic (neck twitch) whenever someone says "the" (or any other word I might pick at the moment)... his voice is pretty much always a North Dakota/Minnesota accent... I have no idea why, but when I do that personality, that's the voice that seems to fit.

There's "guy with crappy depth perception"... not really a personality, but I completely unfocus my eyes so it effectively looks like i'm blind or can't focus on anything, and then when I reach out to take or give things, it's always way off and/or in the wrong general direction.

I also have several others that are more subtle or less developed, but they're fun.

Ok- ever notice on news shows when they're doing a live broadcast from somewhere, "via satellite", and the person on the other end is always standing there for a couple of seconds after the first person finishes speaking, because of the delay? Sometimes I do that... continue to stand there with the same look on my face, give it several seconds, and then finally answer as though I was working on some sort of delay. That's a fun one, because people tend to get weirded out pretty quickly, and yet it's so innocent.

Oh, and of course I adopt a professional persona while at work which is just an extension of my natural personality. Maybe that's closer to what you were talking about.

[Plan9]

Originally Posted by Analog

Oh, and of course I adopt a professional persona while at work which is just an extension of my natural personality. Maybe that's closer to what you were talking about.

<object width="425" height="355"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/qoIvd3zzu4Y&rel=1"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/qoIvd3zzu4Y&rel=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355"></embed></object>

[analog]

Oh, my God... it even has a watermark...

Btw, for youtube videos, all you need to do to embed them here is type this:

[*youtube] crazy combo of letters and numbers for the video [*/youtube]

Without the *'s, obviously...

[*youtube]qoIvd3zzu4Y[*/youtube] yields:



(For some reason, you're less likely to get erroneous "video no longer available" messages. Plus, it's easier.

Also: I don't have any fully developed serial killer personalities, though I do have 2 voices I use for stalker/serial killer/generic-creepy-guy purposes, for fun.

[Plan9]

Originally Posted by analog

Also: I don't have any fully developed serial killer personalities, though I do have 2 voices I use for stalker/serial killer/generic-creepy-guy purposes, for fun.

Work on it. Your profession demands it! Just as my new profession will require excessive drinking and multiple divorces.

...

Copy and paste "embed" is faster. I'm keyboard lazy. Clip works fine for me.

[Ourcrazymodern?]

Aw, y'all are speaking Greek, goddammit!

It works for me.

So does myself.

Your "personality" is unbound to be changed.

Live with yourself and enjoy.

[Yakk]

If it is in your personality to pretend to have another personality in order to make social interaction better, then isn't the pretending to have another personality just part of your personality?

[CoolestPerson]

I'm fairly sure it has to be all about perception. The phrase "Life is what you make of it", is just that, a thought, a point of view. You can't just ask if someone can impersonate another personality because everyone is going to have a different perception of what a personality is and what constitutes impersonating. I mean, someone can be a grocery clerk while at the same time becomming an inspiring artist...

[jewels]

How'd it go? Inquiring minds and all that.

Originally Posted by Vitter

... for the most part I was attempting to allude to the people that seem to believe one shouldn't disguise their persona to anybody for any period of time... I'm glad most people on this board have more than the iota of intelligence this girl displayed.

I don't know if "disguise" is the word you meant or not. Disguise would imply deception. Analog's other personalities are not deceptions, they're facets of his personality. We all have different aspects of ourselves. But when one deliberately tries to pretend what he's not, that's where the difference lies. People can be hurt.

Hiding who you are versus showing another side of one's self - those are two completely different scenarios.

[Ourcrazymodern?]

My soon-to-be ex-wife "fucking hates me". Most of the people I meet do the opposite.

What I mean to say is, the honesty you get is equal to the honesty you give. Or vice-versa. Your mind is the only thing you have to go on riding until the trip is over.

I kind-of wish I had fallen off a bull once or twice so I could explain this strange dementia, but I didn't, so can't.

Can I now pretend that I think impersonating another personality can possibly be right, beyond what everyone has said?

No, I won't. So I can't.

The 6 billion provide enough options.

[telekinetic]

Some good advice on the subject...

Originally Posted by William Shakespeare

Yet here, Laertes! Aboard, aboard for shame!
The wind sits in the shoulder of your sail,
And you are stay'd for.
There ... my blessing with thee!
And these few precepts in thy memory
Look thou character. Give thy thoughts no tongue,
Nor any unproportion'd thought his act.
Be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar.
Those friends thou hast, and their adoption tried,
Grapple them to thy soul with hoops of steel;
But do not dull thy palm with entertainment
Of each new-hatch'd, unfledg’d comrade. Beware
Of entrance to a quarrel but, being in,
Bear't that th' opposed may beware of thee.
Give every man thy ear, but few thy voice;
Take each man's censure, but reserve thy judgement.
Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy,
But not express'd in fancy; rich, not gaudy;
For the apparel oft proclaims the man;
And they in France of the best rank and station
Are of a most select and generous chief in that.
Neither a borrower, nor a lender be;
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.
This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
Farewell; my blessing season this in thee!

At the same time, I wouldn't call changing your personality an impersonation, unless you're trying to duplicate or become a specific person. Just having different personas is totally normal. I would never swear, smoke, or drink around my mother...does this mean I have a different persona when I am around her than around my friends? Slightly, but it's more like the same me with a different filter applied. I am not a different person, I just put up different filters.

Another example: I love board games, working on cars, and magic the gathering. When I was single and out at the bars, would I discuss any of those three things with the ladies I was buying drinks for? Of course not. I'd talk about work, or school, or maybe if I had a race coming up I'd talk about that, but I wasn't going to tell them how excited I was about my new exhaust, or how I hoped I won the bid on the Darksteel Collosus playset on ebay that night. I wouldn't lie about it if it came up, but you have to know how to present yourself.

Take a good long introspective look, and be sure that all your 'personas' reflect a facet of your true self. There's a difference between being well rounded and socially adept, and being two faced.

[belezabaub]

You own personality is not something you control. IMHO your perceived reflection of yourself is very much controlled by the reactions of others around you. Does a beautiful woman know she is beautiful through just by looking at herself in the mirror? I don't think that she does. She judges herself on the reaction of others. If men approach her and if women compliement her appearance she thinks she is beautiful, if they don't she does not.

Our perceived personality of ourselves is merely a construct of people's favourable or unfavourable reactions to our actions and in reality very few of even our closest friends take the time to meaningfully form any rational view on our personality. Instead we devote well over 90% of our time rationalizing about ourselves and peoples reaction towards us rather than thinking about how we perceive them.

Maybe I'm just an egomaniac but whenever I think about people I know, I can tell you stories about things they done, I can tell what makes them angry or sad but when you ask me about personality or what type of person I percieve them to be, I can usually sum it up up in a sentence. Ask me about my own personality or how I percieve myself, all I can say is, I hope your sitting comfortably because this is going to take a while.

Our own personality is far more important to ourselves than anyone else. No one gives a shit. People in my experience are much more self concious than they are concious of the world around them.

[MirrorsrorriM]

all culture is copying. All civilizations, all cultures, passed on from generation to generation is the result of everyone copying the smart, cool, people.

P.S. Eating chicken wings is not culture, it is anti-culture. Pauly Shore is not culture, he is anti-culture. What I mean is, there is culture and there is anti-culture, anti-culture is the poison ner-do wells spread to inflict pain and confusion on others around them, culture is the passing on of useful or artistic, inspiring information, techniques, proverbs to one's children or friends.

When an alien, hostile population is spreading anti-culture, it is because they want to kill and destroy that culture so that it's own indigenous culture can take over, it's like weeds spreading into the surrounding area, slowly, dropping their seeds, graduation sucking the nutrients out of the ground, killing the pretty flowers around them.

[Master_Shake]

My personality doesn't exist outside of interactions with other people. Depending on the external influences my personality reacts to them as appropriately for the situation and for my ultimate goals.

If I were stranded on a desert island and had only myself to dictate my personality I'd probably be a very miserable, unhappy, rude person.* But that's just me.




*Because you know, I'm stranded on a desert island.

[ottopilot]

From the moment we begin posting in a forum, we should assume from day 1 that you are likely interacting with people maintaining multiple identities. While all I can do is assure you that I am only one identity on TFP, I know that it's not hard for one to "get around" common preventive measures. This unsure reality can also be an intriguing component of the game. Poke around, put the pieces together, or just enjoy the free exchange of ideas.

It sounds a bit paranoid, but that's kind of the allure of the net. This is the ultimate platform for pretend and play-acting. Be transparent as yourself, try on a different skin, play opposite of your true nature, be a man, woman, straight, gay, be a devil, a devil's advocate, be a crusader, be a troll, be a little of each.

I'd say in a personal relationship or marriage, be as honest with each other as possible. But in our daily lives, careers and circumstances may not allow us to express or vent deep seeded feelings. Anonymous relationships on the internet may (or may not) be a relatively safe way to act on these tendencies. So "pretending", as discussed earlier in this thread, is probably a normal coping mechanism for a variety of social reasons. Unethical behavior is always unethical, so we should be careful when venturing in to "impersonations".

I came across an interesting online advice column on salon.com where the advice-seeker states: "I go on right-wing sites and say provocative things. Why do I do it? You think they'll come after me?". The person asking these questions sounds like a typical political forum junky, they could very well be from TFP. The point here is the exploration and questioning of why he says he always posts on political forums as a troll. It's not necessarily who he is in daily life, but he's so caught up in the persona that he is troubled and worried about the people he's ticked off. It's like a little cartoon devil and angel on our shoulders where reason might get a little skewed or blurred... before you know it, you're inexplicably sucked in like a magnet and can't walk away. Addiction?

Perhaps when we react so strongly on a topic, we should first consider that the person on the other end really doesn't believe what they are saying? ... or fuck that, pretend to be hardcore all the way and take no prisoners.

Choices...

The the full text is provided below. http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/tenn/20...ternet_troll/#

Originally Posted by from salon.com Cary Tennis

Help! I'm an Internet troll!

I go on right-wing sites and say provocative things. Why do I do it? You think they'll come after me?

By Cary Tennis

Dear Big, Green and Hairy,

There are ditches and culverts on the Internet where you can hide and throw eggs and yell "Fuck you!"

When I was a kid my brother and I would go out "on patrol" at night. We were saboteurs of the common peace. We carried cherry bombs and matches. Territory that was forbidden to us by day was open to us at night: soft, well-watered, manicured lawns; mysterious carports devoid of cats; the spaces around ranch houses under their windows, in the shadows of the streetlights.

We would lie in ditches awaiting movement from the neighbors. We would find a target of opportunity and light a cherry bomb and run. We wrecked things at night and ran away. We tipped things over and blew things up. We yelled "Fuck you!" from the shadows and ran.

We ran in a fever of laughter and fear. We would arrive at our back window out of breath and silently listen for sounds of pursuit. Sometimes a cop car would cruise slowly down the street without headlights, searching for the boys who had yelled "Fuck you."

The impulse to yell "Fuck you!" from the shadows does not just disappear with adulthood. If you have two advanced degrees, then you have spent a lot of your life indoors, sitting or standing in the offices of your superiors, controlling your impulses and pretending to be rational. You have filled out many forms. You have presented yourself as "normal." You have restrained yourself. You have acted like a professional. You probably act like a professional all day long. The way they keep us cooped up in offices all day, it's no wonder that occasionally we just like to shout an insult.

So what of the right-wingers you taunt? You think they're going to come after you? You think they're going to egg your house? That's the risk you take. That's the risk we all take. We say our piece and we wait for the replies.

You have to figure the right-wingers can take it. They're supposed to be the tough ones, aren't they? You have to figure they can take a little graffiti on their lily-white walls. Heck, I take my share. We all do.

So why do you do it? I'd say maybe you do it for the thrill and the satisfaction of saying your piece. And I must remember that everything I say about why you might do this applies to why people might do this to me. I know they're getting their kicks. I'm an adult now and the kids come by and egg the house. I know. I remember two things from childhood: How one wanted to egg the big kids and how one wanted to speak truth to power -- power being at that time teachers, administrators and parents. They said such incredibly stupid things and they were running the school. It was infuriating.

So what about the kid who wants to throw cherry bombs? Maybe this is about that kid. There are bushes on the Internet where you can hide and throw things. There are dark, late-night sidewalks where you can walk looking for victims. You can say things on the Internet and run away.

So consider this in a broader context: You're a grown-up now. You have two advanced degrees. You act rational all day long. How do you let the animal out? How do you express your aggression these days? Do you box? Do you fence? Do you play chess? How do you engage in competition and conflict? Where is that side of you, that boy who wants to sneak out at night and throw cherry bombs at the neighbors? Maybe you need to buy him a bicycle or a pair of boxing gloves.

[Ustwo]

i'm really a university professor marxist, I just post for attention

[ottopilot]

Originally Posted by Ustwo

i'm really a university professor marxist, I just post for attention

I'm really the Obama Girl.

[The_Jazz]

Originally Posted by Ustwo

i'm really a university professor marxist, I just post for attention

roachboy, you win. I'll get a check in the mail to you later this week.

[levite]

I dunno if it's always wrong to maintain a different persona during a relationship but I do think it's rarely helpful. In general, good relationships, long or short are based on people wanting to be honest with one another.

That said, never say never. My main concern would be effective boundaries and definitions. Short-term relationships can turn into longer relationships quite easily if nothing prevents them. If you were, say, on vacation for a couple of weeks or even a month someplace, and you had a vacation fling that was entirely "in character," I think that could be both ethically acceptable and practically non-problematic. It could even be helpful-- taking a vacation even from "yourself" as it were. But I think such a thing works because it exists in a liminal space not your own, within a sharply defined time context. That automatically prevents things from getting too messy.

I have never dated someone "in character," but (being trained as an actor) I sometimes play acting games by travelling or going to events "in character," complete with accents, mannerisms, etc. I usually improv background details as they come up. It's fun! Although I did once accidentally get stuck as a nihilistic lapsed Catholic seminarian during a 5-hour mechanical difficulty at SFO, and ended up having to improv a lot of dialogue about Christian theology with a Catholic anthropologist I happened to meet....

I guess I'd say, better to hold out and be yourself in a relationship, but I guess if the right situation occurs, sure, why not?

[genuinegirly]

One can experiment with different personalities when consequences are not affecting others.

If one sticks without trying, that's success.

It is healthy to desire to improve oneself.

[lotsofmagnets]

something i´ve noticed over time is you eventually end up becomming who you pretend to be. the most dramatic illustration of this point to me is my brother who went through school as a teased nerd and hated it and hated most people but he got to uni and pretended he was someone really cool and after a while it wore off on the people around him, and himself, and now he has several social circles which he is still able to maintain from 2 states (or about 3500km) away quite well. just my 2c

[snowy]

I act differently around different people, because that is what the situation dictates. The snowy who sits in her friends' living room playing video games and passing the bong around is not the same snowy who shows up to babysit kids. The former is more casual, swears like a sailor, and says it like it is. The latter chooses her words carefully, is unfailingly polite, and is incredibly safety-minded.

It's natural that we act differently around different people, and in different situations. Situational awareness has to play its part, too.

[nerfgangsta]

Originally Posted by levite

Although I did once accidentally get stuck as a nihilistic lapsed Catholic seminarian during a 5-hour mechanical difficulty at SFO, and ended up having to improv a lot of dialogue about Christian theology with a Catholic anthropologist I happened to meet....

thats fucking rough, man!! hahahaa