|
Listen to rogue49. You are overwhelmed, and it's not like you're the first or last. It's not easy to do the stuff rogue49 has advised, but you need to find a way those things work for you.
Anyone who gets angry at you for being "selfish" right now is not worthy of being in your life, IMHO. When I broke down and was diagnosed with depression last year, some people understood that I was sick (even had a doctor's note), and some people just thought I needed to buck up and deal. The ones who understood were and are part of the solution. The ones who didn't were part of the problem. They're gone, and that makes it a lot easier for me to deal with the problems that caused my depression in the first place. (That isn't meant to give you carte blanche to treat people badly.)
I can't say for you what has caused your depression or what makes your life hard. I can say that for me I had zero self-confidence. Nothing was good enough, and I never was as talented as I thought everyone else thought I should be. That kind of pressure will tear you apart over time; took me around 25 years.
Oh, and by the way: nobody is happy all the time, and few people are happy most of the time, I've found. I'm rarely happy myself, but I am working on being content with being who I am. That makes the question of "happy" less relevant, at least for me.
Hope this helps
|