heccubusiv

I was recently diagonsed with sevre depression due to a lot of deaths in my life. My father, grandfather, grandmother, 2 aunts, a close friend, and two teachers have died in the past three years. I am at therapy 3 times a week, and am on a few medications to treat depression and sometimes i am happy. But recently when I got home from college. It seems like everyone is yelling at me because i am not spending time with them or I did not tell them things.
For example my family is mad because I do not spend enough time with them but when i do they go do other stuff and leave me by myself, or friends because I am not with them enough. It does not sound bad but due to some mental condition I take everything personally when people yell at me I feel horrible and take everything to heart and pretty much cry. Its really childish but I cannot help it, I have been on a emotional rollar coaster for a while and it just has been going down.
I am just looking to see if anyone has a way that i can be happy most of the time, I all the reasons to I am in the top 10% of my pharmacy class, in the honors college, treasure of the sophmore honors society, just got engaged, and the list goes on but I can only focus on the negatives things in my live and i beat myself up about them so bad that I have stopped almosted stopped pushing myself because I am to afraid to fail.
This has also effect my fiancee because i fight with her all the time because she tries to be fun and pick at me and I take it seriously and end up getting really mad and breaking down and crying. She is getting mad because I am always not up to my normal self and because of it I am not eating and have lost 15% of my total weight in three months. Which does not sound like much but i was only a 130 and I am down around 110 right now. I also have had sleeping problems where i get like 2 hours of sleep a night for a long period of time like 3 months and then finally pass out during the day and sleeping for at least 10 hours then i am fine.
I am just looking for another opinion because i dunno how good my therapist is because i am not seeing much improvement and am seeming to get more depressed. Also i am up for trying certain exercise to fall asleep because my friends have tried everything from Yoga to playing basketball until 4:00 o'clock in the morning to make me fall asleep. Or medication to fall sleep because Sonata does not work and I need 25 mg of Melatonin to fall asleep and I don't feel comfortable taking that much of that. Gaining weight would be an opition also because being 110 pounds is not a good thing for a 20 year old male. I am sorry if this is just ranting and raving with out a point I have been having a bad day and I am just looking for answers.

__________________
Fuck Ohio

rogue49

Actually, it sounds like you are overwhelmed with pressures.
You've taken on too much, expecting to much of yourself.
And now you are on the edge.
Hypersensitive.

I just did the same thing to myself with this high-powered job I have.
I just kept taking more and more, kept saying if you want a job done right...

Well, guess what, I found out I'm human,
drove myself into the ground, and it affected me personally too.
My emotions, my mental state, my body...everything.

I'd do a serious review of everything you've taken on.
and step back.
Alert everyone, I'm taking a break, deal with it.
And then do it, or else.

Relax, get yourself back, spend some quality time with yourself,
and then your fiancee.
This is not about them, this is getting yourself back.
Remember you are human.
And the demands of others for right now, can take a back-seat.
Sometimes you need to be selfish.
There is a balance.

Relax, find your center again, release some of those "responsiblities",
they will do fine without you, or at least with not so much attention.
You are only human.
Don't overdo it.
Chill

Enjoy some time with your love, and let the other shit roll off your back.
I hope this helps.

EffStarStarStar

I would advise that you keep up the therapy, either with this same therapist or with another. It can be difficult tell whether there is progress or not when a hundred recent events are bogging you down. Stick with the professionals, I say. Asking around here is all right but just take the responses with a grain of salt -- you don't want to get into the mindset that there is some easy way out of this that someone can just tell you.

Oh, and rent Office Space.

BoCo

Stop crying about their deaths. It's nothing but selfishness to want them back after they're gone. Instead, be happy for them to have lived the lives they did, and get on with yours.

__________________
Activism is a way for useless people to feel important.

rweiss005

Listen to rogue49. You are overwhelmed, and it's not like you're the first or last. It's not easy to do the stuff rogue49 has advised, but you need to find a way those things work for you.

Anyone who gets angry at you for being "selfish" right now is not worthy of being in your life, IMHO. When I broke down and was diagnosed with depression last year, some people understood that I was sick (even had a doctor's note), and some people just thought I needed to buck up and deal. The ones who understood were and are part of the solution. The ones who didn't were part of the problem. They're gone, and that makes it a lot easier for me to deal with the problems that caused my depression in the first place. (That isn't meant to give you carte blanche to treat people badly.)

I can't say for you what has caused your depression or what makes your life hard. I can say that for me I had zero self-confidence. Nothing was good enough, and I never was as talented as I thought everyone else thought I should be. That kind of pressure will tear you apart over time; took me around 25 years.

Oh, and by the way: nobody is happy all the time, and few people are happy most of the time, I've found. I'm rarely happy myself, but I am working on being content with being who I am. That makes the question of "happy" less relevant, at least for me.

Hope this helps