MEAD

I fell in love with a girl, first time ever. She crushed me. That's not a new story to this board, but she also was a friend, which means that she has the same friends as I. It's been weeks now and I' thought I came to understand it all and come to terms with it, but I talked to her again and she still crushes me. I don't see it ever being any other way. I've decided its best for me to never see her again and avoid her at all costs. I know its immature, and I've tried the mature route many times, but I keep getting destroyed. She goes to a different college than I and it would be easy for me to never see her again for the rest of my life, and although I don't really want to do this, but I feel as if I have to do it for my own good. What can I do?

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Here are some phrases I'd like to be able to say, in all honesty, before I die.
"That's it, send out the ninjas!"
"So then I had to kill my way to the second floor."

Sweetpea

don't beat yourself up over it. If someone crushes you every time you see them, that's not adding anything positive to your life . . . feel free to cut that negative energy out of your life and move on.

It might just be a matter of letting time pass without seeing her. my hunch is that it is too fresh still to not feel the pain all over again. It's okay to take alot of space for as long as you need to.

that being said: I'm sorry . . . love is difficult.

sweetpea

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MEAD

Thanks, I guess I thought I was over it when I wasnt. I just feel like I dont need to be feeling like crap anymore and that I deserve to be happy and with someone who treats me better. It's hard because I know shes a good person, and that it was really a matter of being long distance. But I was still very much in love when she decided that it was too difficult for her. I want to blame her, but I know I can't. That's what puts me in this position. It's too difficult for me to wrap my head around and keep it that way. Too much conflict, one second Im all understanding and the next Im so completely resentful. That's why I gave up.

__________________
Here are some phrases I'd like to be able to say, in all honesty, before I die.
"That's it, send out the ninjas!"
"So then I had to kill my way to the second floor."

abaya

Sometimes the mature thing to do is actually to step back and cut yourself off. It is not immature to need distance; it's wise to know what you need and what your limits are, and to act on them.

Frankly, most of the people I know who have acted in immature ways after being rejected (including myself, many times) ended up trying to be too emotionally close to the person they are no longer with. It doesn't help anyone, least of all yourself.

So stick to the mature, realistic route you're taking until the pain begins to have less power over you. It's likely you're always going to miss that person, but that doesn't mean you can't heal and move on. That's from my experience, at least.

And count yourself lucky that you're not at the same college; being in close quarters with someone after there has been a heartbreak is one of the worst things to deal with, emotionally.

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And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

Seeker

I strongly agree with abaya and sweetpea! Wanting to remove yourself from a painful situation is in no way immature. You have realised you are doing yourself no favours in trying to maintain contact. A lesson I too am coming to terms with. You are wanting to move away from a situation that is not conducive to your life or your spirit. That is not immature, it is indeed wise.

There is no shame in taking this time to heal, my heartfelt good wishes to you.

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dlish

my first love was back in uni..and yes i was heartbroken, and yes we were friends sow e shared the same friends too, so i really do see myself in you when u tell ure story.

i basically did the same thing.. i distanced myself from her, just to get away. its not healthy to get cut on a regular basis everytime u see them. plus it brings back old uncomfortable feelings that you know u can do without , especially since this sounds like a fresh wound to me.

distance is good..but going and locking ureself up in a room away from society is not. go out have fun..yes u will think of them from time to time, but as time goes on you will find that you will think of them less often, and your feeling will subside.. its been about 7 or 8 years now for me, but i still think about my first love every now and then.. i dont think anyone forgets their first love, that feeling of uninhibited loved..that excruciating feeling of overwhelmness.... ive never felt that again..i guess thats why the same goes "love like you've never been hurt", but its hard to do that.

my advice..go have fun..just dont get depressed about it (took me 6 months of depression to get over it..but in the end i just said &^%$ it, my life is worth more than this)..your love is waiting somewhere....it'll come along...patience is the key.

stop being resentful, and think positive.

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- Filthy

Rlyss

Mate, just be cool about it. A few months ago I moved to the other side of the world to get away from my broken relationship, and although it sort-of worked, I admit it was a drastic thing to do.

I had almost the same friends shit did so daily life was hard. If there was a goings-on one night we had to work out who went out that time - her or me? I hated it so much that I just left and let her have it all. I wouldn't suggest doing what I did, and I wouldn't suggest finding the friends that are on your side and pairing up with them. Try not to see her if you can, and find the friends that really are impartial and hang out with them. Give it some time - it'll take a while but in time you'll be ok

MEAD

I assume its just a point you get to in getting over someone, but right now I at the point where I just asking, "Why", Why does this have to suck so much? Why does it have to be so difficult to love somebody? I mean, shit, if I was smart, I would have avoided the long distance relationship and remained a good friend of hers and let the thing develop when it had a chance. And now that we have been so in love and broken up, not mutually, being back together would be impossible, even if we could see each other all the time. But I guess you fall in love and you think you can conquer the entire world, and Ill be damned if that isnt the best feeling I've ever experienced. But I should have just waited. I that regret I didn't wait. And now the oppourtunity is gone forever, and I regret it because she's a great person and I'll never be able to close to her again. Oh well, least i've gotten used to feeling like crap every now and then, I can take it with a grain of salt and just realize that in a day or two Ill feel better. Meh, I guess I am now officaly a human being.

__________________
Here are some phrases I'd like to be able to say, in all honesty, before I die.
"That's it, send out the ninjas!"
"So then I had to kill my way to the second floor."

dlish

mead..

really, the best medicine is to chill out..go see another girl...get ure mind off being hurt... things fall into place, they really do...

and why ure at it..."kill ure way to the 2nd floor" love those phrases! remind me of when i was a kid playing the Atari 2600. used to have a game called kung fu master. oh the 'old school' days..oh sorry..we were talking about you werent we

__________________
An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy