Self-motivation

[neobergeron]

I've been lurking the Tilted Forum for a while, and it seems I may get some good advice or ideas from you guys, so I'd like to ask what you think about my situation.

First of all, let me say that I've got a lot going for me. I've got a good job, a loving wife, good home, plenty of friends, and an intelligent brain (by most accounts). So, what could possibly be wrong?

Motivation. I'm a slacker, and I don't like it.

Despite all I've got going for me, there is a lot I'd like to change. I want to draw and write. I've got lots of ideas for computer programs I'd like to create. I'm overweight by at least 75 pounds. I slack off at work constantly, while all my coworkers work their asses off. And, so on.

I know the solutions to all these problems. I know I can practice to draw and write. I can make the programs. I can exercise. I can work harder, and have a successful career.

I just can't seem to make myself DO any of it. I coast. I always do just barely whatever is necessary to get by. Ironically enough, I'm writing this at work. I spend far, far too much time browsing the web, playing mindless games, and looking at porn. Nearly every time I'm alone in the car, I drive through the Burger King drive through.

If I've got so much going for me, and I know all the answers, why can't I make myself do what I know I need to? It's extremely frustrating, and it always makes me feel angry and guilty on a daily basis. It's gotten worse, lately, too. I just know that it's all going to come crashing down on me some day, if I don't shape up. What do I do? Can anybody offer any suggestions?

[st33lr4t]

ya i feel your pain. im a lazy ass to. i only do something if i REALLY need it done. for example i only buy groceries when there is ZERO left in the fridge.

i have the same desire to do alot of things but when it comes down to it im really happy doing nothing. for me anything that really doesnt involve me thinking is something i like to do . at work i would rather do something i all ready know how to do instead of trying to work out a problem.

for your eatting problem look at it from a lazy perspective. whats easier to do?...eat like crap and workout alot or eat well and never workout. thats the way i look at things. hell its alot easier for me to NOT eat the whole damn pizza as opposed to eatting the whole damn thing and going for a 45mins run later.

[maleficent]

FIrst things first, I'd probably go to a doctor and explain to him/her what you are feeling. Some of what you are describing is symptoms of depression. You really want to eliminate anything medically wrong.

Once that's done, then break down what you want to do.

It can be overwhelming to try to do everything all at once, and you end up getting frustrated and not doing anything. Set goals for your self.

This week, you aren't going to go to the BK Lounge at all, you will attempt to eat healthier. Do that for four weeks. (I beleive it's been said that if you can manage to do soemthing for 28 days in a row, then it becomes a habit)

Next month, set your goal for working out 3 times a week.

Small goals are achievable and make then explicit goals, not just I want to lose weight - -What are you going to do to lose weight. Plan it out.

[SinisterMotives]

Neobergeron has described my situation as well. I think the root of my problem is that I found public education so ridiculously easy that I could skate through it without trying. So by age 18, that was an ingrained habit, and I assumed I would always be able to do so. When I found out that real life actually requires effort, it psyched me out. So here I am telling myself every night that I'm going to stay off the message boards and get some work done the next day. But as soon as I get up the next morning and get on the computer, all of that goes right out the window.

A major part of my problem is that I work at home and don't have anyone breathing down my neck to get things done. One solution I'm thinking about is finding a part time job doing something that requires a lot more effort. Even if it doesn't pay as well, it will at least force me to change my habits.

[neobergeron]

SinisterMotives hit on the original cause of my laziness, I think. I skated through public school, too. I was 3rd in my graduating class with very little effort. I got a rude awakening in college, though. In my freshman year in college, I lost all my scholarships because I nearly flunked out. All of a sudden, I had to study to earn my grades.

Unfortunately, instead of buckling down and getting to some real work, I moved to a smaller, easier college. I was young and conceited then, but that doesn't account for now.

[fernweh]

I grew up with the same problem: school was always too easy, and I was there because I had to be, I didn't have to put any effort into anything, and now that I'm an adult I've found that I never developed a sense of self-motivation.

The advice I can give you is that if you want to start to change things about your life, start by getting in shape. I, too, used to be about 75lbs overweight, and then I cut soda out of my diet and started jogging. I still have a loooooong way to go before I'm "in shape", but just looking and feeling different has had a huge impact on my life. Not only will you have more energy and self-confidence (which is half the battle) but you'll be able to look at yourself at every second of every day and realize that you really have the power to accomplish things. The other areas you'd like to improve in will fall into place from there.

Plus, if it really is chemical depression, as Maleficient suggested, then running will help physiologically too (I have experience with THAT same problem, too)

[Cynthetiq]

as a previous slacker...
it's one step at a time, one milestone at a time, one project at a time.

we all want instant results to our things....

be patient. do a little every day. 1 hour... a little bit. just do it already.

knowing the answers and knowing that you can do something isn't the same thing as having completed or achieved it.

[SinisterMotives]

If you're hypoglycemic, low blood sugar can cause symptoms similar to depression as well. When my blood sugar crashes, I'm the most depressing and irritable person you've ever seen.

[skier]

Just one point to make:

Don't look for excuses, or a way out. If sometimes you are irritable or depressed, it's probably not because you are hypoglycemic. If you feel sad or dissapointed at times, you probably don't have clinical depression. Lazy minds like to play this excuse game "too tired' "hard day at work" "I can do it later"

The definition of Rationalisation is lying to oneself. Yes, this stuff is hard, yes it is not necessary for your survival, but if you want to improve your life in these areas, you HAVE to do the work. There is just no way around it. Make little notes to yourself in places you usually slack off reminding you to get off your ass and work. If you find yourself sitting down in front of the TV, you can just pick up that sketchbook on the coffee table you left there on purpose and go out and draw. Make a goal- it will give you motivation to reach it. Make a SIMPLE plan on how to reach that goal. The idea is to not spend time planning, but on doing.

THere are hundreds of little things you can do to give yourself the drive to push through the boring parts and get down to productive work.

[SinisterMotives]

Skier, there's a direct correlation between the physical and mental symptoms I experience when I go too long without eating or when I eat certain carbohydrates without balancing them with fat and protein. The fact that I feel much better and can think more clearly after eating correctly shows that.

That said, and despite it being a hindrance, I agree that it shouldn't be used as an excuse for inaction because it is so easily remedied by eating properly. My comment was mainly intended to point out that what one diagnoses as depression might be something else entirely. All else being equal as far as physical health goes, I think motivation is mainly a matter of self-discipline and habit.

[maleficent]

Originally posted by skier
Don't look for excuses, or a way out. If sometimes you are irritable or depressed, it's probably not because you are hypoglycemic. If you feel sad or dissapointed at times, you probably don't have clinical depression.

When I suggested medical attention, it wasn't to give an excuse, but to eliminate a possibilty of there being a real problem for his feeling how he was/is. Depression is a legitimate illness that some folks have, and it does interfere with the day to day living of their lives (at least from what i have read)

[JStrider]

gah... i know whatcha mean about the motivation...

just so hard to get started with it...

one thing that can help with the working out stuff is to get a friend to go with... then it seems to help a ton...

[neobergeron]

Thanks to everyone for your advice. I really do appreciate it. It helps to see the issue from a different point of view, and I've gotten several from you guys. Maybe all I needed was a pep-talk.

So, now I've got some things to think about, and I've got a lot to do. I'm writing this at home, before I go to work. I won't be reading the forum today, until the evening.

I've got work to do after all.

See you around, TFers.

First of all, changes start with our thoughts. We must see our thoughts and decifer whether the thoughts we have now work for us. If not, change those thoughts- once you do that, the *doing* part will naturally fall into place. Ever heard of the saying "In order to do, first you must be." I know that can seem confusing or difficult, but try it for a day. Every thought you have, observe it and ask if it is something you like or not. If not, choose a thought that will work better for you. Rehearse that thought like a broken record- write it down if you choose to. Thoughts are energy put into motion- so before we can do anything, we must think- and BE it- first.

[pinkie]

Change comes only when we change our behaviors. We have to physically "Be" different, in order to become different. That means leaving behind old attitudes, like :::OshnSoul::: was saying.

Famous philosophers state that only in the change of our body, mind, and spirit, can we be who we are supposed to be. We are programmed to want to do "slacker" type things that is our make up, as human beings. In order to do right by our principles, there are particular things we must choose to let go of. This is very difficult, yet very rewarding.

[skier]

Sinister and maleficient, I said probably because I know a few people that used depression as an excuse "I don't want to go for a walk with you because I'm depressed" they did not have clinical depression- there was no chemical imbalance in their brain that limited dopamine levels etc. that cuase depression. And there was no reason that they should be depressed. Things were going well in their lives. For depressed people, they seemed happy a hell of a lot of the time. They used the catchword depression to avoid work. to be depressed was to feel lazy for them. After spending time with them I started catching their habits and it took some force of will to get back on track.

What i'm saying is, health problems imagined or real are surmountable obstacles in almost all cases. They should not be used as a crutch or an excuse to avoid doing something because you are too lazy. Sure there are times when hypoglycemia will result in you being depressed, but through management of your diet you can all but eliminate your depressive symptoms.

always try to find solutions to your problems instead of reasons.

[meepa]

I was writing a reply on how I used to lack motivation and how I overcame it... but I got too lazy halfway through and quit

[Astrocloud]

Look man, all I can say is that I was miserable when I was an engineer and got paid within 80K to 12ok. After I've been unemployed for over a year and have a new job for considerably less I- know that my "motivation" stemmed from a genuine work ethic.

It doesn't matter what your lack of motivation is caused by. Consider that you might want something beyond what your world is offering. Try to figure it out before they have massive layoffs...

My suggestion anyways.

Originally posted by pinkie
Change comes only when we change our behaviors. We have to physically "Be" different, in order to become different. That means leaving behind old attitudes, like :::OshnSoul::: was saying.

Famous philosophers state that only in the change of our body, mind, and spirit, can we be who we are supposed to be. We are programmed to want to do "slacker" type things that is our make up, as human beings. In order to do right by our principles, there are particular things we must choose to let go of. This is very difficult, yet very rewarding.

But we all very well know that attitudes and behaviours are the results of our thoughts and beliefs. And we do need to leave behind our attitudes, but we do not necessarily have to leave behind our beliefs- just expand them or add onto them.
The most difficult thing to change is your thoughts and beliefs of something. That's why we say people have 'closed-minds'- they know that changing thoughts is difficult, if not impossible- so they stick to their beliefs and thoughts, and thus creating the attitude of their beliefs in their own lives- which can be many things.
Okay, I'll stop babbling now, it's late- but I do understand what you are saying, pinkie. I was just adding onto it.

[SinisterMotives]

Originally posted by skier
always try to find solutions to your problems instead of reasons.

You have to know what the problem is before you can look for solutions. We were trying to help the author identify potential problems, not give him excuses.

[pinkie]

Originally posted by :::OshnSoul:::
But we all very well know that attitudes and behaviours are the results of our thoughts and beliefs. And we do need to leave behind our attitudes, but we do not necessarily have to leave behind our beliefs- just expand them or add onto them.
The most difficult thing to change is your thoughts and beliefs of something. That's why we say people have 'closed-minds'- they know that changing thoughts is difficult, if not impossible- so they stick to their beliefs and thoughts, and thus creating the attitude of their beliefs in their own lives- which can be many things.
Okay, I'll stop babbling now, it's late- but I do understand what you are saying, pinkie. I was just adding onto it.

That's where the mind part comes in. I really like everything I read of yours. You have a spiritual insight that I always admire in others.