la petite moi

Don't care for some of the unhelpful comments.

cj2112

nothing, unless you're asked about it. Truthfully it's none of your business what your mother does. If your Dad asks, then I would respond by saying "You really need to talk to Mom about this." Other than that, I would stay completely out of this one if I were you.

la petite moi

Well, it is kinda my business. My sister and I are both subjected to her saying we can't have new clothes or use the dishwasher or dryer. I have to go to college this next semester and my sister is in two years. She unplugs my computer if I leave it unattended for more than five minutes claiming its wasting power and electricity. She scams the system and is pyscho over conserving money...

And then she goes out and wastes 300$ on marijuana? It pisses me off.

World's King

Check out this thread.


Mom Does Drugs

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cj2112

Please don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to be an asshole or anything like that, I just look at this differently than you do. You are an adult, living under her roof while she is supporting you. You being 18 have basically a choice to make, either tolerate her rules, or move out. I know that sucks, but truthfully those are your best options...the woman owes you nothing. It's her money, she can spend it however she see's fit, however, she does have the right to decide how you spend it. Again, I'm not tryin to be a dick, just tryin to be truthful.

SixEdxMia

I don't cry when my dog runs away,I don't get angry at the bills I have to pay,I don't get angry when my mom smokes pot..Hits the bottle goes right to the rock....


that's right.

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Astrocloud

I don't have the issues with pot that other people do. Sure I smoke it from time to time... but never own it or buy it.

Depending on the quality of the pot -300$ might be a lot or just a few ounces. Anyways, at least it's not coke.

NotMinus

Your mother has every right to live her life the way she sees fit. She must be a responsible user if you have never seen here high or had a problem caused by her choice to take drugs. If she wants to spend $300 on pot, she should. If you want trendy clothing, work (and I know you have been trying to find a job) and buy them yourself. I can't stand how ungratefull some young adults are to their parents. I am 18 still and I live at home, I have a good relationship with my parents but I do everything that is asked of me without complaining and do housework / dishes / cleaning withough being asked or told because my parents are nice enough people to not charge me rent yet.

la petite moi

NotMinus, my mother is not a nice person. I love my father; he is a gracious giving person. I still wear the same clothes from seventh grade because my mother doesn't take me shopping. I don't work because hey, I suck, yeah I'm a teenager. But my parents have always told me they would support me.

At age 15, when my sister was 13, someone finally told an authority about how my mother would beat us. My mother stopped hitting us, but the emotional scars are still there. My mother and I never talk anymore, and if she does talk to my sister and me, it's to yell at us and tell us we're probably getting knocked up and doing drugs.

She is not a nice person and she doesn't work. She's wasting the money my dad makes working for ten hours a day.

Pellaz

You're mother is an adult. As such, you should just leave it alone as long as her behavior doesn't become violent or self destructive, which it doesn't sound like it is. All other factors are pretty much irrelevant, I think. Also, maybe it's because she *is* strict with power and the like, pinches pennies, and cheats on coupons that she can afford to do it. I'd also lay good money on your father knowing. Also, just because a parent chooses to do something, it in no way means they should be less diligent in stopping that behavior in their 15-16 year old daughter (your sister).

Do you and your sister work? It could be that the refusal to buy you things stems from a belief that it's time you start making your own spending money.

You're 18. Your sister is 2 years younger. It's completely natural to find things to resent, dislike, or rage against in your parents. But, as long as it's doing you no harm, you've got no right to stick your nose in it. I gotta say I don't think your mom is in the right either though. While it's certainly her choice to participate in this behavior, buying pot off your teenage daughters friend is *not* the way to go about it.

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la petite moi

My last argument is that DRUGS ARE ILLEGAL.

I have done weed four times. It fucked me up, and made me regret a lot. It is something a mother should not do because it alienates her from her children. She is mentally abusive, and up until I was 15, she used to beat my sister and me.

I understand she's an adult, but she shouldn't be wasting money that isn't really hers. It's really my fathers or a store's money that she stole.

iamnormal

What you should do is be a better person than her.
Don't let her bad behavior become a part of you.

SecretMethod70

Sorry, but so far the advice given in this thread is shit. I couldn't tell you what is good advice, cause I've never even been remotely in a situation like that, but I'm certainly sure that the advice so far sucks. (sorry guys, no hard feelings, I just REALLY don't agree with you)

Most advice was given, as far as I can tell, without reading that she is/was abusive, but the money situation is bad enough.

There is a difference between someone being "thrifty" with their money and someone not taking basic care of their family and other everyday things for the sake of saving up for something that is not a necessity.

"She's an adult" - big fucking deal. Is she legally obligated to care for her daughter? No. Does it make her a bad parent though? Absolutely. Bad person? Sorry, la petite moi, but yes. Not at least CONTRIBUTING to your child getting new clothes since 7th grade, doing illegal things with coupons, etc to save money for weed, and being excessive about saving every last ounce of money possible is obviously an effect of 1) her being a bad person in general and 2) possibly of an addiction. Clearly, if she needs to cheat on coupons, cares about extra minutes of electricity, and doesn't like the dishwasher being used, they obviously don't make enough money to be blowing away on $300 of weed. That's bullshit. If that's not an effect on her life and relations with other people, I don't know what is.

So, yes, you SHOULD care about this. What to do about it, I wish I could tell you. But don't let anyone tell you that it's none of your business. Your mom's a shitty person and it's having an effect on your life, and that gives you every right to be concerned.

/sixate imitation

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analog

As much as i LOVE pot...

It sounds like she's just a horrible person in general who happens to smoke pot. That's like saying driving cars is bad because sometimes bad people drive cars... it's just displacing the blame onto something tangible.

Blaming the pot instead of her mother's poor parenting in general is a bit of putting the cart before the horse.

Sounds like she's been shitty for a long time. Shitty, abusive parents are shitty, abusive parents- no matter what they drink, smoke, etc.

If she were wasting $300 on shoes every other week, no one would blame the shoes. Everyone wants a scapegoat rather than saying someone is a bad parent.

la petite moi- you're wonderful, you're great, you're fun, we love ya... but go get a fuckin' job already. If nothing else, do it so that you can help your sister. i'm sure she needs it.

It's easy to demonize pot, and people don't like saying other people are bad parents. Well, maybe she is. We should face that. Now, help your sister. Good luck.

soccerchamp76

Yes, she IS an adult.
Yes, what she is doing is wrong.
Yes, you should confront your father about it. From the info, it seems she does not work, so its the fathers money she is spending on it and he would be concerned as well. What she is doing is just plain awful. Parents go through hell, fire, and brimstone to make life better for their kids. She isn't. .

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Stompy

Yeah, I'm not sure how you're trying to tie in marijuana here.

Like analog said, she sounds like a natually mean person who happens to smoke weed. There's nothing wrong with smoking weed (no different than cigs/alcohol), but like with any other drugs, there's a difference between use and abuse. If she's doing it CONSTANTLY or spending money she really can't afford to spend on it, then that's a problem.

It sounds like your mother has problems of her own that she needs to work out by talking with a therapist or something. Unless she wants herself to get better, you're gonna have a hard time dealing with it until ya move out. Confront her about it. If she doesn't listen, then.. unless you involve family and have them intervene, there isn't much you can do.

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Cynthetiq

Without the marijuana parts because I'm in the same boat as analog.

Choices are choices and your mom makes some poor ones based on your posts here in this thread.

You want to get back at your mom?

GET A JOB AND GET OUT OF THE HOUSE.

why? because then you take MONEY out of her pockets because you are an adult and your father can give money DIRECTLY to you instead of to her to help support you and your college. Thus if she's cheating the system now, she's going to be in a world of hurt when she doesn't get the money she's "entitled" to for your share.

now I'm going to say something really harsh and if you don't want to read it don't highlight it.

Spoiler: If you continue to stay there, you are EQUAL in my eyes as to what you are complaining about. While she may "cheat" the system, you are cheating your own work experience too, sponging off of her as an able bodied person who is capable of working and earning their own keep.

edit: also, while she's not abusing you and you've had the same clothes since 7th grade, my wife grew up picking out of the "poor box" as her mom was and still is a starving artist. She did something about it, when she could work, she went out and did as a "dumb teenager" as you put it. She paid for everything herself that her mother was not able to provide that she wanted and her POS father didn't even help with child support.

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Averett

Amen Cynthetiq....

You're 18. You're an adult. Act like it! Get a job! Hell, I can't remember the last time my parents bought me clothes - let alone anything else. Beyond Christmas and Birthdays, all that I have is what I bought myself. My first job was at 16. It was legal to get a job then, so I did. It's called responsibility.

Honestly you're living under their roof. You really don't have a right to complain. I lived at home up until March of this year. Up until the age of 25. I wasn't "grown up" enough to go out on my own. Luckly my parents allowed me to stay at home. They had every right to kick me out at 18 if they so chose. I was lucky. I was very lucky to have my parents. Are they prefect? Nope. But neither am I. I lived under their roof and under their rules. That's just how it is.

My sister is 22 and she lives at home. She bought a new Honda CRV last year. $365 payments a month. She brings home about $120 a week on her salary. And right now she's out of a job because of health reasons. My parents pay her car payment. Her insurance. They are pretty much the ones who pay for everthing my sisters child. But she makes me so angry because she doesn't realize that she needs to be accountable for her own life!

As do you. The issue here isn't about pot. It's about you not liking what your Mom is doing. Well, guess what.... You don't have to like it!

I think I'm rambling too much and not really making a point. Sorry for that.

Bottom line. Get a job, get some money saved up and become independent.

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losthellhound

Amen

My parents didnt buy me anything when I was growing up.. (holidays aside). I never got an allowance, and by the age of 13 I had a paper route making $100 a week, from then on I didnt look back. I have always had a job.. I dont look down on them, I dont feel I was cheated.. Other kids had cars, and flashy clothes.. I respect the things they did give me

get a job, move out.. be a role model for your sister

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raeanna74

I would suggest you do your best to move out. Even if it means working at McDonalds for income and getting an efficiency apt, its a start. Everyone has to start somewhere.

I think you need to tell your Dad. Just give him the information and leave it at that. It's up to him how he deals with this. His wife is spending money that he's earned on something that's illegal to buy in this country. It's up to him if he wants to allow it to continue. Besides, what if she gets caught picking up drugs somewhere or worst case scenerio - the cops get a tip from someone else and your house gets searched. Can you imagine the upset. Especially if Dad finds out you and your sister knew about it?

I really think that her miserliness is detrimental to your emotional health. My parents didn't give me much but they at least met my needs until I was 18. Then I started to help out with groceries and the like and they still helped me out. Family are usually the ones you hope will be there for you when the chips are down. If she's not there for you ever then why would you stick around? Get out. You can. Things are never as hard as they may seem.

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SecretMethod70

I think what la petite moi tried to point out is that she's been TRYING to get a job, but since she's a "dumb teenager" (read: no meaningful experience) no one wants to hire her.

When I was 18 - 3 years ago - it was near impossible for me to find a job. I can't imagine what it's like now with the economy the way that it is. Experience is an extremely valuable thing - and it's hard to have it when you've just turned 18.

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Averett

That's why its important to get a job at an earlier age. Can't travel back in time though...

If she labels herself as a "dumb teenager" that's all anyone will see. How bout "Adult"??

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Cynthetiq

again, I cover this because it may be too upsetting to you Le Petitie Moi.
Spoiler: IMHO she's not hungry enough, she's not worried enough, she's not motivated enough. It means that if she had NOTHING to fall back on... she'd have no choice and she would get it done.

that doesn't mean she isn't trying. she's trying at her own comfort level.

LPM I don't want to seem like I'm picking on you because I'm not. I'm pointing out that there are people who have it worse off than you with no experience with a child and somehow making it happen without taking government assitance.

time is ticking I'm not making a value judgement here, but we still haven't heard of any volunteer opportunities she's taken advantage to gain this now "necessary" experience.

la petite moi

LOL cynthetiq- My only point is that when I was young, I was told that when I was older they would support me, as long as I got good grades in high school. (I am in the top 7.5% of my class of 505 people and I have a 3.8 GPA. I'm taking summer class this summer, and in the fall I am taking seven classes at college.) My parents are by no means poor, and I'm sorry, I'm in the American middle class. And yeah, if I were worried and hungry and crap, I would get a job. But I'm not. I was told by my parents they would support me, and I don't tend to like liars.

Another thing, my pseudo is 'La Petite Moi'...just pointing that out.

Lastly, I'm glad you were such a hardworking teen yourself and you know just how to help everyone out....(Read: Sarcasm. Unfortunately, you're one of the people that doesn't really help, just bags on everyone. I've seen some other posts you've made. Don't be a mysogenist, please.)

Averett

Sounds like you need to have a sit down with both of your parents and have an adult conversation.

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Cynthetiq

yeah my parents told me things like that too, and when I asked for what they promised, it wasn't there.

misogynist never. I think you need to look up what that word means because that is definitely not me. Realist. Yes, bagging on people? No, I don't bag on people, I'm telling you and other these things because they are the honest truth about life. I can only shine the light on the path, you have to walk down it. If you choose to not walk down it, then that is your choice. You reap what you sow. Sow nothing you get nothing.

While you choose to not do certain things those are your choices and I respect those, but at the same time you have to accept the responsibilty of those choices. You choose not to work, then you have to live under the roof and rule of someone else. I could not live under someone's rules I had to make my own way. You think I did not complain like you are? I did, and every single person told me the same thing, "GET OUT OF THE HOUSE IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT."

You don't like the situation you are in, you feel lied to, misreprented, et al. then you have to do something to change it. I did not like the way my father treated me as a kid. I don't like the way that he misrepresented certain things like paying for college, my car, etc. He said he would and they didn't as they ran out of money due to their own bad planning. I paid for a majority of my college on my own. Because I did that it allowed them to recover financially and give money to my sister's education.

I didn't want to hear what he had to say nor do what he wanted me to do and the reality of it is simple. I had to make sure that I supported myself 100%. My wife, I respect her deeply because while she was in a situation she had no control over she took control as to what she could and did what she wanted and needed to do.

My last missive on this because it's obvious to me that you'd rather complain about it than do something about it.

Good luck.

NoSoup

Too bad the original post was edited, I would also like to comment, but alas, am unable to do so without the full story

Averett

Sorry to be blunt, but if you're going to as a large and opinionated group you're going to get varied advice. And you have to be prepared for advice you might not want. But if you're asking for it.... Well, you don't have much to complain about.

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Rodney

Me, too. It's easy to judge, but I don't think anybody who's planning on taking seven classes her first semester in college is exactly lazy and whiney. But I don't know the whole story.

NotMinus

She wanted a simpethetic shoulder, not for us to break down the situation to her.

dirtyrascal7

if it were that easy, i doubt she'd be asking everyone here for advice.

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cameroncrazy822

Does she share?

canuckguy

now that is funny. made me spit water out on my screen, cheers!

omid

if i were in your shoes (and i can't be, because i don't know you =\ ) i would just tell somebody i could trust and let them help me with a solution. the best way to solve something is to talk it out, imo.

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slimshaydee

I once complained about having no shoes, then I met a guy with no legs. My point? No matter how bad a situation you're in, there's always someone worse of. Don't feel sorry for yourself, go out and get a job at Mcdonalds or something. I had to get a job at KFC because I'm just a "dumb teenager" and no one else would hire me.