wry1

DD, you need to ask yourself if you're doing another disservice to your husband? While he is coming across as a "cold fish", it may be that he has decided that there has to be one solid rock of consistency in the household where *Jim* is concerned.

Coming from my own personal experience with one of my Uncles - a 50-year-old alcoholic and layabout who also has, "...this sense of entitlement paired with a real lack of conscience for his actions." - I found that it was up to my mother and myself to take on those roles; Mom for her siblings and her own mother, while I did so for the next generation (who was still impacted by his actions at holiday get-togethers). It was the two of us who spent countless hours discussing, debating, wishing it was otherwise and finally it was I who really had to be the rock for my mother (and thereby everybody else).

I would say that yes, your husband really does not have a vested interest in Jim and that yes, his views regarding him will differ GREATLY from your own. However, as a man who has dated several women with children, I can honestly say that I have never entered into a committed relationship with any of them without the full realization that the children are a key component of just who these women are - and that loving the woman means loving the child.

Allow me to suggest that you and your husband sit down and discuss why your views differ. I find it truly hard to believe that your husband is as cold-hearted as that toward *Jim* as your post would lead me to think.....He would have to be of the "Cinderella's wicked stepmother" variety for that to be the case! Explain that this is tearing you up inside, and that from time to time your will is going to falter; you have known *Jim* every second of his life, and two decades of being in the Mother Role - as opposed to just being Mom (the title) is not something you can shrug off blithely.

I really do believe that you will be surprised to find that he not only understands your feelings about this, but also has taken the most difficult part (i.e.- the "rat bastard" role) on to spare you any greater pain than is to be had already.

You married your husband for a reason (and I have a hunch it was for more than just sticking with your actions - child or no child); I highly doubt you would still be married if there wasn't love there. Without love, there's no real example to set for *Chris*, is there?

Love your sons. But expect the grown-up ones (even if it's only physically and legally) to become adults.

Double D

I was a bit harsh in my assessment of my marriage. To be blindingly honest, it's no better or worse than most. Overall, my spouse has been a good dad to our son Christopher, as well.

I am conpletely amazed at the unity of responses here. Almost without exception, each of you has said, *set him free, push him out of the nest, it's time to stop protecting him, let him find his own way now.*

You all have given me a great gift--your kind support. I re-read your resposes--all of them--most every day.
Each one helps me be a stronger person. I'm not glad that so many of you have had experiences that somehow parallel mine, but it seems what you have gone through, has made you wiser. I am grateful to you for sharing your wisdom with me.

{{hugs}}
---DD

Double D

The situation with my son is unknown at present, other than the maintenance man found evidence of him sleeping in the basement of the building--on newspapers--pretty sad. We are guessing since he used to live here, that he waits for someone to enter the building, then just follows them in (as we've recovered the keys from him). I checked last night though, and he wasn't down there, so maybe he's moved on (I hope). We are very reluctant to inform the condo association, as we could get ourselves in major hot water over this.

Today, the lifeguard told me that she's seen him once as he went into the poolhouse to shower--but other than that, no contact with him.

I try not to think about him as I'm sure he's having a very rough go of it, but I can't help him anymore and if I did, he'd just use/abuse my sympathies again.

Double D

While I was at at the TFP Chicago Meet Up last night, a phone call came in from my son. He was at a local police station, having been picked up, and was being readied for transfer to our town's P.D. today, as he has warrants out for many traffic violations/failures to appear in court.

His plea, which was left on the answering machine, was that we drop a couple hundred bucks to get his car out of impoundment and he'd pay us back because he has a paycheck coming, etc.

His messes just seem to multiply exponentially.

Cynthetiq

be strong... I know a small part of you wants to pick up the phone and your wallet... strength.

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

Leviathan[NCV]

I have to commend you on how you handled this situation.

I know, and am friends with many people who have had problems like that and much worse, and came out to be a stronger and better person than living a normal life could have ever made them.

Double D

I am trying to be strong and I don't feel I deserve to be commended, but I thank you (both), just the same.
I feel like somewhat of a coward, as I erased the phone msg. from my son without listening to it.

I also feel safer knowing he's in jail in terms of his not being able to bust in here and take what he wants.
I am relieved, that for the moment he's safe, with food & shelter.
Once the system gets moving fully though, he'll be in Cook County Jail--among the most notorious of it's type in the nation.

GuttersnipeXL

My mother didn't bail me out Double D, and it taught me a huge life lesson. In time things will straighten out. He'll realize that there is more to life, than hurting his family and hurting himself. Reading through this thread, it is plain to see that you love your son and you are a good mother. You have done your part, and I have faith that things will come around for your whole family. Sometimes it just takes a little longer than you could have hoped for. In due time, Double D.

__________________
When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. HST

onetime2

Fortunately/Unfortunately I doubt he will be in for all that long as the system tends to be quite lenient on the lighter crimes. You've done well in changing the boundaries with your son. The rest is up to him.

How is your other son handling everything?

lurkette

D, I'm so sorry. I know how hard this is for you. Just know that you are doing the right thing - explain it to him if it will make you feel better, that you are doing this because you love him and you want him to have his own, happy life and first he needs to learn to take care of himself. It may not sink in now, but just knowing that he knows you love him because you told him so might make you feel better.

I don't know what else to say. The situation sucks - he's really put you in a difficult position, having to choose between your instincts to help him and keep him safe, and your desire to make him into a self-sufficient, responsible person. I really do think you're doing him a favor, though, by showing him that his actions do have consequences. It might take some pretty scary stuff to get him to internalize that, and I wish you the strength to go through them with him.

*hugs*

__________________
"If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing."

- Anatole France

Double D

Thank you for asking .
He is doing fine. He turns eleven in three days and is quite excited about that.
Oddly, he's never shown a real emotional reaction to his older brother's antics.
He's quite a diplomat, and hasn't treated Jim in a negative way, even when he's done quite appalling things. Part of that I'm sure, is brotherly love, which goes both ways with those two. (Believe me, I'm thankful for that).

A few days after this latest chapter started two weeks ago, Chris & I were chatting while on our way to the pool. I was *checking in* with him to see how he was doing emotionally.
He indicated to me that the topic of his brother and all the chaos had gotten quite boring. I agreed with him and asked him to please remind me if I bring it up on a too-frequent basis, as there are plenty of more interesting topics to discuss. He smiled, and agreed.

wry1

You're a good mom, DD. Don't ever doubt that for a minute. Sadly, the desire to become an individual - meaning someone quite distinct from the influences of one's parents - can result in some hard life lessons. But that doesn't mean that you haven't been a good parent. Unfortunately, with individuality comes the ability to make the *wrong* decisions; it is the down-side of being your own person, I guess.

I'm pulling for you, your family, and especially *Jim* as this unfolds....consider yourself permanently hugged.

rooster

double d i just got my son out of jalil friday. he has traffic violations in 3 different towns here where we live
he has been in jail since june 3.i was paying his fines but stopped and told him i will not do it any more,so he ended up going to jail.i left him there hoping he would get his shit together.he has over 3000 dollars in fines.anyway friday i went ant put up 700 dollars to get him out.when he got out i told him that he will be with me all the time no seeing his buddies that influnce him.i farm and he is now working with me and that will continue until i know he has changed. he just turned 21 a good worker but he is not a leader but a follower.i am not going to lose him to the bunch he hangs with so for now he is a farmer LOL.

onetime2

Sounds like an excellent relationship. Glad to hear that he has good things that are focused on him upcoming. Also great to hear that he's not feeling short shifted in all this.

Stay strong and focus on the good things.

Double D

Hi rooster,

I hope your son shows his gratitude for your huge generosity by working his tail off on the farm.
Maybe he'll take pride in his work and won't need the bunch he used to follow.
I wish you the very best. I know this isn't easy for you.
Please feel free to PM me at any time.

--DD

seizei

Report the car stolen and kick him out.

He's got to see the repercussions of his actions. He may go to jail - and that may be hard for you to live with.

He'll live.
You'll live.

It's time he learned to be an adult.

Hardest thing a parent can ever do is let go.

edit>>>>>> dang replied before I noticed there were 2 pages of responses and updates on the situation.

Just pretend this is on page 1

__________________
"If you're not weird, you're not interesting".
I'm very interesting ...

seizei; (adv - Japanese) at the most; at best; to the utmost; as much (far) as possible. (pronounced - say-zay)

numberfive

DD, as many have said what you're doing is no doubt hard, but it's necessary. My mom told me at an early age that at age 18, I'm out of the house (unless I'm going to a local college, then I'd have to pay rent to live at home) and if I ever got into any trouble with the law then I'm on my own. She told me I wouldn't get any bail, gifts, packages, money. She also told me not to call her.

I accepted it and I knew she wasn't joking.

__________________
P.S. Always remember: to forget is a form of suicide. (If I could only remember to forget myself.)

Double D

Not to make light of your mom's statement, but that line must come from an ancient parenting handbook somewhere (my own mother said the same thing--almost to the word), as you and several others have recounted how their parents too, told them--go to jail, you're on your own.

badflsh

I think that to some extent this shows how times have changed. It used to be that parents sided with the police and were all for letting their kid spend the night in jail if they were out causing mischief. However, as times have changed, people have begun to distrust the police and in many ways they have almost become the enemy. Now when someone’s child is arrested the first thought seems to be that the police have done something wrong. Sort of the opposite of how it was.

daneo

One thing that struck me with your first post (I've read through them all) was that you were searching for justification to kick your son out. I'm glad that you decided to do so because as everyone else in here noted it was more or less the only option. The thing is, most people here seem to focus on what's best for him, but the guy is 20. He has to live his own life and you have to live your own life. I was just about to say that you're allowed to be selfish, but that's not even it as you most certainly don't sound selfish, but you have to be allowed to be yourself and it seems that your son have seriously invaded your life in a way he shouldn't.

The one thing that is important for you to say to yourself though is that you were 100% justified in doing what you did. Would it be easier for him to be at home and continue to "leech" on you? Most certainly. Would it be better for you? No. Despite all the stress you're going through now (and your bitter comments towards your husband earlier in the thread shows that it's a great deal) it's going to get better. Will it get better for your son? Hopefully, but even if he, god forbid, doesn't make it, you must never blame yourself. There's only so much a human can do and you have done more than most...

Good luck and a little kiss from me

Double D

Well here's a post I've been dreading writing.

The Cook County Sheriff called my home yesterday and asked if my son could be placed under house arrest until his court date on Sept 8.

The conditions at the Cook County Jail-- this county includes all the scum from Chicago--are abysmal.
It's far exceding it's maximum capacity and no one's safety is assured.
As such, the County is trying to farm non-violent offenders out on their families, until the court sentences them. My son was arrested for not paying traffic tickets, not having registration in his car, skipping out on court dates-- which got him a suspended license, which he was picked up on this time.

So my hell spawn is here--with a chunky-looking bracelet on his ankle-- the home monitoring system-- and we have a lovely contraption attached to our phone so if he steps out the door, they'll nail him on a felony.

I don't know why I said yes--I guess I don't quite have the resolve dealing with the law, as I'm working on having with my son.
I asked my husband first, and we both agreed getting Jim out would get the car back that we have taken over making monthly payments on--as the police have him listed as the owner and won't release it to us. It will be nice to at least have custody of a car we'll be paying on for the next three years.
Jim is a secondary consideration as frankly, I don't have much faith that he'll behave for 2.5 weeks.

Right now, he's on his best behavior-- actually better than before. He wasn't in any way overweight before and he's lost quite a bit-- I assume from his bout with homelessless. He's thanking us profusely, but as the axiom goes, actions speak louder than words.
He speaks of the roaches and seeing a guy get stabbed in the neck at County, but I'm pretty jaded about anything that he says.
If there's even a tiny problem, we will call the Sheriff and revoke our agreement.

This isn't at all what was in the plan--it was a scenario that popped up that we hadn't considered. This is a pretty swanky jail, but he's not being given a bed --and certainly not the room he was in--which my husband quickly converted back into the guest room.

I guess it is what it is.

Just as I was writing now, he asked if he could pull an extra mattress out to sleep on, 'cause he hasn't slept on one in weeks--I said no-- he hasn't earned that right.
He doesn't deserve to be here, let alone deserve the comforts of home.
I feel like a total wimp. I guess I am. Sorry to disappoint.

onetime2

Certainly no need to apologize. Given the situation it's probably the best decision (after all would you prefer they let a more violent criminal out in Jim's place?). I'm sure it's tough but you are taking a much harder line with him than you have in the past and there's always the slight chance it will have an impact.

Have you and your husband thought about what happens after his court date? That will be the next stumbling block. What happens if he gets probation (which will require a permanent address)? Will you allow him to live there? If yes, how will you control his actions without the anklet? There's a lot to think about. On the good side, you've got two and a half weeks that will likely be relatively smooth (at least as compared to the last several months).

Good Luck and stay strong!

Cynthetiq

DD stay strong....

one thought probably crossed your mind.... you don't want to have regret, something happening to him and you saying, "If only..." This is your opportunity to take that last bite. Remember it's the last cookie. You cannot have anymore. You should not take anymore.

He's made these choices...remember that. He has to be an adult and live with the consequences.

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

Sparhawk

I think that as long as you don't let him undercut you again, you'll be okay. Don't let him get between you and your husband- I'd make sure that any decisions concerning your son both you and your husband are fully in agreement with.

onetime2 has definitely given some important food for thought, i.e. 'what's next'. My feeling is that you can't put yourself into a situation where your trust is going to be betrayed again (him stealing the car).

P.S. You're not a wimp, you're human, and a damn good one at that.

__________________
"In Iraq, no doubt about it, it's tough. It's hard work. It's incredibly hard. It's - and it's hard work. I understand how hard it is. I get the casualty reports every day. I see on the TV screens how hard it is. But it's necessary work. We're making progress. It is hard work."

Double D

The plan as he explains it, was put in place before his arrest.
When his *best friend* (who is also 20 years old) returns from vacation, he and Jim are moving into an apartment, with the friend's father's assistance.

This in fact, is slated to take place before the court date, so perhaps Jim will be moving (with the county's permission) before Sept 8.

Our agreement with the Sheriff was that Jim could stay here until and only until, the Sept 8 court date. They will not return him from court to our home.
If they do, we will refuse to allow his return.

jbrooks544

OOPS! Sorry to have jumped in so late. I'm editing this top part because my original message below was written before I read all three pages of followthrough postings. My mistake, sorry.

What you are going through is very similar to what happened in my family. My older brother became manic/depressive (lithium imbalance, etc.) right at about 18 - 19 years old. He dropped out of college and my P's got him in the military thinking he needed discipline. He got sec. 8 about 1.5 years later - still undiagnosed. Long story, much suffering for many years.

The only thing I could add now is that I think you are handling this situation very well and I know it isnt' easy. Maybe he should go in for possible diagnosis for the need of drugs for his brain. They have come very far and this might help. The right diagnosis might also help him get a suspended sentence if he goes to live in a special halfway house or something. It worked for my brother - just a thought. I wish you the best.

Original untimely post below
___________________________
Tough love.

To let him continue his immature life with your support (food, lodging, etc.) is to be an "enabler" - where you are actually helping him be able to live irresponsibly.

I would report the car stolen if he doesn't bring it back.

I would kick him out and change the locks.

I would tell him that you won't support him acting like a child any more and that you are kicking him out.

I would tell him that you have removed him from your will.

I would tell him that you would be happy to see him again and possibly change will, etc. AFTER he has had a steady job and life situation and straightened up for a couple years.

I would tell him that if he keeps on going this way he will end up:

- in jail
- a bum
- or dead

and that you don't want to be the one who "helped" him become this way.

This is "tough love" but the only possible way for him to come to his senses. If possible I would tell all of this and suggest it to any other family members that he might try to live with and leech off of.

If he is going to improve, then this could be the catalyst that will start it.

Akuma7g

My sympathies and strength go out to you Dub D.

I jumped into this late obviously and have noticed that I would agree with most of the thinking here. Tough love is the last, best answer. Unfortunately it seems to be the last option that you have here.

There's nothing that can really comfort you in the tragedy that is currently your son and no one (except another mother) can understand the pain in your heart. Unfortunately the best thing you can do for him is to endure and overcome that pain so that you can show him through that "tough love" that he needs to get himself up on his feet.

Sometimes you have to smack someone hard across the face in order to teach them something.

And I do not mean that litterally as I'm sure you've done that many times already. Or at least wanted to.

I think the best thing you could have done was to leave him in jail for him to learn what it's like to fend for hiself in one of the worst environments possible. Sure there's the danger that he'd get hurt or worse...but that's already the path he's chosen. Jail would have been a 'crash' course in what it's like and how real it all is.

In the end I hope that he shapes up enough to come back home and end the madness.

Good luck to your and your family Dub D.

Averett

Wow, *hugs* to Double D. I'm new here, just read this from the start.

Maybe the short time your son spent in jail scared him into acting right.

There not much I could add that hasnt already been said. You sound like a very strong woman. Best of luck to you and your family.

__________________
Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

wry1

DD, you've obviously been thinking about this, and I for one am totally behind your decisions - both the choice to allow him to return until his court date (it shows that while he is not entitled to the same priviliges as the rest of the family, he's still PART OF the family) as well as your and your husband's resolve regarding the whole "what next" question.

Just a quick thought, though: If he is given probation, and if he is not in a position where he can reliably provide a fixed address for the court, then it might be in his best interest to work with the court and have him assigned to a halfway house or some sort of court-sanctioned housing. I'm not too familiar with the conditions that the State of Illinois uses when determining eligibility for probation, but I'm pretty certain that there must be some sort of method in place for the probationer to maintain contact with the court during that period.

I'll keep my eyes open, as I'm still pulling for you guys....

quadro2000

I am also jumping into this thread with not much more to say than has already been said. DD, just remember that YOU are a good person and this is NOT your fault. I think that deep down, you know what it is you need to do, and you know how strong you need to be. Hang in there.

__________________
You have to laugh at yourself...because you'd cry your eyes out if you didn't. - Emily Saliers

jimk

dd,

i'm in chicago, too, just jumping in on your story.

i understand your not wanting to have your son in cook county, no matter how badly he's pissed you off.

when if first read that he was getting an apartment, i thought, "bad idea." but after thinking about it a little, it's the best thing. he will directly feel the results of any irresponsibility now. it'll be his stuff getting trashed, not yours.

it will also test whether he really understands the gravity of his situation. if he fucks up again, he's going away for a while. to where the stab people in the neck. he's never gonna understand that until he has to confront it without anywhere else to go (your house).

you are obviously a caring & loving mother, as you have gone way beyond what anyone deserves in the love & compassion dept. push him out of the nest & see if he can fly yet. you'll be doing the best thing you can for him.........

__________________
raw power is a guaranteed o.d.

raw power is a laughin' at you & me

-iggy

Double D

(cribbed from today's journal)

I've had about 4 hours sleep and I'm off to the Hotel California.
That's the nick-name of the Cook County Jail --it's on California street. One of the lines from the song goes *You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave.*
Pretty appropriate.
I'm taking #1 son to retrieve his belongings that were confiscated upon his arrest for driving on a suspended license, almost two weeks ago.
Currently, he's staying with us under house arrest--that's been a delight. To go from him almost never being here to always being here--well I took it on, so I'm dealing with it. (Miss my privacy!!!)
He's become our housekeeper and I'm teaching him a bit about cooking (I only know a bit.) Hopefully, he'll get something out of it. I give him a list of things to accomplish every day. He does 'em all and then usually does a few more on his own--a good sign yes, but hasn't been long enough to know if anything's *taken.*
It's forecasted to be 94 & humid today. Fine day to hit the city streets.
Actually, I'm thinking I might take a drive down LSD (Lake Shore Drive) along Lake Michigan, whist the boy deals with the red tape at at the jail.

Later today: Attempting to get his/our car out of impoundment.

Cynthetiq

dig deep for more strength and patience...

it's only for now.

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

JBX

Should of booted him 2 years ago. You grow up quicker fending for yourself.

__________________
"Youth and Strength is no match for Age and Treachery"

dannoxxxx

sounds like you need to give Dr. Phil a call. I have seen a great many of cases where parents are put in your situation. Family matters are delicate matters and i wish you luck.

Double D

(Similar to 8/27 Journal entry)

Oy.

Something about a gigantic prison surrounded by concrete and razor wire, guard posts peeking out above, is so unsettling.

It's so jarring to be driving along in the city, you turn a corner, and boom! there's an enormous facility warehousing thousands of people. I don't know what I expected -- something more like Attica (NY) prison out in the country, or Atascadero (CA), situated in the rolling hillsides, but it's such an affront to come upon this --thing--and more disturbing is the notion of all these people whose lives have gone so wrong. Just looking at the outside of that hole makes me wonder how he ever let his life slide so much that he wound up there in the first place.

It was such an incredibly hot & humid day. I took the Mustang and realized about half-way to Chicago that I should have taken the Malibu--I put the top up when we got there, but still felt very vulnerable--I don't know why exactly--the danger was supposedly behind bars.

There was no *civilian* parking, so I parked around the corner in front of a bodega, while my son hiked a block or two to retrieve his personal effects (including a paycheck, car keys, & jewelry).
After about a half hour, I was really baking and the diuretic effect of my morning heart meds. had kicked in pretty bad, so I cruised westward in search of some relief. I was quite surprised to find a clean-looking 31 Flavors/ Dunkin Donuts within walking distance of the prison. I'm pretty sure that by then I was in Little Mexico.
I never use facilities without buying something--I know, really lame-- but I felt like treating myself anyway, so after I was *buzzed* into the ladies room (first time for this suburban girl--keys yes, buzzers, not until now), I got a small mocha iced coffee drink. Took it back to the prison area, and still couldn't find a bit of shade to park the car in, that wasn't already occupied.

Thankfully, my son returned soon after I finished my drink.
We made our way back to the land of the bland-- then to the local police station to get a receipt to present the towing company. Lo & behold, my son was able to talk the towing company into dropping the fees by half (as he's been on house arrest for a week, and could only retrieve it as of today).
So it is done.

Son is doing a decent job of housekeeping--it's the first time in a long time that he hasn't lived like an absolute pig. He's done all the laundry for the past week, cleaned the bathrooms top to bottom, vacuumed, dusted, cooked. I ask him to do it-- he does it.

It's pretty good--not that I'm forgetting about all the damage done. Nope, all the good behavior in the world won't do that.

Right now I'm liking having my son around. In the past we'd often enjoy each other's company--on the way to the city today we cranked up the radio & sang to music from my era (Pink Floyd, Grateful Dead, Doobie Brothers, Led Zep). For a little while things seemed *normal.* But real normality will be when he's moved on.

Mitzkrieg

hi there.... i poked my nose in the thread and ended up reading through the whole thing. brings back a lot of memories for me when i was younger.

i was in the position of your younger son, Double D, years ago. my parents had pretty much the same kind of problems with my older brother, that you're having with your older son. my parents tried there best to help him straighten up, but ended up going the same route that you have with the "tough love" kinda stance. after reading through all this, i believe you're doing the right thing and have handled it very well. after being involved in this situation myself, i understand what you're going through. just stay strong and things will turn out for the best, i'm sure.

turns out, years later, my older brother and my parents have become close and have a very good relationship, and my brother has turned out just fine. and believe me, he was VERY messed up. hope everything goes well for you and your family.

best wishes

Cynthetiq

i was just thinking about this a few moments ago. I hope that all is settling well.

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

sexymama

DoubleD -- you are going through such an emotional time! Please remember to take time for yourself during this. You deserve to be emotionally healthy and sound. Don't let your son take that from you. Stay strong -- you are doing the right thing!

__________________
If you can go deeply into lovemaking, the ego disappears. That is the beauty of lovemaking, that it is another source of a glimpse of god

It's not about being perfect; it's about developing some skill at managing imperfection.

lurkette

I still have my "good thoughts" in a box for you.

__________________
"If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing."

- Anatole France