Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - My god, I feel so boring. What the hell is wrong with my date(s)?

Jinn · 05-02-2010, 10:20 PM

The only advice I can give you is advice my mom once gave me, and that is to read a newspaper front to back before a date. If it's fresh in your mind, you'll have all sorts of topics from current events to sports to local activities which you could potentially discuss with them. "Hey, did you hear about XXX?"

Even if it comes down to banal conversation about the weather, you'd presumably see the forecast from the paper and could make at least idle chatter out of the week's foretasted weather.

I honestly think the idea that conversation is somehow deeply meaningful when you first meet people is largely a product of our consumption of scripted media, where people meet and 'click', and their conversations are beautifully flowing and charmingly witty.

In reality, you're talking about having a conversation with a person who you don't know, don't know about their family or friends or interests or history or religious beliefs or hobbies. What is there really to talk about? Even after dating someone for years, you devolve to the same sorts of conversations as a result of already knowing those things about the people and simply talking about the minor changes in those things since you've last seen them. "How was work, how was school?" etc.

The real 'peak' of conversational diversity in my mind is probably about a month in. You know the basics about the person and have enough to carry a conversation, and can have more 'future looking' conversations and candid discussions about the differences between you and them on given philosophical questions.

tl;dr? Read the newspaper before a date, stop deluding yourself into thinking that early dating conversations are ever critically profound.

Also: most people recognize that without some sort of idle chatter there will be conversational pauses and 'awkward silences', and in my experience most people are not thinking "wow, this guy is boring" when you start to discuss something like the nature of couches. They're more thankful for the sheer act of having a conversation than thinking judgmentally about its content.

05-02-2010, 10:20 PM	#8 (permalink)
Jinn Lover - Protector - Teacher Location: Seattle, WA	The only advice I can give you is advice my mom once gave me, and that is to read a newspaper front to back before a date. If it's fresh in your mind, you'll have all sorts of topics from current events to sports to local activities which you could potentially discuss with them. "Hey, did you hear about XXX?" Even if it comes down to banal conversation about the weather, you'd presumably see the forecast from the paper and could make at least idle chatter out of the week's foretasted weather. I honestly think the idea that conversation is somehow deeply meaningful when you first meet people is largely a product of our consumption of scripted media, where people meet and 'click', and their conversations are beautifully flowing and charmingly witty. In reality, you're talking about having a conversation with a person who you don't know, don't know about their family or friends or interests or history or religious beliefs or hobbies. What is there really to talk about? Even after dating someone for years, you devolve to the same sorts of conversations as a result of already knowing those things about the people and simply talking about the minor changes in those things since you've last seen them. "How was work, how was school?" etc. The real 'peak' of conversational diversity in my mind is probably about a month in. You know the basics about the person and have enough to carry a conversation, and can have more 'future looking' conversations and candid discussions about the differences between you and them on given philosophical questions. tl;dr? Read the newspaper before a date, stop deluding yourself into thinking that early dating conversations are ever critically profound. Also: most people recognize that without some sort of idle chatter there will be conversational pauses and 'awkward silences', and in my experience most people are not thinking "wow, this guy is boring" when you start to discuss something like the nature of couches. They're more thankful for the sheer act of having a conversation than thinking judgmentally about its content. __________________ "I'm typing on a computer of science, which is being sent by science wires to a little science server where you can access it. I'm not typing on a computer of philosophy or religion or whatever other thing you think can be used to understand the universe because they're a poor substitute in the role of understanding the universe which exists independent from ourselves." - Willravel Last edited by Jinn; 05-02-2010 at 10:23 PM..