KellyC

Heres the problem:

I have a friend, hes still in High School. He only have 1 more semester to go and hes done with it. But whadayaknow, he just droped out 2 or 3 weeks ago. This is shocking because he have really good grades. Since freshmen year until junior year, he always average at least a 3.5 or higher. Since last summer, hes been drinking a lot, at least twice a week, using fake ID to buy beer and cheap wine.
Then a couple months ago, hes been smoking and doing marijuana, plus more drinking. I think those stuff made him dumber or something because last quarter, he flunked his Calculus class, having trouble in his Government class (don't know why, that class was a breeze for me and I still have all the tests, essays, homeworks and project in that class that I'll gladly give it to him to help him study, but hes a dumb ass and didn't take advantage of what I've offered him). He kept on complaining to me about have stress over school and many a times I've told him that its his own fucking fault and he should stop drinking and doing weed. Well he didn't listen to that advise and now he drop out of high school.
This really make me sad because he was so dedicated last year, honors student, in the National Honors Society and he have a 4 year scholarship from Bill Gates (achiever's scholarship). To top it off, he develop this attidude about teachers that makes me wanna kick his ass every time he make a remark about my favorite teachers.

So there's the problem. A kid with a bright future now stays home and booze every week.

How can I get him to "wake up" ?

thanks for taking your time and read this.

oh yeah...he says he's gonna finish his remaing classes at the local community college so he can graduate but I highly doubt that.

PorscheBunny

Isolate him or get him to isolate himself from his sources of pot and booze. Until then, you're wasting your energy even trying.

I wish there was something more helpful I could say or do. I've seen this eight to ten times, and everytime it's the same. You can't change them until they want to change, and some of them are in their 30s and still don't want to change.

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SecretMethod70

honestly, sounds like some sort of intervention is in order. That's really sad when something like that happens. Wish I had more advice but I've never even remotely been in a situation like that so I don't know much else to suggest. Best of luck to you and your friend.

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wilbjammin

In-patient rehab sounds appropriate in this case. He has control issues here that he can't address while having access to his addiction. Sounds like he needs some therapy to of some sort, he's not dealing with his issues.

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sexymama

He has to want to change. You can do an intervention and hope it wakes him up; but it may not. Then all you can do is decide what you want for yourself. Is this the type of activity you want to hang out with? Is this how you want to live your life? If not, walk away. Sometimes, most often actually, people have to hit bottom (loose everything: education, friends, money, opportunity, home) before they are ready to change. Ultimately you are only responsible for you. Best of luck.

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Kaos

I'm just speculating, but from what you have said, it almost sounds like he's afraid to move forward in his life. Sometimes even for the best of students, college/university and then the working world can be really scary for someone. He may have come to his fork in the road, and he's taking the wrong path because the future is scary to him for some reason.

You need to find out what is really bothering him beneath the surface. Maybe you or friends can help, or maybe he does need some therapy and guidance. Get him to understand the path he is choosing now is a lot more scary than the one he could be taking.

Psivage

Beat the shit out of him. And keep beating the shit out of him until he shapes up.

analog

First, you need to get this idea of "weed made him stupid and fucked up his life" out of your head. The weed, like the alcohol, are just tools in his personal destruction. If he's fucking up now, it's because he's a fuck-up, not because of weed.

Lots of kids get the 4th-year depression. Sounds like it hit this kid hard. Some commit suicide, some just isolate themselves from the world and simply have a nervous breakdown of sorts. You're talking about a kid who was set on a path of excellence, and who suddenly realizes that nothing he does is ever any good- good grades are expected, and anything less gets him lectured. Imagine being that kid and pulling a B... how depressed would that make you feel? And a lot of times, the parents are somewhat at fault for not properly instilling the value of hard work. If you work hard, and try your damnedest, and still pull a B, there should be congratulations in order, not "a B is not an A, were you even trying?" He had nowhere to advance (in his mind) and all he had to look forward to was MORE pressure in college for 4 or more years.

p.s.- i almost had this shit happen to me, but then my parents realized I thought I couldn't be perfect enough for them, and they explained what i just said about working hard. That was WAY more than enough to make me feel good about any grade, so long as I put forth the effort. It's amazing what good parenting will do.

As far as the alcohol and weed go, he likely knew someone who turned him on to it as a "distraction" or "a great way to relieve stress". Marijuana IS a great way to relieve stress, but EVERYTHING in moderation, and NEVER enough to interfere with important life duties. That's just bad decision-making, not the pot itself.

Bottom line: Blame the tools, and you'll never help your friend. Understand where it started, and cause him to remove the tools himself.

Good luck to both of you, I hope you can save a future.

Cynthetiq

doesn't matter if he likes to booze or not, here's the motivator.

facts of life that everyone needs:

Roof over your head.

Food in your belly.

Something to entertain yourself.

Income to pay for the above.

the last one is the one that kills everyone, because it determines the choices one has over the quality of the things that are above it. The more income the more roof, the better food, the better entertainment.

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KellyC

yeah....the thing is he's not depressed...he seems pretty damn happy about it...he just visited me today and he's always laughing and smiling like dropping out of school is the best thing thats ever happens to him.

As for intervention and rehab, I don't think its that far yet. I mean, he DOES do it, but he's not alcohol dependant...yet.

Oh yeah....he's having a birthday party this friday and there will be a lot of booze according to him. I want to go because hes my friend but I know when I go, he's gonna make me drink with him and I really really dont want to. I've been able to avoid those booze at previous parties but this time hes going to say shit like "c'mon man, its my birthday." Thats gonna make me real uncomfortable. If I drink, I'm gonna go against all the shit I told him not to do. If I dont go, he's gonna talk about how I dont respect him enough to show up. A small dilema.....

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Chingal0

So go, have a drink, then tell him that he has the rest of his life to fuck off and do whatever. If he does not get a diploma or GED at least, hes going to have a hard time fucking his life up later on cause he wont have the money to pay for his pot and/or alcohol.

Yay.

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VitaminH

Try an intervention type thing perhaps? Get seom of his (non boozing/doper) friends together and whatever family is willing and put him on the spot. Try and get him cut off from booze and weed and he may get better. If it continues to escalate or you feel like you can't handle it, it may be time then to seek professional help. Intervene early before it gets to bad, and the problem is a whole lot easier to fix.


Oh, and never do anything you don't want to do. Go to the party if you want, but don't drink if you don't want to. I didn't drink for my first college years and it didn't inhibit my partying or fun having at all. Hell, half the fun I had was messing with the drunk people's heads If he gives you crap, just let it roll off, he'll get over it.

Conformity sucks, never do anything just cause others are doing it.

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