peeplwatcher

You see, I'm in this rut right now where I just graduated college, have a shitty job(at least I have a job, right?), and pretty much have a daily routine. I can't believe I've turned into a 'normal' person. I know that I'll get out of this rut(slightly depressed at the moment), so I'm not concerned about that.

What I am concerned about is my g/f. She's still in college, and she's living it up. To make a long story short, we've talked many times about how we're maturing, and we're at different parts in our lives. No break-up talk, but it gets like that sometimes.

The thing is, we're both in complete love with eachother when things are good and we're together, yet we both feel like something's wrong at the same time.

So what I'm asking is, have any of you broken up with you s/o, and once you both have lived life a bit and know what you want, gotten back together later in the future? Is this just wishful thinking?

I don't know, it's times like this that makes me feel that there are no soulmates, and love is stupid. Please, no fate-talk. I'm not a big fan of it right now, considering how things are going. TIA

yournamehere

I have some experience in this - that's not to say it will help you.

When I went away to college, my g/f and I became victims of "Absence makes the heart grow fonder - <i>for someone closer</i>."

Four years later, I moved back home, and we got back together - it lasted for a couple years, but I moved away again to finish my education. There were a lot of (lack of) trust issues that may or not be relevant to your situation.

As long as you have different interests, it will take a lot more work to keep the relationship going. It sounds to me, however, that your g/f will be in the same situation as you within a short period of time. <i>Then</i> will be the time to discuss your interests and goals. If your visions of the future are compatible, congratulations, but if not - you should both move on.

BTW - I agree with you on the whole "soulmate" thing - Nobody was given life to spend eternity with a predetermined partner - we were given intelligence to navigate ourselves through life, and that includes selecting whom we'd like to spend it with - IMO, fate is just a rationalization to make disappointment a bit more bearable.

__________________
If you want to avoid 95% of internet spelling errors:
"If your ridiculous pants are too loose, you're definitely going to lose them. Tell your two loser friends over there that they're going to lose theirs, too."
It won't hurt your fashion sense, either.

Cynthetiq

tried that... didn't work....

tried long distance relationships... we got back together... didn't work....

live your life.... while the romantic side of people want something to work out a particular way, it's not practical.. it's *romantic*.

i'm now married to my bestest friend in the whole world. she was someone that I wouldn't have even considered 10 years ago.

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

micah67

Yes, I've been there (notice the past tense). My g/f and I had been going together for a couple of years, both of us in college. My immaturity led me to call off the relationship.

A couple of years later we managed to hook up again and were together for several months but I found that the internal emotions from the past were too much to shake off and I, again, broke it off. (ex-sex is great though)

A couple of years later (again!) we touched bases and had a couple of dates but the chemistry was long gone.

__________________
~micah

skysooner

I would say it is difficult but possible. You both are going to grow and maybe in different directions. I think it is hard to find that "connection" again after the first time as you spend your time trying to recreate the first relationship even though you are different people.

peeplwatcher

Thanks guys. I think it's the reality of it that sucks. I think I'm going to stop being a hopeless romantic for a while.

__________________
It's not how sharp you are, but how blunt you can be.
-me

dadioflex

I know I'm not the best person to be telling you this, since I'm probably older than you daddy but... I met my sweetheart when she was 17 and I was 16. We courted for 3 years and then I went to University. The next year she went to the Nursing College (I know it's not fair, that's just how things were.) For 2 years we struggled to keep a relationship going. The distances involved were probably a fraction of what you have (we were in England - the whole of which would barely justify the foundations of a KFC in the US.) So, we grew apart until years later when I met her at a dreary conference (Occupational Health And Safety) in Torquay of all places. I had already made reservations at Edwards so I invited her to join me - I may have given the impression that there would be other people there. There weren't. Absolutely nothing happened. The next day I tried to get in touch. She wouldn't return my calls or leave a message. Honestly the sight of her had rekindled feelings I hadn't felt for a long time for anybody. Time passed and I put the experience from my mind and got on with things. I know that sounds cold-blooded but if you don't know the feeling yet, you will....
Eventually, years later, I found out part of what had happened. The night I met her at the conference she had been offically single for three and a half weeks. We hadn't seen each other for nearly 14 years. I know she was glad to see me but I understand now that she was mainly just happy to see a friendly face. I will always be a happy face for her. Ack. While we were finishing off our dinner in Edwards her estranged husband was dying thousands of miles away in the Falklands. To this day I see her maybe 3 or 4 times a week and I still can't talk to her. She doesn't talk to me either. Won't talk to me. So, long story short... no.

Rodney

Good luck...my wife says all men are romantics, and that it's incurable. Guess she should know.

That said...love is definitely not stupid. But it definitely works better if both people know who they are and what they want. Because more than a few people who fell hopelessly in love at 19 or 20 and made a commitment find out, a few years down the line, that what they _really_ want in life is incompatible with the needs of their partner. Some relationship gurus recommend that nobody get married until 25 at the very earliest -- because it's not until you're in your late 20s that you've really sorted out who you are.

So, about 25 years ago I met this woman through a local public access TV show we worked on. We hit it off right away, but she was committed and so we stayed friends -- but good friends. I got her work, she got me work, we helped each other out of jams, liked to talk to each other, ate dinner together at least once a month, even commuted together. She even set me up with another woman for a while. I wasn't physically attracted to her at all, but she was maybe my best buddy on the planet.

Ten years go by like this. Platonic? We didn't even hug. Her parasitic boyfriend becomes more and more dysfunctional, and I've acquired a live-in girlfriend who, though a sweet person, has a hard time coping with the world and has locked on to my enabler tendencies like a leech. I'm spending all my time taking care of her, and it's not helping. So I finally realize that being in love with somebody does _not_ mean giving up your self for them, and cut loose. (She went back to live with her folks). My friend realizes that a shitful boyfriend is not better than no boyfriend, and finally breaks free.

So we're both at loose ends and I go up to visit her (I'd move 70 miles away), and I gave her a hug; she hugged back. Felt good; felt right. Went out and came back with a dozen roses. The rest is history, although it took a few more months to get around to the "L" word.

Soulmates? We are now, but we weren't when we first met; much as we liked each other, we both had things to learn about ourselves before we could be together. it took a long time, but maybe it took just as long as it had to.

Didn't mean to go on like this. I guess I'm saying that soulmates are made, not born. And eventually, when you know who you are, you'll be in a good position to spot your soulmate. And she may be somebody who's been standing beside you all along.

gonadman

Dated a girl for 5 years. Broke up to due to a blond diversion. Dated blond diversion for 3 years. Realized what I had lost. Broke up with blond. Miraculously, original girl still available(sort of)

We'll be married 7 years next month

__________________
For me there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length. And there I travel, looking, looking, ...breathlessly.
-Carlos Castaneda

DeviouslySimple

It can work based on your personality and how you approach things. I don't work well with almost any of my ex-es, but then again they were pretty psychotic or wrapped in their own melodramas.

I like to keep a clean plate when I can. I have enough problems with my own thing than to have someone with a cluttered history from my past in my life.

I will say this for sure though. If you're already feeling that certain things aren't clicking right, it's going to go downhill from there, unless you and her absolutely and really desire to be together for the long haul. Even if that's the case...think about your reasons for trying so hard. I don't think so, though.

Overall, once you get into your own 'self', this'll all be less of a worry. I'm not there yet really, but I've witnessed it a few times. Good luck to you.

dy156

I have had a similar situation, and also hope it helps. I had a high school girlfriend a year younger than me. We dated throughout my freshman year, her senior year, and then she decided to go to a diferent school. Her twin sister was going to go to my school, and she just wanted to get away from us and enjoy the full college experience on her own. We broke up, and both thoroughly enjoyed college and dating other people for three years. (no twin action though) Unbeknownst to me, her twin sister continued to report on my activities, and we saw each other my senior year of college, eventually got back together a year later, and two years after that we got married. We have now been married two years, and get a kick out of telling people we were High School sweethearts.

koli70

Well that situation happened to my sister, she went out w/ a guy in high school then they broke up during college then got back together. She said she always knew they would, or maybe shes just using him for his money now, we still dont know

__________________
Woman is a danger cat

RelaX

A friend of mine broke up and got back together with his g/f 4 times... they always got back together as I knew they would. Those 2 are meant for eachother. Or they may both just be too fucked up for anybody else

__________________
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
- Nathaniel Borenstein