Strange Famous

ok, this is long and possibly a rant, so I apologise before I begin...

Earlier in the year my mum invited me to spend Christmas with her, and I accepted (my parents separated about 3 years ago, but they arent divorced and they still get on fairly well - but they both have new partners)

Then my dad, a few weeks ago, told me that my mum had asked him to tell me she didnt want me for Xmas, because she wanted to spend xmas together with her new girlfriend. I was a bit put out, more than anything cos she couldnt even tell me herself and got him to do it, so I was going to spend xmas alone (my dad normally goes away, and doesnt like xmas at all, and his girlf is Jewish too, and she doesnt celebrate it at all) - the problem my dad had though was he actually hasnt told my sister or my mum he is dating (but he knows about my mums girlf) - I dont even know why he wants to keep it secret, but neither of them officially know he is seeing someone (although I think they both kind of do) but they dont know the woman at all - I know her and have had dinner at their house a few times, and get on really well with her though. But he couldnt invite me and not invite my sister, and then he'd have to tell her, so... I was gonna spend Xmas alone, which was a bit depressing, but fair enough

Then my dad said he didnt want me and my sister to have nowhere to go, and we could spend it with him, and he would just have to tell my sister, and it would be fine. It sounded better than being on my own, so I accepted. Then last week my dad told me now that my mum's girlf cant decide if she actually wants to spend xmas with my mum or not (uts a whole nother thing, she asked my mum to move in with her, my mum said it was too early, so then she cancelled the xmas plans - or at least thats what I heard first hand) - and so she might want me and my sister for xmas after all...

But I just said, as far as I was concerned, she withdrew her invitation to me, and my dad invited me, so that was where I was going, and I wasnt going to hang around to be someone second choice of a guest.

So yesterday I spoke to my sister, and I asked her what she was doing for xmas, and she said she didnt know, but mum had told HER that she never uninvited either of us for xmas, she just asked dad to tell us both that she wanted to include her girlf in her xmas plans (which I have no problems with, I have known my mum was gay for a long time and its a non-issue to me) , and that she does want us for xmas, she never asked my dad to uninvite us.

So, basically - this might seem pretty childish - but one of them is basically lying, and I dont know who. Part of me wants to force the issue and find out who is telling the truth, and part of me says its just not worth it, and its best to let it lie.

But the other thing is, where do I go now for xmas? I accepted my mums invite, which she said she never cancelled, and I accepted my dad's invite, cos he told me my mum asked him to say she didnt want me there. I honestly dont know who is not telling the truth - my mum is very much like that in a relationship, when she is with someone they are just like EVERYONE, and she pushes everyone else away, doesnt have any time to see anyone else... I mean, i dont want to sound selfish or needy, and I am a grown man, but it does hurt my feelings a little bit how she doesnt even want to talk to me (like i ring up and she just answers one word and cant wait to get off teh phone is she is with her girlf), and then if they break up or fight, she suddenly expects me to drop what Im doing to see her and talk about it all... but I dont actually know who is telling the truth in this case - I would like to think neither of them would outright lie, but basically one of them has to be.

My gut feeling is just to say fuck it, Im not spending it with either of them and I'll just home on my own, and if it was just for myself honestly thats what I'd do, but it makes me feel really bad to think of either of them being sad because of me. I think that... then I like think of my mum being all alone on xmas... and I feel like shit. And then I think of my dad making plans for me and my sister to come, and then we dont, and him feeling really bad... and I feel like shit!

I have no idea what my sister is going to do, but when it comes to it she has always been closer to my mum, so if my mum wants her there she prolly will be (and it makes it easier for my dad cos he doesnt have to tell her about his girlf) - but then if my dad is telling the truth, and my mum's girlf changes her mind, my sister would be on her own or tagging along where she wasnt wanted...

I know, honestly, compared to the problems people have, this is pretty insignificant, and Im not tryiong to be a drama queen about it all... I just dont know what to do, and I dont know what I can do that isnt going to wind up hurting someone. For myself, I honestly dont even care where I spend xmas, I dont even like xmas, I just dont want to hurt my mum, or my dad... and I dont like being lied to either.

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"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."

The Gospel of Thomas

maleficent

Screw 'em all - go to the islands...

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Stiltzkin

Well if they don't respect you enough to tell you the truth, then just stay home. That might make them realize that they're not appreciating you and your sister.

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The most important thing in this world is love.

f6twister

I would either stay home or politely tell you dad that since you have confirmed that or original invitation has not been recinded, you will be going to the first place you had accepted an invitation to attend.

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A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day. Calvin

Gopher

If it were me I'd press the issue with both of them and find out who was lying. Seems like the only fair solution - that way you wouldn't annoy the person who WASN'T actually lying. But that's just me.. it might not be what's best for you!

Rodney

Tell each of them what the other said. Then tell them to work it out together and agree who's inviting you. Tell them that if they can't agree, you're not going to either place, because there's no way you can tell who's telling the truth and you don't want to choose between them.

They made the problem, not you. Let them solve it.

Ishmal

i'd definately just stay home alone... or maybe invite ur sister around your house and let your parents sort themselves out. but i'd b all for staying home and chillin out, that way u don't feel guilty about going to c 1 and not the other.

but thats just me.

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"Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular."

sexymama

Right on!

Then tell them that in the future, dad communicates about dad only and mom communicates about mom only. So, if mom wants to cancel plans, she cancels herself, not through dad, and vis versa. You've got to get yourself out of the middle of this.

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If you can go deeply into lovemaking, the ego disappears. That is the beauty of lovemaking, that it is another source of a glimpse of god

It's not about being perfect; it's about developing some skill at managing imperfection.

Cynthetiq

I enjoy Xmas at home by myself.. well now with the wife.. but even as a single person I enjoyed the "day off" from everyone.

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monkeysugar

The best solution I've found to playing "musical parents" over the holidays is frankly to do whatever the hell I feel like doing, and spending the time with whoever I feel like spending it with. The situation is not your fault, but it does affect you and that sucks. I have played that game for several years now. If you want to go do something with both of them and are able to, I'd suggest visiting one for part of the day, visit the other for the rest of the day, and invite your sister to join you for a nice, drama free dinner.

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I've got the love of my life and a job that I enjoy most of the time. Life is good.