Shauk

OK, to rephrase, I'm entirely interesting to myself.

The music, technology, games, movies, flirting with geekdom, balanced with doing outdoorsy stuff once in a while, camping, BBQ get togethers, a night on the town, dinner & drinks with friends, etc..

2 girls almost simultaneously decide they want attention,

Girl A> Found me online, semi local, Similar story of travel/abandonment upon arrival relationship history, etc.. Came on really strong (yay nudity) and I rolled with it, I get the feeling she feels overextended/out of character by the whole thing and she's gone in to shy-mode. Likes to talk to me a lot though, Starting to feel like maybe she needs a friend more than a boyfriend. Several more hours in to this one because of it I think.... Warning signs on this one seem to be that she only got out of her last relationship a month and a half ago.

Girl B> Acquaintance of an acquaintance, Don't really know much about her, much less the acquaintance, Local, better looking than girl A, and by far more interesting to talk to, despite the shorter interactions. I accredit this to the fact that I've always been kind of the "opposites attract" sort of person. She comes across more interested & less needy than Girl A as well.



Obviously I'm leaning towards girl B, but....

Thing is I keep running in to the same problem with both of them. Basically I'm trying to find the right questions to ask and tend to wind up in a 4 hour conversation about nothing.

I don't want to rule either one out too soon by not figuring out the right stuff, I guess I'm pessimistic (or realistic) enough to figure neither one is probably my perfect pick.

I guess it just comes down to: I don't know either one that well.

It doesn't help that they both decided to zero in on me when my life is a clusterfucked whirlwind of confusion.

What do YOU talk about with people that you don't know?

MrFriendly

Absolute cod shit really haha. I like conversing, and like talking about all manner of things, and I like people telling me about stuff I don't know much about.

I tend to meet most strangers when I'm a little drunk. It's not that I need to drink to meet new people, It's more that most of the strangers I meet are at parties or pubs. So I'm usually a lot more chatty and eccentric.

There are people you just 'click' with, it doesn't have to be romantic or sexual in any way, they're just people you can talk for hours with about damn near anything. Some people are easy to get to know, others are guarded and difficult to get to know. Others will only show you an aspect of themselves or project an image, others are very much what-you-see-is-what-you-get. You can generally sus that out about a person quickly enough without having to chat about anything specific.

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Manic_Skafe

You're probably thinking about it all way too much like all of us introverts do. Be loose and try to remember that they're at least half as responsible as you are for keeping the conversation going. Talk what you know and generally try to enjoy yourself. If it crashes and burns then move onto the next.

Keep at it and you'll do fine.

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amonkie

What do you consider "nothing"? Depending why you're interested in pursuing these girls, nothing could be relative. Are you looking at this interactions as future marriage potential, or rather to gauge whether you'd like to see them again? Taking things slow isn't always a bad idea.

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dlish

take each of them back home and show them your Wii.

I'm sure that'd give you more than enough things to talk about!

sounds like you're pressured (internally or externally) to make a decision now on which one you are more interested in. There's no law that says that you need to decide now. You've openly said thatyou still dont know them very well, so just play that to your advantage and see them both until you know which one you want to start a relationship with. At least for a few weeks i say.... you may even get some sexing.

Door A has advantages - if it doesnt work, its a clean break because she's a relative stranger

Door B has its disadvantages - friend of a friend that may cause some collateral damage if you went your own way...but dont let that stop you...she seems like a better fit in my opinion.

if its conversation you're concerned about...talk about anything that comes to mind, anything that you find interesting..at least you'll know if she's interested in the same things you are..and just be yourself. The worst thing you could do is put on an act.

good luck with the Wii

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Craven Morehead

What's wrong with a four hour conversation about nothing? That's actually good, isn't it? You can fill the voids in life with conversation. Most of life is not that interesting or entertaining. So most of your conversations are going to be about nothing. You've mastered that. You're being too hard on yourself.

Shauk

It's not that I feel anything to prove, I just hate awkward silences. I also find it's easier to get people to open up if you've got a broad range of questions that lead in to conversations.

4 hours of nothing? example, talking about like, what kind of couches we've owned, detailed, size, shape, depth, color, fabric, etc.. I was just like "wtf are we even talking about this for? cuz we can?" Yeah it wasn't 4 hours of that but you know, 20 minutes here and there of similar random tangental topic expansion just makes me put the phone back in my pocket and go "yeah, I still don't know anything about her, but fuuuck man, ask me about her couch"

dlish, at this point, they've both tried to initiate sex with me, I don't think thats my problem. I don't think I "have" a problem, moreso a desire to have a better menu of topics to discuss that isn't so secular and walled off from your "typical" person

also, not a friend of a friend, acquaintance of an acquaintance. Like I met this one girl at a party, I did a lot of party photography before I got in to the DJ'ing, she was very photogenic, She also was in to photography, casual hobby based conversation which simply led to a random facebook friendship 10 years later out of curiosity because I was going through my old pictures and was like "hrm, wonder if she'd want these pictures of herself"

anyways, 6 months later one of her fb buddies and I are commenting on a post and she just winds up adding me apparently cuz she liked my opinion, or maybe I'm just a hot piece of man meat, it's anybody's guess.

just a chain of events, all of it.

Jinn

The only advice I can give you is advice my mom once gave me, and that is to read a newspaper front to back before a date. If it's fresh in your mind, you'll have all sorts of topics from current events to sports to local activities which you could potentially discuss with them. "Hey, did you hear about XXX?"

Even if it comes down to banal conversation about the weather, you'd presumably see the forecast from the paper and could make at least idle chatter out of the week's foretasted weather.

I honestly think the idea that conversation is somehow deeply meaningful when you first meet people is largely a product of our consumption of scripted media, where people meet and 'click', and their conversations are beautifully flowing and charmingly witty.

In reality, you're talking about having a conversation with a person who you don't know, don't know about their family or friends or interests or history or religious beliefs or hobbies. What is there really to talk about? Even after dating someone for years, you devolve to the same sorts of conversations as a result of already knowing those things about the people and simply talking about the minor changes in those things since you've last seen them. "How was work, how was school?" etc.

The real 'peak' of conversational diversity in my mind is probably about a month in. You know the basics about the person and have enough to carry a conversation, and can have more 'future looking' conversations and candid discussions about the differences between you and them on given philosophical questions.

tl;dr? Read the newspaper before a date, stop deluding yourself into thinking that early dating conversations are ever critically profound.

Also: most people recognize that without some sort of idle chatter there will be conversational pauses and 'awkward silences', and in my experience most people are not thinking "wow, this guy is boring" when you start to discuss something like the nature of couches. They're more thankful for the sheer act of having a conversation than thinking judgmentally about its content.

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macmanmike6100

i think this is a case of expectation -- if you're interesting to yourself, then talk about what is interesting to you. if she's not interested in talking about that, move onto something else that interests you. the tangents are great -- those are topics that interest you -- don't spend time not talking about what doesn't interest you.

with that said, remember that it's a conversation, not a monologue. show sincere interest in what she's talking about, too.

if she starts talking about her couch and what it looks like...maybe she wants you to come see it in person. kidding. but seriously, ask her where the couch came from, how is it possible she remembers all of that detail, questions around the very thing that you're spending your time talking about.

Wes Mantooth

I actually like having meandering pointless conversations with somebody I'm getting to know. I think it really helps you learn a lot about the person, the things that pop into their head and essentially into the conversation can give you some pretty good insights.

Past that point, I just let the conversations happen if the other person is deep enough and/or has enough in common with you topics will eventually begin popping up...sometimes its asinine and fun other times deep and mind blowing. Besides forced conversation, at least in my experience, never really works that well and almost always falls apart, resulting in awkward silence. I find its best to just let it unfold and see where it takes you, much more natural and relieves you of the pressure of having to think of something to talk about.

One piece of advice I can give you (echoing the above) is ask questions. For example if she says "My brother is a pilot" don't think of something to say to top her or sound interesting, prod her for more information. "Really what does he fly?" or "that's interesting, how long has he had is license?". Doing so will help the flow of the conversation, allow more opportunities for new topics to pop up and c'mon chicks like a guy that listens.

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