bagatelle

I was talking to an online acquaintance.

I told him, I've noticed myself being drawn to men, who talk in calm voice. My husband has a tendency to snap or shout, I dislike this very much. I understand that he sometimes has a lot of stress, but it's more in his nature to do so. I compare my husband to men in my side of the family - my father and uncle, brothers, late grandfather - they all have similar calm note in voice and I don't ever recall them shouting, even them raising their voice a little was not unpleasant to hear.

Last year, after being home for several years, I got back to work and have seen more people daily since then. I made this remark to my online friend, that I find men with calm voice more attractive lately. His respond was, that maybe I need an analysis, if that really is the case.

I don't think this was jokingly said from his part. This person has no degree in psychology, that I know of, he apparently sees a therapist himself and may study something by his own, but yet that statement left me puzzled.

Not to ponder the discussion itself much, I would like to post this to ask, if there is something in psychology that could give him grounds to say so.

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dlish

you find comfort in things that you are familiar with. it might be on a subconscious level, but there's nothing out of the ordinary in that.

why would you need an analysis?

i find skinny athletic women extremely attractive because thats what i was used to seeing growing up. it doesnt make me love my wife any less though, and i dont think i need to see a professional for it.

you also may find the men you're talking about in positions of power at work, and that might be another attraction that you have not considered. many leaders are powerful men who have great oratorical skills and have no need to scream to get their message across.

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An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy

bagatelle

I don't think I need an analysis for that, something I noticed in myself and was trying to talk to this person about.

I really haven't studied psychology myself either. Anything I have read is just pieces here and there and I often tend to read things that I can understand with common sense.

I have a feeling, this person would have wanted to give me some kind of "label" by analyzing me and my stories about my life, which came up in exchange of emails. My life has been pretty ordinary. I guess I just didn't expect that I was some sort of rehearsal material for him in his studies of people.

Re power at work: I don't think I admire a leader per se. Rather someone, who knows what he's doing or is good at something, it doesn't have to be a leading position. I have experience of a boss, who can talk and be calm and persuasive, but it's all words, mostly lies about promising this and that, then not keeping his word. That's really icky.

Of course, the voice is not the only thing I'm attracted to in a man, this just surfaced more to my mind lately, when I have been talking to other people than my husband.

There is no analysis to "fix" a situation I know I'm in already: I can't discuss many things with my husband, without him getting edgy.

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dlish

maybe its your husband that needs an 'analysis'

__________________
An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy

mixedmedia

I don't like that snapping business, either. I don't feel any particular attraction to a soft-spoken man, but people (male or female) who are so impatient that they go around being snippy and rude a lot of the time really bother me. Particularly when they are evidencing it with servers and store clerks and the like. Makes me want to crawl under the table.

I don't know if this is the same kind of stuff you are referring to...sorry to wander around on your thread, lol.

You don't sound like you need analysis to me.

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Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus
PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

jewels

That's just silly. Voice and tone are very important as far as what I find attractive in a man. Somehow it's hard to imagine a "shouter" whispering sweet nothings in my ear.

Makes me think of poor Charlie.

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We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
Mark Twain

bagatelle

This is what I'm referring to. Don't know if I'm enough well-mannered myself, but my husband is even less. We met young and I found him being outspoken quite funny at times, but then I realized, he is not growing out of it.

He has learned to watch his tongue a little bit, but I find it very frustrating that we can't discuss things, unless they are about something very concrete, that concern something what he can relate to.

So in many occasions, I don't even start on topic, because I know the pattern of the conversation already. If he has no interest on topic, he either has no opinion, but he will just say the opposite to what I say, or he just kills the conversation by saying, he knows nothing of this. Meaning he's not even interested to hearing my thoughts.

If I start talking about what could be done around the house, he immeditely assumes, he will have to start working on it right away, gets snappy and says he's too busy to think about it now. Some time goes by, he suddenly starts on the project, gets on with it and if the outcome is not exactly what I pictured it to be, he says, but this was what you wanted, when the plans were not thoroughly discussed in the first place.

Well, we do talk about things, but generally it's like I have to think of suitable topics to talk about. It becomes to narrowing the options rather than expanding.

I'm probably not a good listener myself, but I can often quit in the middle of a sentence and he notices nothing. I find myself being in my own thoughts mostly.

He works hard and does a lot around the house, chauffeurs kids etc. and the stress could explain a lot, unless I knew, he was basically like that before these factors came in to our life. Those days he was mostly rude to his mother or mine, or said blunt things to or about other people.

I find it a bit sad, that I am overwhelmed when another man talks to me in a nice manner and relaxed voice.

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snowy

I don't think it's strange to be sensitive to tone. I'm very sensitive to tone. Just last week, I was talking to a parent at one of my places of work, and the parent accused my other place of work of doing something that I had been personally involved in. His tone changed as he talked about it; while he didn't appear angry, his voice sounded angry and frustrated. It made me feel awful.

When my husband and I fight, we both insist on taking a break if our tones change. If our tones sound angry, we stop, because we're not accomplishing anything in the argument if we're angry.

I don't think you need an analysis. Actually, my first thought on reading the thread title was, "Wow, that's an archaic turn of phrase."

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If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Zeraph

I like sweet voices, boobies, and women who wear pigtails. Should I get an analysis?

Its just preference.

Or if you want an even stranger attraction thing, I like girls who are geekier than me. A girl that would say WWBD? (what would batman do?) or may the force be with you at the end of a phone call.

Oh, and I also dislike...whats the word? Maybe arrogant talk. Or bossy talk. Loud and obnoxious. I prefer quiet but with supreme confidence.