MSD

For the past three years, my response to the first "Happy Birthday" of the day was to look around, wonder who they were talking to, and slowly remember that it was mine. Four years ago, I remembered, but the year before that I had also forgotten. I will gladly explain this to anyone who is offended that I forgot their birthday.

Seeker

I can't tell you the last time I looked forward to my birthday... actually, I get rather peeved when people expect me to be excited and happy on my birthday. What for, it is just another day to me, nothing changes!

That being said, I think it's great when I see others enjoying their day. Good on them, they have decided that it's their day and celebrate it. I think I prefer to do that when I want to though, not just because it's 'that day'.

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To those who wander but who are not lost...

~ Knowledge is not something you acquire, it is something you open yourself to.

TexanAvenger

There, darlin', you are absolutely wrong. I told people I was 16 for nearly three months after my birthday just because I didn't realize it'd passed that year.

ngdawg

I tend to add from the year I was born to remember my age!
After-Mothers Day addendum: Kids forgot. Luckily, their church was selling plants so they got one for me. To all those who were pampered, honored, etc...I'm envious!!!

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Don't blame me. I didn't vote for either of'em.

captanhero

Contrary to the popular stereotype, I (male) am the one that usually remembers "important" dates such as birthdays, mother's day, etc. whereas my girlfriend has yet to remember the exact date of my birthday until the day of, I think. But I say "important" in quotes because I really could care less about such arbitrary days of the year. I usually make mention of them and put something simple together in lieu of supporting the diabolical gift card industry.

onodrim

Holidays have just never been that big of a deal to me. For the sake of not hurting the feelings of other's who do care about them, I try to at least send a card, or call and wish a Happy Birthday/Mother's Day/etc. However, if people don't acknowledge mine, I'm not bothered in the least. I just think the idea of needing one specific day to do something thoughtful for another person is silly. We should all do things for each other everyday simply because we care enough about the person to do so, not because a date on a calendar says so.

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"The world is so exquisite with so much love and moral depth, that there is no reason to deceive ourselves with pretty stories for which there’s little good evidence. Far better it seems to me, in our vulnerability, is to look death in the eye and to be grateful every day for the brief but magnificent opportunity that life provides"
-Carl Sagan

SecretMethod70

That's why I'm dating her

Well...at least one of the reasons

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Le temps détruit tout

"Musicians are the carriers and communicators of spirit in the most immediate sense." - Kurt Elling

raeanna74

After we got married I WAITED for him to remember for several years. Then I decided to remind him. He still didn't know what to get so - nada. Then I told him WHAT I wanted for my B-day - nothing. For Christmas with the family I got him something one year and he didn't want to open it because he hadn't gotten me something and it would look bad. So the next year I bought him something, got myself something, wrapped them both, and then at the family gathering I unwrapped the present for myself that he had YET to see. The family still doesn't know. So now - I just buy myself something and tell him that I'm considering it my gift from him.

I know he hates shopping for stuff and doesn't always know what to get but when I spell it out for him can it be that bad?? I mean the last time I said I wanted something I showed him a picture of it in a flyer so there was no question where and what and it was cheap - I think less than $5.

He's taken me out for dinner but I was still instramental in lining up the sitter and it was a co-operative effort even then. Surprise me at least once.

For now - I think I'm not gonna ask anymore. I'll just get it myself.

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"Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama
My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

JustJess

I would absolutely be upset about a situation like that <.
What's so hard about remembering to at least say "happy birthday, i'm glad you were born?" What's so difficult about saying "Happy Mother's Day" or "Merry Christmas"?

Do you remember what day to take out the trash? The due dates for work projects? You can remember that some days, a little "i'm thinking of you" comment is appreciated.
I agree that every day, a person should feel appreciated and not just on Hallmark Holidays. But if they can't even do it on those particular holidays, what makes you think they're going to do it at any other time?

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My heart knows me better than I know myself, so I'm gonna let it do all the talkin'.

Daniel_

The argument about work dates is quite reasonable.

I put all of my significant dates onto my Outlook diary - if you use Hotmail you can use the calendar function on that - MSN will send you an email at some pre-defined time before hand.

Problem solved.

Martel

I think its messed up that people are expected to do certain things on certain days.

Why would you want someone to tell you they love you just because they're supposed to, or because if they don't you'll get mad?

I understand that people who want to hear special things on birthdays will probably respond that you don't want them to do it because they're supposed to, you want them to do it because they want to. Well guess what, sometimes the pressure to do something on a birthday is just stifling!

And honestly, if your significant others NEVER do anything nice for you, especially on your birthday, maybe you should look into getting a new significant other. Because that's just not how relationships oughta be.

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Anamnesis

Biscuit Buns

It absolutely bothers me when my birthday is not remembered by my SO. I do not fail to acknowledge theirs because I do believe it's a special day. It really is as simple as plugging it into your calendar whether electronic with e-mail capabilities or simple paper. I feel the same about wedding/commitment anniversaries. Most holidays don't carry as much importance, but I'm a real stickler for appreciating birthdays and anniversaries. I don't allow the date to go by without a nice, polite reminder if my SO's forgotten, but I also don't hold a grudge and get myself worked up over it for days past.

Anyway. I don't see a problem in reminding someone. Especially if there are going to be hurt feelings later if the date's been forgotten. An ounce of prevention...

Hope your birthday and mothers day turned out for the best.

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A hard man is good to find. ~Mae West

Charlatan

Wow. I can't believe that. I bet he doesn't forget what day is race day though. Or what day, you are planning on attending that latest swingers party.

Forgetting once in a while is excusable, but to make no effort to even get a Christmas present is just... wrong.

If nothing else I see these days (or any day I do something nice for my wife) as an opportunity to let her know that I love her and appreciate all that she does for me.

__________________
"My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars."
- Old Man Luedecke

Cynthetiq

touche....

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I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

Mondak

I read a really neat book a couple years ago that my wife and I had some fun with. It is called "If These Walls Could Talk" and it is a collection of 25 stories about couples. I copied this off a review somewhere online:

Chasey and I read the book and had some interesting discussions afterwards. I think we were driving somewhere like Yosimite and so we had the time to do it and no distractions like TV etc at the time. You can find the book on Amazon used for $7 bucks. All the stories are different and deal with different things. You can ease into it with stories that don't apply to you two and then switch over to ones that hit closer to home.

Here it is on Amazon
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/AS...593410-0135304

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All truth passes through three stages:
First it is ridiculed
Second, it is violently opposed and
Third, it is accepted as self-evident.

ARTHUR SCHOPENHAUER (1788-1860)

abaya

This... is... unexcuseable. Raeanna, has he seen this thread? Have you told him how his neglect of special days makes you feel? I know some people think special days of any kind, especially Christmas and whatnot, is bullshit... but I am not one of those people, and if I were you I would feel very hurt. I don't think you should enable him to continue forgetting you on the days you would like to be remembered... and also, the fact that you had to organize everything just so he could take YOU out to dinner... that's just very bad form. You should not be required to help HIM show you that he loves you. That should be a no-brainer for him... assuming he knows how you feel about this.

As we've gone over many times in various threads, love is not always about loving someone the way that's easiest for you, but honoring them in ways that makes them feel most loved, in whichever way they receive love best. To me, it means paying attention to what makes the other person feel really good... whether that's emotionally, physically, verbally, with gifts, time, etc. Whatever it takes to show them that you don't take them for granted.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

StanT

I always make an effort to do something special for my wifes birthday because it is important to her. I blow off my own because I couldn't care less. For some reason that ticks her off as much as forgetting hers. Gifts are tough around our house. She works, I work, we both make reasonable salaries. What do you get someone that can and will get anything they really want? Add in the fact that we prefer our own cooking to going out and it's a regular dilemma.

raeanna74

Dunno if hubby's read this thread yet. (though I'm hoping he does.) He does know how I feel about it and apologizes about things. Apologies don't really cut it. He's great at expressing his affection other times. The effort to give gifts seems to be beyond him at this time.

It's not a matter of - they'll get it for themself if they really want it. I don't care what you get just get me a dark chocolate bar, a single rose, something that I don't NORMALLY get because it's a splurge. Everyone has those things. At the very least take me out for a special deluxe cappucino and just look me in the eye for 30 min. It doesn't have to be a filet mignon dinner cooked at home. It doesn't have to be a diamond necklace. It DOES have to be an acknowledgement that you THOUGHT about me and went beyond your own little mind to DO something for me. The kind of gift or card isn't what matters as the EFFORT that you put forth on my behalf.

__________________
"Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama
My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

pinkie

When we were first going out I let Moobie know how important remembering things like my birthday was to me. I told him the kinds of things I liked (like receiving flowers) and let him know that I liked being surprised by special things.

Basically I let him know that I needed to be spoiled by him.

It worked.

Charlatan

For my wife... sometimes it is just the fact that I drag my ass out of bed at 6 am on a Saturday morning to make her a cup of tea so she has something to drink on the drive to the stable... Believe me, I would *much* rather stay in bed but I know she appreciates it eventhough she doesn't ask for it...

Raeanna, as you say, it is all in the little things.

__________________
"My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars."
- Old Man Luedecke

pinkie

You are so right.

Communication is the key.

Charlatan

Communication is the key... however there is a big difference between letting people know what you want and having to nag them to get it...

__________________
"My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars."
- Old Man Luedecke

abaya

I think this is crucial here... communicating this to your hubby. And I don't think anyone would argue with you about how important it is for people in a relationship to constantly do these things for each other, because otherwise one (or both) people get lazy and stop doing these things, and the personal connection sours bit by bit.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

pinkie

That's why you put it out there in the beginning as a need. If you're in a relationship, and not getting needs met, that's a pretty good indicator that that relationship might not be working...

And sometimes people need to be reminded. It's up to the individual to decide.

Cynthetiq

that is correct.

Just because it's unacceptable to some, and reanna laments that she wishes it may be different, she may find it acceptable in light of all the OTHER things that could be there.

In other words, she may not be focusing on the flaws, but on the best parts.

No one and no relationship is 100% perfect.

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

Cimarron29414

"Since I was born, one rock has spun around another, even bigger rock, 32 times. Please buy me something?!?"

I'm not making fun of anyone. It just that, when you put it in those terms, it DOES seem a little silly.

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Gives a man a halo, does mead.

"Here lies The_Jazz: Killed by an ambitious, sparkly, pink butterfly."

ShaniFaye

Its not as silly for all the people waiting for that rock to have spun around enuff times to get their drivers lisense, join the military, get married, be able to drink legally, have your car insurance go down or be able to get the senior citizens discounts at the grocery stores.

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I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

Rlyss

Edit: nevermind.

Charlatan

The thing is, we don't put it that way in our society...

We do make a point of marking annual events whether they are religious holidays (Christmas, Ramadan, Easter, etc.), seasonal events (Summer Solstice, Thanksgiving, etc.), or personal (birthdays, weddings anniversaries, etc.).

We do this for the meaning it provides us not just because one rock makes a complete revolution around a star every 365.25 days...

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"My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars."
- Old Man Luedecke