Spacehog

Now, obviously this is going to be biased from my point of view, but I'll try and tell both sides of the story. Also, I'm long winded so I apologize for the wall of text ahead of you upfront.

My girl was the babysitters daughter back in elementary school. Ran into her again about six months ago, and we've been dating ever since save 2 weeks that I broke up with her recently, and just got back together because...well she was sitting on my doorstep waiting for me to wake up one morning. Kinda stalkerish, but I got the message. She missed me. Plus my brother caught us "making up" seeing as I moved in back home for a bit after we broke up, so I couldn't really tell her no after that.

So six moths in and, I'm too jealous as per her and her family, she's too childish from my point of view. You guys tell me what you think. I'm 29 and she's 25 btw.

As for jealousy keep in mind, my ex before her wore a see through shirt to work at a restaurant one halloween, and her best friend was a guy. I never once got upset at her for what she wore, or having a guy as a friend because she handled herself appropriately IMO. It was a personality thing that my current girl lacks, so my girl now can't get away with the things my ex could in my eyes because to me she's too immature, and doesn't realize the full context of the things she does.

My girl now admittedly grew up with a brain tumor. She has always been in and out of the hospital, and constantly babied to some extent. She at 24 (remember she's 25 now) finally got out on her own and was able to be free so to speak. So yes, she's doing now at 25 what most people do from 18 to 21.

She doesn't have any acquaintances. Everyone she knows is either a friend, or extended family. Basically the ones she calls family are what most people would call friends. She stays on the phone and facebook constantly, and always has to be in contact with someone. I think she is attention starved as her family in my eyes uses her, but that isn't relevant to this, and she denies that she craves attention.

Her whole wardrobe is halter tops. With B cups she manages to show cleavage and/or (usually and) bra everyday no matter what shirt she is wearing. She is constantly talking to some guy or another that she is "friends" with, and at various times will hang out at their house, or they have spent the night at hers. Now, to be fair her brother lives with her and they were just as much spending the night with her brother as with her.

My problem isn't so much that she has guy friends or wears halter tops. It's that like I said, I don't think she has the mentality to fully grasp the situations she puts herself into, or the perceptions that other guys are going to have if she's showing bra and being that friendly.

I've mentioned that her actions were disrespectful to me, and our relationship, but she blows it off by getting mad and saying that I'm calling her a slut which isn't my intention. I just want her to realize that if she keeps begging for attention so to speak she's increasing her chances of getting the kind of attention she's not gonna want if you catch my meaning.

So, honest opinion from you.

Which of us is being childish? Am I just being overly jealous, or are we both being childish?

genuinegirly

She likely knows what she is doing, and you are insulting her by telling her she doesn't.
She needs to explore, and you should offer her the freedom she wants. I don't understand why you, who seems to want someone exclusive, would choose to be in a relationship with someone who acts this way. Cut her loose. Let her enjoy the life she obviously wants.

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"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

HamiC

You should be with someone you respect as an equal, not someone you think of (or treat like) a child. If you think of her as an equal, keep reading. If not, move on.

As equals in a relationship, you each get to make certain decisions. If you disagree with the decisions she makes, you are free to share your opinion. With regard to how she dresses or acts, I would suggest keeping the focus on how it makes you feel, not on whether she is mature enough to make such decisions. If you feel she isn't mature enough to make such decisions, you do not see her as your equal.

Fundamentally, I believe the issue is jealousy or insecurity. Regardless of your past relationships, something about how she behaves and/or dresses is triggering a response in you that you need to figure out (before making too harsh of a judgment of her). Jealousy is not productive. Insecurity is not helpful either. The solution is open communication and respect. Tell her how things make you feel (not why she is "wrong") and see where it goes from there.

Baraka_Guru

Her difficult health circumstances and how people have treated her throughout life may have lead her to develop a histrionic personality disorder.

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Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

Hektore

You've said your piece about her 'disrespect' of your relationship and she's free to continue as she pleases. What you should do is stop trying to demonize her decision by calling it childish (or by getting us to) and either get over it or move on.

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The advantage law is the best law in rugby, because it lets you ignore all the others for the good of the game.

The_Jazz

She's an adult. She's got issues. If those issues are too much for you to handle, move on. Since you're an adult, you need to do so as nicely and kindly as you can.

Seems pretty simple to me.

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"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
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jewels

This. And this.

You did break up with her and must've had a reason or two.

And why couldn't you tell her no? Sounds like you've both got some growing up to do before either can commit to an adult relationship.

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We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
Mark Twain

Spacehog

Well, I couldn't say no to getting back together cause at that moment I was hoping there was still something there. That, and I was tired of feeling like the bad guy and seeing her cry every other time she came around and I said no.

Hami, I did respect her as an equal, but that has diminished which is the reason I wrote this thread. To ask if I was the one being unreasonable.

And no Hektore, it wasn't my intention to demonize her. That's why I asked if I was approaching it wrong. Plus the internet is anonymous which is key. If I thought there was any chance someone here would know who I was talking about I wouldn't have typed it at all.

Lastly Baraka, that actually doesn't sound too far off. I'll have to read into that more before I say for sure to myself, but even if I do decide that is where I think it is coming from I could never bring myself to say it to her. I'd feel like the biggest a*hole ever if I said that to her and then left.

But yes, it is probably time to move on, again. This thread was really more for closure in my own mind I think. I want it to work, but I know that's probably not a realistic pursuit, and I needed something wrote down to reinforce to myself what I'm thinking.

Ourcrazymodern?

It's you, Spacehog. You can only own your own.

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BE JUST AND FEAR NOT

lunxpress

No offense, but what qualifications do you guys have to diagnose anybody?

She's just not that into you. End of story.

Poetry

I think you're both being childish, at least from your description.

You can do nothing about her behavior.

However, you can do something about your mindset.

You trust her... or you don't.

Are you willing to work on the relationship and rebuild that trust with mutual intent for a long-term relationship? Do you even want a long-term relationship with her? Did you take her back out of guilt or hope? A combo?

Are you willing, also, to stop her from exploring during what could be very defining and educational formative years (for her, because of her tumor)? If not, do you think her (what seems to be) lack of real and varied experience may come back to bite you in the ass?

Stop trying to figure out who the childish one is and get a handle on what you truly want from this situation, and if it is even possible to fulfill that desire.

Spacehog

Haven't updated this in awhile, been busy at work.

We called it off the day after I wrote this. Like I said, me writing this was my own closure really. But thanks guys.

genuinegirly

Thanks for the update! I think it's likely the best move for both of you.

__________________
"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

EventHorizon

glad you worked it out dude. you made the right decision.

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Does Marcellus Wallace have the appearance of a female canine? Then for what reason did you attempt to copulate with him as if he were a female canine?

Quote:

Originally Posted by canuckguy Pretty simple really, do your own thing as long as it does not fuck with anyone's enjoyment of life.