Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - Should I Kick My 20-y.o. Son Out?

jbrooks544 · 08-21-2003, 07:36 AM

OOPS! Sorry to have jumped in so late. I'm editing this top part because my original message below was written before I read all three pages of followthrough postings. My mistake, sorry.

What you are going through is very similar to what happened in my family. My older brother became manic/depressive (lithium imbalance, etc.) right at about 18 - 19 years old. He dropped out of college and my P's got him in the military thinking he needed discipline. He got sec. 8 about 1.5 years later - still undiagnosed. Long story, much suffering for many years.

The only thing I could add now is that I think you are handling this situation very well and I know it isnt' easy. Maybe he should go in for possible diagnosis for the need of drugs for his brain. They have come very far and this might help. The right diagnosis might also help him get a suspended sentence if he goes to live in a special halfway house or something. It worked for my brother - just a thought. I wish you the best.

Original untimely post below
___________________________
Tough love.

To let him continue his immature life with your support (food, lodging, etc.) is to be an "enabler" - where you are actually helping him be able to live irresponsibly.

I would report the car stolen if he doesn't bring it back.

I would kick him out and change the locks.

I would tell him that you won't support him acting like a child any more and that you are kicking him out.

I would tell him that you have removed him from your will.

I would tell him that you would be happy to see him again and possibly change will, etc. AFTER he has had a steady job and life situation and straightened up for a couple years.

I would tell him that if he keeps on going this way he will end up:

- in jail
- a bum
- or dead

and that you don't want to be the one who "helped" him become this way.

This is "tough love" but the only possible way for him to come to his senses. If possible I would tell all of this and suggest it to any other family members that he might try to live with and leech off of.

If he is going to improve, then this could be the catalyst that will start it.

08-21-2003, 07:36 AM	#106 (permalink)
jbrooks544 Addict	OOPS! Sorry to have jumped in so late. I'm editing this top part because my original message below was written before I read all three pages of followthrough postings. My mistake, sorry. What you are going through is very similar to what happened in my family. My older brother became manic/depressive (lithium imbalance, etc.) right at about 18 - 19 years old. He dropped out of college and my P's got him in the military thinking he needed discipline. He got sec. 8 about 1.5 years later - still undiagnosed. Long story, much suffering for many years. The only thing I could add now is that I think you are handling this situation very well and I know it isnt' easy. Maybe he should go in for possible diagnosis for the need of drugs for his brain. They have come very far and this might help. The right diagnosis might also help him get a suspended sentence if he goes to live in a special halfway house or something. It worked for my brother - just a thought. I wish you the best. Original untimely post below ___________________________ Tough love. To let him continue his immature life with your support (food, lodging, etc.) is to be an "enabler" - where you are actually helping him be able to live irresponsibly. I would report the car stolen if he doesn't bring it back. I would kick him out and change the locks. I would tell him that you won't support him acting like a child any more and that you are kicking him out. I would tell him that you have removed him from your will. I would tell him that you would be happy to see him again and possibly change will, etc. AFTER he has had a steady job and life situation and straightened up for a couple years. I would tell him that if he keeps on going this way he will end up: - in jail - a bum - or dead and that you don't want to be the one who "helped" him become this way. This is "tough love" but the only possible way for him to come to his senses. If possible I would tell all of this and suggest it to any other family members that he might try to live with and leech off of. If he is going to improve, then this could be the catalyst that will start it. Last edited by jbrooks544; 08-21-2003 at 07:55 AM..