dougiefresh

This thread isn't concerning the general goals of therapy, but the general thought process(es) regarding therapy. I went through some therapy last year for about three months and realized that the therapist was probably in more need of therapy than I was.

I think most of society believes that therapy involves finding out why a person has difficulty with whatever it might be. I'm pretty confident that I know why I am where I am (dad left when I was 11, I shut everybody out of my life and became very sequestered from people and now its not working so well).

I would hope that therapy would involve more than a therapist telling you what you should be doing. I know what I should be doing, why do I have to battle myself? I'd love to see a therapist who offers insight into how my mind works and tools to improve. From those who have insight into therapy, are these expectations right on?

Comprehend

I find part of it is just the campanionship and having someone there for you to lay your burden on, so to speak. I know little about psych therapy but I can attest to the qualities of having someone there who genuinely can offer you some understanding. Just being able to talk about things to another person can do wonders.

amonkie

One thing to consider : How do most people react when being told what to do, especially when it is something that may be scary or hard as hell for them? Alot of the time, they get tuned out. Its been shown that the simple step of talking outloud often solidifies your thoughts and feelings. You may feel you know what to do because you've had to talk it out, even if the therapist didn't do more than just listen.

It doesn't take a therapist to start learning how your mind works. If you go on half.com, there are literally THOUSANDS of textbook style literature at very reduced prices to give you a baseline for information on psychology, sociology and cognition. You can also start just searching online for info: the American Psychological Association has a lot of good links and resources if you type that into Google.

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maleficent

Not that i'm an expert here, I probably could use decades of therapy myself.. but - in my mind -- a good therapist will not tell you what you should be doing, but instead will work with you so that you decide what is best for you.

You say you know what you should be doing, most people generally do know what they should do, it's motivating yourself that's the challenge. A good therapist can help you find what's blocking you and break thru those blocks so that you can do what you need to do. How do they do it? Talking... and getting you to find out what's blocking you by asking the right questions... What are those questions? Hard to say, for each question answered, that answer given will take you in a different direction.

It may honestly take several different therapists before you finally find one that you are comfortable with...

I went to one a few years ago, and it was the worst experience of my life, they did try to tell me what to do, and the tools they wanted to use to get me there, was a prescription. After two appointments, I never went back.

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martinguerre

i know a lot of folks who are whip smart about other people's problems and oblivious to their own...

everybody, to some extent, has this problem of blind spots. Our analysis of our own existance is clouded by our proximity to it.

to be honest, these kind of expectations are a good conversation starter with a therapist. some are smart and will offer that level of insight while knowing when to let you remain self-directed in your healing. Others may be hamhanded and clumsy, and try to fit your experience to their pre-conceptions. in my rather extensive experience with mental health providers, i've found it to be an entire crap shoot. be willing to go several first appointments before you find someone you feel comfortable working with.

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raeanna74

That is what I expected from a therapist.

I went to one about 3 years ago. The few times I went he just sat there and sat practically nothing. Just said "Tell me about yourself." "Why are you here." "What is your problem." Then when I elaborated he just sat there taking notes. I guess this is how it's supposed to go. After several sessions the only thing he told me with regards to what I'd said was "You grew up in a very disfunctional home." That was it. Alright einstein, tell me something I DON"T know. At the time I desperately needed SOME direction. I was depressed, in a bad place in every way, and all he says is that my childhood was screwed up. DUH! I quit going because I saw absolutely no use in going just to complain. What do I do, why am I depressed, what's wrong with me, with my world, why are things so screwed up, etc.

Rewind about 10 years. I went to a therapist with my family. It was a woman my Dad was seeing because of his multiple suicide attempts. She wanted to meet the whole family and talk to us all. I remember my very angry brother sitting on the couch between my parents and I was seated in a desk chair off to the side of the therapist. It ended up she said a couple things to both my Dad and brother that sent them off on tyraids and into fights. Mom would sit there and talk about 'satan possessing her son', 'satan causing discord in the family', 'don't let satan make you do this...'. The therapist wasn't able to control the situation either. When it was about 10 seconds from blows I stepped in and calmed things down, talked them both down off their horses, and then she continued. This happened 3 times while we were there. If she was such a hot therapist then why was she provoking fights like that. Sure maybe see family dynamics but wouldn't you think that ONCE was enough? Was she trying to get someone hurt? Dad quit seeing her because she started making passes at him when her divorce was finalized. She even started calling our house asking if he was able to come in for an impromptu session. Um yeah right.

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iamnormal

Therapist are not all the same. It took me seeing 3 to find one that worked for me.

noodle

I have been a therapist for 5 years. A good one helps you to see alternatives to patterns of behavior after actually listening to what's going on with you. Not so much advice, but "have you thought about...," "tell me your thoughts on...," etc. It's a long, complicated process. Keep trying, if you like. It really can help.

And there is a reason most of us learn how to be therapists, but many refuse to go in to therapy themselves.

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thingstodo

Nicely said!

I feel a good therapist listens and then helps you focus on the situation, what is behind your current behavior and what are your options. Good questioning is the key to helping someone focus. It takes a lot of skill to work through the questions with each individual. And I also feel someone needs to want help or recognize that there is a problem they can seek help to overcome.

That said, there are a lot of crappy people in every walk of life. That's why I feel chiropractors get a bad rap. The bad ones stand out while the good ones do their thing and actually help people.

In all that, I think the individual has a responsibility to find a good provider of any service and boot the bad, whether it is your head, your body or your car!

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dougiefresh

Its interesting to me how little is actually known about this field. I think I can use the help but have no true idea how it should work. Thats what I should do when I "interview" prospective therapist, ask how it works.

The one I saw openly talked about applying for the type of job I was applying for. Its not a bad job, but you don't want to be spilling it all for a therapist who is after entry level work elsewhere.