Bad night in my head - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

CheeseButtons · 03-29-2004, 04:13 PM

I have OCD. That's obsessive compulsive disorder for those that don't know. I dont really know how bad I am compared to other people with ocd, but all I know is that some people take it differently, and do different things.
Last night was the worst sort of "episode" I've had. I call it an episode, because I have good days and bad. I was lying in bed trying to go to sleep, and my mind would just not shut off. On the contrary it was going faster than it ever has...I was thinking about everything and nothing at the same time...guilt for things I do wrong is a big part of it, but also I think my mind likes to scare itself...I have terrible thoughts/visions/images that pop into my head...and sometimes I just have to shake my head to get them out. I was getting very scared last night, didn't know what to do, prayer wasn't helping much, and there was nobody I could talk to. I was almost shaking, and felt close to crying from fear.
I put on my headphones, and put on a cd of soft songs...that eventually put me to sleep. I felt fine this morning when I woke up.

OCD runs in my family...my dad was worse than I am, and each of my sisters has it in different ways. I actually met a girl recently that is very much like me in the way she thinks, and processes things in her head...it is a comfort to be able to understand each other.

Dave

sillygirl · 03-29-2004, 04:56 PM

I know the feeling of not being able to sleep because there's so much running through your mind, and yet you can't really put your finger on any one thing. It doesn't happen as often as it used to. Try using some stress relief techniques during the day. Do what you can to de-stress yourself on a daily basis. Sometimes the people that surround us also affect this type of behavior.
Find someone you can talk to when you're having a night like that. Sometimes all it takes/would take for me is to hear someone else's voice.

Lately I've de-stressed a lot. People around me have noticed a difference.

Wow. That was a lot of rambling, wasn't it?

iamnormal · 03-29-2004, 05:42 PM

I don't have OCD but have Social Phobia and Depression.
I have the same thing going on in my head. I've grown use to it now. When I was young I had nights I'd cry myself to sleep thinking of death and what not.

Check with your doctor to get some help.

diddagirl · 03-29-2004, 06:10 PM

I have a friend with OCD. She alot of other problems along with that, and has been anorexic on and off for over 5 years. She tries to kill her self once a week usually by overdosing. She now does coke and has even slept with a couple pimps. She has a horrible chemical imbalance and clearly has no real control over her life. Its so sad to watch, because nothing every really seems to help.

CheeseButtons · 03-29-2004, 07:52 PM

The hardest part is getting other people to understand. Some people think that you are just trying to get attention, or sympathy...which is why I usually don't bring it up.

I would say the main characteristic of how my mind works, is that I can't let go of anything. If something is in my head, it usually bugs me until I do it, or find something different. This has always caused me to be an honest person, and I used to be a perfectionist as a kid...I had to tell my mom everything...had to "confess" everything.

Mephisto2 · 03-29-2004, 09:23 PM

Talking it through, even here, is a good start. You know (or at least you should know) that the people here care about you and are here to help out in any way. Even us dudes far away down in Australia! Email me anytime.

Accepting, talking, adapting... they are all part of the healing process. The first thing to accept is that there is NOTHING wrong with you. Everyone's brain works in different ways. Saying there's something wrong with you is like saying there's something "wrong" with someone who looks different; ie, just because my face is different from your does not mean either of us are "normal" or "abnormal". Variance is part of humanity.

Of course, some people benefit from medication. Personally, I think Americans rely too much on it. The power of "human healing" is often under-rated. You're part of family, a group of friends and an online community (for starters).

Don't give up. Just smile and live your life as best you can. You sound pretty well adjusted to me mate... :-)

Mr Mephisto

Yakk · 03-30-2004, 12:38 PM

From what you describe, if my memory wasn't swiss cheese, I'd have a case of OCD. ;-)

I think about things continuously and compulsively until I think about something else. Then I forget completely what it was I was thinking about...

I have a counter of 5 'big sins', or bad things(tm), that I have done. The only thing that keeps me sane is my inability to remember what they actually are. Damnit, just remembered one.

Just so I can add yet another thing to think about, know any good self-diagnostic or descriptive web pages on the subject (OCD) cheese?

CheeseButtons · 03-30-2004, 04:12 PM

I wish I did...but I really haven't looked.

If you wanna talk, PM me, maybe we can see if we have anything in common. Alot of people think that the weird things they do are unique...and nobody else does them, but it's not true. I used to think those things myself.

Kaos · 03-30-2004, 05:52 PM

While I can't completely know exactly what you are going through. I share some of the same experiences. I dont' have OCD but I am an Agoraphobic.

It took me forever to get to sleep. I could be dead tired and still needed 30-60 minutes to get to sleep. My brain would run furiously over scenarios of things that could happen, of things that would trigger a panick attack when I would have to leave the house. Even horrible things like being killed in several different ways, which were only horrible because death seemed like it would be a release from what I had to experience every day.

I became like someone with OCD because to live my life, I had to create repititious patterns. I had to do things a certain way in a certain order to help prevent an attack when would leave the house.

I thought my problem was unique for so many years. I had read up on Agoraphobia when I was grasping at straws to figure out what was wrong with me and couldn't find anyone who had the same panick attack trigger like mine. Only through therapy and medication have I been able to decrease the problem so I can live a more normal existance.

And I know what you mean by trying to get people to understand. I thought there was no way they could ever understand my problem. But the idea is not for them to understand it, because to do that they would have to live with it too, and I wouldn't wish this problem on my worst enemy. The idea is not for them to understand, but to be supportive.

03-29-2004, 04:13 PM	#1 (permalink)
CheeseButtons Crazy Location: 1000 miles from nowhere	Bad night in my head I have OCD. That's obsessive compulsive disorder for those that don't know. I dont really know how bad I am compared to other people with ocd, but all I know is that some people take it differently, and do different things. Last night was the worst sort of "episode" I've had. I call it an episode, because I have good days and bad. I was lying in bed trying to go to sleep, and my mind would just not shut off. On the contrary it was going faster than it ever has...I was thinking about everything and nothing at the same time...guilt for things I do wrong is a big part of it, but also I think my mind likes to scare itself...I have terrible thoughts/visions/images that pop into my head...and sometimes I just have to shake my head to get them out. I was getting very scared last night, didn't know what to do, prayer wasn't helping much, and there was nobody I could talk to. I was almost shaking, and felt close to crying from fear. I put on my headphones, and put on a cd of soft songs...that eventually put me to sleep. I felt fine this morning when I woke up. OCD runs in my family...my dad was worse than I am, and each of my sisters has it in different ways. I actually met a girl recently that is very much like me in the way she thinks, and processes things in her head...it is a comfort to be able to understand each other. Dave __________________ Sorrow is better than laughter, because a sad face is good for the heart. -Ecclesiastes 7:3

03-29-2004, 04:56 PM	#2 (permalink)
sillygirl Newlywed Location: at home	I know the feeling of not being able to sleep because there's so much running through your mind, and yet you can't really put your finger on any one thing. It doesn't happen as often as it used to. Try using some stress relief techniques during the day. Do what you can to de-stress yourself on a daily basis. Sometimes the people that surround us also affect this type of behavior. Find someone you can talk to when you're having a night like that. Sometimes all it takes/would take for me is to hear someone else's voice. Lately I've de-stressed a lot. People around me have noticed a difference. Wow. That was a lot of rambling, wasn't it? __________________ Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly-Rose Franken ....absence makes me miss him more...

03-29-2004, 06:10 PM	#4 (permalink)
diddagirl Addict Location: Calgary, AB	I have a friend with OCD. She alot of other problems along with that, and has been anorexic on and off for over 5 years. She tries to kill her self once a week usually by overdosing. She now does coke and has even slept with a couple pimps. She has a horrible chemical imbalance and clearly has no real control over her life. Its so sad to watch, because nothing every really seems to help. __________________ "Is it so small a thing to have enjoyed the sun, to have lived long in the spring, to have loved, to have thought, to have done." -Matthew Arnold

03-29-2004, 07:52 PM	#5 (permalink)
CheeseButtons Crazy Location: 1000 miles from nowhere	The hardest part is getting other people to understand. Some people think that you are just trying to get attention, or sympathy...which is why I usually don't bring it up. I would say the main characteristic of how my mind works, is that I can't let go of anything. If something is in my head, it usually bugs me until I do it, or find something different. This has always caused me to be an honest person, and I used to be a perfectionist as a kid...I had to tell my mom everything...had to "confess" everything. __________________ Sorrow is better than laughter, because a sad face is good for the heart. -Ecclesiastes 7:3

03-30-2004, 12:38 PM	#7 (permalink)
Yakk Wehret Den Anfängen! Location: Ontario, Canada	From what you describe, if my memory wasn't swiss cheese, I'd have a case of OCD. ;-) I think about things continuously and compulsively until I think about something else. Then I forget completely what it was I was thinking about... I have a counter of 5 'big sins', or bad things(tm), that I have done. The only thing that keeps me sane is my inability to remember what they actually are. Damnit, just remembered one. Just so I can add yet another thing to think about, know any good self-diagnostic or descriptive web pages on the subject (OCD) cheese? __________________ Last edited by JHVH : 10-29-4004 BC at 09:00 PM. Reason: Time for a rest.

03-29-2004, 05:42 PM	#3 (permalink)
iamnormal Addict Location: In the id	I don't have OCD but have Social Phobia and Depression. I have the same thing going on in my head. I've grown use to it now. When I was young I had nights I'd cry myself to sleep thinking of death and what not. Check with your doctor to get some help.

03-29-2004, 09:23 PM	#6 (permalink)
Mephisto2 Junkie	Talking it through, even here, is a good start. You know (or at least you should know) that the people here care about you and are here to help out in any way. Even us dudes far away down in Australia! Email me anytime. Accepting, talking, adapting... they are all part of the healing process. The first thing to accept is that there is NOTHING wrong with you. Everyone's brain works in different ways. Saying there's something wrong with you is like saying there's something "wrong" with someone who looks different; ie, just because my face is different from your does not mean either of us are "normal" or "abnormal". Variance is part of humanity. Of course, some people benefit from medication. Personally, I think Americans rely too much on it. The power of "human healing" is often under-rated. You're part of family, a group of friends and an online community (for starters). Don't give up. Just smile and live your life as best you can. You sound pretty well adjusted to me mate... :-) Mr Mephisto

03-30-2004, 04:12 PM	#8 (permalink)
CheeseButtons Crazy Location: 1000 miles from nowhere	I wish I did...but I really haven't looked. If you wanna talk, PM me, maybe we can see if we have anything in common. Alot of people think that the weird things they do are unique...and nobody else does them, but it's not true. I used to think those things myself. __________________ Sorrow is better than laughter, because a sad face is good for the heart. -Ecclesiastes 7:3

03-30-2004, 05:52 PM	#9 (permalink)
Kaos Ssssssssss Location: Ontario	While I can't completely know exactly what you are going through. I share some of the same experiences. I dont' have OCD but I am an Agoraphobic. It took me forever to get to sleep. I could be dead tired and still needed 30-60 minutes to get to sleep. My brain would run furiously over scenarios of things that could happen, of things that would trigger a panick attack when I would have to leave the house. Even horrible things like being killed in several different ways, which were only horrible because death seemed like it would be a release from what I had to experience every day. I became like someone with OCD because to live my life, I had to create repititious patterns. I had to do things a certain way in a certain order to help prevent an attack when would leave the house. I thought my problem was unique for so many years. I had read up on Agoraphobia when I was grasping at straws to figure out what was wrong with me and couldn't find anyone who had the same panick attack trigger like mine. Only through therapy and medication have I been able to decrease the problem so I can live a more normal existance. And I know what you mean by trying to get people to understand. I thought there was no way they could ever understand my problem. But the idea is not for them to understand it, because to do that they would have to live with it too, and I wouldn't wish this problem on my worst enemy. The idea is not for them to understand, but to be supportive.