The first thing you have to do is stop feeling sorry for yourself and making excuses...now, that may sound harsh but it's a necessity. "Shy" is an excuse and a crutch, "difficult to find motivation" is an excuse. No more excuses.
Once you've got that under control start taking action. Get a job...any job. Go to work. Earn money. Save money. Find a better job. Earn more money. Save more money. You would be amazed how many problems this alone would resolve.
If you think your problem is chemical then seek treatment but don't use that as a crutch...there are plenty of us who suffer from chronic depression or ADD who deal with it ourselves. Get that addressed while you take action...not before.
Don't delay...start right now. Walk to the kitchen, pull out the help wanted section of the paper and start making phone calls.
I'm sorry your father died and I'm sure that is, was, and will be very difficult for you but at some point you have to reserve a small part of your self for the ache and let the rest of it move forward.
Just remember, if you decided that you're not going to take action then don't blame someone else...they only person to blame will be yourself.
Sometimes you've gotta play "tough love" with yourself...
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Locusts and honey ... not since John The Baptist has there been a voice like that crying in the wilderness. ... Every man knows he is a sissy compared to Johnny Cash -- Bono.
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