Kirkland

So, I am 22 and still living at home. That in and of itself says a lot about me.
All my life I have been a shy person. I find it really hard to talk to people. Even my own family. It has been difficult for me to find the motovation to find a job because of this. Flunked out of college 3 times because of it.
I am living with my step dad and my mom. My dad who I was living with died over a year ago. I have not done anything at all since. And now my step dad has given me to wednesday to find a job or I will be forced to leave.
I am just so sad.. me and my dad owned our own landscaping business. And it was good money. I could not handle it myself and since have stopped doing business.

I just find it unfair, but I guess that is life.. if he were still alive I would not be in this predicament.

I just had to tell someone...

dksuddeth

get therapy, and quickly. seriously, something was causing your anti-sociable life before your dad died and you need to find out what it is. Thats the only way you're going to help yourself go on in life.

__________________
"no amount of force can control a free man, a man whose mind is free. No, not the rack, not fission bombs, not anything. You cannot conquer a free man; the most you can do is kill him."

Guthumba

The first thing you have to do is stop feeling sorry for yourself and making excuses...now, that may sound harsh but it's a necessity. "Shy" is an excuse and a crutch, "difficult to find motivation" is an excuse. No more excuses.

Once you've got that under control start taking action. Get a job...any job. Go to work. Earn money. Save money. Find a better job. Earn more money. Save more money. You would be amazed how many problems this alone would resolve.

If you think your problem is chemical then seek treatment but don't use that as a crutch...there are plenty of us who suffer from chronic depression or ADD who deal with it ourselves. Get that addressed while you take action...not before.

Don't delay...start right now. Walk to the kitchen, pull out the help wanted section of the paper and start making phone calls.

I'm sorry your father died and I'm sure that is, was, and will be very difficult for you but at some point you have to reserve a small part of your self for the ache and let the rest of it move forward.

Just remember, if you decided that you're not going to take action then don't blame someone else...they only person to blame will be yourself.

Sometimes you've gotta play "tough love" with yourself...

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Locusts and honey ... not since John The Baptist has there been a voice like that crying in the wilderness. ... Every man knows he is a sissy compared to Johnny Cash -- Bono.

Halx

I hit 22 not too long ago. Was living at home. Got a little itch. Sold my dream car and moved across the country.

All it takes is a little motivation and a dash of wild abandon.. nothing monumental.

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Grancey

If landscaping is what you like to do, then go to the other landscaping businesses in your area and ask for a job. You obviously have the experience. Don't call, go in person. You may end up working with others who are interested in helping to start your business again.

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Quiet, mild-mannered souls might just turn out to be roaring lions of two-fisted cool.

Master_Shake

This would seem to be your immediate concern. Do you want to stay, or do you want to leave? Do you have somewhere else to go?

Step-parents can be really cruel fuckers. They come into a family situation looking for sex with one member of the family, but then have to deal with the others. Kicking the children out is probably a fairly predictable action.

It might be best for you to get out on your own. Unless you have insurance paying for therapy, hookers and alcohol are probably a better way to spend your money. And that'll be a great incentive to get your own place! Have a whore party!

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You know something, I don't think the sun even... exists... in this place. 'Cause I've been up for hours, and hours, and hours, and the night never ends here.

lurkette

First, it sounds like you might be dealing with something clinical. Grief can often put you into depression, and if you were shy and found it hard to motivate yourself to start with, dealing with someone's death can make it just that much harder. Here are some non-medical things you can do to improve your mood chemistry:

1. Exercise, even if it's just a 10-minute walk every day. After 6 weeks of either exercise or Prozac, regular exercise has been shown to be as effective as antidepressants in relieving the symptoms of depression.
2. Find a grief support group
3. Eat a healthy diet and take a vitamin supplement

If you have the resources for it, you might find it helpful to go therapy, and/or go to a doctor and see if you are a candidate for short-term medication. You might also want to get your thyroid tested.

As for the immediate situation, it sounds like you have some pretty strong and deep-rooted stories about yourself, like "I'm shy and that's why I can't find a job and flunked out of college." Shyness is just irrational fear (fear of something that's not really fear-worthy, as in life-threatening) and you can choose to listen to it or not. Courage is not a lack of fear, it's being afraid of doing something and doing it anyhow. Your excuse is not that you're shy, your excuse is that you prefer being comfortable over going after the things you want. (Incidentally, this is one of the main symptoms of being a human being, so don't feel like I'm picking on you.)

The bottom line is that your feelings are not real. Your actions are. And you always have a choice.

Best of luck!

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"If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing."

- Anatole France

drakers

I agree with Halx...you just need a little motivation. Think of the most outrageous place that you never thought you would live and move there. Hey, its a suggestion, I don't know if I would have been able to that if I was you. Figure out what you love and go full force for it.

darkhelmetGT

If you don't want to go anywhere, you should try to find a hobby or group to do stuff with locally. There should be plenty of real clubs with real people and real hobbies. That should be a great chance to get in a social circle and have some friends.

And it sounds like everyone is right about getting some help. Obviously you've been involved in a tragic situation, and it sounds like you need to vent or need someone to lean on or guide you. That should be priority #1, no matter where you end up going.

nickynicole

Also, take in solace in knowing that you are not the only 22 year old living alone. It would take me two hands to count all the ones that I know, and I don't really know a lot of people. It is still necessary, however, to doing SOMETHING, be it school or work.

Also, if you haven't yet, look into a grief support group. You can generally find free support groups offered through churches, community groups, etc. I know from experience that they can help alot.

ironmaiden7o7

Darling, you need to get help. It's horribe that you feel that way. I am so sorry. I can't give you any advice on this because I am not professional,but I can tell you that I can understand how you feel and what you are going through because I have a friend who've gone through the same ordeal and today, he is so strong, it's amazing. You are not the only 22 year living at home, at times, we all fall back a little and we usually have to start over again, that doesn't make you worthless, you just need a boost or two. Good luck and I am here should you need a friend.

saints17

As others have mentioned, you're not the only 22 year old living at home. The thing is, if you're not satisfied with that life, get out and work towards something different, whether it be school or a job. Just attempt to make progress toward something that you want.

And if you're too down/depressed to do that, in that case you should probably visit a doctor, and get therapy or medication. Once again, it's something many people do.

Good luck, man.

tiltedbc

I'll never understand this stigma that people have about "living at home" as if this is worst than being in jail or on the streets.

Please STOP feeding this stupid stigma. It doesn't help anyone.

Powderedmaggot

22 and living at home. If you were my kid I'da kicked your freeloading ass out long ago. There is no reason a 22 yo should no have a job and contribute to the household. When my kids get to 19yo I'm telling them that they are welcome to stay at home but I'm charging them rent if they are not in school. If they don't have jobs and still live at home I will work them like slaves encouraging them to want to get out. Parents do not have an obligation to look after thier kids forever.

bad jane

22 and living at home is no big deal. being 22, living anywhere and doing nothing with your life is the problem.

college isn't for everyone, so skipping that step isn't a big thing unless the job you desire requires a degree. if you don't know what you want to do with your life--i suggest you find any job you can while you attempt to figure that out.

between now and wednesday isn't much time. you might try to talk with your step-dad about coming up with a different deadline. start making calls and turning in applications. there are tons of jobs that won't require a lot of interaction with other people. get back into landscaping, find something at night--night jobs tend to be great for people who don't like people. perhaps seeing some motivation on your part will be enough for your step-dad to grant you a bit more slack.

StanT

I have a couple of daughters your age. After graduating high school, the rules around my house are: you either work, go to school, or move out. I don't mean to be an asshole, but a parents primary job is to prepare their kids to be self sufficient and responsible for themselves. Sitting around the house feeling sorry for yourself just doesn't cut it.

If you need help, get help. Get a job, any job, as well.

EULA

Damn that is so true. Although I got out of the habit, when I didn't feel too great, I would take a 30 minute walk. By the end of it you've got exercise, seen some hotties on campus, and you aren't depressed anymore.

My sister was bipolar (I say was, because it ended up being the medication she was taking for depression that caused her bipolar disorder), but even before she weaned herself off of her many medications, she would run everyday. She said that when she runs, she can't hear the "bad" thoughts. Get some running shoes and hit the road.