Jim Kata

So, I need some advice. A friend of mine told me and my girlfriend that he proposed to his girlfriend of about 6 years. We got all excited and celebrated with champagne, shots, drinks, hugs and what not. My girlfriend was really happy for him (cause she knows how much his friendship means to me), even though that night was the first night they ever really talked to eachother for more than 2 seconds. They actually talked all night. It was cool, since he knows that I plan on marrying her in the future.
Anyways..he calls me the other day to let me know that he plans on getting married at the end of the month. He plans on having a small small wedding (family and 2 or 3 friends), but only I am invited, not my better half. When I told her this, she was crushed. Everyone who knows us, knows that we are a package deal….she goes where I go, and vice versa (if we want to).
So anyways, I have to work on the day of his wedding and its not easy getting anyone to cover shifts at my other job. I also am in desperate need of new tires, and need to pay off a few bills that I have putting off. So a wedding present won’t be easy to pull, but is doable.
Okay, I think I’ve gone off subject. I guess my question is…should I go or not? I know his fiance does not like me…at all. But I have known him since I was about 10 (so for 17 years). My girlfriend says to go and she doesn’t mind not going, but I know she is hurt that she isn’t invited (she got snubbed on someone elses wedding a few months ago).
I’m thinking maybe money is stopping the +1 on the invite, but that is sort of bullshit, since the last 3 times I went out with him (and his girl), I have paid, always getting those (I’ll get you the next time, even though that never happens/happened). So I can’t think of a better way for them to pay me back by inviting my girl (but of course I can’t say that).
He is a really good friend of mine, even though we rarely see eachother since he moved back from down south.
Also, I haven’t had a Friday night off in over 2 years, but the wedding is on a Friday into Friday night. And I feel bad that I have never taken off a Friday for my woman, but am willing to for my friend…if I go.
I don’t know what to do….some people say go, some say don’t…but I’m leaving it up to you guys.
Sorry that this is all over the place.
Thanks in advance.

Holo

Given the info you posted unless you're a best man or part of the ceremony, no. He should know better than to only invite you and if his gf hates you he shouldn't have invited you at all. Weddings are the ultimate in female vanity and you going will make problems even if she is civil about it. I say don't go. I would politely decline based on the fact your gf isn't invited and his fiance' hates you, but tell him that so he understands it isn't about him.

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spived2

Yeah, I would decline too. See if their having some kind of party afterwards and see if you can go to that. That will make up for not being at the wedding and perhaps both you and your girl could go.

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Darkeryet

I agree. I wouldn't go either. Same reasons as above. He knew that you two are a deal and she should be invited.

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Dano069

I agree also. Respectfully decline. My wife and I are a package deal, ever since we first started dating. I can't imagine being invited somewhere where she can't go. Just tell them you can't switch with anyone at work.

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Cynthetiq

*moved to tilted living*

package deal for wives and fiancees. g/f's are a whole different deal. If you don't want to get into the whole package thing... well try this:

I'd offer to pay and also let him know of the difficulty for the work schedule. If he says you can invite her if you pay her share, then bust your but to get coverage, but for the possible chance he says negative, then you have a perfect simple out of not having coverage for work.

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BonesCPA

I have to go the opposite direction of everyone else - I say you go alone. If he is a good friend, and he knows how your relationship is with your girlfriend, then he is not being inconsiderate. The reason it is small, and such short notice, is that they can't afford a large wedding. I wouldn't embarass him but offering to pay for your girlfriend to go - I am sure he is painfully aware this is akward already. On the other hand, I have been to a couple of weddings where unless a person was married or engaged, the "and guest" wasn't even given as an option.

As far as your end goes, if he asked you to go, and it is only a small gathering, then you must be a good friend in his opinion. Everyone "takes a bullet" for a good friend, so you missing work/a night off shouldn't be your big issue. In theory, everyone only gets married once, so it should be a special occasion, not one you should be questioning.

Of course I could be totally off base. If they didn't invite your girlfriend because they are inconsiderate, if it was a battle just to get you invited since you said the bride isn't a part of your fan club, or if your really aren't such good friends, then I could change my answer.

Bottom line - go, be happy, and try not to dwell on the negatives. (Of course if they eventually break up, bring it all up then.)

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Redlemon

Are we talking "wedding" or "reception" here? I've never seen a restriction on who can go to the wedding ceremony itself (except, in some cases, age limits). I would have the two of you attend the wedding ceremony (and that should only take 2 hours out of your day at most), but not the reception.

WarWagon

Skip the wedding, go to work, then spend the rest of the day with the girlfriend.

IC3

I would skip it too...I think it pretty ignorant that he invited you and not your girlfriend.

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split lickety

this exact same thing happened to me. my best friend of 15 years friend married a girl who didn't like me or my girl and he invited me even though she didn't want me to come. my girl didn't want to be around them after that. i've talked to him twice in the last 5 years.

this is bad. his new wife doesn't like you, and your girl was just snubbed by the new couple. i sense trouble in the future of your friendship. i suggest you communicate your feelings to both of them before its too late.

Jim Kata

Thank you all for the advice. I feel like I'm being torn between my best friend (if there were such things. EDIT: I just realized that there is such thing and that IS my future wife) and my future wife.
So far, it looks like I've broken down and am taking BonesCPA's advice. And hopefully when my girl says she wants me to go....she really means it.
I'm just hoping that it is only a monetary thing. But other things make me believe it isn't. He lives with his parents...and I think it is rent free. He doesn't have any car payments that I know about. And can afford to go on weekend trips to other states. With all that in consideration....you would think he could spare the extra $100-$150 for my girl.
Thanks for all the advice, and keep it coming.

Mitzkrieg

interesting..... I have been involved in this situation before. let me tell you what happened with me, and what things are like afterwards.

my friend who was going to get married, works with me in the same department at work and i've know him for a very long time. my fiance worked in the same company as us, in the department next door. my fiance and friend were friendly with each other. Well, my friend was telling the guys in our department and other people that he was going to invite that he might have a guest limit because of the money issue. before the invitations were sent out, my friend came straight to me and said that my fiance wasn't going to be invited, only me, reason being that he didn't have enough space at the reception and other people besides her were not going to be invited either. i later came to find out that a couple other guys in our department were able to bring their wife or g/f. so i was a bit bugged by this and my fiance was very upset. I ended up finding out that there was going to be a person at his wedding and reception that had personal issues with my fiance and figured that he must not want both of them there because he didn't want any problems. this is just a theory. anyways, regardless of the reason she wasn't invited, she was still upset. i wasn't sure if i was going to go. just like you, my fiance and i are a package deal, we go everywhere together.

i ended up not going and just blew it off without saying anything to my friend. afterwards, i gave him some bullshit excuse that i had something come up. but he knew my fiance was upset about it. he could see it in her face and the way she reacted to him while we were all at work. needless to say, him and i are still friends, but it just isn't the same. we don't hang out like we used to at all. and when we talk to each other, there isn't much converstation. it's just way different. i wish we didn't have to go through that.

so that's it. maybe think about how important your friendship with this guy is. if you're not to worried about it, then don't go. or, if you do go, will this bother your g/f enough that she might resent you or hold it over your head years down the line? i dunno, just throwing things out there.

cjayemail

If my friend of 17 years was getting married I would go out of my way to make it there. Sure youre significant other may be upset by this, but if only 2-3 friends were invited it must be important to your friend that you are there

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empu

Go. If your girlfriend was in your position and decided to go, you'd get over it. And if it does turn out there's some deeper issue involved, that will play itself out down the road. For now, just be there for your friend.

I'm a Slacker

At first I was thinking what kind of "best friend" would leave a best friends GF off the invite list.........I would have called him to question it......if you too are best friends he shouldn't be offended and you should have no problems talking about the issue. But after reading the above commet YOU HAVE TO GO! You were one of the lucky 2-3 friends.

la petite moi

after reading your post, i would come to the conclusion that you shouldnt go. even if he only invited a few friends, you should politely deline the invitation. if he really respected you as a person, he would have invited your SO, as she is not exactly an optional part of your life, right? also, you said that you need to work and it's difficult to get someone subbing for you...AND that you've never taken a friday off. i would most definitely not go.

Peetster

Go to work, come home and listen to "The Clash" with your girlfriend.

Sunrise

Pft can't go with your gf? That's just stupidity. Definitely decline.

yournamehere

Spend Friday with your girlfriend.
If his fiance hates you, you'll never see him again after the ceremony anyway, so why prioritize his needs over your own?

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Jim Kata

Well...I'm definetly not going. I figure if I do go, I would just give off negative vibes the whole time. And that is pretty shitty to do at someones wedding. I am a bit sad that I can't go, but I will pick hanging out somewhere that my chick is welcome than not any day.
Thank you all for the advice, it always helps to have other's opinions on hard situations.