If you don't want to go anywhere, you should try to find a hobby or group to do stuff with locally. There should be plenty of real clubs with real people and real hobbies. That should be a great chance to get in a social circle and have some friends.
And it sounds like everyone is right about getting some help. Obviously you've been involved in a tragic situation, and it sounds like you need to vent or need someone to lean on or guide you. That should be priority #1, no matter where you end up going.
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